#0: Vikings (Last Week: 0). Sunday's beatdown of the Bastard Cleveland/Los Angeles Rams stands alongside their wins against Cleveland and Detroit as signs that this has the makings of a very good team. These guys don't fuck around, like previous Vikings teams; they use their talent to beat you -- soundly if need be, by 28 points if they can and want to, like they did last week. Adrian Peterson picked up the quietest two touchdowns I'll ever see; hope to see him make more of a difference in a big game instead of capping off drives with inside-handoff TD's from the 1. I was worried that this is becoming less All Day's team and more Brett Favre's. Well, considering that the next opponent, the Bastard Cleveland Browns, is much more susceptible to the pass than the run (although their defense overall is still pretty good), that won't change. Their expected dick-smacking of inferior teams prevents me from bringing them up to Positive Numbers; they haven't won against a good team yet. They will this week, but as a Vikes fan I'm always wary of being exposed as incapable.
#-1: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -2). I'm leaping this team ahead of the women's hockey team for three reasons. First, some variety is always good. Second, they upset a ranked team (Purdue, which was either ranked ninth or eighteenth), 1-0 on the road. It was the first time they defeated a Top-10 team on the road and it was only the second time they've done so in program history. Such surprises were long in coming in the Pamela Wickstrand era. Yet for all their trouble, they're not ranked in either the NSCAA or the Soccer Times poll. They have a chance to change that because the host Penn St. and Ohio St. this weekend. The game against the Lady Lions Friday is a "Rock The Robbie" night, where the Gophs intend to break the attendance record of 1,751. I would love to go, but 1) I hate to fight the crowds going to a Gopher soccer game, and 2) I'll instead be watching ...
#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1). Yes, they're 4-0 after the road sweep of Ohio St. But like their sweep of Syracuse the week before, they had to hold on for a one-goal win in the first game before locking the opposition down to one goal scored in the second. But the Gophers, who are currently ranked second in the USCHO poll, get a real live foe this weekend, and it's a familar one: fifth-ranked UMD. I saw the first game of the series at Ridder Arena last year, and it was one where the Gophers had an early lead before they blew it by letting the Bulldogs score three times (well, I still believe Goalie Alyssa Grogan let them in, not the defense). The third reason I put these guys behind the soccer team is I fear that they'll come up short again at home. Sarah Erickson, reigning WCHA Offensive Player Of The Week, will not score five times like she did against the Buckeyes this weekend. By the way, the second game will be Saturday at 4:07.
#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -6). No hair-pulling frustrations yet; the team drubbed a really bad Purdue team, 35-20, on Saturday, the way they're supposed to. Unfortunately, I can't see them upsetting Penn St. on the road this Saturday afternoon, even if the Nittany Lions haven't beaten anybody really good. By the way, I don't know if I've said this yet, but I should say it now because it needs to be said: WR Eric Decker is a badass, and he might be good enough to be playing pro in the NFL.
#-4: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3). This 1-1 reinforced what I think this team's place in the hierarchy is: the defeat of Ohio St., although it was in four sets and not three, means they can soundly beat teams beneath them, but they are no match -- none -- when they face a club with more talent and chemistry, like #1-ranked Penn St., which came into the Pavilion and swept them. It was a score of 24-21-14, which meant the Gophers were really fired up and tried to hit them from the outset, but when they couldn't claim a set they tired quickly and were eventually rolled for the first time in eight games. They somehow still rank sixth in the AVCA poll, a little too high to me 'cause I think this is a team that may be vulnerable to an upset, especailly come NCAA tournament time. But they should have no trouble (should being the operative word) at Illinois and Northwestern this Friday and Saturday.
#-5: Wild (Last Week: -5). I had not harped on this enough: Pains me to say it, but the best thing for new General Manager Chuck Fletcher to do is to stop following predecessor Doug Risebrough when it comes to trying to field a competitive team every season. Is their 1-4 start part of the plan? They have looked like shit all three losses this week. And to pour salt on the wound, Cal Clutterbuck joins Pierre-Marc Bouchard, Petr Sykora and Derek Boogaard injured on the bench. The injury bug seems to have decided to reside with the Wild this year. I'm absolutely revolted that they were outscored 13-7 this lost week. Yet, if this keeps up, this may result in a high draft pick, something this club hasn't had in forever and needs desperately. They complete their early-season road trip in Edmonton and Vancouver back-to-back this weekend before hosting the Bastard Quebec Nordiques Wednesday.
#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: -4). What can I say? Not much; the less said about that buzzkilling, Metrodome-ending sweep at the hands of those fucking goddamn Yankees, the better. I will say that nothing short of Nick Blackburn and Carl Pavano looked good in their A.L. Div. Series; poise, stupid baserunning, bullpen pitching and Joe Nathan were absolutely pathetic. Baseball's postseason is a crapshoot -- unless it's the Twins playing the Yanks, in which case this team pisses down their legs and lose every single goddamn fucking game to them this year (they finish 0-10. 0-10!!! They didn't win a single fucking game!!! At all!!!). Everybody is to blame for this -- the Twins, the Yankees, and Major League Baseball, for still allowing a might-makes-right environment where the Yankees can assemble The Best Team Money Can Buy and ensure themselves a postseason spot virtually every year. When the fuck are we going to have a goddamn salary cap???
Up next: Nothing, except golf. And Target Field. Oh, great ... the rebirth of outdoor baseball, where we can see snow at the beginning of the season and temperatures near freezing by the end of it. This is the way baseball was meant to be played. And even with the new revenue, we're still not going to get the talent the Yankees will buy. Fuck this!!
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