That tableau alone, the loneliness I once again entered, got me all depressed anew. It was like walking into death. I don't want to be here!
But you have to. You owe it to the store.
I do not want to participate in its destruction!
Or, you can say that it's given 35 years to this family, as well as the American Dream everybody wants. See it through.
My God, I can't. Manual labor sucks! I did it for 3 1/2 hours and I am smelly and tired and cranky!
Well, shit, I guess that's the point, isn't it?
I never questioned my parents' dignity in running this place! I question just about everything else about them, but not the store, I never took it for granted. I just don't need to be reminded. So what the fuck is he going to do now? And what the fuck am I going to do now?
I don't know what he'll do. As for you ... guess you'll just have to find work outside to get away from him.
Or move out so I don't kill him. I haven't even thought of that shit yet. Growing up? How?
It's time. Things change.
Why? Why do things have to change?!?! Why can't things be the way they are?!?!?!
Because they just can't.
That's not a good reason!!
Then ... I don't know.
And that's where I am. I. Don't. Know. Never have.
And yet I harken back to that snapshot: A store, empty except for three people, none of them customers. And yet there was an elderly couple who stopped in to buy stuff later on. It's all understandable and hopeful and noble and sad.
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