Went to the store today. Saw that Father shut off the second of the four big freezers in the back.

The end is coming.

And yet, I don't feel as sad as I was when he devastating me with the news that they're closing it. That scares me. But ever since the news, I've noticed a lot of businesses that are closing this month. August has been weird -- so many changes. ...

Today, I saw on the news that there actually was a public vigil tonight for Brookdale, the once-great and -popular shopping mall that I went to many times when I was young but has been closed for more than a year now. They are going to turn down the whole mall. It's going to be replaced with ... another shopping mall. It's going to be called Shingle Creek Crossing. Shit, if there's just going to be another mall there, why not call it Brookdale again? Well, its main tenant will be a Wal-Mart, and a Dale can't really have a Wal-Mart as an anchor. Anyway, it's changing and yet it's not changing, you know?

I'm torn. On the one hand, I feel for the guys holding the vigil. Shit, if I knew there was going to be one, there was a chance I would have gone. On the other hand, they're tearing down a shopping mall and replacing it with another shopping mall. It should be called Brookdale -- the locals might still call it Brookdale 2.0 -- but if it's not going to be paved over, well, you can't really say it's gone, can you?

Or maybe I'm missing the point. That is a Dale, one of the four shopping Dales that marked much of the retail history of the Twin Cities. It is gone, and no redevelopment, no Wal-Mart, will bring it back. Maybe that's the reality I should wake up to.

And I feel kind of depressed that I don't feel that depressed about this news, as well as all the other business closings that I noticed only after the news the store is next. I felt really shitty for about a week after Father told me, then I had to concentrate on other things, and now I'm less depressed. Maybe there's something wrong with me. You see, not only do I realize that the store could not be open forever, but business close all the time. It could be sad. Maybe it should be sad. But a part of me just figured that it's going to be really tough to go through another mourning period for every business you thought was going to be there closing up shop. But typing that makes me feel like an asshole. And I don't want to feel like an asshole.

I thought I was going to be upset by this for a long time. Now, I only think I should be upset by this for a long time. And I'm confused.

Maybe this is a coping mechanism, and I'm in the phase of denial. Or, it's going to really hit me when I finally drive past the store and see all the lights off and the doors locked for good.