#-1: Gopher football (Last Week: -4). In another successful WMNSS, where the top four teams had perfect weeks, I'm putting the gridiron U. program on top. Why? Couple of reasons. First, I really don't know if I'll ever get a chance to put these guys first again. Second, I think their 44-21 whipping of New Mexico St. proves that Head Coach Jerry Kill is making some progress. I don't know if the squad is making great strides. Hell, I'm not even sure if you could see the progress through a microscope. But not too long ago, asking this team to double up any team, let alone one as hapless as the Aggies, on the road would be like asking them to navigate their way through the U.'s underground tunnel system. So beating up a low-level top-flight program like NMSU makes us feel, in our inflated heads, right, like the Gophers are supposed to do this on the regular, like Bronco Nagurski is still on the team.
One unfortunate happening, however: Defensive Back Briean Boddy-Calhoun tore his ACL early in the game against the Aggies and is out for the year. Good news for the team: Their next game Saturday is against second-division Western Illinois. They should be OK without Boddy-Calhoun. In fact, I don't think this is a fair fight, and I wonder if I should include the American footballers in next week's WMNSS.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3). The opposition remains weak. But I do have to give the program props for blitzing their Diet Coke Classic by sweeping Ball St., Western Illinois and Duke. Through their seven wins they have yet to drop a set. Middle Blocker Tori Dixon followed up last week's Big Ten Player Of The Week honors with conference Defensive Player Of The Week for her efforts in the U.'s host tournament.
My only observation I can make for Hugh McCutcheon's schedule-making might be an inaccurate one, I'll admit: I don't think he's doing his program any favors if he lines up a month's worth of cupcakes. Coming up this weekend is probably the strongest field of the four non-conference tournaments: The Bluegrass Battle in Lexington, Ky., as the Gophers face Louisville Friday and host Kentucky Saturday.
#-3: Lynx (Last Week: -1). I always fear the worst for this club because they are probably favored to win the WNBA championship more than any other team, and therefore have the target on their backs. No team would suffer a greater failure than the Lynx. So even though they won both of their games this week, and against a pair of good teams at that (by nine points at home over Los Angeles Wednesday and, probably more impressively, 15 points at Seattle), and have ripped off six in a row after that blip in the middle of the season, and lead Chicago by two games for best record in the league, my hopes remain tempered.
The end of the regular season is nigh, though. I guess the Lynx remained in the Emerald City after vanquishing the Storm Saturday because, due to this weird quirk in the sched, they face them again this evening. They then visit the Sparks before finally ending the season Saturday at Target against the Chicago Sky in what could be a fight for the best record in the WNBA, home-court advantage throughout the WNBA Playoffs, and a possible (probable?) WNBA title matchup.
#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -2). Yes, they won both their games and thus won their Minnesota Gold Classic at Elizabeth Lyle Robbie Stadium last weekend. But while they won a pair of 2-1 decisions over SEC teams, the latter victory over Ole Miss happened in overtime, and I need a reason to discern between this team and the three I put above them, so they're fourth. Nevertheless they're undefeated and untied in six games, and that's a great thing.
By the way, I met one of the mothers of a player on the Ole Miss squad. I feel bad for stereotyping the South after she was so nice to me. Let me say, then, that I wish that one of the SEC football teams had the curiosity (or is it just courage?) to come up north for a game in B1G Country the same way the Rebel and LSU Tiger women's soccer teams did this past weekend.
This week is the fourth and final weekend of non-conference games. This also starts a five-game road trip for the lady footballers, so they must tread lightly if they want to come back to Minnesota with an unblemished record. At Florida Friday, at Jacksonville Sunday.
#-5: Twins (Last Week: -5). All you need to know about the depths of this shitty team's shitty season is that they had a ten-game losing streak at home. Well fuck, why the goddamn hell did we give these guys a $540 million stadium for? This losing streak included their fifth dicksmack at home, at the hands of underachieving Toronto over the weekend. Only a make-up win Monday over another underachieving team, Anaheim, broke said streak. Oh, and they lost their final and only game of the season series against not an underachieving but the worst team in the league, Houston. They went 2-4 this week, yet it seemed much, much worse.
The quirk of baseball schedules mean that the Twinks have not played the Oakland Athletics at all yet. But they will take care of both series against The Bastard Philadelphia A's over the next week and a half, starting tonight. A weekend series against Tampa finishes the team's ten-game homestand, which had to have been packed. On Monday they begin their final roadtrip of this damned year at the White Sox.
#-6: Vikings (Re-Entry!). Since my alma mater was also participating in the Minnesota women's soccer team's Minnesota Gold Classic, I decided to take in both games Sunday (which featured the first loss by my alma mater due to a bullshit red card and an even more bullshit call on the goalie trying to catch the ball on a breakaway, leading to an LSU converted penalty kick and the only tally of the match). Last time I heard it was 14-6 Vikes, and Harrison Smith managed to swat the ball away from Detroit Tight End Brandon Pettigrew to get the ball back. I was scared that they would lose, but that news made me think that I did not have anything to worry about. Why would I, if, as my friend told me while we were watching the game, that on the first play from scrimmage Adrian Peterson busts a 76-yard run for a touchdown.
Well, just touch me in the morning and then just walk away, because when I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) to just veg out and watch titties, I saw on the FOX crawl that the ViQueens, in fact, lost by ten to the Motor City Kitties. Christian Ponder seemed (and his three interceptions and two fumbles he was involved in) was the biggest problem, but apparently the defensive secondary was gashed repeatedly by Matthew Stafford and Reggie Bush, and, I think more troubling, an offensively line no one thought would be an issue was repeatedly pushed back and run over. Us Pessimists In Purple have good reason to be afraid.
What else is there to say? At Chicago Sunday. Can you say 0-16?
No comments:
Post a Comment