(This has to be quick and dirty. This is what I get when I have to cover six teams and decide to sleep early the night before because I have work at 7 in the morning.)
#-1: Lynx (Last Week: -1). In a WNBA Playoffs that have turned into a rash of upsets, only the Lynx were able to sweep as favorites, taking out the Seattle Storm in two games and thus retaining their spot atop the WMNSS. The three-point series-clinching win Sunday in Seattle ended the career of Tina Thompson, the last remaining player who was around when the league itself began 17 (?) years ago. To commemorate her legendary career, the Lynx asked Thompson (who, by the way, is a Woman of Troy), to pose for some photos with them. I understand the sentiment, but if I were Thompson, I don't know if I would want to snap pictures with a bunch of players who just ended my career.
It gets better for the Lynx. I was deathly afraid that they would lose to Los Angeles in the next round. Turns out they won't even have to face them. The Phoenix Mercury were instead able to beat the Sparks in three games, winning both matches in L.A. I don't want to overlook the Mercury; they have Britney Griner, who may very well be rounding into form as The Next Great Player In The WNBA. But they won all five games against them. Sure, they were all games played before August, and a 5-0 series record means Phoenix is motivated to win. Wow ... I think I just talked myself into thinking the Jynx will lose to the Mercury. Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals is Thursday at Target Center.
#-2: Gopher football (Last Week: -2). For the second year in a row this team is 4-0. What I will give them extra recognition for their 43-24 victory over San Jose St. Because that means that their four wins, even if three of them were at home, were by, respectively, 28, 23, 17 and 19 points. I like the fact that this team is soundly beating programs they should beat. Another plus: Jerry Kill did not have a seizure.
Now, let's see if this team can pick on teams their own size. They finish their three-game homestand with their Homecoming game against Iowa Saturday afternoon.
#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -4). The Goofs rebound from their first defeat of the season with four victories in two days in the Dartmouth Tournament. I have to downgrade them, though, because none of the four teams they beat are worth a damn, and they finally dropped a set in a win for the first time all year, to UConn. So they finish the non-con part of their schedule at 12-1. They now begin Big Ten play at home versus Indiana Wednesday and Purdue Sunday.
#-4: Twins (Last Week: -5). A 2-5 week, including a four-game road sweep in Oakland -- a team with a shittier stadium and a smaller payroll (at least for now), but a team that's about to win the American League West Divison. I'm not saying you can compete in Major League Baseball with a meager payroll; I think they benefit from an Anaheim squad that vastly under-calculated its pitching and a Texas club that underachieved. But to see the Twinks have a bigger payroll and still be regressions worse than the Athletics? That at least shows that spending money in baseball isn't everything.
Take a look at this chart: It is expected that six of the nine men in next year's starting lineup will make only half a million dollars. And of the four guys in the projected rotation, four of them will make only around that same number. And we gave them $350 million in corporate welfare for this shit?
Home to Detroit and Cleveland to end the season. I'll be working the Saturday game against Cleveland; at least I'll be able to take back some of the taxpayer money I had to give to this organization.
#-5: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3). Uh-oh. I'm not saying this team is supposed to contend in the B1G. But despite facing undefeated Indiana on the road, their 1-0 loss scares me into thinking their non-conference sched wasn't as rigorous as I thought it was. Their five-game roadtrip concludes with visits to Michigan St. Friday and Michigan Sunday.
#-6: Vikings (Last Week: -6). Well, at least I can say that I knew this game wasn't going to be a blowout ViQueens victory. But I am still extremely bummed out that they lost to Cleveland at home. Let me just say that that defeat was the fault of all parties. Christian Ponder was a big part of it, but special teams shouldn't have been fooled once, let alone twice, coaching that couldn't defeat a third-string quarterback deserves scrutiny, a defensive line that only got one (?) sack isn't doing its job, an offensive line that allowed Ponder to be dropped five (?) times isn't doing its job and, most importantly, a defense does not allow a C-string QB to drive down the field for a winning touchdown late in a game. I don't give a shit how shitty your quarterback is, if you need to stop the other team to win the game, you fucking stop the other team.
Can you believe it: The National Football League, in its continuing quest to expand its popularity to Europe, are sending a pair of 0-3 teams to London this Sunday. Maybe they should just keep both teams here so as not to embarrass The Shield. Either the Vikes are the Pittsburgh Steelers are flying back to the States with an 0-4 record. Ugh.
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