Positive Numbers: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: 0). Have I done Positive Numbers in back-to-back Weekly Minnesota Sports Surveys? This is my fifth year of doing Wailing And Failing and thus the WMNSS, so I must have. Yet I'm kind of worried that raising the level of the survey this far two weeks in a row will sully my reputation of being a depressing hard-ass.
Nevertheless, all I see from this team, this perennially mediocre squad whose halcyon days are now a decade gone, are two straight wins on the road, beating Wisconsin and Northwestern. Sure, both teams are in the bottom half of the Big Ten, but I didn't expect this team to win either game. Because of that, because the squad has won four in a row, and because of the continued weakness of the bubble this far into the women's college basketball season, ESPN.com's women's bracketologist Charlie Creme now has the Gophers as one of the Last Four In. Assuming his prediction is completely correct, not only would the program be in the Big Dance for the first time in five years, but they would face Maryland and Pam Borton's predecessor, Brenda Frese (nee Oldfield) for the first time since she left the U. (though the visits will come more frequently starting next year, when Maryland officially joins the B1G) in the second round.
Amanda Zahui B. has become as important a cog to this team as Rachel Banham; Zahui is the conference Freshman Of The Week for the sixth time and most assuredly will be the Big Ten Freshman Of The Year. Nevertheless, it'll be the health of Banham that will dictate whether this club makes the tourney. And I still have my doubts. They now face two teams in the top half of the conference, Purdue (at home) and Michigan St. (on the road).
#0: Gopher baseball (Re-Entry!). Just before starting to write this WMNSS I was looking forward to the fact that I didn't have to write so much as before (after checking to make sure they didn't play a game after the Wednesday cutoff) because the Wild didn't play last week. But then I checked the Golden Gophers composite schedule and saw that, oh my goodness, the U. baseball team just began their season in Glendale, Ariz.! And good for them, they have begun it with a three-game sweep of Northern Illinois. For that, you guys get a 0!
I have no idea how this team is supposed to do. They finished fourth in the B1G but failed to win the B1G Tournament which was held at Target Field. I do know that Baseball America predicted the postseason field of 64 teams and Minnesota was not on it. They play Creighton in Ft. Myers, Fla. this weekend.
#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5). I attended Friday's game against Michigan, meaning I've been to the series-opening games of four of the five conference opponents in the inaugural season of the Big Ten hockey conference. I'm proud of that, and hopefully I won't be run over by a bus or suffer some tragedy before the 28th, when I get to complete this obscure goal when Penn St. comes to town. Anyway, although I learned later that Michigan was ranked, by the way they played, I didn't think the Gophers were in any trouble of losing that game, especially after they were swept in Wisconsin the weekend prior. And while the Wolverines got to within one in the third period, I still thought the U. was going to score another goal to put it away. And Gabe Guertler (a freshman from ... Florida?!) did with 4 1/2 minutes left in the game. Congratulations to Adam Wilcox (saving 63-of-67 shots) and Hudson Fasching (two goals and one assist) for taking the conference's top two stars of the week. Nevertheless, not only are they still second the rankings behind Boston College, but the Eagles have just about coalesced unanimity among first-place votes. I know this is a long time from now, and upsets happen frequently in the tournament, but can you see an inevitable clash between B.C. and Minnesota for the NCAA title?
Off next weekend. Play said Nittany Lions in the home finale the weekend after.
#-2: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: Positive Numbers). OK, so the U. grapplers won National Duals earlier this week. That's a good thing. They won it for the third time in a row. That's a great thing. But should I be impressed over that when the previous two National Duals championships didn't result in an NCAA title either year? I don't think so. I think last weekend's home upset over previous #1 Penn St. is a much better (let alone impressive) harbinger that this team and program might finally get over the hump and win the NCAA title, which, frankly, is the only thing that matters.
Hmmm, that's odd ... although they're done with conference play, they are not done with regular season play. I thought they were, but couched between National Duals and the Big Ten Championships is a quick visit to Iowa St. Sunday afternoon. Let's see if they can avoid a letdown.
#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3). They trounced Denver by 27 Wednesday in the last game before the All-Star break, but they still sit several games behind Phoenix, Golden State and Memphis in the race for the last spots in the Western Conference playoffs. What's much more noticeable is the pallor of dread shrouding not only this team by this organization. Everybody knows that this team won't make the playoffs. Most people are just assuming Kevin Love will eventually leave the Woofie Dogs and are debating whether the franchise is going to trade its franchise player over the offseason or by Thursday's trade deadline. Some folks think Head Coach Rick Adelman will leave after this year. And shit, I've heard a few people think this team might relocate, possibly to Seattle.
About the possible detonation of this club as it's currently constitued: OK, so Kevin Love might not want to play here. First of all, if we had a better team (and that may not be possible with Love on the team, and maybe he's not the answer, but go with me) he might not want to leave. And I don't understand something I hear quite often, that free agents don't want to play in Minnesota. If you're going to get money and playing time here, why wouldn't free agents want to play here? Is it because of the cold? It can't be because you play indoors!!! I just don't get that.
Nevertheless, we continue this slouch towards irrelevancy. They finish the month with four games this screening week: Home to Indiana (a team that's been built from nothing into a great squad despite being located in a city with less to do than Minneapolis, just saying), then a five-game road trip out West starting with Utah, Portland and Phoenix (three more teams built the right way, also just saying).
#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2). A loss in Wisconsin and a win at Northwestern means, according to ESPN.com's men's bracketologist Joe Lunardi, that the Gophers remain one of the last "legitimate" teams in the field. Deandre Mathieu is stepping up, but today this Ellenson kid said he's leaving the team to pursue track. I think this team is holding on for dear life.
They have five regular season games left. Weirdly, they have three games this week. And fortunately, I don't have to be high to believe they can win all three and basically stamp their ticket to the Big Dance. It starts Wednesday night (tonight) against last-place Illinois at Williams Arena. They then visit scattershot Ohio St. early Saturday evening. Then, in an unusual early Tuesday evening contest back at the Barn, they host Iowa, possibly the best team in this competitive, inscrutable Big Ten.
#-Infinity: Swarm (Last Week: -4). I went to Saturday's Smarm/Minnesota RollerGirls twinbill, which they do every year. I ostensibly went for the MNRG, but they were throttling this All-Star team somewhere in Iowa so bad that I decided to take in this art show in Nordeast Minneapolis and bugged out early.
But at least the roller girls actually won their game. The Swarm were on the receiving end on what really was an embarrassing ass-kicking, 14-9. It wasn't even that close. I was shocked, shocked, that the men on this year's squad seemed to make turnovers almost at will, and have trouble completing passes, and be unable to shoot anywhere close to the goal. They've always been a young team, but a bad one? Well, I saw that Saturday night. I don't know much about box lacrosse, but this Smarm team may have been the worst I've ever seen it. It was so goddamn pathetic I'm going to scare them with a -Infinity this week.
I have a thought, though. They may truly suck. Or, they may have played as if they haven't been paid yet. The owners of the Swarm asked for money to begin the season, and I doubt they got the monetary donations they wanted. Is it possible they're encountering payroll problems? Absolutely.
They are now 1-6 and falling down a shaft while the National Lacross League playoffs wave bye-bye to them from the edge. They have lost four in a row, including all three home games they've had so far (which includes the last two games). And this weekend they visit Toronto on Saturday and Philadelphia on Sunday. This will not be fun.
And by the way, the incessant blaring music which changes every five seconds and the DJ who won't shut the fuck up are barely tolerable when the home team's winning. In a loss, let alone one as bad as this, I wanted to fucking punch somebody.
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