NFL Anti-Picks, Week 10

Record, Week 9: 2-6
Overall Record: 22-36
Total Outlay, Week 9: $650.00
Total Winnings, Week 9: $286.35
Loss, Week 9: $363.65
Overall Loss: $1,062.73

I'm getting close!  Well, OK, it wasn't a good week for me at all, but I am getting close.  Bad beats are usually signs your betting day is ruined, but for a guy who's been down so long it seems like up to me, I'll take last week as a sign of progress.

Nevertheless, I don't remember the last time I was so close and yet so far.  The bets of San Diego beating Washington Against The Spread and Straight-Up was seemingly a foregone conclusion when the Chargers were at Washington's doorstep late in the game.  But they basically fucked up the play-calling to the point where it looked like they settled for a tie and overtime all along.  That was stupid because Washington won the toss and were able to take the ball all the way into the end zone for the win.  I should have won both bets.  Also, I bet on the Cleveland Browns and the Bastard Cleveland Browns battling to a combined score Under 41.5.  I am glad that Cleveland got revenge on Baltimore.  Too bad that they won 24-18.

Meanwhile, I was so sure that Seattle would drub Tampa Bay on their way to covering its -14 1/2 that I was willing to fake-lay $200 on that result, the most I've spent on a game, NFL or college, this year.  And boo-hoo for me, the Seahawks only managed to beat the Buccaneers by a field goal.  In overtime.  The extra session sealed the loss for me.  Now I'm hearing that Seattle's offensive line is all banged up.  Why didn't I get to hear this sooner?

So I am now more than a grand in the red.  Yippee.

---

I don't know what I'm doing:

1) New York Giants -7 (It's possible the Giants finally know what they're doing.  Visiting Oakland, meanwhile, is Oakland.  Because I'm so down in the hole, Best Bet this) $100

2) Tennessee -13 (I really could have used Jacksonville last week.  This week they visit The Bastard Houston Oilers, and they could be the team that challenges Indianapolis for the AFC South.  Regardless, I don't know if the Jaguars could beat Alabama right now.  Best Bet this) $100

3) Pittsburgh -3 (It looks like the AFC is much better than the NFC this year, and therefore the AFC representative will win the Super Bowl.  Saying that, it seems that AFC team Oakland will always be bad, and so will Buffalo, which is visiting the Steel City for their game) $50

4) St. Louis +9 1/2 (I'm convinced that The Bastard Cleveland-By-Way-Of-Los Angeles Rams have a good offensive line and running game.  The Bastard Baltimore Colts still are underrated, in my opinion, and this game will be played in Indianapolis.  But this is the NFL, where screwy results always happen.  I'm not prepared to say the Rams will win, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say they'll cover -- and what the hell, I'll Best Bet this) $100

5) Denver -7 (Broncos are in a class virtually by themselves, and they'll have no trouble putting away the Chargers in San Diego.  Triple Best Bet this) $150

6) Tampa Bay +2 1/2 (I don't know.  These Bucs are terrible, but they are hosting the Miami Dolphins, who obviously are in disarray.  Plus this is a home underdog situation.  So I will Best Bet this ATS ...) $100

7) Tampa Bay M/L +117 (... and then bet on them SU.) $50

8) Hail Mary: Parlay 2) with 5), for $150.

Good luck!

College Football Anti-Picks, Week 11

Record, Week 10: 6-4-1
Total Record: 31-43-2
Total Outlay, Week 10: $1,000.00
Total Winnings, Week 10: $1,089.10
Gain, Week 10: $89.10
Overall Loss: $834.10

Some good news and some very, very bad news.  On the bright side it's the first time in I'm guessing a month where I've been above .500 record-wise for a week.  I certainly could use the emotional lift of knowing that I "bet" right more than wrong for once.  Unfortunately my huge debt induced me into taking a lot of shots, and enough of my losses came on big bets that my total profit for the week turned out to be minuscule.

In particular, my two $150 bets sunk me.  Notre Dame's win over Navy wasn't a slugfest, it was a shootout.  (And oh, Tommy Rees, the season-long starting Quarterback for the Irish, was in fact playing in this game.  That was information I would have liked to have known before I made that wager.)  Meanwhile, I was lucky that Georgia managed to beat Florida by three points, because I got Georgia at -3.  I wish I could've won, but I'll take a push and my original bet back.  That would also have knocked my only parlay of last week from a three-leg to a two-leg ... but that was moot because Texas A&M in fact was able to beat UTEP by at least 47 1/2 points.  Along with UCLA failing to beat Colorado by at least 28 points, I lost my last three best of the night (assuming you put the parlay last on the list), shaving my profit down to four figures and ending my Saturday night on a down note.

Oh, by the way, when I published my Anti-Picks I forgot to put in a number for the Moneyline bet I laid on Minnesota, which won on that absurd lateral that wasn't picked up by that Indiana player.  Sorry to find a number after the fact, but I wasn't going to just give up the bet because I failed to average all the numbers I was getting for betting on the Golden Gophers Straight-Up.  Luckily I was available to find this site, and even though the online betting outfits are different than the ones on Covers I usually use, I'm satisfied that the average of +251 would be close to the number I would have gotten if I averaged out all the oddsmakers' numbers when I was about to publish the Anti-Picks.  Since I bet $50, I would have gotten half of the sum of that $251 and an original bet of $100.  One hundred dollars on +251 M/L would have given me back a total of $351, so if I divide that by two, I would get $175.50.  That is the amount of money I would have won if I properly gave an M/L when I was supposed to.

---

This is too much money to owe, and I don't have too many weeks left to make it up.  I need to do some hard-target searching and bet big on games I like:

1) Iowa -14 1/2 (I have a co-worker at this temp job who's either a Hawkeye alum or a huge Iowa fan.  Last week he drove all the way down to Iowa City to see his team lose to Wisconsin.  And he told me today that, probably as we speak, he and someone else are driving all the way to West Lafayette, Ind., to take in this game.  I continue to say that the Boilermakers are by far the worst team in the Big Ten this year.  However, Iowa isn't so great, either.  Then again, I need to make up so money fast, so I'm going to throw caution to the wind and Double Best Bet this) $150

2) Missouri -13 1/2 (A team still trying to escape the embarrassment of losing to South Carolina goes on the road to play a downtrodden Kentucky squad.  Again I don't like the high number, but the mismatch in talent is so stark a blowout is definitely possible.  I'll Best Bet this) $100

3) Penn St. +2 1/2 (Minnesota is only the second college football team in history [the 2006 Arizona club being the other] that has won three consecutive games Straight-Up despite being an underdog of at least seven points in all three.  They host the Nittany Lions, and they're playing very good.  But something tells me that this awesome streak is going to end.  I'm not saying Penn St.'s going to win; right now I think Minnesota is the better team.  But there is some wiggle room with that +2 1/2, so I will make a small bet) $50

4) North Carolina -13 (No insights here; I am desperate for a win, the Tar Heels are playing at home, and the only thing that's screaming at me about this game is "Virginia sucks."  Best Bet this) $100

5) USC -17 (November is the last month of the regular season, thus it's the month teams that are really bad get their brains beat in by teams that really want to impress.  Despite hosting USC, Cal is one of those teams.  I'll make a small bet here) $50

6) Indiana -9 (The Hoosiers showed me a lot last week in coming back against Minnesota.  They host Illinois, which is not that good.  Indiana will try to rectify what they failed to do seven days ago.  Ah, shit, Double Best Bet this) $150

7) Central Florida -12 (The Golden Knights are quickly becoming the class of the Old Big East -- and if I'm not mistaken, it'd be these guys, not Louisville, that would make the BcS.  Best Bet a win at home against Houston) $100

8) Pittsburgh +4 (Hosting Notre Dame, and you know how home dogs are.  Plus the trends say the Panthers have covered while the Fighting Irish have not.  Best Bet this) $100

9) Parlay 4) with 6), for $100.

Good luck!

A Resounding Return To Form, For The Most Part

Worked the Vikings game last night.  And even though it was with a different network, my night working stats for these guys went a hell of a lot better than the last time I worked a Vikings game, where I kind of fucked up and in turn was disrespected by that shit-talking diva.  In fact, I wasn't yelled at at all.

One of the guys I was working for was someone I had worked with for a long time, and he yelled at me, a lot.  But since the last time I worked with him, last year, he not only has calmed down, but he's been downright, well, nice.  Shocked the shit out of me then, and despite the swirling tension of getting the right graphic up and numbers jotted down, he was the epitome of zen.  He treated me great.  I don't know if something happened in his life or if he smoked pot just before the game started, but fuck, I like this version of him.

My main contact was ranting and raving, but not towards me, so that's good.  I was seated -- well, more like wedged -- just beside a guy who's, well, rude but in an aloof way.  I remember being in that same exact position when I did a game with this production last year.  I introduced myself and shook his hand; he told me he needed me to keep my head in a certain position so he could see past me to a guy he had to maintain contact with throughout the game, and he didn't have the decency to give me his name in kind.  The only thing he talked to me last night was telling me to keep my chair wedged in this small space so I wasn't in the way of people who wanted to walk through the truck behind me.  Well, this guy wasn't outright rude with me (yet), I didn't have to speak with him, and he doesn't fucking make the hires, so I'm cool.

It feels good to be hired for my brain.  I was hired to compile stats, and, like usual, I compiled more than was used.  Nevertheless, if any of my stuff gets on the air, it not only justifies you working there, but it's a huge stroke for your ego.  And they used my stuff.  Unfortunately, there was a mistake.  And it was a mistake I could have prevented if I had my head on straight and looked at my notes.  With all the chaos of a production truck and the emphasis on getting correct the play before you, one frequently forgets the details of what happened, say, in the first half.

However, this too was not a big deal, mainly because no one in the truck made it a big deal; we all just shrugged and kept their focus on the next play.  Also, I was able to rectify my mistake when they wanted the statistic for the post-game.  That felt really good, even though I believe they may have either gotten the particular numbers wrong or fudged them to make them look better.  Again, no one made a big stink about it.

All in all, this may have been one of the best, happiest times I've ever worked a Vikings game.  After the last time, it was very much needed.  Why can't more games go as smoothly and respectfully as this?  Let's see what happens the next time.

Why Am I Apologizing To This Idiot? She's An Idiot!

I can't believe that I had saved a draft of a blog I was going to do either tonight or the next few days about how much I love the temp job I have.  And I still do, I really do.  But I thought about blogging about it last night, then thought better of it, because there could have been something that happened at work today that would make me kind of regret saying those words

Yep, snapping at a co-worker would do that.

First of all, I'm pretty sure I would find her to be a sweet girl in a venue other than work.  Probably a little psychotic, but hey, who isn't?  My problems with her are both performance-related and personality-based.  She has cut down on the number of questions she asks in the past couple days, which is great.  However, I have grown tired of her voice -- high and kind of whiny.  And she still blurts out those questions from her desk assuming that someone will drop everything he or she is doing, turn around and answer her.  Oh, and the questions she still asks still involve things about the work that she damn well should know by now.

I will also admit that I am forming an even more negative image of her because I have to review her work.  I have to review everyone's work; it's part of my added duties now that we're this far into the project.  But not only has she repeated mistakes as I keep looking through her work, many of those mistakes are easy, stuff that she should have figured out by now.  That she doesn't continues to astonish me.  Add to that her incessant questioning, and I have to wonder, with all the asking she's been doing, why in the hell hasn't she figured it out by now?

She may be too incompetent to do this project.  That's not inconceivable; stepping back, we're tapping a code of letters and numbers so this company can get paid, so the machinations (thought not the goal) is bullshit.  But if you're around her, you also get this strange vibe from her.  I felt it from Day One: The open, glassy eyes, which she bats as if she's in antebellum Mississippi, the constant interrupting, the sighs that signal that yet another claim has defeated her meager faculties.  And, oh fuck yes, that high, whiny tone in her voice.  All of that body language makes her appear helpless, and she knows it.  She is quick to throw her hands up and ask for direction for the simplest tasks and most fundamental steps.  And so we need to tell her, once again, how to do something, otherwise we'll just be doing it for her later in the process.  And then that doesn't work because she somehow fucked it up again.  I did this last year and I don't believe anybody then fucked up as much as she has.

---

This afternoon I felt she crossed the line with one move.  I saw her get up and ask one of the veteran billers, a guy who came in the same day as I, a question.  He had his headphones plugged into his earholes and he was concentrating on his work.  So, to get his attention, she walked up and quickly waved his hand in his peripheral vision, like she just rinsed his hands and realized there are no towels in the bathroom so she just shook off the excess water.  How rude of her!!

Now, normal, more civilized people would get a little closer to him and wait patiently until he notices someone standing.  That is what the grown-ups that work in this company, such as my boss, do.  I appreciate that, and I think they don't mind that.  Seeing that pissed me off.  I wasn't involved, but to me, it looked like another case of this little girl acting like a stuck-up juvenile.  We have given her too much patience in asking her stupid questions.  I think we're entitled to a little more professional behavior than being given a wave as if we're in a trance.  Unlike her, we're working -- and getting shit done.  And I had a fleeting thought: Do not treat me that way, or I'll get mad.

But she did.  I was working when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw this short, runty stump wave something at me.  And I don't know for certain, but she may have snapped her fingers at me.  Acting like a child just to get my attention is bad enough, but snapping?  Well ... I let her have it.  "Don't snap at me."

"I didn't, I ..."

"Yes, you did, please don't do that again."

And like a little bitch she stomped back to her desk.  Yeah, finally I was able to communicate my frustration towards her, all the questions, all the mistakes I've had to clean up for her, all the pissy attitude she gets to cop at work every single fucking day.  If you can't do your goddamn job right, then just leave me alone.

But ... I started to panic when I, yep, turned back towards her to see if she still cooled down and wanted to ask her question like a real woman.  She didn't; instead she went over to my boss's desk and eventually got my fellow co-worker to answer her question.  She's going to be going to her permanently from now on, I gather.  And then, the questions I'm asking myself: Is she going to retaliate?  She went over to my boss; did she say something to him?  Will he?  And how will this affect my work environment?

I am really afraid that this bitch'll rat on me, so after about ten minutes I sucked it up, bit the bullet, rolled myself in my chair over to her and apologized.  I made some shit up: I wasn't mad at her, I was thinking about my other job and how stressed I was over the work and people over there, and I snapped.  To be perfectly clear, that was a lie, it is all bullshit.  Now, I may have been wrong in thinking that she snapped her fingers at me.  But she is a needy, hopeless loser, and someone needed to go off on her childish, needy ass.  But I put on this shit-eating grin and said, "Sorry!" and recommended that she continue to get her questions asked by my co-worker, and she at least said she accepted my apology.

I think she's cunning enough to not only not be genuine with accepting my (albeit bullshit) apology, there's still a chance she'll rat me out to my boss.  If so, then my only defense is the body of my work vs. the body of her work.  Hey, I hope it doesn't come to this point.  But goddamn, her behavior belongs in kindergarten, not in a workplace, and if I wasn't going to snap at her, someone was.  She's absolutely goddamn obnoxious, and she should not be working here, at all.  However, it looks like she's done enough to stay.  Whatever "enough" constitutes is way beyond.  I still can't believe I apologized to her; it should be the other way around.  But I did it just so we can keep the peace, and even then that no longer might be enough.

We'll see tomorrow.  Hope I don't lose my temper.  And I hope that idiot finally shuts up and doesn't fuck up.  Yeah, fat chance of that. ...

Parents Are Getting In My Way

Lately -- although this may have been going on for years now and I just haven't noticed -- my parents ask me to do shit for them while eating dinner -- making letters, helping them out with Internet shit, asking me questions about Europe, etc.  This may be because they'll be going on a cruise soon and they have a lot of things to ask me.  It also could be that I have a lot of things I want to do after I come home from work but am not able to start because of them, and I'm keenly aware of that because of all the pieces I want to write but can't, and all of the tasks I need to go online to research and complete but can't, because of them.

It's getting frustrating.  I love my job and I certainly need the money, but if I wasn't working, even if only for a week, I'd be able to do all the things I need to do.  Now, having no energy at the end of work doesn't help, and Daylight Saving Time, and the immediate beginning of night once I hit home, doesn't help either.  But I'm thinking of all the alumni club stuff I should get on top of, all the money reconciling I need to do, the paperwork when it comes to stocks and accounts and health insurance I should look at again ... if I could just be left alone, I'd be able to do that.  Instead, I immediately come home and have to eat, and while eating my fucking folks tell me they need me to do this or to do that, and then I finish up and eat so I can do this or do that, and inevitably it gets complicated and of course they ask me more questions, mostly likely stuff I don't know the answer to but they won't accept that, and, like, it's 9 o'clock.

OK, I exaggerate.  But they ask me shit to do every night.  Often they ask me to do, like, four fucking things, like they did tonight.  The really stupid thing My Fucking Father asked me to do was to type yet another letter to the insurance company demanding -- not asking, demanding -- they they give him money to fix the house.  I've written to them once before, but he didn't like the answer they gave him.  So he wants me to write again, only with sterner wording.  What the fuck?!?!?!

I walked away from the dinner table after that.  I had to.  But because I'm working Thursday night, they think they need me to do this now ... so I guess I will.  Even though it's stupid.  Because I can't get thrown out of the house.

---

In the meantime, I'm up.  Fell asleep after working on some Skype shit with Mother and conked off around 9, only to wake up at a quarter to 3.

The only productive thing I've been able to do is catch up on porn.  I'm currently trekking through Reality Kings, something I haven't done in two weeks -- which I had not done then since mid- to late-August.  In the meantime I have logged back onto VEF for the first time since the evening of October 20, about 16 1/2 days.  Gee, for a guy who likes porn, I haven't seen it in a long time.

My Fucking Father's in the kitchen now.  Have to finish catching up on RK and masturbating to VEF without getting caught.  See ya.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Wild (Last Week: -2).  Set aside my Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.  With the wins by Twin Cities sports teams over the weekend (minus one huge, consistent exception), the big teams as well as the small ones, plus the individual accolades handed out on Monday, this may -- may -- be the best week the Minneapolis/St. Paul sports scene has had in a long time, maybe, dare I say it, ever.

So how do I choose among a bunch of teams that had very good screening weeks?  Well, this is when my prosaic criterion of ranking the teams by weekly winning percentage, followed by number of wins and popularity in the local market as tiebreakers, makes things a lot easier.  Besides, this week has been so good that I am re-using both Positive Numbers and 0 for the second consecutive week.  Have I done that before?  I don't think so.  Guess this is a first as well.

After it all shakes out, I'm giving this week's top spot to the local professional hockey team, which is on a tear.  In front of hopefully larger and more boisterous crowds at Xcel Energy Center, they outlasted Montreal 4-3 Monday and ripped New Jersey 4-0.  They've won five of their past six games (legitimately, no overtimes or shootouts needed).  And Jason Pominville, who has ignited the squad's offense the past two weeks, was named the National Hockey League's #1 Star for the week.  Now that hasn't meant the club is on top of the Central Division; they're behind stalwart Chicago and one of the surprise teams in the league, Colorado.  But I'll take a hot start over a cold one.

They finish their four-game homestand against Calgary tonight.  They then have a short road trip to Washington Thursday and Carolina Saturday.

#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  Beating ranked opponents on the road is a good thing.  This team did that, outlasting then-#16 Purdue in five sets Friday.  Then they followed that up by sweeping unranked Indiana the next night.  The Big Ten conference is such that even a program in a down year, which the Hoosiers are this year, has a chance to upset a ranked team on their home floor, and it's doubly dangerous since the Gophers came off a tough victory against a very good team the night before.  In some ways, the Gophers' three-set stomping of the Hoosiers on the back end of back-to-back matches is more impressive.

The U. which rose from 10 to 9 as a result of their perfect week, they are at the Sports Pavilion the next two weeks.  They have Iowa Friday, then 11th-ranked Nebraska Sunday afternoon.

#-1: Gopher football (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  Don't take this the wrong way, but even players on the football team know that, by all rights, they should have lost to Indiana Saturday.  Late in the third they led the Hoosiers -- who, like the Gophers, are a team that has no recent success but this year has caught fire and has turned into an outfit worth watching -- 35-13.  But Indiana Head Coach Kevin Wilson (is that his name?) has gotten this IU team flinging the ball all over the place on offense, and his team managed to four straight touchdowns to take the lead late in the game.

This Gophers team, however, showed some gumption after blowing a big lead.  Philip Nelson, who took the vast majority of snaps in the game and may have finally supplanted Mitch Leidner as the #1 Quarterback for the rest of the year, gunned a pass half the length of the field to Maxx Williams to take back the lead at 42-39.  It was his fourth TD pass of the game.

But Indiana had three minutes left, and that was plenty of time to not just tie but win the game.  At the Minnesota 9 on 2nd-and-Goal with 25 seconds remaining, Hoosier QB Nate Sudfeld lateraled to Tevin Coleman, but he bobbled the ball to the turf.  Unfortunately, in a bad college player mistake, Coleman thought it was a forward pass and thus an incompletion, and thus gave up on the play.  Linebacker Aaron Hill knew he had to play through the whistle, however, and he scooped up the ball in front of Coleman and started to rumble down the field to ice the game for Minnesota, which has won its third straight B1G game for the first time in five years.

Believe it or not, this team is 7-2.  Even more gob-smacking, the increasingly smug and insufferable Stewart Mandel, college football writer at SI.com, currently projects that the Gophers would -- get this -- play in the Gator Bowl.  Against South Carolina and Jadaveon Clowney, possibly the top pick in next year's National Football League Draft.  On New Year's Day.  I have to repeat this -- on New Year's Day.  They have never played a New Year's Day bowl in my fucking lifetime.  This team might be better than any squad in the Glen Mason Era.  Shit, I could be really in orbit right now, but even with this lucky break, this club has the potential to be very, very good.

This Saturday Nelson, conference Co-Offensive Player Of The Week, and Punter Peter Mortell, conference Special Teams Player Of The Week, invite Penn St. to Das Bank.  Six weeks ago this seemed like a ritual home invasion.  Now I am very certain the U. will win.  Think about that.

#-2: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!).  Well, they can't go 82-0, courtesy of a 93-92 loss in Cleveland after a furious Wolves rally.  But they started off their week by winning their first three games of the season for the first time in a dozen years.

It's extremely early, but if this is the offense T-Wolves fans will see if nobody is injured ... holy shit.  That O has the means to come back by utilizing the three, which Kevin Love (the first Western Conference Player Of The Week in the National Basketball Association this season) did in forcing overtime in the regular season opener at home against Orlando, keep the ball moving to the open man, as evident in their 100-81 destruction of the Oklahoma City Thunder and, probably more impressively, continuing to hold off pressure, as they did in leading from the middle of the first quarter all the way to the end in their 109-100 win over New York at Madison Square Garden.

Downsides?  Besides a rejuvenated and refocused Corey Brewer, who is coming back to the team that drafted him as a man assured in his role as defensive stopper, I still don't know how the defense is going to fare.  And the threat of injuries will continue to loom.  Ronny Turiaf got injured in the game against The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics, and beyond Kevin Martin, there are no good options at the 2-guard spot.  But I think I can say that this team, as constructed, is the best Timberwolves edition since the MV3 days a decade ago.

This week: hosting Golden State Wednesday and Dallas Friday, then having a two-night residency at Staples: Lakers Sunday, Clippers Monday.

#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: 0).  OK, so I got all confused coming into this week about the potential scenarios for the Big Ten Women's Soccer Tournament.  While looking at the standings before the final games were being played, it looked as if the U. had the eighth and final tournament berth, but had to sweat out games by Iowa and Wisconsin.  If both teams won, the Gophers would be out of it.  If one of the teams tied, well, it gets complicated and I didn't truly know the implications.  But both teams played the scrubs of the conference (I think it's Purdue and Northwestern, respectively), and when I saw both teams indeed win (and comfortably), I thought that was the end of the season for them.

But then I saw that the team actually is headed to the tournament.  Confused, I went to the Big Ten sports website (which, in my opinion, is not very good because it is not user-friendly and does not lay out information in an easy fashion) again.  That is when I noticed there is a column for points.  Like all soccer leagues around the world, they don't necessarily go by record but by points, namely three for a win and one for a tie.  The Gophers ended up tied with Ohio St. with 14 points (and 4-5-2 records).  But because they lost 2-0 at Michigan (which is ranked eighth in this week's NSCAA Coaches' Poll), they finished with a worse overall record than the Gophers, which I'm guessing is the tiebreaker.  I also did not take into account the chance that one of the teams above the U. going into the final games of the season could drop into or even fall behind Minnesota.  I just assumed that after dropping their season finale at home to Illinois (a team that needed to win to get into the tournament -- and BTW, they're the 5-seed) Halloween afternoon, all was lost.  Not so.

And even if they didn't make the conference tournament, I'm not sure that they would not have made the NCAA Tournament.  In fact, they might be a lock.  There is very little women's soccer bracketology (hmmm ... that might be the next big thing, I have to take a lot at that), but there is one brave soul that looks through RPI and has created a (somewhat unreadable) spreadsheet ranking the teams by certainty of making the tourney, from #1 seed contender to on the bubble.  Through the final games of the regulars season, it looks like this compiler, a huge women's soccer fan, thinks the Gophers have an outside chance of clinching not just a #4 but a #3 seed for the tournament.  (Unlike the basketball tournament, only the top 16 teams in the tourney are ranked, and there are four 1's through 4's, one of each seed in each quarter of the tournament.  The rest of the teams are placed in the bracket based largely on geography.)  Regardless, as you can possibly see, they are well clear of any danger of being left out -- I think.  That's what winning conference games on the road, most notably in Michigan, will do for you.

Might as well make some noise in the B1G Tourney in Champaign, Ill., though, huh?  They begin Wednesday against top seed Nebraska, a team seeded ahead of the 2-seed Wolverines but ranked well behind them in the NSCAA Top 25 (18th to be exact), which is odd.  They take days off for subsequent rounds; semifinals are Friday while the final is Sunday afternoon.

#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -Infinity).  First of all, two things that differentiate my take on the ViQueens' 27-23 to the Dallas Cowboys from all the rest:

1. Adrian Peterson's Beast Mode run?  He was Bush-pushed by his teammate, Tight End Chase Ford.  Otherwise he would have been stopped short of the goal line.  It's totally legal in the National Football League for Ford to do that, at least now, but even Paul Allen, play-by-play radio voice of the Vikings and well-noted ass-kisser of the Purple, pointed that out.
2. Everybody's making too big of a goddamn deal out of Blair Walsh missing that point after.  Yes, I have heard that it's only the third missed PAT of the season.  But it turns out that when the Vikes got the ball back trailing by four, they were too far away by the end of the game to go for a game-tying field goal.  If Walsh makes that point after, Christian Ponder still has to heave that Hail Mary ... which turned out to be ten yards short of the end zone.

By now I guess it doesn't really matter if the team wins or loses.  But this was a game that could have been won, against a schizophrenic ballclub that was dropping passes and committing penalties all game.  It was as if the Vikings were playing against a mirror.

Ponder played decently.  So did the offensive line, although Jamarcus Webb failed to stop that defender from getting to Ponder in the end zone and swatting the ball out of his hands for a Dallas TD.  Even the defense played well.  For all those reasons I decided to show a little mercy and pull them out of the -Infinity spot this organization still deserves, at least for this week.  Nevertheless, when it came to crunch time and both sides of the ball could have iced this surprise road victory away, the offensive play-calling got bizarre, Ponder couldn't drive the ball down the field, the rest of the offense reverted to their sputtering ways, and, most embarrassingly of all, the defense went back to its saloon door mentality and allowed Tony Romo and friends to march down the field for the game-winning score.

They host Washington for the Thursday Night game.  I get to be there, but I'll be working, so my time will not be wasted.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Sunday, November 3:

• Exercised: $3.
• I then went to get my hair cut.  Felt kind of bad because I got in about a quarter to 5, which was their closing time, and I made them stay about 20 minutes so they could do my haircut, their last of the night.  So I tipped the girl a buck more than I usually do.  It looks straight enough.  I was scared that they would be angry that I came in and take it out on my hair.  There were two girls there, and one of them looked up from sweeping hair after I rang the bells as I opened the front door.  I gave her a smile, but she looked at me like, "Fuuuuuuuuuck...."  Glad I didn't get her.  Now, I do have a receipt for the haircut, but the tip obviously doesn't have one.  I've noted haircuts here before, I think, so I am going to put faith in myself that I'll remember I have the receipt for the cut and just note the tip: $3.
• Saturday, November 2: On a day where I really didn't have much to do although there were a bunch of things I could have done, I decided to kill some time at the library.  I surfed a lot, but I decided I should print out that Groupon I bought way back on the 4th of July for a cut-rate massage.  Then, while looking through my e-mail, I realized I got sent this parking pass I need for the Vikings game I'm working Thursday.  Copies for both: 20 cents.
• Before going to the library I decided to text ****e* to see if she's working at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition -- For Now!!! [more on that some other time]).  I want to keep talking to her because she's offering sex.  I just need time and money before I can take the plunge.  What I do have is $20, and luckily she was working there this afternoon, so instead of driving all the way up to the library right next to the gym (I thought about working out this afternoon), I decided to cool my heels at a library closer to downtown.  Anyway, I got a dance from ****e*.  I also got coffee and tipped her and another girl because one girl there I don't like and another who wants too much money.  All told, the total is: $27.25.
• On Friday the 1st of November the only EWR I had was the contribution to our watch party's raffle, for which I won for the third time this year.  I don't know if the president should be winning this often: $10.
• Halloween.  After spending some time at the Hooters at the Megamall, I took in one dancer at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  Only three were scheduled for this particular shift, one of them no-showed apparently, and one of them sucks, so I avoided her.  So one tip, plus drinking a Sprite because I was going to drink coffee afterward and I wanted to see if a soft drink was now more expensive than a coffee here (it's not, it's the same) comes out to: $5.25.
• Said coffee at Spyhouse, the third store from this well-regarded chain.  Honestly, I've thought of these guys as being too snooty for my taste.  The one I went to, the one in Uptown, was the second after the original spot on Eat Street.  And for the most part, I was treated diffidently, if not rudely, there.  At some point I realized I didn't have to take this shit, so I stopped going.  However, this place is a straight shoot from home and it's closer, so I thought of trying it.  And the customer service was quite professional.  Plus the new digs are large and beautiful.  Had just a coffee (I thought it'd be pour-over?).  With tip: $2.50.
• Wednesday the 30th: I failed to get a scalped ticket to the Chris Cornell concert.  I found that hard to believe.  I went to his concert in downtown St. Paul in 2011, when it was a Sunday in April.  I thought the location and weather would mean that that concert would be sold out, but I had no problem getting a ticket.  On this night, on a cold, rainy, dark autumn evening, I saw no scalper.  So I spent my evening arranging my receipts while taking in coffee just off-campus.  They had a daily special of lattes: Any size, nearly any type, $2.25 with tax.  I think this is either the first or second latte (this one a pumpkin spice, to celebrate fall and/or Halloween) I've ever had.  With tip: $3.
• On Saturday the 26th I was able to watch my alma mater's game at a fellow club member's place.  Very sweet.  Money spent on the raffle: $10.
• Then I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  Finally got a dance from this cute multi-racial chick with a pronounced chin named Giselle.  Along with tips and coffee (note that I did not tip one girl who demands $5, and by the way, another of the girls complained that I didn't give her $5, so I can ignore her from now on): $29.
• Exercise.  Haven't done it in a long time, and thus totally needed: $3.
• Favorite Late-Night Italian Place.  Had meatball dip for the first time ever.  Not bad, although I don't know if it was worth the price.  Plus tip: $10.25.
• Friday the 25th ... Went to a bangin' party.  I mean, bangin'.  And I probably will never be invited back ever again.  I don't think I can give details, even the names of the girls, so I'll just give the total: $90.
• Oh yeah, before I went to said party I picked up a nickle off the parking lot at the gas station where I fetched money from the ATM.  An Infusion of: 5 cents.
• On Sunday, October 20 I went out on a cloudy, rainy, perfect fall afternoon to see the University of Minnesota soccer team lose at Robbie Stadium for the first time all season.  Oh, poo.  Program, hot dog and small Coke: $8.75.
• Then I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) for the third straight day.  One girl called in sick and one of the girls who wanted me to get a dance with her was really, really busy, so coffee (so needed on this day) and tips total: $9.
• On Saturday, October 19 I worked out for the first time in ... three weeks?  A month?  They still had a summer clearance of their t-shirts bearing their so-old-they're-cool logo, so I finally bought one.  Total: $9.
• For the game, the boring, boring game last night, I spent for the raffle: $10.
• Then to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division).  Tips only, and for only two of them, because the other two suck and the waitress didn't come to me for coffee.  Not that I was upset; with only two girls to strip, and them appearing on-stage back-to-back, I didn't need to stay long: $4.
• Finally to My Favorite Late-Night Italian Place.  Just garlic cheese bread with sauce, the first time I ever ordered that.  With tip: $7.25.
• To Friday the 18th, where I tried out this bakery between my home and my work.  They are known for these square sandwiches filled with chocolate cream.  Very tasty.  Also had two doughnuts, which are always good.  With tip: $4.35.
• Went to the soccer game at the U.  Program, hot dog and small Coke: $8.75.
• My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) after the game.  Finally got a dance from Logan.  Lovely hourglass figure.  I did not like that our dance ended promptly after the song ended, which was very, very short.  But I'll give her another chance; she's one of a dwindling few who aren't pissed I'm not tipping five bucks at a time.  One girl there I can't give money to anymore, so the dance, tips and coffee comes to: $27.
• Caffetto to end this night.  I remember getting tiramisu and, because I had so many cups of coffee this day, hot chocolate.  Unfortunately I forgot what the exact price was so, after including the dollar tip, I'm going to take a guess and say it cost: $6.75.
• Sunday the 13th, had to decompress with a bad, assholy day at My Favorites Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  Coffee, tips and a dance with Angelique: $29.
• Charged everything on Saturday, so on Friday the 11th I went to the University of Minnesota women's hockey game, where they unfurled their championship banner.  To commemorate the moment I got a souvenir-sized Coke even though I wasn't that thirsty.  That along with a hot dog and a program: $10.75.
• I then went to hang out at My Favorite Art Gallery, which was holding a fundraiser.  The week before I dropped by and gave them a Kickstarter donation, but I didn't mind giving them a bit more this night: $5.
• I then went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division), and OK, this is really starting to bother me.  The girl who demanded $5 from me was there, so I avoided tipping her.  But another one goaded me into giving her more than the $2 I always give dancers.  I towed the line at $4 for her, but the money I thought I had saved not giving it to that first girl I had to give to this, and that pisses me off.  A third girl didn't show me any titties, and the fourth was talking to one of the bartenders while suffocated me in her breast.  At least I got the coffee cheap tonight -- if I recall correctly: $10.
• Thursday the 10th: Only EWR (the day included going to the grand opening of Chick-Fil-A, of which I do have receipts) was Jackson's Hole for the game.  I actually ordered twice at Chick-Fil-A -- once for my meal I ate there, once for the chicken I took home for Mother to eat.  I have written down only one amount in my Franklin Quest, so I'll say that I charged the other (probably the chicken to go) on my credit card.  So, yeah, Jackson's Hole and the GameWatch ... Raffle, beer and tip: $14.

So I think I'm caught up all the way to November 3.

NFL Anti-Picks, Week 9

Record, Week 8: 3-5
Overall Record: 20-30
Total Outlay, Week 8: $450.00
Total Winnings, Week 8: $286.35
Loss, Week 8: $163.65
Overall Loss: $699.08

My bad beat was Cleveland-Kansas City Under 39.5.  Chiefs won 23-17.  That result was so close I initially thought I won, and just now I recalculated the numbers above when I realized I was wrong.

But looking back, I am shocked that I bet only $50 on all the single bets.  I remember doing these while at My Favorite Late-Night Italian Place.  But did that mean I was so tired that I couldn't think of putting down any other dollar amount?  Or was I so shellshocked at how poorly I've down with previous weeks that I thought it would be safer for me to play it conservatively this time?  Hindsight's always 50/50, but right now I'm kicking myself for only laying down $50 on Green Bay -8 1/2 and San Francisco -14 1/2.  Of course Minnesota and Jacksonville would get their asses blown off!  I should've bet $500 on both and roped the two into a $1,000 parlay.  I would've been out of the hole then!

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Unfortunately, though, the Jaguars are on a bye this week and the Vikings are visiting Dallas, which is motivated to put last week's come-from-ahead loss in Detroit behind them but may be so inept on defense that they might be in a tussle with Minnesota, of all teams, anyway.  In other words, it looks like there is only one fish in a barrel.  So I might as well lay a lot of money on that one and, again, wager only $50 on the rest.  Will I?  Let's see:


1) Buffalo +3 1/2 (It's a home dog thing.  Beyond that I have no concrete reason.  Kansas City is winless Against The Spread so far the last nine times they've played a team from the AFC East, but that should mean they're due to break that streak.  I just think that this is one of those games in the NFL where a team should on paper soundly defeat a team doesn't) $50

2) San Diego +1 (According to Covers' so-called Power Rankings, Washington should lose this game.  So, even though they are playing in Our Nation's Capital, I'm going to bet on the road underdog Chargers to win Against The Spread Best Bet ...) $100

3) San Diego M/L -3 (... and lay some money on them to win Straight-Up, even though the Moneyline bets I've seen actually have the Chargers favored) $50

4) Minnesota-Dallas Over 49.5 (I should lay some money on Dallas to win SU, but I've just got a bad hunch the Cowboys will underachieve.  What I do know is that the Vikings Defense is only a myth.  Dallas might be able to score 50 on their own; if Big D's D accommodates Christian Ponder and the Vikings when they have the ball too, all's the better.  OK, I'll Best Bet this) $100

5) Seattle -14 1/2 (OK, if there is a sure thing at all this season, it's winless Tampa Bay flying as far as a team can go in the National Football League to Seattle in order to lay down and die in the deafening din of CenturyLink Field.  The Seahawks have to be able to cover ... right?  Quadruple Best Bet this, Daddy's losing his shirt) $200

6) Pittsburgh-New England Over 44 (Are the Steelers arounding into form?  How depleted are the Patriots on the defensive side of the ball?) $50

7) Baltimore-Cleveland Under 41.5 (I might be placing too much on the fact that the Ravens were stolen from Cleveland.  But the Browns' defense is for real, and they are motivated to pounce on a Baltimore offense that, for whatever reason, just doesn't have it) $50

8) Parlay 6) and 7) together, for $50.

Good luck!

College Football Anti-Picks, Week 10

Record, Week 9: 4-10-1
Total Record: 25-39-1
Total Outlay, Week 9: $1,125.00
Total Winnings, Week 9: $722.70
Loss, Week 9: $402.30
Overall Loss: $923.20

A desperate week becomes even more desperate after another bad, bad week.  But at least I won a lot of money!

I will say that there were a few very close misses last week.  If only Clemson and Washington could have scored one more touchdown, they would have covered their double-digit spreads as favorites.  I don't think I would have wound up positive, but I would be a little farther away from being a grand in the hole.  Meanwhile, congratulations to Minnesota.  I bet against them to the tune of $100, but like I said in this week's Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey, you have to give dap to a team who finally beat a program for the first time in over half a century.

By the way, Covers trends picks went 1-2 and my friend's touts went 2-1.  Unfortunately I roped in all three bets from both sources for my parlays and therefore lost a bit more money.

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So maybe what I should do, instead of making small bets on lots of games, is to bet a large amount of money on a smaller set of games.  This technically is being done after the early games kick off, but I think it's so early that these wagers can't be affected by what's going on, so I'm going to go ahead and give myself the run of the whole slate of games, from sun-up to sun-down:

1) Ohio St. -31 1/2 (I don't like the spread, and the Buckeyes are playing in Purdue, but the Boilermakers probably are the worst team in the Big Ten, and they're hosting the best) $50

2) Northern Illinois -28 (I think these Huskies are for real.  They're in the BcS.  Shoot, if they win out, why not give them a shot against Alabama?  Fat chance that'll happen, but they should whip UMass in UMass.  Best Bet this) $100

3) North Carolina -5 1/2 (They play on the road vs. N.C. St.  Betting this only because sharp bettors in Las Vegas crushed the line, or at least this game when the original line came out) $50

4) Minnesota +7 1/2 (I see that the line has come down from 9.  Like the Gophers, Indiana is having a resurgent season.  That said, in a game between two programs not known for their football, I'll put my faith in Minnesota.  So much, in fact, that I'll Best Bet this ...) $100

5) Minnesota M/L + (... and I'll bet on them Straight-Up.  The line coming down has to say something about how people who know football more than I do think this game is going to go) $50

6) Navy-Notre Dame Under 48.5 (OK, here's my thinking.  Navy runs the ball heavily.  If they are successful, scoring is going to be pretty low and possessions will be at a premium.  I don't think the Midshipmen's defense is any good, but the few possessions the Irish will have well be helmed by the back-up.  I saw him come in for the second half against USC, and he's terrible.  Is he playing this week?  OK, I should have looked it up.  But I'm going to say that he is, and therefore Notre Dame won't score either.  Do you see what I'm getting at?  OK, I'm going to Triple Best Bet this) $150

7) Georgia -3 (Both teams lost last week.  I think the loss by the Bulldogs shows less about that team than the one suffered by the Gators, who still have serious issues on offense.  Georgia wins easily in The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, so Triple Best Bet this) $150

8) Florida International +26 1/2 (OK, this is a shot in the dark.  Sharp play pushed this up from an opening line of 21.  The Panthers face East Carolina, and I haven't heard anything spectacular about them this year, so I have no idea why this line is this big.  Are people mistaking Florida International with Florida Atlantic, the latter of which is the school whose Head Coach and Defense Coordinator both were fired this week after getting busted for pot?  Best Bet this because I need to make up some money fast) $100

9) UCLA -28 (I'm not as high on the Bruins as before, but they are hosting Colorado, who I still think is bad) $50

10) Texas-El Paso +47 1/2 (They visit Texas A&M.  The Miners aren't a good team at all, but this line is just way too big.  The Aggies aren't that good.  Best Bet this) $100

11) Parlay 2), 7) and 10) together, for $100.

Good luck!

Oh, Is That Tonight?

I have done a poor job of transitioning leadership of the club to me.  I've been busy, and the things I need to do I still don't understand, but I don't think I nor my predecessor can say that I've been on top of things.

Still, I'm very, very embarrassed that I had forgotten to announce that we are meeting to watch our alma mater's game until just now, overnight of the day of.  I usually get these out a few days ahead of the game, but I've been busy/concentrating on my series of busy evenings this week.  Nevertheless, despite my failures in getting other parts of the club up and running, the main thing, the most fundamental thing, about being president of the club is making sure people know when and where the games are so we can watch it.  If I do nothing else, I need to do this.  And I don't think getting an announcement up on facebook less than 24 hours is doing this job correctly.

I'm a disaster, an unmitigated disaster.  I hope at least one other person shows up.