The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  It wasn't so much the competition this screening week that convinced me to not only put the U. volleyballers atop the WMNSS but also put them above negative numbers.  Illinois is below .500 in conference play, and Northwestern has won only one game in the B1G and eight overall.  I am partly impressed that the Gophs beat both teams on the road -- which, BTW, concludes the road part of their schedule.  Even more impressive: Minnesota has not only won their last six matches, but have swept all six matches.

But really I'm putting this club on top and with a #0 because their is a potential for a crackling, and possibly even attention-getting, match coming down the pike for Wednesday, aka Dranksgiving.  The way the AVCA Top 25 stands now, the Gophers are ranked second in the nation behind Nebraska, which this week received all 64 first-place votes.  And the U. hosts the Cornhuskers at 8 o'clock that evening.  I plan on going.  In fact, like last year's match against Penn St., I'm ready to pay a scalper a premium price for it.

Two things stand in the way, however, of a 1-vs.-2 matchup at a time slot where there is relatively little competition for the sports fan's eyeballs.  The Michigan teams come to the Sports Pavilion this weekend.  And even though Michigan St. (who they play today/Friday) and Michigan (their opponent Sunday afternoon) are half a shade worse than Minnesota to these eyes, both squads are good enough to spring an upset in Dinkytown, especially if the Golden Gophers are caught looking ahead to Wednesday.  But if this team focuses and powers through -- man, there should be some national media looking at this game.  I mean it.

#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!).  So far, so good in what probably is a make-or-break year for Richard Pitino as Head Coach.  Their first game, a 12-point victory over Louisiana-Lafayette, was the closest of the three wins in their opening week; they also crushed Texas-Arlington and Mount St. Mary's, even though all three of those games were at home.

As bad as Pitino has been at X's and O's, he has (finally at least) recruited well.  He has a ballyhooed freshman class, led by Amir Coffey (son of Gopher b-ball legend Richard Coffey, I believe) and Memphian Eric Curry.  They'll need it, for Pitino's teams have been a melange of medicore bigs and wings.  There hasn't been definitive roles for the players on the floor.  Of course, getting really good players to come to Dinkytown might solve a lot of that.

While three wins in a week is mighty impressive, this upcoming week might be a better barometer of how good this team is and how good Pitino can really coach.  Tonight, in a game I bought a ticket to at the State Fair, they play St. John's as part of the Gavitt Tipoff Games, the relatively new Big Ten-Big East series.  It's the second conference-versus-conference arrangement they have now; the series where they play an opponent from the ACC comes later this month.  On Tuesday, in another game I have already bought a ticket to, they play Arkansas.  So that's a game vs. a BcS school and one against the Catholic-heavy, basketball-first league.  That is a step up in class of opponent.  However, both games are at home.

#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!).  And what about the Gopher women's b-ball program?  They have been able to bring in scores of really good players since their Final Four run -- Amanda Zahui B., Rachel Banham, Carlie Wagner -- but team-wise they have not even made a ripple since the Whalen/McCarville Era.  They've been basically a mediocre program that, if you really scrutinize it, has had more postseason appearances than not.  But that's not UConn, or Baylor, or Notre Dame.  That's not even, oh, N.C. St.

So what now?  Marlene Stollings' game plan (and by the way, remember that the Athletic Director who pucked Stollings out of Virginia Commonwealth is no longer there) is to center the offense around Wagner, who came in with a reputation as being a sharpshooter from deep.  Banging on the down low like Zahui, or handling the ball and being able to create her own shot from everywhere like Banham, is not her game.  So her teammates are just going to find a way to get her the ball when she's open?  And what about her defense?

BcS teams have the luxury of starting their seasons easy.  That hasn't totally been the case with this club; they started out beat Harvard at Williams and then outlasting VCU in Richmond, so a true road win this early is nice.  (I just couldn't put them above their male counterparts; two home wins still beat one road win.)  But let's see how they do this week.  They host a pair of Catholic schools, Georgetown (this afternoon as part of a jam-packed weekend at the U.) and Seton Hall (Sunday afternoon), then Georgia in the opening round of the Junkanoo Jam in Bimini, the Bahamas.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -4).  So I dragged my tired butt to St. Paul to watch the Bruins game last (Thursday) night for free with my friend.  Honestly, it looked like both teams were playing Game, oh, 10 of 82.  Both teams, I swear, were pacing themselves now that they're going through the heart of a seven-month work assignment -- 75% intensity, with poor passing and pucks consistently clattering off of sticks.

Boston was the only team to put the puck in the net, twice, and they still got shut out.  In the second period, David Backes (who went to my high school) somehow slipped the puck past Devan Dubnyk.  But Bruce Boudreau challenged the score, and it turns out that Backes came across the blue line before the puck did.  Offsides, no goal.  Then, with only 44.5 seconds left to play, Mikael Granlund centered a puck that hit off Boston's Adam McQuaid and past Goaltender Tuukka Rask.  I'm so glad I could hear "Let's Go Crazy," the Wild's new goal song, but I and everybody in the arena (including Wild players) that they had very little to do with the game-winning goal, even though it officially goes to Granlund.

That capped off a week where they played every other day.  They lost to Philadelphia and beat Ottawa (in Overtime) on the road, then lost to Calgary and beat these Bruins at the X.  They continue playing every other day this screening week: Home to Colorado, at The Team That Was Stolen From Us, then hosting both Winnipeg and Pittsburgh.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  The Woofie Dogs also played four games this week, and this squad also went 2-2.  But since all four games were at Target Center, that means that they lost to the Clippers and Charlotte at home, and therefore they are ranked lower than the Mild.  It's tough to see so much young talent still taking their lumps, but I've got to trust The Process, whatever that is.  Nevertheless, this dunk by Karl-Anthony Towns is a taste of what's to come:



This week: At Memphis, home to Boston, at New Orleans.

#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: -1).  With the Goofs' close 24-17 loss in Nebraska Saturday, now more than ever I know where this team stands in the B1G.  So now, knowing that this team can regularly beat the shitty teams in the league but have little chance of beating programs that are even incrementally better than them, what now?  Do we just accept that this is the best it can be?  Or do we fire Tracy Claeys with aspirations that they -- we -- can become Ohio St. or Michigan?

Here's the funny thing.  With the loss, SI.com has the Gophs now projected to play Stanford (which is falling like a stone, by the way) in the Holiday Bowl Dec. 27.  Bowl games are mere exhibitions, but it's not a bad one to go to.  The Holiday Bowl has been around a long time, and I don't know if the U. has ever played there.  (My alma mater, however, played there last year.)  But for the few weeks before, when they were rolling up their record against the pure dregs of the conference, they were projected to play in, of all places, the Outback Bowl.  The Outback Bowl!  That game is usually played on New Year's Day (although this year it'll be played on Jan. 2)!  It's the one in Tampa!  It used to be called (and should still be called) the Hall Of Fame Bowl!  It's a hell of a bowl!  And for, like, three weeks SI.com thought the U. was going to play there, then!  Now, a couple years ago they played in the Citrus Bowl in Orlando on New Year's Day.  But Jerry Kill actually piloted that team into a solid squad.  Well, maybe not great; I think they lost to Missouri.  So these bowl placements might be more of a result of conference leverage.  Regardless, a team that was a deceptively good 7-2 got busted down from Tampa Bay to San Diego.  And they could slide even further, to one of those new-ish bowls whose names are solely the name of the sponsor (instead of an actual bowl name with the sponsor's name shoved in front) if they don't beat an improving Northwestern squad at in the team's final home game of the season.

#-6: Vikings (Last Week: -Infinity).  The ViQueens were playing in Washington Sunday afternoon, around the time I volunteered to drive 40 minutes to a bank to be an extra in my friend's film.  I was bitching about spending gas to go out there, but I was checking up on the game through Twitter, and I'll tell ya, I think I made the right decision not to watch the game on TV.  The early 14-0 hole, then catching up, then leading, then coughing up the lead again ... fuck that.  I got released early to hear the end of the game in my car radio.  The last gasp the Vikings had to avoid a 26-20 loss ended with back-to-back sacks, the first of which resulted in the Achilles tear (and the end of the season) of free-agent pickup Jake Long.  T.J. Clemmings was flipped over to the left side, but on fourth down Washington just overloaded that side to overwhelm the already-underwhelming Clemmings and to bring down Bradford.  Hey, you think it would have been smart to throw a Running Back in there for blitz pick-up?

After missing another Extra Point in Sunday's game, Blair Walsh was finally shitcanned in favor of friend Kai Forbarth.  This kind of feels like Walsh was made a scapegoat, seeing as all facets of the team's game have collapsed.  But if you continue to miss kicks, and Walsh missed four XPs, more than any other Kicker, what can you do?  Even those kids in Blaine who made poster for him to cheer him up after he fucked up that Field Goal in the Tundra Bowl last postseason are probably all, "Sorry, Blair -- at this point, I can't help you."

The Vikes host The Bastard Chicago-By-Way-Of-St.-Louis Cardinals, another team that has disappointed.  I'll be working that game.  I wonder if the team's recent misadventures have depressed ticket prices for what is still a brand-new stadium.

#-Infinity: Gopher soccer (Last Week: 0).  Well, it turns out that scheduling the side's first-round NCAA Tournament match at the same time as my alma mater's football game was a blessing disguise.  The team I watched on TV sprung the upset; the team that was playing at Robbie Stadium laid an egg and was dismissed from the tourney via upset.

These Goofers, who were so dangerous on the attack, just failed to crack one past N.C. St. Goalkeeper Sydney Wootten.  In fact, the Wolfpack wound up outshooting the U., 14-13, including having target practice on them in the first half, 10-2.  Tarah Hobbs repelled every Wolfpack howitzer.  However, she yielded all four of N.C. St.'s tries in Penalty Kicks after both teams failed to score in regulation and the two 10-minute periods of extra time.  On the other side, Josee Stiever and Molly Fielder failed on their PK tries, and so Minnesota was shocked at home, 4-2 in the shootout.  It did not help that one of their best players, Senior Simone Kolander, left early in the second half after a scramble in the box and did not return the rest of the game.

This is an extremely bitter pill to swallow.  I still don't like penalties, the worst way a sport settles ties (with college football's "Let's not tax the young men -- just put the ball on the 25 and let's go!" tie-breaking procedure).  But Saturday night was a case where the more-talented team just was unable to break through against, supposedly, an inferior opponent.  From this report from local soccer blog FiftyFive.One it looked like the Wolfpack weren't playing much in form, either, so, I guess it was just "one of those things."  Except that it shouldn't have been one of those things.

They finished with their best-ever record of 16-3-4 overall, yet they went one-and-done.  So, in my mind, the program's team with the second-best record ever, the one that went 22-4 in 2008, still stands as the U.'s best ever because that team made it to the Sweet 16 (which, by the way, they played at home; I've told this story a million times already, but I was at the game, one in which it was so cold the Coke I bought froze.  And visiting Georgetown won the match with ten seconds left to go in the second period of Added Extra Time.  Simply heartbreaking).  This team had their chance; they were supposed to lose in the Sweet 16 at Stanford.  But they failed to do that, so they cannot be looked at too fondly, I'm afraid.

And who knows if they'll ascend to such heights again?  This team loses Kolander, Hobbs, Stiever and Defender Rashida Beal to graduation.  Who will take their places?  Anyone?

Two Held-Up Hands = Two Middle Fingers?

OK, so legendary Canadian donut store Tim Hortons opened up its first store in Minnesota (well, I heard that there was one somewhere around the state for a spell in the early nineties) at the Mall of America.  And I was all, "Boss!"  Because even though I had pretty shitty customer service at the TH across from our hotel when we were in Toronto, I thought the donuts and coffee were pretty good.

I was going to go when for their grand opening, which I heard on Monday (or was it the weekend?) that it was going to be Thursday, so I thought, "Cool!  The Megamall is right by my work.  I'll just wake up early one of these days, go there, pick up some donuts and coffee, and enjoy it in my cube!"  But then I actually read the article and saw that the store wasn't going to open up until 11, right in the middle of my day.  I guess Tim Hortons sees donuts and coffee as lunch food.  So I was like, "Man!"

But then yesterday I read that Tim Hortons was open Tuesday.  That was the soft opening, but apparently, they were already open last week.  So I thought, "Well, hell, why don't I get the donuts and coffee tomorrow morning?  And I'll volunteer to grab something for my co-worker!  That sounds neat!"

So I wake up early and drive early to the Megamall (a traffic stop on the way through the tunnel really helped clear out the cars) and I get to Tim Hortons and the damn thing's closed.  There are, oh, 6-12 people lined up.  And then it slowly dawned on me: Even though they were open as early as 7 these days since last week, they will only open at 11 today, which is the grand opening.  So they're just changing opening times today for some fucking reason.

The General Manager (I guess) said as much.  The people waiting outside probably are Tim Hortons diehards who wanted to get all the prizes that comes with being the first 50 people to go through the TH, even though the goddamn store's been open since last week.  Those people waiting probably are also unemployed.  I am not unemployed, so when the GM told me the spiel, all of which I already knew or was able to discern, I threw both my hands up, said "Thanks," said "Fuck" to myself, and left for here.

I was pissed.  Still am.  It's one of those things where, based on information, I thought one thing, and so I prepared myself in order to achieve this one thing, but it didn't happen because, frankly, they weren't clear.  A way-younger me would have thrown a tantrum and/or gave the GM and the people waiting in line and the store two middle fingers.  So I wonder if throwing my hands up was my sublimated way to do the same thing as a grown-up.  Well, if so, I'm not sure if held-up hands conveys the same "screw you" sentiment as the double bird.

Well, I'll try and go tomorrow.  Hopefully I'll wake up in time and/or not get into an accident because it's going to snow.

She's So Co-o-old

Longtime readers of WAF may remember that I had spent a lot of time over the years, off and on, doing this hearing experiment at the University of Minnesota.  It was a type of study where I would put on headphones, sit in front of a computer, hear a series of bloops and blips and select which of what usually were three tones was different from the others.  In my very unemployed days, I would be at this lab three days a week, two hours at a time.  It wasn't much -- it's only ten bucks an hour -- but it gave me a sense of purpose.  Otherwise I would be just hanging out and living life.  That's great, but I know I would get really flabby if I spent summer after summer without any commitments whatsoever.

I hadn't been at the lab for at least a couple years.  They always have fliers going up about some experiments going on, and I e-mail the particular tech spearheading them, but I never get a reply.  The last time I did do a session there I fell asleep and she caught me because she had a monitor which had the session on her computer and she noticed that I hadn't hit any of the numbers to indicate I was actually listening to these bleeps and bloops.  So yeah, maybe I had a reason to avoid them.

But then, a couple weeks ago, out of the blue, the main professor of the lab and a tech e-mailed me about a session.  I felt flattered to be invited back for something that wasn't going to last too long -- two sessions and the second probably wouldn't last two hours.

The first session was last night; although I was dead tired from work and the night, I made it a couple minutes early.  When I rang the doorbell I saw this big-eyed beauty with faint Nordic facial features and a sweater with dots on it that was short enough where, if she bent over enough you could see the small of her back, but let's not dwell on that.

Instead, let's dwell on the fact that she was a cold millennial.  I wasn't looking for five-star service from a restaurant or anything, but when we got done with the first portion of this special test, where I had to take out these one-time-use ear plugs and I didn't know where to put them, she said, "You can throw them in the wastebasket outside.  We'll be moving to another booth."  Now, I wasn't expecting her to take those plugs and throw them away for me.  But ... it was just the tone of her voice that kind of set me off.  And her body language and her ... uh, non-warm way of speaking with me, and the fact that she wouldn't hold open the heavy booth doors for me even though I needed to open them to get around her and into the booths -- she just struck me as disinterested, like I was a part of a process she needed to get through just so she can say she did it.  I don't know, I guess you had to be there.

The worst part, however, came at the end.  I got there at 6, so I should have been done at 8.  At 7:54 she pops her head into the booth and tells me there is one 15-minute session left; I could come back another day, or I could just stay a bit later and finish the whole experiment.  (Guess that first session became the only session.)  I figured I might as well stay and finish this whole damn thing.

So, around 8:11 I get out of the booth with absolutely no help from her.  She opens up this locked file where all the money is.  I need to fill out my information in order to get the money.  Now, this is ten bucks an hour.  I stayed an extra, oh, 11 minutes.  It would stand to reason that since I stayed a little longer (and remember I got to the lab a little early, which is rare, I will admit), I would get paid a little more.  How much that bitch pay me?  Twenty bucks.  For two hours and 11 minutes, I got paid the same as two hours.  Was it because I went to the bathroom an hour into the session?  That'd be news to me; before I took 15 minutes to poop in the men's room, and I still got paid $20 for two hours total.

I got this dismissive and unwelcoming vibe from this student, this millennial very early into my work at the lab, and when I learned that she was stiffing me money, well, I was kind of glad I was leaving and hopefully never seeing her again, even though in retrospect I should have left and done the session another day because then I would get fully paid for my time.  As I write this I wonder if I should send a message to the professor about this -- not to get more money, but to cover my ass in case I have to complain about this again.

Nah, I probably won't.  No reason to pick fights in a war I don't plan on re-joining, to strain a metaphor.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Monday, November 14:

• I was a good boy and didn't spend anything on the 14th or the 13th, and on the 12th everything I spent I have receipts for.  So, on Veteran's Day (aka Friday the 11th), I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) because I couldn't bear to watch the election autopsy on Washington Week.  (And by the way, host Gwen Ifill died!  Oh my God!  I didn't even know she was sick!)  There I saw ********a, who did not invite me to a stripper party I wasn't able to go to.  Got a dance with her, and we got close -- emotionally, not sexually.  That might come later.  With coffee and tips and the total was: $27.75.
• Went to Glam Doll afterwards.  They had a special pumpkin chai-filled donut which was really good.  Didn't think I would like anything flavored with chai.  With tip: $9.81.
• ETA at 4:45 p.m. on November 18 that I went to my favorite art gallery for the first time in some time.  They had an exhibition about this digital photographer who manipulates his "paintings."  Very vivid.  Gave some money for a regular-sized Pabst Blue Ribbon, then I donated an equal amount for the gallery in the cashbox.  Total: $6.

• Tuesday the 8th, aka Election Day ... eeeeeeeeeee-AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The Herkimer Pub in Uptown publicize a watch party.  It was so busy I was standing the whole time I was there.  Beer plus tip: $7.
• On Saturday the 5th, after watching my team beat the hell out of Oregon (about time), I went to Glam Doll to celebrate.  And for some reason my laptop could not connect with the store's wi-fi, so I spent my time doodling on my phone.  At least I remembered to note how much I spent there on that day, something I forgot about as I was typing this.  Phew!  With tip: $12.27.
• I found pennies this day, at the gym in the afternoon and at Glam Doll at night.  An Infusion of: 2 cents.
• Friday, November 4 ... I had been meaning to go to another Mensa meeting.  I really want to be a part of this club, but I had only been to their First Friday cotillion (it's more like a meet-up) once.  It was time to go again.  I met the only person I knew out of the club there, again, and so I bought her a drink, a half-orange juice/half-water.  Huh?  You need to cut the sting of OJ?  I got a 7 & Seven for myself.  With the tip for both drinks and the cover to get in, it came out to: $11.75.
• On Tuesday the 1st I popped my head into My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  Managed to see *e***** there, so I got a lapper from her.  With coffee and tips: $29.75.
• For Halloween I started my morning getting to Bogart's Doughnuts in Kingfield.  I heard that they were serving special doughnuts filled with Twix and Mounds bars.  Had to buy one of each, and of course they were fattening and good!  With tip: $7.
• Work was having another fundraising sale, and once again they offered caramel apples.  It was pay-as-you-like, and I liked to pay: $3.
• That evening, because it was Halloween, I stayed out of my neighborhood.  And, per convention, I went to a strip club.  However, since it was close to my work, after work I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Edition) for the first time in the evening.  And man, it was slow and depressing.  I stayed there for an hour.  They didn't even open up the lower stage until a half-hour after I got in.  There were two dancers there just going around giving stand-up dances for $10 a song, although I saw a third that was dancing on the stage as I left.  One of the two came up to me and hustled me for four songs.  Her name was either Princess or Queen Ava or Eva of something like that.  And to me, if your stripper name is two words, and the first word is a title that you gave to yourself, you're not that good of a stripper.  Well, she wasn't a bitch or anything, but while she did carry a conversation, I wasn't too engaged with it.  My cock was harder eating at Hooters afterward.  With beer and tips: $46.
• Oh, and I found a penny somewhere.  An Infusion of: 1 cent.
• Saturday, October 30 was the Quarterfinal of the Big Ten Women's Soccer Tournament, and the top-seeded Gophers crushed Indiana that afternoon, 3-1.  There were no programs for sale; did someone screw them up?  Thought that the souvenir cup was of a design I had never seen before, so I bought it.  Turns out it was the medium size and not the large.  You would think that special cups would be the largest size they offer.  That medium/souvenir Coke plus a hot dog cost me: $11.
• That evening was a good time to dispense with the currency that was in too mint a condition to spend.  Had back-to-back dollar bills with consecutive serial numbers, and even though I usually don't save only two bills side-by-side, I did in this case.  Also, I think the quarters this year commemorate Harpers Ferry on the tail side, and I got a shiny and unscratched one as change.  Therefore I put into storage: $2.25.

Good through November 14.

Don't Give Him A Chance. Be Afraid.

I am commenting on two things on TV I did not see, the first because I was busy watching college football (The Day Of Upsets finally came!), the second because I refused to watch it.  Yep, both things are about politics.  Because these things are going to be affecting my life -- our lives -- for the next two, four years.

I heard many people regard Dave Chappelle's monologue on this week's Saturday Night Live to be historic for the show.  I did see the last two minutes on Twitter, when he turned serious:

The last couple minutes of Dave Chappelle's #ChappelleOnSNL monologue. pic.twitter.com/PHyc2bbtay

— Saturday Night Live (@nbcsnl) November 13, 2016

It was beautiful, and I admire Chappelle sharing his story, and I totally believe he was speaking from the heart when he said he was going to give Donald Trump a chance.  Unfortunately, sir, I think that is absolutely fucking naive.

The second thing on TV I did not see was the Trump victory interview on 60 Minutes.  I am not one of those people who point my finger at the media for helping this shit to happen.  In fact, the more I think of it, the more I believe that Trump was going to score this "upset" victory no matter what happened.  So I still believe 60 Minutes is a legitimate, and in fact very worthy, news program (all the rarer for it regularly airing on broadcast prime time).  But so long as they cover President Trump (which I understand they have to do -- after all, he is our President), I cannot and will not watch any Trump story that shows him in a non-critical light.  I respect the presidency; I sure as hell don't respect him.

And I give no credence to the answer he gave Lesley Stahl when she asked him to respond to people who did not vote for him and/or the people marching in protest of his win Tuesday: "Don't be afraid."

Oh, bullshit.  Goddamn bullshit artist is lying in our faces again.  It worked with the stupid people who thinks he can magically bring back jobs by doing one of his business deals.  And I'm afraid it'll work now, although this time he's not trying to persuade voters who felt humiliated over the past 8-30 years.  No, it's worse; he's trying to placate people who are really scared of what he is going to do and are so desperate to hear anything to the contrary that they'll believe it.  Brand new suckers to swallow down his toxic semen.

I am pushing back and responding to two different statements: Don't give him a chance, and be afraid.  I'll try and be clear in arguments answering to each, and then attempt to tie them together into a grand repudiation of a dictator we elected as our leader, but that might be extremely hard.  To someone who's a Trump supporting-Republican, that might seem contradictory, even hypocritical.  But I chalk that up to someone who can't understand that things in real life aren't  black-and-white.

OK, first up, don't give him a chance.  There are a couple reasons why you shouldn't, and why giving him such a chance is dangerous.  First of all, like I have said, words do matter.  Some dumbasses give him a pass when it came to the bile about Mexicans and Muslims and people he has personally insulted during his campaign by saying, "Oh, it's just words."  They haven't been bullied in junior high school before.  And by the way, Trump has backed up those words with racist actions, such as with not accepting applications from African-Americans to his real estate properties, or demanding the death penalty for the Central Park Five.  You don't reward that behavior -- not at all.  And that includes depriving him of that chance many so eagerly want to give him.

The second reason kind of blends in with my belief that you definitely should be afraid of this guy, and this also starts to speculate as to why kind of tyrannical government we're about to have.  His policies, vague as they are, include deporting illegal immigrant and extremely vetting refugees from war-torn countries, especially Muslims.  If he is a man of his word, he is about to enact racist policies, and the prejudicial message that will arise from that will have to be stopped by protesting at the top of our lungs, from everybody who hates them.  I don't feel like waiting to see how this racist policies work out.  I have a feeling they won't work out so well.

Now, if he is not a man of his word -- well, then, that shows that he is an opportunist who will say anything, and hurt anyone, in order to get what he wants.  It appears as though those things he wants are power, fame and, of course, fortune.  (I'll quickly mention that he probably is in hock with the Russians and that he never revealed his taxes -- and the American people let him get away with that.)  Already, some are speculating that he is shifting into the role he wants -- not as CEO of the United States, but as its Head Of State, or a king:

As one who's known Trump since '87, I told his fans this was a con. Didnt want 2 BE president, wants to be CALLED prez. Proving it already.

— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) November 13, 2016

Mr. Eichenwald also says that rage is not the way to appropriately battle Trump and the dark forces he is now putative leader of.  No, I cannot.  Rage is totally appropriate because that's the only way to publicize the con job he managed to pull on the American people.  Sitting back and telling Trump voters they own the guy doesn't punish Trump and the Trump administration, especially when you consider the true damage he and the Republican-led government that somehow swept into power now can wreak over the next two years.  Remember: He's not just their President.  He's our President.  What he does and does not do affects all of us.  It was just their decision that won.

Now, to being afraid.  If he is a man of his word, there are obviously a lot of people who have reason to be scared: Families of undocumented immigrants, the Muslim community, blacks who may be stopped-and-frisked, etc.  Already his victory is a signal to the Racists Among Us that it's OK to come out of the woodwork and desecrate churches with Nazi signs, to march for him with their white hoods on, and to question if a black guy really is a veteran who gets a free meal at Chili's.  All of this, and he's not even the goddamn president yet.  He, and all the people who voted for him, should be held responsible for this.

If Trump is not a man of his word, may I remind you that there are people he works with, like Steve Bannon and the Koch brothers, and people he works for, such as Vladimir Putin.  They have skin in this game, and you know goddamn well they're going to get something in exchange for the help (in terms of publicity and money) they gave him on his way to being immortalized as President.  My money is on, well, money; they're going to get millions of dollars, none of which we'll see because Trump controls the government now and he has no interest in telling the people who voted for him what he'll do.  (Not that his cocksucker fans care.)  But there are conservative Republicans in Congress who don't believe in everything that he may or may not stand for.

So, if Trump is a businessman, a deal-maker, he's going to make deals.  Will he trade, say, his opposition to the Trans-Pacific Partnership in exchange for increased funding for Immigration and Customs Enforcement?  Will he sell off our national parks to Russian-backed oil companies to drill in in exchange for sweet multi-million-dollar real estate deals (or forgiveness of a possible huge debt) once he leaves office?  Could happen.

Now, some stupid people will say that this is just compromise.  They need to understand that this nation just elected a businessman to lead it.  I hold our national security, our public parks, my healthcare, and the safety and security of the people in this country (although right now it's very, very hard to give a shit about those who voted for that asshole) as sacred rights I have as an American.  Those are merely assets to be traded back and forth to Trump.  We needed someone who gives a shit about this job.  Instead we elected a huckster, one who's backed and may be controlled by smarter and more sinister people who will get what they want from this country and now have the means to do so.  We're losing something we hold dear; I just don't know what.  And that makes me quite afraid, and rightly so.

---

I really don't consider myself to be politically active, but that this country decided to fuck itself has shaken me to my core.  When I am wishing that the guy who will lead the U.S. is just an idiot and not a greedy and evil dictator, I kind of have to obsess over what's going on in life, sorry to say.  In fact, I don't know the next time I can talk about my sexual exploits or porn.

But my world got rocked on Tuesday.  I now have to be vigilant.  I don't know if I have the stomach to do anything beyond that, but I tried to stay quiet before and look what happened.  So it looks like talking about this is a cause I don't mind being an asshole about.  Obstructing Trump and his Republicans every step of his reign as leader may be of the few ways we can stop him from ruining the lives of all the good people who live in this country.

So I implore you: Be very afraid.  And don't ever give him a chance.

I don't really have anything I need to do today.  So, while watching the game last night I got a text from my friend who works in independent, micro-budget movies.  I haven't seen this guy in a while, and he has reached out through social media about finding extras who would be in the movies he's a part of.  Having someone personally text you, however, cuts through the noise of a message intended for a wider audience, many of whom you don't know.

So, what the hell, I say?  After the shit that happened Tuesday, I want to feel better about myself by helping a friend (a friend, by the way, I am certain voted for Trump, and I am going to presume he will do the right thing and shut his mouth about it).  So I text back, "Yeah."

And that's where I made my mistake.  What I texted next was, "Where is it?"  And he said, "Delano."  And I go, "Where is Delano?"  Because, you see, I don't know where Delano is, and if that's the case, that's probably because it's in a part of town I don't usually go -- like out of The Loop.

Which is where it is; I just looked up the address, and my God, it's in the boonies.  (It actually not too far from where my brother, sister-in-law and niece live.)  I'm driving 40 miles each way to be an extra in my friend's movie for free.  I should have asked where it was before I said yes.

Welp, off to gassing up my car and loading up on provisions before my trek to Trumpland Minnesota.

Got Ripped Off Twice

OK, so last Saturday I decided to have lunch.  I didn't really know where I wanted to go, but I was going to go to the library, so I decided to pop into Burger King because I finally wanted to try their Cheetos chicken fries.

So I go in there and I order them, but the girl who was helping me out said the Cheetos chicken fries were discontinued.  But they were up on the menu board.  They were still fucking advertising these fucking things!  So how can they be discontinued!  I wanted to tell her that, and actually I wanted to yell at her like that, but I got so discombobulated that I just left BK muttering to myself.  But I still don't understand: If you don't have the item anymore, why in the hell don't you take it down?  And she was just looking at me like, "Huh?"

Walking to my car in the parking lot I see at Chipotle on the other side.  Well, I might as well, I thought to myself, but hey, at least I can now use the Chipotle frequent-eater's card.  Haven't used it since the summer, so I thought it was time to put some sandwiches on it.

So I order my burrito and I show the cashier my card, and she goes, "Oh, that Chiptopia card?  That was only for the summer."  What the fuck?!  I wouldn't've eaten at Chipotle if that card expired.  And now I have to go through with this because they already made the burrito.  I couldn't just walk up and not pay for a burrito they made ... right?  In that sense Chipotle was worse than Burger King, because at BK I could just leave without losing my money.  I did at Chipotle, though, even though I only rounded up my change as a tip.  And, well, the people at Chipotle were nicer, so there's that.

Today for lunch I made it easier on myself.  I cut out a coupon to Culver's, checked the date to see if it was still good, and went there instead to order a value basket.  No discontinued items or frequent-eater's cards to worry about.

But I Have My Weekend Free!

So this weekend there is no Vikings game I have to work.  And even though I have to host my alma mater's big game Saturday evening (which convinced me I didn't really have time to go to the X and watch the title games of the Minnesota State Girls' Volleyball Tournament; I did go last year, but that's because that week's game happened on Friday), my weekend was totally free.

I knew the Gopher women's soccer team was going to start their run in the NCAA Tournament hosting N.C. St., and I thought there was a great chance I'd see it.  They'd play it in the day, when it's warm, and not at night, where it's cold -- well, it's not cold now, global warming is seeing to that, but it's just better in the day, right?  Well, like I mentioned in yesterday's Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey, the school decided to play this game Saturday night, right when my alma mater's game is on.  Crap.

Well, at least I would have time to wake up early and go downtown to watch English Premier League games, either on Saturday or Sunday or both days.  But wait ... they're not playing this weekend.  It's an "international" weekend, where I guess countries are playing other countries.  The entire league basically has a bye this week?  This garbage wouldn't fly in America.

So besides hosting the game, I have my entire weekend free, but I have nothing to do.  Guess I'll exercise and/or clean my room or something.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -1).  Congratulations to the University of Minnesota women's soccer program.  For the second time in their history (and first in 21 years!), the team won the Big Ten Women's Soccer Tournament, held at home, last weekend.  In Friday afternoon's semifinal, the Gophers defeated Michigan 1-0 on a cross from Juliana Gernes in the 8th minute.  And in Sunday afternoon's final, vs. 7th-seeded upstart Rutgers, Emily Heslin broke a 1-all tie in Minute 84 (less than a minute after Rutger's Chantelle Swaby tied the game; Sydney Squires opened up scoring in the 27th) by rocketing a loose ball from the top of the box for the game-winning, tournament-clinching goal.  It was the Sophomore Heslin's first game of the year and the second of her career.  And it gave Minnesota its first double ever.

Because of that, they obviously glided into the NCAA Tournament.  And for the first time ever (I don't know about that, I'm just guessing), they received one of the 16 national seeds.  Specifically, they are the #4 seed in the Palo Alto Region.  I was all hyped up that they were in line for a seed because that meant they not only got to host the first-round game at home this weekend, they would be in line to host the second and Sweet 16 rounds the next weekend.  (I am working the Vikings game, but it was possible I would at least catch one of those games at Robbie.)  But one day while lying in bed I realized that it didn't work that way.  If you were going to host the second and third rounds of the tourney, it would have to be at the highest-available seed for those rounds.  The Gophers' Sweet 16 opponent would be #1 seed (and actually #1 overall seed) Stanford.  So they in fact will be in Palo Alta, Calif. next week, assuming they win.  My bad.

The assumption is that they win, and their first-round opponent isn't a regional low-major like speculated, such as South Dakota St. or even Marquette.  It's N.C. State, a program going back to the NCAAs for the first time in two decades.  The Wolfpack are currently in bad form, winning once and tying once in their last seven matches.  But they are a middle-of-the-road team in the powerful ACC, prime characteristics of a Cinderella.

I planned on going to the game because, besides watching my alma mater Saturday on TV, I had this weekend free.  I totally had time to go to the match, right?  Well, shit, Minnesota (who has moved up to 8th in the polls, by the way) decided to play this match Saturday at 7 p.m. -- the same time as my alma mater's game.  I've been to so many of this club's matches, and this is the damn thanks I get?  This is why these guys aren't in Positive Numbers.  Sorry, it's petty, but that's how I feel.  And good luck anyways.

#-1: Gopher football (Last Week: 0).  Don't look now, but with their 44-31 win over Purdue at Das Bank on Saturday, this squad is 7-2.  They aren't ranked in the Top 25, and appropriately so; their non-conference wins were over States Oregon and Colorado, plus they played a second-division team.  But the schedule laid out in such a way where all the easy teams were grouped together and all the hard teams were grouped together.  The victory over the Boilermakers finished a run of four cupcake games, and the U. won all four.  In that sense, they have established, again, a level of mastery over the truly awful teams in the Big Ten.  In such a hyper-competitive league where the program's glory days were a half-century ago, that's not the worst thing in the world.

However, the rubber meets the road for the last three games.  First up is a road game Saturday night against a resurgent Nebraska team.  Now we will see how good this team really is.

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2).  Oh, man, I miss the rivalry games against North Dakota, the redneck school up in the boonies with the racist name.  The now-Fighting Hawks played the U. for the first time in a couple years for a pair of games at Mariucci Arena, and I hear it was festive and loud and, near the end of the second game Saturday night, antagonistic.  I wish I were there.

A win and a tie for the good guys.  Tommy Novak scored with an extra skater with 77 left in regulation to tie the game up at 5 Friday, where it stayed.  And on Saturday, Eric Schierhorn stopped all 33 NoDak shots to preserve a 2-0 win, including a Penalty Shot from the Hawks' Brock Boeser given with 40 seconds left in the game.

For their efforts, Novak was named B1G First Star Of The Week and Mike Szmatula Third Star Of The Week.  And the Gophers rose into the top 10 in the polls.  They have a week off before facing MSU-Mankato in a home-and-home.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0).  Don't want to downgrade the team's sweep at Maryland Sunday, but ... it's Maryland.  They've proven a lot, but there was nothing to prove from a nothing program like the Terrapins.  This weekend's back-to-back games in Illinois (Illinois Saturday night, Northwestern Sunday night) that'll end the road portion of their regular season -- now that might mean a little more.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -3).  Lost at Colorad 1-0 Saturday, but beat the Penguins in Pittsburgh last (Thursday) night 4-2.  They rode their top line to victory against the defending Stanley Cup champions.  That's all I have to say.  This week is very busy: At Philadelphia and Ottawa, then home to Calgary and Boston, the latter of which I will attend with my friend.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  I guess patience remains the name of the game with this team with extraordinary young talent.  Still, losing at Oklahoma City and Brooklyn and then blowing out Orlando is testing mine.  If Karl-Anthony Towns is so good now and Andrew Wiggins is flashing signs of brilliance, why aren't they winning more?  They play four games this screening week, all at home -- vs. the L.A. squads this weekend, then Charlotte Tuesday and Philadelphia Thursday.

#-Infinity: Vikings (Last Week: -5).  Holy fuck ... now this team is in collapse.

First of all, don't single out Blair Walsh just because he missed an Extra Point.  Again.  Sure, if he would have made it in that game last week versus Detroit the Lions would have had to drive all the way to the end zone in order to win the game.  But from what I saw of that game (and admittedly I was busy getting a car stuck at a security checkpoint) that defense wasn't going to stop Matthew Stafford from throwing a Touchdown.  Getting into Field Goal distance in a matter of 20 seconds and two plays was ample evidence of that.  And beyond that -- only 16 points?  The offensive line is still shit, and Sam Bradford has reverted to being the mediocre Quarterback he has been throughout his career.  (And the Vikings gave up their first-round pick next year for this guy!)

What I am saying is is that, like with the Twins, the ViQueens are in Total System Failure.  They looked like Super Bowl contenders three weeks ago; now, on a three-game losing streak and going into Washington, they now look like a team that'll miss the playoffs.  Fixing this shit?  This is on them.

CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still trying to process what the fuck happened Tuesday.  Let me try to list, in list form, all the factors that went into this historic upset:

• #WhiteLash/White Fear/White Rage/White Privilege
• A Democratic candidate a lot of people hated (although I think that's because people have been hammering her for things both true and false [mostly false] for 25 years)
• Voting supression (many states that voted for Trump enacted brand-new laws cutting down on early voting dates and voting places while adding identification requirements in order to vote)
• The power of celebrity -- "Hey, I just voted for a guy I saw on TV!"
• Thinking that people would be offended and would never vote for Trump when, yeah, some people actually liked Trump (1 in 3 Latino men voted for him; 1 in 3 Latino women voted for him; more white women voted for him than for her)
• Sexism

Still, when I see such an obviously and logically unqualified candidate get elected President, none of these answers suffice.  Seriously, what the fuck?!

From the exit polls (and maybe I shouldn't follow that because the polls thought Clinton would win), what I can gather is the main reason why ... you know, just why, is because they wanted a "change."  That was the biggest factor in their vote, and of those who believed that, they overwhelming went for Trump.  We didn't know about it because there is a segment of this country that wanted to vote for Trump but didn't want The Media to know they were voting for Trump because they hate The Media, and so they didn't tell the polls.  And then ... SURPRISE!!!

Change.  What does that mean?  Well, it might lead to some of the reasons above, but from what I can gather now, they just wanted ... "change."  Just change.  The concept of change.  Like, they were unhappy with their hair color so they went to the hair salon and went, "I think I want to be a blonde for now!"  Or they wanted to rearrange the furniture in the living room.  Like that's the kind of change they wanted, just in the job of President of the Fucking United States.

Do these fuckers understand what this job entails?  They seem to be so pissed off at ... something that they literally will prefer an ego-laced jackass in an empty suit to lead The Free World.  Clinton's more qualified and has spent 30 years in public service.  "Well, fuck that, I don't want her!  Throw her out!"  And just as important as defeating Clinton is to these dumb red-state motherfuckers is electing instead a lying, cheating, thieving son-of-a-bitch because ... he's not part of the establishment?!?!  What the hell has he done that makes these voters think he knows how to do the job?  There seems to be so much inchoate rage that they don't give a shit about how or even if Trump is qualified, they just want what was in there out.  What do they think that was?  They don't know, and they don't care.

My God there is some fucking stupid people in this country.