#-1: Wrestling (Last Week: -1). In an overall down week in Minnesota sports, the team that started the year at the bottom of this pile somehow leads it for the second week in a row. Nonetheless, its output this week is impressive: A pair of two-point wins on the road, both ranked, the second one against higher-ranked (then-#5) Ohio State. And congratulations to Gordon Bierschenk, who was named Big Ten Wrestler Of The Week for scoring nine points in his two matches. They get to go home and host Michigan and Northwestern -- piece of cake -- this weekend.
#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -8). I've got to say this: The Lady Gophs are ranked second in one poll and third in the other. Why is there a discrepancy? What could the difference between the two polls be? Why are there two polls? In women's college hockey? Hell, why is there more than one poll in any college sport? Ahem. Anyway, they kick ass at Mankato, sweeping the Lady Mavericks by a combined total of 16-5. What is not in dispute is that both polls have Wisconsin a unanimous #1, and they are coming here for a two-game series Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Minnesota could use a third identical Lamoureux sister.
#-3: Wild (Last Week: -3). The week started off shitty: A 3-1 loss at Edmonton where G Niklas Backstrom lost for the first time in 11 games against the Oilers ... and yet was pulled for the fourth straight time in Rexall Place. And yet Backstrom pulled out of it by holding on for a 4-3 OT win at Vancouver Saturday, then a 3-0 shutout at home against the Anaheim (No Longer Mighty) Ducks Wednesday. I still think he's too inconsistent to say he's our bonafide #1, so why not trade him to Washington? Also, Cal Clutterbuck continues to be a hitting machine and a productive rookie, thereby depriving us a good time to call him "Cal Clusterfuck." Witty, huh? They complete their four-game homestand this week, including a payback game against the Oil Sunday afternoon.
#-4: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -5). One of the corpses on Black Thursday, where every local team playing lost; these ladies got waylaid by Purdue. But then they come home and win a pair -- a too-tight one against Northwestern Sunday afternoon, and then they stifle Michigan State at the end of the second half Monday night and blow past the Lady Spartans. Do you remember when playing Penn State was a big deal? It's not after the Lady Lions' longtime coach was exposed for hating the dykes on her team. Anyway, they go there Thursday, then host Iowa Sunday afternoon.
#-5: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -6). You know, it's great to see that this team has enough talent to end long losing streaks, but the reality smacks up terribly against your wildest dreams. This week illustrates that perfectly. The Gophs ended a 20(!)-game losing streak to Illinois (a game I planned to watch but decided not to because a friend of mine got tickets to a touring beach volleyball exhibition -- hmmm, hot chicks in bikinis), and you think they have a shot to end a 19-game road losing streak to Michigan State. But then they don't score from the field the first six minutes of the game, trail by 26 at half, trail by as much as 35 in the second half and complete the season be-swept by a 29-point margin of defeat. They had a shot to move into a first-place tie with the Spartans; this biblical ass-kicking just shows how far away from national championship contender they are. Next week: at Ohio State, then hosting Indiana.
#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4). Yes, they are incapable: 1-3, capped off by a loss to an Atlanta team you'd think this version of the T-Wolves wouldn't lose to. Yeah, losing at home to the Lakers and at Boston shouldn't be surprising, but this? At least they beat Indiana on the road, who drafted Danny Granger the same year the Two Elves took Rashad McCants, who was benched a dozen games before coming in tonight against the Hawks. Was that a good choice, Mr. McHale? They play three leading up to next week's All-Star weekend, including an almost-disastrous back-to-back at Houston and New Orleans this weekend.
#-7: Swarm (Last Week: -7). They stay here because they had no games this past week. But they have a back-to-back this week? Why can't they just space it out and have one game a week, like football? Anyway, they start off on the road against divison leader (and undefeated) Calgary. I might attend Saturday's game against Colorado because all college students get a free seat at club level.
#-8: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2). What a fuckin' turd of a performance. The Gophers, who were ranked fifth, were swept for the first time ever by Minnesota State. Unranked Minnesota State. By a combined score of 9-3. Just saw highlights of one of those games -- turnover after turnover, breakaway after breakaway, defenders not where they're supposed to be. Man, they looked like shit. What the hell gives with this team? Do they not fucking care? I don't know what to think anymore. They host Wisconsin for a pair this weekend, and let's hope they grow a pair.
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