I like eating at work. It's free, so why not? But at this particular place I work at seasonally I have made it a ritual whereby I eat after I report, then eat after I'm done.
I shouldn't do that anyway, seeing that I'm only really working there six hours. These are big breakfasts and lunches, I tell you, and it would've been hard for me to lose all the pounds if this was me after college, let alone now.
Depending on what I ate the night before, there are some instances where, after the first breakfast or lunch, I would have to take a dump. But where I work there are no toilets where I feel secure to take a dump. It's an old place, and the shitters are nasty and the bathrooms are cold. Also, it's incredibly busy where I work, and so I won't have the privacy I want to defecate in a public place.
For some reason, though, yesterday was worse. The last thing I ate the night before was salad and soup, although I did have a beer as well. And it wasn't as if I helped myself to thirds. Just seconds, and that was only for the first lunch (not breakfast in this case). I didn't feel a raging bowel movement coming on, nor did I begin to fart these killer farts, the farts that could peel paint off the walls, the farts where people at the area where I work would just have to stop everything and go, "Goddamn, who farted?!" I didn't feel that gas, so I avoided major shame.
But it was when I finally got home after a long day at work where my excretory system finally undid its belt and let come what may -- actually, I did the same thing. My shit was anticipating its freedom right when I drove up to my driveway, so I walked like I was having a cramp all the way to the door. I burst in, threw off my shoes, and ran up to the bathroom, where I proceeded to spend the next 30-45 minutes voiding. It was fucking unreal. I wasn't shitting a lot, just plop-plop-plop, but I felt massive pangs coming from my intestines, like it was pounding the walls in order to escape. And I so I sat and pushed my feces out of my body, again and again and again. It was shitting by a thousand cuts.
And when I thought I was done, I'd get up, only for my body to tell me to sit back down again. And I shat some more. Then I got up and out of the bathroom, only to go back in about five minutes later. Again, it felt more bark than bite; my body tells me to squeeze more and more, yet when I look down there ain't nothing there. But I sat and sat and sat till the pain was gone.
And I look at my stomach and I'm still fat. Really, if I had as much bathroom time as I did last night I should be able to fit into my high school jeans again.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
I fill in to work for my parents whenever they're vacationing, as they usually do over holidays. All I do is stand at the front, read the newspapers I've been saving for weeks to read, and listen to my satellite radio. Oh, and help out my uncle with customers, of which there are several and only several, sadly.
Thing is, I feel bad that I'm not doing more. I don't exactly know what I could do at the store ... maybe clean up things, maybe tidy the shelves, I don't know. But just being a mouth-breather to prevent people from stealing our stuff is something we needed to do a decade ago, not now. Use me!
And yet ... I don't really want to do anything there except read my papers and listen to college football on the radio. And I've done it so long it'd be weird if I tried to do actual work. See, I want to help out the store because it is the engine that nourished this family and put me, my brother and my sister through college. It's worth maintaining. I just don't know if I have the strength to maintain it.
Thing is, I feel bad that I'm not doing more. I don't exactly know what I could do at the store ... maybe clean up things, maybe tidy the shelves, I don't know. But just being a mouth-breather to prevent people from stealing our stuff is something we needed to do a decade ago, not now. Use me!
And yet ... I don't really want to do anything there except read my papers and listen to college football on the radio. And I've done it so long it'd be weird if I tried to do actual work. See, I want to help out the store because it is the engine that nourished this family and put me, my brother and my sister through college. It's worth maintaining. I just don't know if I have the strength to maintain it.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Black Friday Fail
In my previous post I said I was dreading Black Friday -- and I was right. My day/night/afternoon didn't even have to see me get out of bed before it got off on the wrong foot.
I slept an hour before 4 in the morning. I'm usually up, but the two places I had to go open their doors at 5 and 6 a.m., just when I'm about to go to bed. And since I had to work that morning, I needed to get in as much pass-out time as I could. Which was an hour. And the alarm didn't wake me -- my Grandmother, Buddha bless her, did. She burst through my bedroom door. She had turned the hallway light on, so when she startled me awake, she looked like the Virgin Mary, scaring the shit out of me.
She said she thought I had already left. I didn't, and now I wish I hadn't agreed to do this for my parents. Closed my door again and just laid back in my bed, quietly stewing over what I was about to do and feeling so tired I wish I was dead. I only wanted to pity myself for a few minutes before I got up out of bed, but my Grandmother, ever vigilant, walked up to my closed door and said, "You've got to get up." To which I replied, "OK, Grandmother, I'll get up when I want to!!!"
I heard about Black Friday bringing out the worst in people, and I didn't have to be awake to prove it was true.
I rolled out at about 20 after, got to Target a half-hour before opening, a little later than I wanted to. Couldn't believe there were so many cars at 4:30 in the morning. Then I got to the parking lot and drove up to the line; it was long already. I had to drive past the line, then park and walk past the line, to appreciate how long it was. I estimate I was the 250th person in line. Longest line I've ever been in, even longer than the rides at Disneyland.
The kid who got in line just in front of me told me he was at Herberger's, which opened their stores at 3. He was fighting with a woman for a comforter and she hit him right across the face. I feared this: Black Friday violence. I remember the poor Wal-Mart worker who last year was trampled to death by these sick humans. Sick humans like this bitch who hit this poor kid. Sick humans ... like us. Like me. Fighting for cheap stuff you want with other people doesn't change a person; it reveals who that person really is.
(I didn't tell him, but when I saw the kid pulling ahead of me in the race for the end of the line, I thought, just for a second, "I have to cut in front of this fucker.")
Actually, he and the two people ahead of him were really nice -- comiserating on Black Friday horror stories, what Target will do, what we want to buy, etc. I was a dick; when one of them asked me what I was going to buy, I declined to tell her. I'm a dick. Talking with them killed time and made me forget it was in the twenties in the wee hours of the morning.
There was no trampling when the clock struck 5, thank Buddha. But I did start race-walking once I got inside. Target did a great job preparing us while we were queuing, giving us a reusable bag with a map of where to find their door-buster deals. And the corner is where the 32" LCD TV my parents want was.
I quickened my pace once I got to the hall where the TV's were. I saw carts with one, even two TV's. My parents wanted two TV's, and when I got there, I saw two TV's.
Is there a limit?
Is there a limit? ... No, there is no limit.
And then I heard someone behind me: "He can't take two TV's."
And here I was, at the Janus point. What was he going to do? Was I going to ignore him because it's every man for himself at Black Friday? And then I had a practical question: How the hell was I going to carry two flat-screens to the register without a cart? I really wanted to try, but in the end I decided I didn't want to get this stranger pissed at me to the point where he'd cold-cock me while I was dragging both TV's down the aisle and take both of mine. So I gave one of them up.
And then another guy, right behind him, with a cart, says, "Aw, I needed a TV."
Fuck, what do I have to not piss you people off? And I don't even fucking know either of you! And now My Fucking Mother will ask me why didn't I get two fucking TV's, and I'll have to lie to her, but she'll have none of it. Goddammit, if you want these TV's so fucking bad you'll endanger your life to some stranger you'd probably get along with under any other social interaction, go fucking do it yourself!!!
Anyway, bought the TV for $250. Sweet deal, but are Westinghouses good?
---
Had to go to Menards too. They opened at 6, about 45 minutes after I got done with Target. Fortunately or unfortunately, it was across the street from Target.
Should I go home and dump the TV? I didn't want anyone who didn't get a TV to stalk me all the way to Menards (in case they too were going there) and do some bad shit to me or my car. But I saw this line grow when there was none at 4:30. I couldn't do it in case the dozen items My Father wanted me to get for him were gone.
The line was shorter when I hopped in; about #125, I guesstimated. The guy behind me was thin, old with white hair, and wearing camo. For much of the 35 minutes we were in line he was kneeling and gazing off into the distance, as if he was hearing Custer's cavalry coming.
I really didn't think there would be a line for Menards. I mean, it's Menards, a hardware store. Why would anyone want to pour into a hardware store for stuff at 6? But I guess a deal's a deal. Which meant that this queue was more dangerous. Target customers are kids on their skateboards who want to buy Call Of Duty, or moms who want a new set of linens. Menards customers are men. Men and lesbians. The woman in front of me, the one I made very small talk by ragging on a car that was making a lot of shitty noises as it drove past us, had a really, really masculine voice. If we were fighting over a cordless drill, she would've poked my eyes out with her dick.
The line grew exponentially behind me. There was an edge to the parking lot that was fairly close to me, and the tail hit it soon after I lined up. Then a Menards employee came out and probably forced the line to snake somewhere around the corner to make more space. And yet the line grew further and further. Lines are long, but when it gets so long that it bends, that's when you go, "Damn, this is a long line!" Yes, I understand that a long that remains straight infinitely is by definition long. But when it reaches natural obstacles that in turn shape it, that means it's too long and has to be contained and controlled. Like this one had to be.
Menards was not proactive; there were no bags or directions to hot items. Moreover, Target did a clever job of forcing the beginning of the line to go behind this huge wall and an extended row of planters. Menards had set up several posts with crime scene tape, but it ended several dozen people ahead of me. That's important to note because, shortly before the doors opened, I noticed several people waiting at the front of the parking lot but not headed to the end of the line. No! They're going to cut in line!!
And they did once the clock hit six. Well, I vividly remember a couple of bitches going around the last stantion and joining us. They put their heads down as if hoping none of us would notice. But we all did, stupid. Only a few us catcalled them: "Hey! You cut in line! Go back to the end of the line! Be a grown-up!" I was not one of the catcallers. But in a different mood than the one I was at then, I could've.
This time I really needed a shopping cart. There was some pushing and shoving. When I saw those two cunts that cut in line grab a cart from an employee, another guy rushed right in and took it from them, saying something to the effect of, "You cut in line, you don't get this cart!" They got another one anyway. It made little difference, and yet I agree with the principle of what he did. Fairness, that's all. But in that ephemeral act of Black Friday Justice, I saw the dark side of me, a side I know I've shown to the world often, a side I was ready to wield as a weapon if provoked for something as little and as stupid as the last pair of fucking dark socks. There were so many goddamn people in the store, by God, that I could've been ten times as worse as those two rude women or that vindictive man. That anger, that acceptance of the use of force to get what I want, that is in me. That is me. And I hated seeing the monster side of me reflected in that little exchange.
Men don't want to ask for directions, yet they generally don't want to shop longer than they have to. Those two facts don't reconcile, and that's brought into sharp relief on Black Friday. You either are left alone to get your shit, or you get out as soon as you fucking can, but not both, not today. So I did what I think many of the guys (and lesbians) did; I just went up to the first worker I saw and asked him or her where this product is. Once I got that, I went up to another employee and asked where the next item in my shopping list is. I still couldn't get anywhere fast because of the crush of rabid consumers; hell, waiting in line to check out took about 40 minutes -- but I really would've gone postal if I didn't ask for directions. Maybe I should do that more often.
By the way, a nice young woman piling in line for one of the checkout registers handed me the box of plastic food containers, the last item on my Menards list. There can be civilization amid the chaos if you find it.
There were at least four lines leading to the checkout lanes. How can people shop at this place Black Friday morning? But everything went well, and no one tried to steal the knockoff Snuggies and puffer coats out of my cart while I wasn't looking.
Look, the first time I do anything I anticipate with loathing because I fear the unknown. Once I face all the bad things that could happen I feel prepared for the next time I do it. But not this. I got some great deals, but there's nothing, and I mean nothing, that would interest me so much that I feel I would have to line up early in the morning to buy it. And fend my way through other people -- and potential get into a fight with someone -- just so I could get my hands on some material goods.
I do this for my parents, but for no other reason. And they can clean up my room if one of these Black Fridays I wind up murdered by a guy who really wanted those $2 slippers for his wife.
I slept an hour before 4 in the morning. I'm usually up, but the two places I had to go open their doors at 5 and 6 a.m., just when I'm about to go to bed. And since I had to work that morning, I needed to get in as much pass-out time as I could. Which was an hour. And the alarm didn't wake me -- my Grandmother, Buddha bless her, did. She burst through my bedroom door. She had turned the hallway light on, so when she startled me awake, she looked like the Virgin Mary, scaring the shit out of me.
She said she thought I had already left. I didn't, and now I wish I hadn't agreed to do this for my parents. Closed my door again and just laid back in my bed, quietly stewing over what I was about to do and feeling so tired I wish I was dead. I only wanted to pity myself for a few minutes before I got up out of bed, but my Grandmother, ever vigilant, walked up to my closed door and said, "You've got to get up." To which I replied, "OK, Grandmother, I'll get up when I want to!!!"
I heard about Black Friday bringing out the worst in people, and I didn't have to be awake to prove it was true.
I rolled out at about 20 after, got to Target a half-hour before opening, a little later than I wanted to. Couldn't believe there were so many cars at 4:30 in the morning. Then I got to the parking lot and drove up to the line; it was long already. I had to drive past the line, then park and walk past the line, to appreciate how long it was. I estimate I was the 250th person in line. Longest line I've ever been in, even longer than the rides at Disneyland.
The kid who got in line just in front of me told me he was at Herberger's, which opened their stores at 3. He was fighting with a woman for a comforter and she hit him right across the face. I feared this: Black Friday violence. I remember the poor Wal-Mart worker who last year was trampled to death by these sick humans. Sick humans like this bitch who hit this poor kid. Sick humans ... like us. Like me. Fighting for cheap stuff you want with other people doesn't change a person; it reveals who that person really is.
(I didn't tell him, but when I saw the kid pulling ahead of me in the race for the end of the line, I thought, just for a second, "I have to cut in front of this fucker.")
Actually, he and the two people ahead of him were really nice -- comiserating on Black Friday horror stories, what Target will do, what we want to buy, etc. I was a dick; when one of them asked me what I was going to buy, I declined to tell her. I'm a dick. Talking with them killed time and made me forget it was in the twenties in the wee hours of the morning.
There was no trampling when the clock struck 5, thank Buddha. But I did start race-walking once I got inside. Target did a great job preparing us while we were queuing, giving us a reusable bag with a map of where to find their door-buster deals. And the corner is where the 32" LCD TV my parents want was.
I quickened my pace once I got to the hall where the TV's were. I saw carts with one, even two TV's. My parents wanted two TV's, and when I got there, I saw two TV's.
Is there a limit?
Is there a limit? ... No, there is no limit.
And then I heard someone behind me: "He can't take two TV's."
And here I was, at the Janus point. What was he going to do? Was I going to ignore him because it's every man for himself at Black Friday? And then I had a practical question: How the hell was I going to carry two flat-screens to the register without a cart? I really wanted to try, but in the end I decided I didn't want to get this stranger pissed at me to the point where he'd cold-cock me while I was dragging both TV's down the aisle and take both of mine. So I gave one of them up.
And then another guy, right behind him, with a cart, says, "Aw, I needed a TV."
Fuck, what do I have to not piss you people off? And I don't even fucking know either of you! And now My Fucking Mother will ask me why didn't I get two fucking TV's, and I'll have to lie to her, but she'll have none of it. Goddammit, if you want these TV's so fucking bad you'll endanger your life to some stranger you'd probably get along with under any other social interaction, go fucking do it yourself!!!
Anyway, bought the TV for $250. Sweet deal, but are Westinghouses good?
---
Had to go to Menards too. They opened at 6, about 45 minutes after I got done with Target. Fortunately or unfortunately, it was across the street from Target.
Should I go home and dump the TV? I didn't want anyone who didn't get a TV to stalk me all the way to Menards (in case they too were going there) and do some bad shit to me or my car. But I saw this line grow when there was none at 4:30. I couldn't do it in case the dozen items My Father wanted me to get for him were gone.
The line was shorter when I hopped in; about #125, I guesstimated. The guy behind me was thin, old with white hair, and wearing camo. For much of the 35 minutes we were in line he was kneeling and gazing off into the distance, as if he was hearing Custer's cavalry coming.
I really didn't think there would be a line for Menards. I mean, it's Menards, a hardware store. Why would anyone want to pour into a hardware store for stuff at 6? But I guess a deal's a deal. Which meant that this queue was more dangerous. Target customers are kids on their skateboards who want to buy Call Of Duty, or moms who want a new set of linens. Menards customers are men. Men and lesbians. The woman in front of me, the one I made very small talk by ragging on a car that was making a lot of shitty noises as it drove past us, had a really, really masculine voice. If we were fighting over a cordless drill, she would've poked my eyes out with her dick.
The line grew exponentially behind me. There was an edge to the parking lot that was fairly close to me, and the tail hit it soon after I lined up. Then a Menards employee came out and probably forced the line to snake somewhere around the corner to make more space. And yet the line grew further and further. Lines are long, but when it gets so long that it bends, that's when you go, "Damn, this is a long line!" Yes, I understand that a long that remains straight infinitely is by definition long. But when it reaches natural obstacles that in turn shape it, that means it's too long and has to be contained and controlled. Like this one had to be.
Menards was not proactive; there were no bags or directions to hot items. Moreover, Target did a clever job of forcing the beginning of the line to go behind this huge wall and an extended row of planters. Menards had set up several posts with crime scene tape, but it ended several dozen people ahead of me. That's important to note because, shortly before the doors opened, I noticed several people waiting at the front of the parking lot but not headed to the end of the line. No! They're going to cut in line!!
And they did once the clock hit six. Well, I vividly remember a couple of bitches going around the last stantion and joining us. They put their heads down as if hoping none of us would notice. But we all did, stupid. Only a few us catcalled them: "Hey! You cut in line! Go back to the end of the line! Be a grown-up!" I was not one of the catcallers. But in a different mood than the one I was at then, I could've.
This time I really needed a shopping cart. There was some pushing and shoving. When I saw those two cunts that cut in line grab a cart from an employee, another guy rushed right in and took it from them, saying something to the effect of, "You cut in line, you don't get this cart!" They got another one anyway. It made little difference, and yet I agree with the principle of what he did. Fairness, that's all. But in that ephemeral act of Black Friday Justice, I saw the dark side of me, a side I know I've shown to the world often, a side I was ready to wield as a weapon if provoked for something as little and as stupid as the last pair of fucking dark socks. There were so many goddamn people in the store, by God, that I could've been ten times as worse as those two rude women or that vindictive man. That anger, that acceptance of the use of force to get what I want, that is in me. That is me. And I hated seeing the monster side of me reflected in that little exchange.
Men don't want to ask for directions, yet they generally don't want to shop longer than they have to. Those two facts don't reconcile, and that's brought into sharp relief on Black Friday. You either are left alone to get your shit, or you get out as soon as you fucking can, but not both, not today. So I did what I think many of the guys (and lesbians) did; I just went up to the first worker I saw and asked him or her where this product is. Once I got that, I went up to another employee and asked where the next item in my shopping list is. I still couldn't get anywhere fast because of the crush of rabid consumers; hell, waiting in line to check out took about 40 minutes -- but I really would've gone postal if I didn't ask for directions. Maybe I should do that more often.
By the way, a nice young woman piling in line for one of the checkout registers handed me the box of plastic food containers, the last item on my Menards list. There can be civilization amid the chaos if you find it.
There were at least four lines leading to the checkout lanes. How can people shop at this place Black Friday morning? But everything went well, and no one tried to steal the knockoff Snuggies and puffer coats out of my cart while I wasn't looking.
Look, the first time I do anything I anticipate with loathing because I fear the unknown. Once I face all the bad things that could happen I feel prepared for the next time I do it. But not this. I got some great deals, but there's nothing, and I mean nothing, that would interest me so much that I feel I would have to line up early in the morning to buy it. And fend my way through other people -- and potential get into a fight with someone -- just so I could get my hands on some material goods.
I do this for my parents, but for no other reason. And they can clean up my room if one of these Black Fridays I wind up murdered by a guy who really wanted those $2 slippers for his wife.
Friday, November 27, 2009
I'm getting increasingly agitated by the thought that I have to wake up in about 90 minutes to drag myself to Target and Menards to buy stuff for my parents that I probably won't be able to get because people have already started camping out. And then I have to work for my parents at our work and I won't have any good sleep time so I'll be all cranky and shit. And after that I want to Black Friday shop for myself but I don't know if I should just say "fuck it" and go to sleep. Plus I have to see a friend for the Timberwolves game tonight.
Goddamn I'm already pissed off.
Goddamn I'm already pissed off.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#0: Vikings (Last Week: -1). In what many consider the team's most complete victory of the season, 35-9 over Seattle. It wasn't a full-throttle throttling from whistle to gun, nor was it like their wins over Cleveland and Detroit where they were slow coming out of the gate, made adjustments at halftime and finally pulled away in the second half. Somehow, through all the penalties and runs up the middle for little-to-no gain, they were able to pour it on the Seahawks in the second quarter. Favre, who threw touchdown passes to four different receivers, has yet to show signs of fatigue or recklessness. However, Sunday's game at home versus Chicago is Week 12, which statistics show is about the time he starts to fall apart.
#-1: Twins (Re-Entry!). They're here because Joe Mauer was named American League Most Valuable Player this week. He's only the second catcher since I was born (that's 33 years) to be AL MVP. For this, he will be handsomely rewarded with a long-term deal that'll pay him the moon -- and as well he should. The question becomes: Who will be sacrificed from the team in order to accomodate Mauer's new contract and fit under their budget guidelines? The real question should be: At what point does the greatest ambassador this franchise has ever known get undermined by the diminishing returns of a player who catches? The real follow-up question then should be: Can they convince Mauer to stop short of that point in the contract, or can the Twins let go of Mauer before they reach it?
#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!). Some people have criticized Tubby Smith's non-conference schedule as soft. It is, and it should thus be ridiculed. But at least they're winning. I neglected to put them in last week's WMNSS because I plain forgot, so I'll say that the Gophs had a 3-0 last two weeks ... even if the margins of victory were 37, 40 and 25. The continued suspensions of Royce White and Trevor Mbakwe have so far not been an obstacle. Having what is considered the deepest bench in the Big 10 helps. Of course, that doesn't mean they're the most talented -- think about that to Purdue, Michigan St., and Michigan. This week they face the toughest part of their non-con schedule by participating in a Thanksgiving weekend tournament, the 76 Classic. (Is this is a classic? Did it start in 1976? No; according to wikipedia, the 76 Classic started in 2007. So shouldn't it be called the 07 Classic? The 76 stands for the 76 gas station company. Pssh.) Anyway, they face Butler, number 12 in the AP poll this week, in the quarterfinals. If they're good enough to beat the Bulldogs, UCLA looms next.
#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3). A home sweep of Bemidji St. and they're still #2 in the poll (behind Mercyhurst -- where's Mercyhurst?). Congrats to Megan Bozek for being WCHA Rookie Of The Week. I put this team below the men's basketball team because 1) the women's hockey team has disappointed me before, and 2) they have taken a couple of dings while the men's cagers, even though it's early, hasn't even faced its conference schedule yet, so you can say there's hope. A huge test this week -- they host third-ranked Clarkson this weekend.
#-4: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2). I'm dreading -- dreading -- the moment this team loses to someone seeded below them. Getting their asses kicked at Michigan is understandable; it was Senior Day and the Wolverine are ranked 12th (although they passed the Gophs this week based in part on the win). Needing to come back from a two-set deficit at unranked Michigan St. is much more disconcerting. A comeback like that might show resiliency and the ability to adjust. I say that a team that has aspirations -- now dead -- that they could reach the Final Four shouldn't be fucking doing that at all. This team will be upset early for the second year in a row; I guarantee it. Naturally, I say the Gophs will lose at home to Illinois for Senior Night Saturday night; it'd be a perfect way to completely burn off any hope that this team can contend for a title. Oh, and they also host Northwestern Friday.
#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!). I also neglected to put this team in the last week's survey -- which would have accounted for their first loss of the year, at Utah on the 17th. Their schedule is somewhat of a turkey too -- home wins against Lamar, UI-Chicago, Colorado and North Dakota St. -- but it's a touch stronger than their Y-chromosome counterparts. It's not bad up here weather-wise in these parts, but I'm still kind of jealous this team has been invited to play in the Bahamas this Thanksgiving Weekend; they face TCU Friday morning in the Junkanoo(?) Jam; the winner of that game faces the winner of the Kansas-Xavier game for the championship Saturday.
#-6: Wild (Last Week: -6). Nothing of the suckitude of some past weeks, but they had to come back from deficits both games this week. They were able to win at home against the Islanders, but they pudded out in a shootout loss to Boston. I saw that Bruin loss Wednesday night; still not impressed. And I don't quite understand trading Benoit Pouliot to Montreal for this Left Winger named Guillaume Latendresse. Wild Coach Todd Richards says he wants the team to get faster. People say Latendresse isn't fast, and who says Pouliot isn't? He is one of a huge list of first-round draft failures under former General Manager Doug Risebrough, but I'm not actually certain he was given a chance to play to his full potential. However, I do like the fact that new GM Chuck Fletcher doesn't mind trading, something Risebrough approached as if it had the swine flu. This week: a home-and-home Black Friday and Saturday against the Bastard Quebec Nordiques, then hosting Nashville Wednesday.
#-7: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5). Seriously, what in the hell is going on here? I don't care if an overtime and a bad bounce cost them two one-goal games to hated UMD. You're playing at home. You're Minnesota. You shouldn't be 5-7-1. Lake Superior St. can be 5-7-1. Alaska-Anchorage would kill to be 5-7-1. The Gophs don't do this. They. Just. Don't. Fucking. Do. This. Ugh, I don't know what else to say. They're in the state of Michigan to face the Michigan and Michigan St. for the College Hockey Showcase.
#-8: Gopher football (Last Week: -4). Guess this was better than the 55-0 shit-kicking they were given by Iowa last year. Still, they haven't scored in two games against the Hawkeyes. 12-0? Numerically they had a chance to win this, but not having watched one second of this game I'm going to guess the offense was not going to score at all, despite the Gophs' defense doing everything it can to keep this team in the game. Great, this means a meaningless trip to Arizona again. Or Detroit. By the way, congratulations to Eric Decker for making First Team All-Big Ten. But the fact that he can be a first-teamer when he missed the last four games -- that's one-third of the season -- is more proof these awards are pure crap. Well, at least they're not the ...
#-9: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7). Just like the Gopher men's hockey team, I don't know what to say. Just look at the Woofie Dogs' schedule and at the long column of "L"'s at the bottom of the page. 0-3 for the week, 14 losses in a row, and if they continue that this week against games tomorrow versus Phoenix, Sunday at Denver, and Wednesday at home against Memphis, they will set a new record for most consecutive losses in franchise history. I'll be there to see the carnage against the Suns tomorrow because a friend of mine has free tickets.
#-1: Twins (Re-Entry!). They're here because Joe Mauer was named American League Most Valuable Player this week. He's only the second catcher since I was born (that's 33 years) to be AL MVP. For this, he will be handsomely rewarded with a long-term deal that'll pay him the moon -- and as well he should. The question becomes: Who will be sacrificed from the team in order to accomodate Mauer's new contract and fit under their budget guidelines? The real question should be: At what point does the greatest ambassador this franchise has ever known get undermined by the diminishing returns of a player who catches? The real follow-up question then should be: Can they convince Mauer to stop short of that point in the contract, or can the Twins let go of Mauer before they reach it?
#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!). Some people have criticized Tubby Smith's non-conference schedule as soft. It is, and it should thus be ridiculed. But at least they're winning. I neglected to put them in last week's WMNSS because I plain forgot, so I'll say that the Gophs had a 3-0 last two weeks ... even if the margins of victory were 37, 40 and 25. The continued suspensions of Royce White and Trevor Mbakwe have so far not been an obstacle. Having what is considered the deepest bench in the Big 10 helps. Of course, that doesn't mean they're the most talented -- think about that to Purdue, Michigan St., and Michigan. This week they face the toughest part of their non-con schedule by participating in a Thanksgiving weekend tournament, the 76 Classic. (Is this is a classic? Did it start in 1976? No; according to wikipedia, the 76 Classic started in 2007. So shouldn't it be called the 07 Classic? The 76 stands for the 76 gas station company. Pssh.) Anyway, they face Butler, number 12 in the AP poll this week, in the quarterfinals. If they're good enough to beat the Bulldogs, UCLA looms next.
#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3). A home sweep of Bemidji St. and they're still #2 in the poll (behind Mercyhurst -- where's Mercyhurst?). Congrats to Megan Bozek for being WCHA Rookie Of The Week. I put this team below the men's basketball team because 1) the women's hockey team has disappointed me before, and 2) they have taken a couple of dings while the men's cagers, even though it's early, hasn't even faced its conference schedule yet, so you can say there's hope. A huge test this week -- they host third-ranked Clarkson this weekend.
#-4: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2). I'm dreading -- dreading -- the moment this team loses to someone seeded below them. Getting their asses kicked at Michigan is understandable; it was Senior Day and the Wolverine are ranked 12th (although they passed the Gophs this week based in part on the win). Needing to come back from a two-set deficit at unranked Michigan St. is much more disconcerting. A comeback like that might show resiliency and the ability to adjust. I say that a team that has aspirations -- now dead -- that they could reach the Final Four shouldn't be fucking doing that at all. This team will be upset early for the second year in a row; I guarantee it. Naturally, I say the Gophs will lose at home to Illinois for Senior Night Saturday night; it'd be a perfect way to completely burn off any hope that this team can contend for a title. Oh, and they also host Northwestern Friday.
#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!). I also neglected to put this team in the last week's survey -- which would have accounted for their first loss of the year, at Utah on the 17th. Their schedule is somewhat of a turkey too -- home wins against Lamar, UI-Chicago, Colorado and North Dakota St. -- but it's a touch stronger than their Y-chromosome counterparts. It's not bad up here weather-wise in these parts, but I'm still kind of jealous this team has been invited to play in the Bahamas this Thanksgiving Weekend; they face TCU Friday morning in the Junkanoo(?) Jam; the winner of that game faces the winner of the Kansas-Xavier game for the championship Saturday.
#-6: Wild (Last Week: -6). Nothing of the suckitude of some past weeks, but they had to come back from deficits both games this week. They were able to win at home against the Islanders, but they pudded out in a shootout loss to Boston. I saw that Bruin loss Wednesday night; still not impressed. And I don't quite understand trading Benoit Pouliot to Montreal for this Left Winger named Guillaume Latendresse. Wild Coach Todd Richards says he wants the team to get faster. People say Latendresse isn't fast, and who says Pouliot isn't? He is one of a huge list of first-round draft failures under former General Manager Doug Risebrough, but I'm not actually certain he was given a chance to play to his full potential. However, I do like the fact that new GM Chuck Fletcher doesn't mind trading, something Risebrough approached as if it had the swine flu. This week: a home-and-home Black Friday and Saturday against the Bastard Quebec Nordiques, then hosting Nashville Wednesday.
#-7: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5). Seriously, what in the hell is going on here? I don't care if an overtime and a bad bounce cost them two one-goal games to hated UMD. You're playing at home. You're Minnesota. You shouldn't be 5-7-1. Lake Superior St. can be 5-7-1. Alaska-Anchorage would kill to be 5-7-1. The Gophs don't do this. They. Just. Don't. Fucking. Do. This. Ugh, I don't know what else to say. They're in the state of Michigan to face the Michigan and Michigan St. for the College Hockey Showcase.
#-8: Gopher football (Last Week: -4). Guess this was better than the 55-0 shit-kicking they were given by Iowa last year. Still, they haven't scored in two games against the Hawkeyes. 12-0? Numerically they had a chance to win this, but not having watched one second of this game I'm going to guess the offense was not going to score at all, despite the Gophs' defense doing everything it can to keep this team in the game. Great, this means a meaningless trip to Arizona again. Or Detroit. By the way, congratulations to Eric Decker for making First Team All-Big Ten. But the fact that he can be a first-teamer when he missed the last four games -- that's one-third of the season -- is more proof these awards are pure crap. Well, at least they're not the ...
#-9: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7). Just like the Gopher men's hockey team, I don't know what to say. Just look at the Woofie Dogs' schedule and at the long column of "L"'s at the bottom of the page. 0-3 for the week, 14 losses in a row, and if they continue that this week against games tomorrow versus Phoenix, Sunday at Denver, and Wednesday at home against Memphis, they will set a new record for most consecutive losses in franchise history. I'll be there to see the carnage against the Suns tomorrow because a friend of mine has free tickets.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
I Hate Holiday Traffic!
Day before Thanksgiving, the busiest travel day of the year, and my parents decide we leave later for the airport than I thought wise. And so we are stuck for the next half hour or more in bumper-to-bumper traffic. All I can think of now is me accelerating to the point where my transmission shifts gears, just before I have to slow down and re-shift my gears. That happened time after time after time; all I can think of now is, my transmission's fucked.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I Have To Talk About This Enterprise Commercial
Guess here is many people are just sick of the Enterprise commercials. I don't find them all that annoying; I remember when I was at college and I needed to rent a car because my friend was coming to town and, indeed, Enterprise came and picked me up. That's a nice touch.
I have a problem with this particular one, which has been in rotation for a year now, just because I've seen it so many times during college football games this season:
The girl's a cutie; check out her website. I just can't get over her now-obnoxious first line in the spot: "Red ... or black?"
It's supposed to be romantic, but knowing this is a commercial for a rental car, it's kind of creepy. Besides, if I were her husband, I'd answer: "Neither."
OK, I'm creepy too.
I have a problem with this particular one, which has been in rotation for a year now, just because I've seen it so many times during college football games this season:
The girl's a cutie; check out her website. I just can't get over her now-obnoxious first line in the spot: "Red ... or black?"
It's supposed to be romantic, but knowing this is a commercial for a rental car, it's kind of creepy. Besides, if I were her husband, I'd answer: "Neither."
OK, I'm creepy too.
Monday, November 23, 2009
"I Have My Dignity!"
Another true tale from San Francisco. It's taken me a long time to get around to telling it because it deserves some thought. It was weird, fucked-up, and racist, yet I still can't believe it happened.
We didn't want to deal with a rental car in Frisco, so we relied on public transit instead. The cable cars are a San Fran thing, and from our hotel we found it quite useful to get to everywhere we wanted to go (mainly Chinatown). But we needed to hit the Golden Gate Bridge our second and final day there. The cable cars don't go there, but the dingy ol' bus does, so we started on the two buses (and one transfer) to get to the bridge, hybridizing tourist goals with local transportation.
While waiting for the second bus in an area of the city that no tourists (besides the ones on their way to Golden Gate) see but probably is pointed out in guidebooks for people who want to "go beyond the usual, worn-out places" and "see authentic San Francisco and real San Franciscans" (forgive me for ripping off Zagat, although I think I use phrases that are longer and a little more informative), we ran into these two Chinese ladies. They were dressed better than we were, spoke Mandarin a mile a minute but had conversational English, and were also going to the bridge. One of them was quite; made small talk, but seemed to have a plan and didn't want to waste her time on too much small talk.
The other -- ugh, the other. They were both older (sixties I think?) but this one was not your stereotypically docile and easygoing senior. She seemed friendly at first, sitting down at the bus stop with me and asking me where we're from, etc. But then she started talking about herself, and then other things, and then I forget what specifically was the subject at hand because I started to get a little annoyed. But she kept talking like she'd be shot if she even took a breath.
I was relieved when she suddenly stood up because she was unsure that the stop and side of the street we were on was the spot where the bus that went to the Golden Gate Bridge would stop. I got away from her as quickly as possible and stood by my Mother. I was sort of close to holding her hand; I was that scared.
But this idiot really outdid herself. I look back to the shelter where we were sitting at and she's getting in the face of this townie. He was trying to be nice, but she was saying things repeatedly, like "I know-I know" and "yeah-yeah-yeah." Those are the exact words, spoken in the exact way, that My Fucking Father uses when talking (down) to me, and that is a button that is permanently depressed for me, resulting in so much vitriolic insanity spewing from out of me because of the condescending, dismissive attitude those words signify to me. And she wasn't just being obnoxious; she was touching his shoulder and poking his chest, and it looked like she was getting in his way.
Either he got sick of this physical accosting or having everything he says in order to try and help this obnoxious bitch be ignored by her and her "yeah-yeahs" or "I know-I knows," but he just started yelling at her. He went around her corporeal blockade and pointed to the electronic sign showing that the bus to Golden Gate was coming in several minutes. And then -- and I can't fuckin' believe she said this -- she said something to the effect of, "You're rude."
And that's when he finally lost it, and lost me. "Why can't you Asians go back to where you belong? (At this point, I'm paraphrasing everything he said. I might be making whole phrases up. But this guy was a racist asshole, believe me.) You come to our city and you can't even figure out how to get around this place?!"
Then Annoying Mandarin Bitch says, "You're not nice!"
Him, after some other stuff that would make sense in a segue to this: "Then we should all vote and get [San Francisco mayor] Gavin Newsome outta here!"
And that's when I had to point out what a wingnut he sounds like: "We don't live here. If you don't want to help, don't!"
That's when he said something that I couldn't help but internally laugh at: "I want to help. If someone asks me for help, I give it. I'm a nice person. I have my dignity!!!"
After that he went on his way. I should've taken out my digital camera and shot something more rare than a sighting of Bigfoot: A Republican in San Francisco.
Mother and I also went on our away -- the fuck away from this rude, personal space-invading moron before she got us into more fucking trouble. And yet, with a bus ride and subsequent walk on the fogged-in Golden Gate, she and her friend glommed onto us until they decided they didn't want to walk across a bridge that couldn't see any longer. Thank bleepin' Buddha.
We didn't want to deal with a rental car in Frisco, so we relied on public transit instead. The cable cars are a San Fran thing, and from our hotel we found it quite useful to get to everywhere we wanted to go (mainly Chinatown). But we needed to hit the Golden Gate Bridge our second and final day there. The cable cars don't go there, but the dingy ol' bus does, so we started on the two buses (and one transfer) to get to the bridge, hybridizing tourist goals with local transportation.
While waiting for the second bus in an area of the city that no tourists (besides the ones on their way to Golden Gate) see but probably is pointed out in guidebooks for people who want to "go beyond the usual, worn-out places" and "see authentic San Francisco and real San Franciscans" (forgive me for ripping off Zagat, although I think I use phrases that are longer and a little more informative), we ran into these two Chinese ladies. They were dressed better than we were, spoke Mandarin a mile a minute but had conversational English, and were also going to the bridge. One of them was quite; made small talk, but seemed to have a plan and didn't want to waste her time on too much small talk.
The other -- ugh, the other. They were both older (sixties I think?) but this one was not your stereotypically docile and easygoing senior. She seemed friendly at first, sitting down at the bus stop with me and asking me where we're from, etc. But then she started talking about herself, and then other things, and then I forget what specifically was the subject at hand because I started to get a little annoyed. But she kept talking like she'd be shot if she even took a breath.
I was relieved when she suddenly stood up because she was unsure that the stop and side of the street we were on was the spot where the bus that went to the Golden Gate Bridge would stop. I got away from her as quickly as possible and stood by my Mother. I was sort of close to holding her hand; I was that scared.
But this idiot really outdid herself. I look back to the shelter where we were sitting at and she's getting in the face of this townie. He was trying to be nice, but she was saying things repeatedly, like "I know-I know" and "yeah-yeah-yeah." Those are the exact words, spoken in the exact way, that My Fucking Father uses when talking (down) to me, and that is a button that is permanently depressed for me, resulting in so much vitriolic insanity spewing from out of me because of the condescending, dismissive attitude those words signify to me. And she wasn't just being obnoxious; she was touching his shoulder and poking his chest, and it looked like she was getting in his way.
Either he got sick of this physical accosting or having everything he says in order to try and help this obnoxious bitch be ignored by her and her "yeah-yeahs" or "I know-I knows," but he just started yelling at her. He went around her corporeal blockade and pointed to the electronic sign showing that the bus to Golden Gate was coming in several minutes. And then -- and I can't fuckin' believe she said this -- she said something to the effect of, "You're rude."
And that's when he finally lost it, and lost me. "Why can't you Asians go back to where you belong? (At this point, I'm paraphrasing everything he said. I might be making whole phrases up. But this guy was a racist asshole, believe me.) You come to our city and you can't even figure out how to get around this place?!"
Then Annoying Mandarin Bitch says, "You're not nice!"
Him, after some other stuff that would make sense in a segue to this: "Then we should all vote and get [San Francisco mayor] Gavin Newsome outta here!"
And that's when I had to point out what a wingnut he sounds like: "We don't live here. If you don't want to help, don't!"
That's when he said something that I couldn't help but internally laugh at: "I want to help. If someone asks me for help, I give it. I'm a nice person. I have my dignity!!!"
After that he went on his way. I should've taken out my digital camera and shot something more rare than a sighting of Bigfoot: A Republican in San Francisco.
Mother and I also went on our away -- the fuck away from this rude, personal space-invading moron before she got us into more fucking trouble. And yet, with a bus ride and subsequent walk on the fogged-in Golden Gate, she and her friend glommed onto us until they decided they didn't want to walk across a bridge that couldn't see any longer. Thank bleepin' Buddha.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
If You're Reading This, Thanks For The Party Tonight!
You know who you are.
Oh, and what I promised to you, and you know who you are, about I'd write about tonight, I'll do that tomorrow, or some other day. I'm tired, I have to do other things, and like I told you already, I have to get up early to work.
Oh, and what I promised to you, and you know who you are, about I'd write about tonight, I'll do that tomorrow, or some other day. I'm tired, I have to do other things, and like I told you already, I have to get up early to work.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I estimated that it would been around 1:30 when the rebroadcast of today's Oprah show would get to the end segment where she would officially announce the death date of her program. I wanted to see it, in its entirety, because it's a culturally signifcant moment.
It was getting to 1:30 as I was driving home. I wanted to see it, and yet I wanted to stay out. Did I have enough time? It was about 1:26 when I passed by my usual right to get to home. But I'm hungry, and they have a TV there, and I brought my bag and laptop with me, so it'd take me some time to lug all that shit into my room, and then I'd be late. Excuses, excuses. I prayed that I'd make it in time, and I passed the street.
I rush in and, unfortunately, see people in the dining room looking at CNN. I'm enough of a regular at this restaurant that I can just grab a remote from another regular's table and flip it to the local CBS station ... where Oprah was in the middle of her teary explanation for setting an end date for her show. Plus the waitress took my order, and those other people were talking loudly, in the middle of her speech.
I should've went home. I would've made it.
It was getting to 1:30 as I was driving home. I wanted to see it, and yet I wanted to stay out. Did I have enough time? It was about 1:26 when I passed by my usual right to get to home. But I'm hungry, and they have a TV there, and I brought my bag and laptop with me, so it'd take me some time to lug all that shit into my room, and then I'd be late. Excuses, excuses. I prayed that I'd make it in time, and I passed the street.
I rush in and, unfortunately, see people in the dining room looking at CNN. I'm enough of a regular at this restaurant that I can just grab a remote from another regular's table and flip it to the local CBS station ... where Oprah was in the middle of her teary explanation for setting an end date for her show. Plus the waitress took my order, and those other people were talking loudly, in the middle of her speech.
I should've went home. I would've made it.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Is she mad at me? I just wanted to drop by and tell her I probably won't make it to her party. Is she mad at me? Is it because I told her I couldn't make it and she doesn't have any use for me? Is she upset that I pull my dick out in front of her? Or is it because ... she knows I write about her here? Why be so cold? I thought we had an understanding. I mean, if you hated me biting tit and showing dick, you wouldn't invite me or even talk to me anymore. I ... I love you.
Is she mad at me?
Is she mad at me?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -1). A very herky-jerky, momentumless win over Detroit, but they managed to pull away at the end, and being 8-1 is all that really matters. Brett Favre is still playing like he's the lead dog, but it was nice to see Adrian Peterson get two touchdowns. The A.D. that had his for-sure breakaway TD broken up in a very smart punchaway by Philip Buchanon is the one I don't like. I'll leave the Vikes in negative territory for now because of an epiphany I have: All teams can change from good to bad or vice versa in the middle of a season, but right now the last five games of the year (at Arizona, vs. Cinicnnati, at Carolina, at Chicago, vs. the Giants) is shaping up to be the toughest stretch of the schedule. The could run the table; they could also go 0-5 and lose a bye. But all that is after their long three-game homestand, the middle of which is this Sunday against woeful and lost Seattle.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2). Two sweeps last weekend; they tore through an easy part of the schedule and are winners of their last four. That has mostly helped erase the losses to the prime competition this year. With two weekends left in regular season play (the Big 10 does not have a conference tournament, thank God), we can start looking at where they're going to be ranked. If the AVCA poll is any indication, a ranking of 12 equals a 3-seed. But for some reason I believe they will lose one of their final four games and slip a line to become a 4-seed. The game they're most likely to lose is their next one: at Michigan Friday night. (They go to Michigan St. on Saturday.)
#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!). I am so sorry to have misread the Gophs' schedule; I thought they were playing MSU-Mankato the weekend of Nov. 7-8 when they actually had that weekend off and were playing the Mavericks this past weekend. Mio malo. Anyway, they escaped southeastern Minnesota with two wins, although the Saturday game went to a shootout to break a 1-all tie. Defenseman Anne Schleper basically carried the team to its two wins: She scored the game-winner in Friday's 4-1 win and was the only Gopher to score Saturday afternoon, both in regulation and in the shootout. (When did games in women's college hockey break ties with shootouts? How long has that been in place?) For that, Schleper has been named WCHA Defensive Player Of The Week. Do they have a bye this week? No -- OK, they host Bemidji St. for a pair.
#-4: Gopher football (Last Week: -7). Hey, a win's a win, even if it's a shitty cheap one over a non-top-flight school like South Dakota St. But I heard it described on talk radio as The Most Embarrassing Victory In Gopher Football History, and I can't disagree. The Gophers' Offense didn't get into the end zone, they got their game-winning field goal off a fumble, and the Jackrabbits missed two FG's that otherwise would've given the Gophs a second loss to a second-level football team in three years. Quarterback Adam Weber still looks confused back there. And the defense didn't so much keep the team in the game as they were just bystanders between two offenses that really didn't want to play. They're bowl-eligible now, but what's a fucking bowl? All of this means that the rumblings that some people want Head Coach Tim Brewster fired after this season will not die down, and it certainly will grow because the last game of the season will be at Iowa Saturday.
#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5). I was at Saturday's 4-1 win against Bemidji St. If you've never been to a college game, go. They don't have the best talent like the pros do, but you get to see young men and women who aren't getting paid play their hearts out because that's what they do in exchange for free-ride scholarships. Best of all, you get to see them for prices much cheaper than those for professional sports. I got mine through a scalper for $15; turns out I was sitting next to the season-ticket holder who sold it to them -- and I was sitting in the front row right behind the Gophers bench. I've never been that close to any game, let alone a men's college hockey one. You can't get that lucky in snagging that great of a seat for so little in a pro game. You just can't.
Anyway, they looked great and disciplined in giving the Beavers their first loss of the season. Then they played sloppy and stupidly in Sunday night's 6-2 loss. That was Bemidji St.'s first-ever win over "powerhouse" Minnesota, a team they will face regularly starting next year, when the Beavers leave the soon-to-be-defunct CHA for the WCHA. One fun fact I gleaned from riffling through the program; only one Bemidji St. player has been drafted by a team in the NHL; all but five players on the Gophers have rights held by an NHL team. And yet they still get tripled by Bemidji fucking St.? This week: at home versus UMD.
#-6: Wild (Last Week: -3). Wow, what a surpisingly shitty week! A total 0-4 failure for the week, even if two of those losses came in the shootout. Just when it seemed like they were stabilizing, they have to churn out this turd of a week. They say you can't really judge a team until a quarter of the way through the season. Well, they've played 21 games, and their 7-12-2 record portends yet another postseason staying at home for the Wild. I don't know what the problem is, but maybe some home cooking will knock some sense into them. Wednesday's loss to the Bastard Winnipeg Jets was the first of four straight home games; they continue that homestand playing the Islanders and Boston this week.
#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -8). They're down at the bottom this week -- again -- because I at least believe the Wild care and think they think they can win every single game they play. (Although I might think that because it's hockey.) The Timberwolves have punted this season; Kurt Rambis's installation of the Triangle Offense saw to that. Nevertheless, a disgraceful 0-3 week meant they have lost 11 in a row after winning the opener against New Jersey. But the worst kick in the balls? The Power Rankings of ESPN's John Hollinger rank the Woofie Dogs dead last -- even worse than winless New Jersey, which comes in at 29th. At Portland, at the Clippers and home to Denver this week. We could be staring at 1-14 this time next week.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2). Two sweeps last weekend; they tore through an easy part of the schedule and are winners of their last four. That has mostly helped erase the losses to the prime competition this year. With two weekends left in regular season play (the Big 10 does not have a conference tournament, thank God), we can start looking at where they're going to be ranked. If the AVCA poll is any indication, a ranking of 12 equals a 3-seed. But for some reason I believe they will lose one of their final four games and slip a line to become a 4-seed. The game they're most likely to lose is their next one: at Michigan Friday night. (They go to Michigan St. on Saturday.)
#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!). I am so sorry to have misread the Gophs' schedule; I thought they were playing MSU-Mankato the weekend of Nov. 7-8 when they actually had that weekend off and were playing the Mavericks this past weekend. Mio malo. Anyway, they escaped southeastern Minnesota with two wins, although the Saturday game went to a shootout to break a 1-all tie. Defenseman Anne Schleper basically carried the team to its two wins: She scored the game-winner in Friday's 4-1 win and was the only Gopher to score Saturday afternoon, both in regulation and in the shootout. (When did games in women's college hockey break ties with shootouts? How long has that been in place?) For that, Schleper has been named WCHA Defensive Player Of The Week. Do they have a bye this week? No -- OK, they host Bemidji St. for a pair.
#-4: Gopher football (Last Week: -7). Hey, a win's a win, even if it's a shitty cheap one over a non-top-flight school like South Dakota St. But I heard it described on talk radio as The Most Embarrassing Victory In Gopher Football History, and I can't disagree. The Gophers' Offense didn't get into the end zone, they got their game-winning field goal off a fumble, and the Jackrabbits missed two FG's that otherwise would've given the Gophs a second loss to a second-level football team in three years. Quarterback Adam Weber still looks confused back there. And the defense didn't so much keep the team in the game as they were just bystanders between two offenses that really didn't want to play. They're bowl-eligible now, but what's a fucking bowl? All of this means that the rumblings that some people want Head Coach Tim Brewster fired after this season will not die down, and it certainly will grow because the last game of the season will be at Iowa Saturday.
#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5). I was at Saturday's 4-1 win against Bemidji St. If you've never been to a college game, go. They don't have the best talent like the pros do, but you get to see young men and women who aren't getting paid play their hearts out because that's what they do in exchange for free-ride scholarships. Best of all, you get to see them for prices much cheaper than those for professional sports. I got mine through a scalper for $15; turns out I was sitting next to the season-ticket holder who sold it to them -- and I was sitting in the front row right behind the Gophers bench. I've never been that close to any game, let alone a men's college hockey one. You can't get that lucky in snagging that great of a seat for so little in a pro game. You just can't.
Anyway, they looked great and disciplined in giving the Beavers their first loss of the season. Then they played sloppy and stupidly in Sunday night's 6-2 loss. That was Bemidji St.'s first-ever win over "powerhouse" Minnesota, a team they will face regularly starting next year, when the Beavers leave the soon-to-be-defunct CHA for the WCHA. One fun fact I gleaned from riffling through the program; only one Bemidji St. player has been drafted by a team in the NHL; all but five players on the Gophers have rights held by an NHL team. And yet they still get tripled by Bemidji fucking St.? This week: at home versus UMD.
#-6: Wild (Last Week: -3). Wow, what a surpisingly shitty week! A total 0-4 failure for the week, even if two of those losses came in the shootout. Just when it seemed like they were stabilizing, they have to churn out this turd of a week. They say you can't really judge a team until a quarter of the way through the season. Well, they've played 21 games, and their 7-12-2 record portends yet another postseason staying at home for the Wild. I don't know what the problem is, but maybe some home cooking will knock some sense into them. Wednesday's loss to the Bastard Winnipeg Jets was the first of four straight home games; they continue that homestand playing the Islanders and Boston this week.
#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -8). They're down at the bottom this week -- again -- because I at least believe the Wild care and think they think they can win every single game they play. (Although I might think that because it's hockey.) The Timberwolves have punted this season; Kurt Rambis's installation of the Triangle Offense saw to that. Nevertheless, a disgraceful 0-3 week meant they have lost 11 in a row after winning the opener against New Jersey. But the worst kick in the balls? The Power Rankings of ESPN's John Hollinger rank the Woofie Dogs dead last -- even worse than winless New Jersey, which comes in at 29th. At Portland, at the Clippers and home to Denver this week. We could be staring at 1-14 this time next week.
Outed!
I thought my parents finally getting their own Internet service at work was going to make my life easier. ...
We finally pulled the trigger on getting wireless Internet at the store. I even went out to with Mother's laptop this afternoon to test it out; they decided to order it on the spot.
But after dinner, just when I thought everything was copascetic, Mother started rooting around my sister's room. My mom asked me about my sister's old laptop, but I didn't think anything of it. But My Fucking Father wanted her to use that laptop for herself while he got another one, and Mother was trying to look for my sister's laptop. And then she wanted to find all the parts and accessories that went with it -- the tote bag, the battery, etc.
I keep my laptop in my sister's room, and although I stupidly left it out once for my mom to see, she hadn't talked about it to me, which meant it's been about a year that I've had this without the 'Rents knowing it. But despite me finding a bag that fit the laptop even though they were different brands, My Fucking Mother finally popped the question that I wanted to avoid forever:
"What's that laptop that I found in your sister's room?"
I sooner wish if she asked me if I was gay. In particular I noticed My Fucking Father, who was washing the dishes, look at me. He knew what was up.
No use hiding anymore. So after she asked the question, I marched loudly into my sister's room grabbed the bag with my laptop, marched back outside to the dining room so My Fucking Father could see, and said loudly without shouting, "THIS IS MY COMPUTER!!!"
I didn't want to be a bitch about it, but I knew that this was going to be the excuse for more drama. For his part, Father only said he wanted me to get some medicine for him tomorrow. I think this is setting up for a time when I think everything's OK and he's going to use some perceived slight to bring up the laptop and my use of it overnight, to which I will deny and fail, and then one night at around 3 in the morning he's going to barge through my sister's door and confront me, and hopefully that'll be a night I have the guts to punch him in the face and tell him that I pay for the phone and Internet service, so I can be on the Internet whenever the fuck I want.
I'll keep y'all posted.
We finally pulled the trigger on getting wireless Internet at the store. I even went out to with Mother's laptop this afternoon to test it out; they decided to order it on the spot.
But after dinner, just when I thought everything was copascetic, Mother started rooting around my sister's room. My mom asked me about my sister's old laptop, but I didn't think anything of it. But My Fucking Father wanted her to use that laptop for herself while he got another one, and Mother was trying to look for my sister's laptop. And then she wanted to find all the parts and accessories that went with it -- the tote bag, the battery, etc.
I keep my laptop in my sister's room, and although I stupidly left it out once for my mom to see, she hadn't talked about it to me, which meant it's been about a year that I've had this without the 'Rents knowing it. But despite me finding a bag that fit the laptop even though they were different brands, My Fucking Mother finally popped the question that I wanted to avoid forever:
"What's that laptop that I found in your sister's room?"
I sooner wish if she asked me if I was gay. In particular I noticed My Fucking Father, who was washing the dishes, look at me. He knew what was up.
No use hiding anymore. So after she asked the question, I marched loudly into my sister's room grabbed the bag with my laptop, marched back outside to the dining room so My Fucking Father could see, and said loudly without shouting, "THIS IS MY COMPUTER!!!"
I didn't want to be a bitch about it, but I knew that this was going to be the excuse for more drama. For his part, Father only said he wanted me to get some medicine for him tomorrow. I think this is setting up for a time when I think everything's OK and he's going to use some perceived slight to bring up the laptop and my use of it overnight, to which I will deny and fail, and then one night at around 3 in the morning he's going to barge through my sister's door and confront me, and hopefully that'll be a night I have the guts to punch him in the face and tell him that I pay for the phone and Internet service, so I can be on the Internet whenever the fuck I want.
I'll keep y'all posted.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
So I'm at the library. I want to use my laptop at the very far corner of the "study/quiet" room because I need to turn on my laptop then, because it's running on Windows Vista, take 15 minutes to get onto my Parents' e-mail, activate something, then run outside and call my Mother to tell her that I activated it (I'm in a library, so I can't use the phone inside). I really, really, really want to use this particular seat, and I wait because the guy at that chair is ready to leave. So I wait.
Then I see this stupid motherfucker walk into the room and, exactly as the guy I'm waiting for picks up his stuff and leaves, he swoops in to take the chair I'm waiting for without breaking stride or even looking around. I don't get care if it's a public library, that goddamn chair was mine, you fucking asshole!!!
Douchenozzle looked at me while he was sitting down, but it was too late by then. I had to get going, so I now have the seat closest to the door, all obtrusive and shit.
I couldn't shoot him a look or put my hands on my hips to indicate how pissed off at him I was. The only thing I could muster was giving him the finger on my way to the bathroom.
Then I see this stupid motherfucker walk into the room and, exactly as the guy I'm waiting for picks up his stuff and leaves, he swoops in to take the chair I'm waiting for without breaking stride or even looking around. I don't get care if it's a public library, that goddamn chair was mine, you fucking asshole!!!
Douchenozzle looked at me while he was sitting down, but it was too late by then. I had to get going, so I now have the seat closest to the door, all obtrusive and shit.
I couldn't shoot him a look or put my hands on my hips to indicate how pissed off at him I was. The only thing I could muster was giving him the finger on my way to the bathroom.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Justine, Summer, Jasmine And Diamond
There's been enough time for me to be comfortable to finally talk about the week where I showed my dick to four strippers!!!
Went to downtown and I hooked up as soon as possible with Justine. She's usually pretty fast when it comes to going to the back and wankin', but today our small talk veered in a different direction. I told her about my job as a PCA, and then she asked about how to become one because she's worried for her mom. I was all prepared to give her as much info as possible on it, but she wanted to go to the beds for our "dances." That knocked me for a loop; either I want to get down and dirty, or I sit down with you and have a focused, informational conversation on what you need to know. To do both, especially in a strip club, is melding things that God separated for a reason, like chocolate and eggs.
But I did my best because I didn't take a bus 45 minutes downtown to just talk about being a PCA. So while I was plying Justine for more questions, I took my pants off and showed her my pee-pee, as usual. That always turns me on; so does her saying, "Put that away!" But it wasn't the same. I was knocked off stride by her asking, like, real questions about a topic that I would want to discuss with my clothes on. Moreover, since there were a lot of dancers working that day (extremely rare for a Monday), she was coy when jacking me -- cheating her body towards the wall, getting her hips up very close to mine so there was no daylight on my dick, gripping and stroking in intermittent bursts. I have to admit, she's like that a lot. The one time she just opened up my pants and took me into her hands was pure heaven. But here, in this awkward situation made even more awkward by some serious questions about her old mom, combined to make this interaction less than, um, happy. I didn't even have blue balls. It was great to see her, but I wasn't even aroused by her, no matter what she did.
After she got back on stage, she voiced her displeasure at the fact that I didn't tip her. Even though what she did quaifies as an extras, Justine didn't make me shoot, like she's done a few times before. I thought I had established the pay system: straight-up $90 for the three bed dances, and if makes me squirt, I give her another ten:
Ah, so you didn't tip me because you didn't cum?
Yeah.
Oh, OK.
She seemed surprised. But she's touched me every single time we've seen each other. How can she forget how much money I've given her depending on what else I gave to her? Sometimes I think I should make it up to her the next time I go. Right now, though, I have to draw the line. Yeah, she's not supposed to even stroke me cock, but she's never been busted, and for encounters that didn't result in either of us using the wetnaps I always bring, it's the standard $90.
She hugged me when I left. I hope she meant it, because right now she's the hottest girl willing to sexually pleasure me on a regular basis.
---
The club I usually go to doesn't usually have ripoff bitches. But this day, the same day with Justine, there were about six girls there total. Sometimes it's just Justine. One of them was Summer, a hellcat who approached me as soon as I walked in the door. She seemed like a floozy -- aggressive attitude, big fake tits, promises of a real good time. I don't remember why I agreed to a lapdance at the benches -- either I really wanted to see how naughty she was going to be or I wanted to get her off my back.
She was cooing and talking dirty to me right into my ear. I would be more receptive to that if I didn't believe that talk was as fake as her tits. I didn't really care what she thought of me, so just for shits and giggles -- and in a Hail Mary-like move to see if she really doesn't mind putting out -- I exposed myself as she going reverse cowgirl on my lap, facing away from me. Thankfully she felt it and turned around to see my half-erect penis in all its beautiful glory. And Summer asked me to put it away; these couches are a little more exposed to the mainroom than the beds, and it's a lot cheaper, so the possibility the girl you choose will provide extras is lower.
Summer tried to upsell me, implying she would touch my organ in there. I wasn't down for that, so I gave her only $20 for the 2-for-1.
She did let me get under her undies and feel her pussy, though.
---
I've built enough trust equity at the other strip bar I frequent that a while ago some of the dancers invited me to a house party. I have to pay cover, but the girls that work there promise better lapdances.
For the second time I went to one of these parties, only this time it was a different place. Better than the first one because it's bigger and therefore a bit more secluded in the private areas. Also for the second time I got to get "dances" from Jasmine, who strips only at these parties because they don't allow her to do that at the bar (although she now bartends). She's, uh, big-boned, but I love that her tip dances at the bar went farther than all other dancers. That hooks me all the time, so when she invited me to one of these house parties, I practically waited outside the place so I can be first.
I wonder if I was the first guy to whip it out to her that night. We were in what looked like a walk-in closet with a mosquito net for a curtain. I did what I usually do when I whipped it out: I started taking out all my valuables out of my pants, then take my dick out of my pants, then turn around and surprise her with it. She told me to put it away, like she did for the dance at the first house party I went to, but I was relentless. Last time I didn't take no for an answer; after we were finished I whipped it out again, and after some pleading, she yanked me several times, hard, real quick. Ah! It was heaven! Did it again this time and Jasmine wanked me again this time, although I had to beg and say I'd tip her. You know, I just can't get enough of chasin' this chubby, but I don't want her to be so blatantly money-grubbing when it comes to manually masturbating me. Especially when there are other girls who won't kill the mood by making me say that ...
---
... girls like the last one, Diamond. Hadn't talked to her much at the same club Jasmine works at, but she was at the last party and I saw her openly tugging at her regular's jeans around his groin in front of everybody. Wow, she must be someone who doesn't mind playing. But a couple days before this party I got a tip dance from her and she said she didn't do extras, although she's from St. Louis. The stripclubs of East St. Louis are notorious, period. I couldn't believe she was clean.
After being disposed of by Jasmine, Diamond sat on my lap. Turns out this place was her apartment, and this party was a way of making some money for herself since she's about to move on to other places, at least for a little while. And then she started going a mile a minute about shit I couldn't quite understand, stuff like another Asian roommate/boyfriend, how much money she made in different cities, etc. When she dropped the n-word like it was no big deal, that's when I knew she was lit. But Diamond is sexy as hell. I still didn't believe she was clean, so dammit, I thought, I'd get a bed dance from her too and see what she's like.
She was talking about her Asian BF some more so, like I just did with Jasmine in the same room (in what actually was her closet), I emptied my pockets, took it out, turned around and said, "Diamond, now how do I measure up with [name redacted]?" And thank Buddha, with little hesitation, she closed her right hand around my dick and pulled it towards her slowly, firmly, lovingly. Her hand was cold, but the sensation on my cock was orgasmic because I hadn't felt like that in a long time. What topped that was Diamond not telling me to put it away. "Lay down," she said instead, and I completely unbuttoned my porno pants and hiked it down a bit, showing off my erection.
I thought you said you didn't do extras!
I'll take care of ya!
She did. Hell, I was so wound up by Jasmine that it only took a few more of Diamond's strokes for me to lose control. Too bad it wasn't while she was gripping me, but I made sure I pushed my penis down her way and squirted on her. She didn't mind; in fact, after I was spent, she tapped my now-receeding dick on her ass. Love a freak like Diamond!
She expected a tip, but didn't say anything about it. Of course I tipped her. Not much, but it was enough. Again, thank Buddha.
I miss her. Hope she comes back.
Went to downtown and I hooked up as soon as possible with Justine. She's usually pretty fast when it comes to going to the back and wankin', but today our small talk veered in a different direction. I told her about my job as a PCA, and then she asked about how to become one because she's worried for her mom. I was all prepared to give her as much info as possible on it, but she wanted to go to the beds for our "dances." That knocked me for a loop; either I want to get down and dirty, or I sit down with you and have a focused, informational conversation on what you need to know. To do both, especially in a strip club, is melding things that God separated for a reason, like chocolate and eggs.
But I did my best because I didn't take a bus 45 minutes downtown to just talk about being a PCA. So while I was plying Justine for more questions, I took my pants off and showed her my pee-pee, as usual. That always turns me on; so does her saying, "Put that away!" But it wasn't the same. I was knocked off stride by her asking, like, real questions about a topic that I would want to discuss with my clothes on. Moreover, since there were a lot of dancers working that day (extremely rare for a Monday), she was coy when jacking me -- cheating her body towards the wall, getting her hips up very close to mine so there was no daylight on my dick, gripping and stroking in intermittent bursts. I have to admit, she's like that a lot. The one time she just opened up my pants and took me into her hands was pure heaven. But here, in this awkward situation made even more awkward by some serious questions about her old mom, combined to make this interaction less than, um, happy. I didn't even have blue balls. It was great to see her, but I wasn't even aroused by her, no matter what she did.
After she got back on stage, she voiced her displeasure at the fact that I didn't tip her. Even though what she did quaifies as an extras, Justine didn't make me shoot, like she's done a few times before. I thought I had established the pay system: straight-up $90 for the three bed dances, and if makes me squirt, I give her another ten:
Ah, so you didn't tip me because you didn't cum?
Yeah.
Oh, OK.
She seemed surprised. But she's touched me every single time we've seen each other. How can she forget how much money I've given her depending on what else I gave to her? Sometimes I think I should make it up to her the next time I go. Right now, though, I have to draw the line. Yeah, she's not supposed to even stroke me cock, but she's never been busted, and for encounters that didn't result in either of us using the wetnaps I always bring, it's the standard $90.
She hugged me when I left. I hope she meant it, because right now she's the hottest girl willing to sexually pleasure me on a regular basis.
---
The club I usually go to doesn't usually have ripoff bitches. But this day, the same day with Justine, there were about six girls there total. Sometimes it's just Justine. One of them was Summer, a hellcat who approached me as soon as I walked in the door. She seemed like a floozy -- aggressive attitude, big fake tits, promises of a real good time. I don't remember why I agreed to a lapdance at the benches -- either I really wanted to see how naughty she was going to be or I wanted to get her off my back.
She was cooing and talking dirty to me right into my ear. I would be more receptive to that if I didn't believe that talk was as fake as her tits. I didn't really care what she thought of me, so just for shits and giggles -- and in a Hail Mary-like move to see if she really doesn't mind putting out -- I exposed myself as she going reverse cowgirl on my lap, facing away from me. Thankfully she felt it and turned around to see my half-erect penis in all its beautiful glory. And Summer asked me to put it away; these couches are a little more exposed to the mainroom than the beds, and it's a lot cheaper, so the possibility the girl you choose will provide extras is lower.
Summer tried to upsell me, implying she would touch my organ in there. I wasn't down for that, so I gave her only $20 for the 2-for-1.
She did let me get under her undies and feel her pussy, though.
---
I've built enough trust equity at the other strip bar I frequent that a while ago some of the dancers invited me to a house party. I have to pay cover, but the girls that work there promise better lapdances.
For the second time I went to one of these parties, only this time it was a different place. Better than the first one because it's bigger and therefore a bit more secluded in the private areas. Also for the second time I got to get "dances" from Jasmine, who strips only at these parties because they don't allow her to do that at the bar (although she now bartends). She's, uh, big-boned, but I love that her tip dances at the bar went farther than all other dancers. That hooks me all the time, so when she invited me to one of these house parties, I practically waited outside the place so I can be first.
I wonder if I was the first guy to whip it out to her that night. We were in what looked like a walk-in closet with a mosquito net for a curtain. I did what I usually do when I whipped it out: I started taking out all my valuables out of my pants, then take my dick out of my pants, then turn around and surprise her with it. She told me to put it away, like she did for the dance at the first house party I went to, but I was relentless. Last time I didn't take no for an answer; after we were finished I whipped it out again, and after some pleading, she yanked me several times, hard, real quick. Ah! It was heaven! Did it again this time and Jasmine wanked me again this time, although I had to beg and say I'd tip her. You know, I just can't get enough of chasin' this chubby, but I don't want her to be so blatantly money-grubbing when it comes to manually masturbating me. Especially when there are other girls who won't kill the mood by making me say that ...
---
... girls like the last one, Diamond. Hadn't talked to her much at the same club Jasmine works at, but she was at the last party and I saw her openly tugging at her regular's jeans around his groin in front of everybody. Wow, she must be someone who doesn't mind playing. But a couple days before this party I got a tip dance from her and she said she didn't do extras, although she's from St. Louis. The stripclubs of East St. Louis are notorious, period. I couldn't believe she was clean.
After being disposed of by Jasmine, Diamond sat on my lap. Turns out this place was her apartment, and this party was a way of making some money for herself since she's about to move on to other places, at least for a little while. And then she started going a mile a minute about shit I couldn't quite understand, stuff like another Asian roommate/boyfriend, how much money she made in different cities, etc. When she dropped the n-word like it was no big deal, that's when I knew she was lit. But Diamond is sexy as hell. I still didn't believe she was clean, so dammit, I thought, I'd get a bed dance from her too and see what she's like.
She was talking about her Asian BF some more so, like I just did with Jasmine in the same room (in what actually was her closet), I emptied my pockets, took it out, turned around and said, "Diamond, now how do I measure up with [name redacted]?" And thank Buddha, with little hesitation, she closed her right hand around my dick and pulled it towards her slowly, firmly, lovingly. Her hand was cold, but the sensation on my cock was orgasmic because I hadn't felt like that in a long time. What topped that was Diamond not telling me to put it away. "Lay down," she said instead, and I completely unbuttoned my porno pants and hiked it down a bit, showing off my erection.
I thought you said you didn't do extras!
I'll take care of ya!
She did. Hell, I was so wound up by Jasmine that it only took a few more of Diamond's strokes for me to lose control. Too bad it wasn't while she was gripping me, but I made sure I pushed my penis down her way and squirted on her. She didn't mind; in fact, after I was spent, she tapped my now-receeding dick on her ass. Love a freak like Diamond!
She expected a tip, but didn't say anything about it. Of course I tipped her. Not much, but it was enough. Again, thank Buddha.
I miss her. Hope she comes back.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Northstar Rail Indecision
The Northstar Rail Line, the first heavy rail/commuter rail/train system to be built in eons in the Twin Cities, had its grand opening Saturday (even though regular service starts Monday). I was reminded of it early last week when Mother gave me a flier. She noted that it said that they're giving away free rides, and that if I wanted to go, call her and we'd go Saturday afternoon.
That seemed like a fun idea at the time, some quality mother-son bonding while looking at the latest addition to public transit in our area. But then My Fucking Father wanted to stay home and drive me crazy with his day-trading prowess and his hectoring me over "my future," and he completely dicked over my circadian rhythms for the whole week. I totally forgot about the grand opening until Friday night when I was out checking out the site of our new party; I waited until later in my night, when I got to my final destination at a concert at a bar to call her up and remind her, but by then Mother had fallen asleep. Oh well, I thought, I had to wake up at 9 in the fucking morning for Father, so I'll just sleep in tomorrow and fuck Northstar.
Well, fuck me, but I woke up Saturday morning at around 9:30 -- about three-and-a-half hours after falling asleep -- because My Fucking Father was traipsing out in the hallway and into my sister's room. (What's he doing in there for? Oh -- I left a to-go cup of Coke in there. Yeah, Father, like you're not messy in the computer room.) Oh my God, there is still time for Mother and I to check out the Northstar Rail. But then I realize that they're already preparing to go to work, and if I go out there and invite Mother to do this she might say no, not to mention the possibility of My Fucking Father yelling at me again. I was spasming to get up and march out there to ask her if she wants to go. After all, this is the first day of the new train, and it'll probably be the last and only time we'll get to ride it for free. But I decided to let it slide on the assumption that Mother forgot about the train. It took all my will to let the footsteps I heard leave through the door and hear that door shut very hard, but they went.
About 15 minutes later I decide to get up and leave for the grand opening. You know, it is the grand opening, I'll just look around real quick and then go home. It's fairly close by; you go down a residential road and then you see the tracks. The parking lots, across the street from houses, look like they're built for a public basketball court. It looks like a light rail station, except shiny and new.
I go down under to cross over to the other side. In the middle I see security and Metro Transit officials. One of the officials extends a lanyard with something in it. "Wanna ride the train?" he asks. Well, I thought the train would've left already, so if it hasn't, then hell yeah, I wanna go! Actually, I think I said sure.
I was ready to go through the double doors and up the stairs to the platform to the waiting train, but a guy from the other side threw open the doors. "An hour and a half? I don't have that much time," he said, giving the guy who gave me a complimentary pass his complimentary pass back. Really? It's going to take 90 minutes for this trip? Well, it's almost 11 now ... that means we'll be back by 12:30 ... that doesn't include driving back home, and then at that point I'd have to stay awake because I need to make sure I get to that party ... and who knows if the trains are going to run on time? Yeah, it's new and it's a grand opening party and everyone wants to make sure the ride goes smoothly and runs on time, but they can't precisely guarantee that, and besides, do you want to be like Hitler? You shouldn't, which means that I won't get the sleep I need, won't be able to finish the things my parents want me to do for them, and may mean I won't be in the right mindset at the party -- if I make it to the party on time, or even at all, if I don't pass out on my bed as soon as I return home. Besides, Grandmother's home.
What clinched it is, as usual, me finding some self-justification for not going by passive-aggressively blaming others. Specifically, I was dismayed that I was not told beforehand that the whole trip would take 90 minutes because the terminus at the other end of the station had a party and was serving cake and what not. Maybe somewhere like the flier Mother gave me, or a huge sign just outside the ground-level entranceways. I'd be able to make a decision if you would just let me prepare, guys! Feeling I was deprived of that basic human right, I too returned my comp pass for the virgin train trip out of the city station.
I went on over to the other side of the station; this is where people coming from the other side get to park, so it's just more lots. And then, as is the case most of the time when I still have time to do so, I reverse my decision. To hell with my parents and Grandmother, fuck the party and sleep -- this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!!! So I walk back down into the underground and ask the guy if I can grab my pass again. Only this time he didn't look like he had any passes to hand out. I asked him anyway, and he told me that the train was about to leave at 11 o'clock. That's when I looked across the way from him; above a door, in a place I would have no reason to look at because gazing up there was a necessity for nothing I wanted to do, was a sign that specifically pertains to that day's activities: "Train Will Leave At 11. It Will Return Around 12:30." Now if I was that sign when I was given the pass, if I could have been told in a tangible, concrete way what is the time commitment, I wouldn't've have felt so burned and ill-prepared, and then I probably would've decided then and there to take the pass and board the train. But no, there's a sign all the fuckin' way up there. You might as well just post that in the employee break room.
So the train left the very minute all this happened. I was allowed to go up to the station platform, the place where you actually embark and disembark the train, but soon was shooed down per security. But the train -- and a memory that would've last me all my days, the one about the time I was aboard the First Train From Town Into The City -- was long gone.
I drove home thinking only one thing: Better make the time you could've spent enjoying the Northstar worth it, asshole. But I just know I'm going to waste it, either by fucking around on the Internet or by lying in my bed trying to fall asleep but failing. Well, at least I'll be around to make sure Grandmother's safe. But when I get home I see the white SUV of her friend parked in the driveway. You mean to tell me that one of my reasons not to board the train -- that I didn't want my Grandmother to be too lonely -- was completely unfounded because one of her homies decided to drop on by?!
For the record, I didn't do as much as I need to do on the computer; there was Internet stuff I needed to look up for my 'Rents and I did only some of it before I decided to be lazy and just crawl into my bed till 1.
My saving grace? I think I passed out for, like, 15 minutes just before I had to "wake up" at 1.
That seemed like a fun idea at the time, some quality mother-son bonding while looking at the latest addition to public transit in our area. But then My Fucking Father wanted to stay home and drive me crazy with his day-trading prowess and his hectoring me over "my future," and he completely dicked over my circadian rhythms for the whole week. I totally forgot about the grand opening until Friday night when I was out checking out the site of our new party; I waited until later in my night, when I got to my final destination at a concert at a bar to call her up and remind her, but by then Mother had fallen asleep. Oh well, I thought, I had to wake up at 9 in the fucking morning for Father, so I'll just sleep in tomorrow and fuck Northstar.
Well, fuck me, but I woke up Saturday morning at around 9:30 -- about three-and-a-half hours after falling asleep -- because My Fucking Father was traipsing out in the hallway and into my sister's room. (What's he doing in there for? Oh -- I left a to-go cup of Coke in there. Yeah, Father, like you're not messy in the computer room.) Oh my God, there is still time for Mother and I to check out the Northstar Rail. But then I realize that they're already preparing to go to work, and if I go out there and invite Mother to do this she might say no, not to mention the possibility of My Fucking Father yelling at me again. I was spasming to get up and march out there to ask her if she wants to go. After all, this is the first day of the new train, and it'll probably be the last and only time we'll get to ride it for free. But I decided to let it slide on the assumption that Mother forgot about the train. It took all my will to let the footsteps I heard leave through the door and hear that door shut very hard, but they went.
About 15 minutes later I decide to get up and leave for the grand opening. You know, it is the grand opening, I'll just look around real quick and then go home. It's fairly close by; you go down a residential road and then you see the tracks. The parking lots, across the street from houses, look like they're built for a public basketball court. It looks like a light rail station, except shiny and new.
I go down under to cross over to the other side. In the middle I see security and Metro Transit officials. One of the officials extends a lanyard with something in it. "Wanna ride the train?" he asks. Well, I thought the train would've left already, so if it hasn't, then hell yeah, I wanna go! Actually, I think I said sure.
I was ready to go through the double doors and up the stairs to the platform to the waiting train, but a guy from the other side threw open the doors. "An hour and a half? I don't have that much time," he said, giving the guy who gave me a complimentary pass his complimentary pass back. Really? It's going to take 90 minutes for this trip? Well, it's almost 11 now ... that means we'll be back by 12:30 ... that doesn't include driving back home, and then at that point I'd have to stay awake because I need to make sure I get to that party ... and who knows if the trains are going to run on time? Yeah, it's new and it's a grand opening party and everyone wants to make sure the ride goes smoothly and runs on time, but they can't precisely guarantee that, and besides, do you want to be like Hitler? You shouldn't, which means that I won't get the sleep I need, won't be able to finish the things my parents want me to do for them, and may mean I won't be in the right mindset at the party -- if I make it to the party on time, or even at all, if I don't pass out on my bed as soon as I return home. Besides, Grandmother's home.
What clinched it is, as usual, me finding some self-justification for not going by passive-aggressively blaming others. Specifically, I was dismayed that I was not told beforehand that the whole trip would take 90 minutes because the terminus at the other end of the station had a party and was serving cake and what not. Maybe somewhere like the flier Mother gave me, or a huge sign just outside the ground-level entranceways. I'd be able to make a decision if you would just let me prepare, guys! Feeling I was deprived of that basic human right, I too returned my comp pass for the virgin train trip out of the city station.
I went on over to the other side of the station; this is where people coming from the other side get to park, so it's just more lots. And then, as is the case most of the time when I still have time to do so, I reverse my decision. To hell with my parents and Grandmother, fuck the party and sleep -- this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!!! So I walk back down into the underground and ask the guy if I can grab my pass again. Only this time he didn't look like he had any passes to hand out. I asked him anyway, and he told me that the train was about to leave at 11 o'clock. That's when I looked across the way from him; above a door, in a place I would have no reason to look at because gazing up there was a necessity for nothing I wanted to do, was a sign that specifically pertains to that day's activities: "Train Will Leave At 11. It Will Return Around 12:30." Now if I was that sign when I was given the pass, if I could have been told in a tangible, concrete way what is the time commitment, I wouldn't've have felt so burned and ill-prepared, and then I probably would've decided then and there to take the pass and board the train. But no, there's a sign all the fuckin' way up there. You might as well just post that in the employee break room.
So the train left the very minute all this happened. I was allowed to go up to the station platform, the place where you actually embark and disembark the train, but soon was shooed down per security. But the train -- and a memory that would've last me all my days, the one about the time I was aboard the First Train From Town Into The City -- was long gone.
I drove home thinking only one thing: Better make the time you could've spent enjoying the Northstar worth it, asshole. But I just know I'm going to waste it, either by fucking around on the Internet or by lying in my bed trying to fall asleep but failing. Well, at least I'll be around to make sure Grandmother's safe. But when I get home I see the white SUV of her friend parked in the driveway. You mean to tell me that one of my reasons not to board the train -- that I didn't want my Grandmother to be too lonely -- was completely unfounded because one of her homies decided to drop on by?!
For the record, I didn't do as much as I need to do on the computer; there was Internet stuff I needed to look up for my 'Rents and I did only some of it before I decided to be lazy and just crawl into my bed till 1.
My saving grace? I think I passed out for, like, 15 minutes just before I had to "wake up" at 1.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
I Feel Bad About Posting A Half-Ass Blog...
... but I have to get up for work really early tomorrow morning, and the post I wanted to put up is a lot more complex than I have the energy for.
So I'm just going to say that I've had a lot of acne and boils on the back of my head for several weeks now. I've had some for a long time, but now they've migrated from the base of my hair to all over the back of my head. I pick the scabs off of them all the time, and they don't go away. In fact, I think they're multiplying.
Could it be ... bedbugs?
So I'm just going to say that I've had a lot of acne and boils on the back of my head for several weeks now. I've had some for a long time, but now they've migrated from the base of my hair to all over the back of my head. I pick the scabs off of them all the time, and they don't go away. In fact, I think they're multiplying.
Could it be ... bedbugs?
Saturday, November 14, 2009
I've been really horny ever since I woke up from my normal-hour, seven-hour sleep this morning. I had this dream that I did summon up the courage to go to the house of this chick I met at this bar when I vacationed in Cleveland, but only this time her husband was having a mancation and so she was alone. She told me she had a hot tub for real, so in my dream she let me borrow one of her husband's trunks ... or go into the hot tub completely naked.
So while she's in her bedroom changing, I sneak out into the hot tub in my birthday suit so I can surprise her. While I'm waiting in the tub, she comes out in her bikini. She's really fat, for reals, but I don't mind it if she's in a bikini. (She seems the type to wear a two-piece and not care what anyone thinks, which I think is fucking hot.) I say, "Ooh," or "Hello!" in a flirty way.
We sit side by side, saying nothing. Eventually she asks me if I'm really naked underneath the water. I grab her wrist and place it on my swelling genitals. She takes it -- it being my dick -- from there. I stick my hand under her bottom. I pull open her top and bite her tits. Then, even though I'm afraid of drowning, I dive underwater to eat her out. She then gets on top of me, assures me she has an open marriage, and fucks me without a condom.
And then as we both towel off in her bedroom, I get hard again in front of her as I'm standing up and she's sitting on the edge of her bed. She sucks me off. We do it again. I even shove myself up her butt a little.
I think I need to touch myself again.
So while she's in her bedroom changing, I sneak out into the hot tub in my birthday suit so I can surprise her. While I'm waiting in the tub, she comes out in her bikini. She's really fat, for reals, but I don't mind it if she's in a bikini. (She seems the type to wear a two-piece and not care what anyone thinks, which I think is fucking hot.) I say, "Ooh," or "Hello!" in a flirty way.
We sit side by side, saying nothing. Eventually she asks me if I'm really naked underneath the water. I grab her wrist and place it on my swelling genitals. She takes it -- it being my dick -- from there. I stick my hand under her bottom. I pull open her top and bite her tits. Then, even though I'm afraid of drowning, I dive underwater to eat her out. She then gets on top of me, assures me she has an open marriage, and fucks me without a condom.
And then as we both towel off in her bedroom, I get hard again in front of her as I'm standing up and she's sitting on the edge of her bed. She sucks me off. We do it again. I even shove myself up her butt a little.
I think I need to touch myself again.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Goddammit, My Fucking Father Wins
He stayed home again today. He's perfectly fine, he just wants to stay home. Which means that he wins. He wins! I can't stand being in the same house with him as is, I just tolerate him once he gets home. But if he's retired? We're in the same house 24/7. I can't tolerate that. I just can't. He wins.
He confronted me again with what the fuck I wanted to do with my life. So I just spat some online/correspondence course crap to him. He is more than willing to give me the tuition money. And since I can no longer hide under his nose because he doesn't fucking work anymore, I really have to finally do something. He wins by being lazier than I and understanding I can't standing being around him. I lose. So I need to do something to get away from him again. And that's by either working or doing some school. Exactly what, I don't know.
However, let me say this: Father, I don't appreciate you casting my work aside. You ask me that it's OK if I want to be a writer. I tell you I write. Then I go to the Internet and show you an article I wrote, with my name in the byline. Then you immediately close my article. Goddamn you, Father. Was I calling your bluff? Were you really only saying it was OK, and after you actually saw me write, you changed your mind? Are you ashamed of me, Pop? Because I'm ashamed of you after you just dismiss my writing away like you don't care. Asshole.
And I still have to do something now that he's a fucking recluse. Goddamn. ...
He confronted me again with what the fuck I wanted to do with my life. So I just spat some online/correspondence course crap to him. He is more than willing to give me the tuition money. And since I can no longer hide under his nose because he doesn't fucking work anymore, I really have to finally do something. He wins by being lazier than I and understanding I can't standing being around him. I lose. So I need to do something to get away from him again. And that's by either working or doing some school. Exactly what, I don't know.
However, let me say this: Father, I don't appreciate you casting my work aside. You ask me that it's OK if I want to be a writer. I tell you I write. Then I go to the Internet and show you an article I wrote, with my name in the byline. Then you immediately close my article. Goddamn you, Father. Was I calling your bluff? Were you really only saying it was OK, and after you actually saw me write, you changed your mind? Are you ashamed of me, Pop? Because I'm ashamed of you after you just dismiss my writing away like you don't care. Asshole.
And I still have to do something now that he's a fucking recluse. Goddamn. ...
Thursday, November 12, 2009
And My Fucking Father stayed home again today! He went to work yesterday, but stayed home today! And he says his leg is fine, even though there's some pain still there. So if he's OK, why the fuck did he stay home today?
He didn't act up till just now. First he was jumping like a dog waiting for his master to come home when I opened up the backdoor to get back in. I was just raking some leaves in the backyard, but he was kind of miffed. And then, on the way downstairs to listen to some Mid-American Conference college football on the Internet, he yelled/whined at me that Grandmother wasn't eating dinner tonight, so why did I put out a placemat for her? Oh no, you didn't, motherfucker, no you didn't start into me like a bitch!
He didn't act up till just now. First he was jumping like a dog waiting for his master to come home when I opened up the backdoor to get back in. I was just raking some leaves in the backyard, but he was kind of miffed. And then, on the way downstairs to listen to some Mid-American Conference college football on the Internet, he yelled/whined at me that Grandmother wasn't eating dinner tonight, so why did I put out a placemat for her? Oh no, you didn't, motherfucker, no you didn't start into me like a bitch!
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -1). I shouldn't put them on top of this week's rankings because they have a bye and they haven't gotten in trouble for their boat party or anything. But there are a few reasons that they are running the table atop the WMNSS in the fall the way the Gopher women's hockey team did early this year. First of all, there is a lot of mediocrity, if not downright suckitude, going on with Minnesota teams right now and I wouldn't feel it just to put one of those squads on top. This is a football team, and I'm still not sure I should just leave a squad out of it just for a week. But the main reason is that, without doing anything on their own, the Vikes took a giant step towards claiming the NFC North because they saw Green Bay and Chicago get upset! They now have a three-game lead for the division plus the tiebreaker sweep of the Packers. A couple of inexplicable losses will toss this race wide open, and in the NFL that's very possible. But with the way the Vikings look so far, the double loss on their Sunday off may be the greatest week they'll have in the regular season. Plus, they host Detroit for their first game back.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -9). Sweeps at home of Indiana and Purdue do as much as they can to wipe away the bitter aftertaste of back-to-back sweeps by Penn and Ohio St.'s. However much they try and demonstrate that they can beat the teams they should beat, I'm still not convinced they're won't be several more missteps along the way, including an upset during the tournament that they surely will be invited to. Meanwhile, Illinois has just about iced their place as the best team in the Big 10 behind juggernaut Penn St. It's all about seed now; they best not fuck up with road tests against Iowa and Wisconsin this weekend.
#-3: Wild (Last Week: -2). Thank Wild PR for the following note: Considering their very rough start, I am absolutely shocked to learn that this team has won four out of their last five games. That 5-2 home beatdown by Vancouver last Thursday really blows. But at least they rebounded and defeated The Team That Was Stolen From Us, and then whipped putrid Toronto at Toronto. This week they nick through the NHL's Southeast Division with contests at Tampa Bay, Washington and Carolina, then return home to face the soon-to-be-ex-Bastard Winnipeg Jets Wednesday.
(ETA: #-4: Lynx [Re-Entry!]. They won the WNBA lottery last Thursday. They only had the fourth-worst record in the league, but a trade in May gave the Lynx the first-round pick of the New York Liberty. They had the worst record last year, and the probabilities held up, which means that they have both the first and the fourth overall picks in next year's draft. Which is great, except that don't they have, like, 80 first-round draft picks on their roster already?)
#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5). This team has so much drama that they should be scrutinized just like the Vikings were during the Mike Tice years. They did achieve an important split at Wisconsin; that 5-2 win Saturday night proves, both to us fans and to themselves, they can compete against ranked teams if they want to. And Goalie Alex Kangas was named this week's WCHA Defensive Player Of The Week for making a career-high 45 saves in that game (although he stopped only 28-of-32 shots in Friday's 4-2 loss). But then comes word early this week that Defenseman Sam Lofquist has quit the team and the school. He has played for Team USA, but has not seen the ice five out of the eight games so far this season. No one's saying anything, but I'll bet he thinks he's better than riding the bench and wants to go to some other league and team that'll give him more ice time. Just more turmoil for what's supposed to be the pride of U. sports.
Did you know that Bemidji St. is ranked seventh in the country! I guess making a run to the Frozen Four as your pod's 4-seed does wonders over the course of an off-season. The Beavers right now have a lot going for them: they're undefeated, the best defensive squad in college, and probably will claim the last-ever crown in the soon-to-be-exterminated four-team College Hockey Alliance. They will join the WCHA next year, but for now they're the Gophers' first non-conference opponent of the season, and they'll be playing at Mariucci for a pair Saturday and Sunday nights. (Why aren't they playing Friday? Is it because it's Friday the 13th?)
#-6: Twins (Re-Entry!). So this is the Twinkies' big move of the off-season, trading away Carlos Gomez to Milwaukee for J.J. Hardy? Geez, will they go down Washington Ave. or University Ave. for their victory parade next year? OK, so Go-Go couldn't hit as much as a leadoff man should, and he's stupid running around the bases. But he may be The Fastest Man In Baseball, and defensively he was equal to CF predecessors Torii Hunter and Kirby Puckett. In exchange we get a SS who has had only one very productive year. Plus, Hardy's older than Gomez. If we needed to cut down on our glut of outfielders, why not trade Delmon Young? I mean, he should be more productive than he has been, but he's been better than most of his haters think he is. And while people mock him for being played every day in the outfield because he's the jewel the team gave away Matt Garza and Jason Bartlett to Tampa for, remember that Gomez joins Philip Humber and Kevin Mulvey as ex-Twins in the trade with the Mets for Johan Santana. This trade is starting to look more and more as the greater fail than the Young trade, and I still have hope for Go-Go. Not a good start for the Twins in the Hot Stove League.
#-7: Gopher football (Last Week: -3). Should have known that this team would lose to Illinois at home; this perfectly fits the "lose to a team they shouldn't lose to" template that's been codified on this program the last decade or so. I was at a bar keeping an eye on the game, so I watched it but didn't hear the commentary. What happened? Now they're still one win away from going to a shit bowl, and they'll have to rely on beating second-division patsy South Dakota St. this Saturday to do it. And even then the best they probably could do is the Motor City Bowl in Detroit. Look forward to that!
#-8: Timberwolves (Last Week: -6). Oh. My. Fucking. God. This team blows. Right now I'll take last year's team; they may not have been a playoff squad, but they had the makings of a collection of players that at least knew how to play. But since David Kahn thinks this franchise had to start over again, it seems like we'll have to endure more weeks where they lose all four games they play. Monday's biblical violation at Golden State was particularly pathetic. The Woofie Dogs lost by 41 points, matching the largest margin of defeat in franchise history, and the 146 points the Warriors scored was the most they've scored, and the most the Wolves have allowed, since these two teams met April Fools' Day, 1994. These days, only the home b-ball squad is a joke. They still haven't won since Opening Night. This week: vs. Dallas, at Memphis, vs. Houston.
#-Infinity: Gopher women's soccer (Last Week: -4). Not a bad game Friday night, a 1-0 win over Indiana. Reading around the Internet, that might have been an elimination game. But although the team finished tied with Purdue for fourth place in the conference, they were snubbed when the NCAA Tournament field was announced. They actually took Michigan St., which finished sixth in the Big 10. Guess that 0-3-1 skid in the middle of the season was enough to counteract the 6-0-1 streak that preceeded it. Oh well. D Jennie Clark made First-Team All-Big Ten for the second straight year.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -9). Sweeps at home of Indiana and Purdue do as much as they can to wipe away the bitter aftertaste of back-to-back sweeps by Penn and Ohio St.'s. However much they try and demonstrate that they can beat the teams they should beat, I'm still not convinced they're won't be several more missteps along the way, including an upset during the tournament that they surely will be invited to. Meanwhile, Illinois has just about iced their place as the best team in the Big 10 behind juggernaut Penn St. It's all about seed now; they best not fuck up with road tests against Iowa and Wisconsin this weekend.
#-3: Wild (Last Week: -2). Thank Wild PR for the following note: Considering their very rough start, I am absolutely shocked to learn that this team has won four out of their last five games. That 5-2 home beatdown by Vancouver last Thursday really blows. But at least they rebounded and defeated The Team That Was Stolen From Us, and then whipped putrid Toronto at Toronto. This week they nick through the NHL's Southeast Division with contests at Tampa Bay, Washington and Carolina, then return home to face the soon-to-be-ex-Bastard Winnipeg Jets Wednesday.
(ETA: #-4: Lynx [Re-Entry!]. They won the WNBA lottery last Thursday. They only had the fourth-worst record in the league, but a trade in May gave the Lynx the first-round pick of the New York Liberty. They had the worst record last year, and the probabilities held up, which means that they have both the first and the fourth overall picks in next year's draft. Which is great, except that don't they have, like, 80 first-round draft picks on their roster already?)
#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5). This team has so much drama that they should be scrutinized just like the Vikings were during the Mike Tice years. They did achieve an important split at Wisconsin; that 5-2 win Saturday night proves, both to us fans and to themselves, they can compete against ranked teams if they want to. And Goalie Alex Kangas was named this week's WCHA Defensive Player Of The Week for making a career-high 45 saves in that game (although he stopped only 28-of-32 shots in Friday's 4-2 loss). But then comes word early this week that Defenseman Sam Lofquist has quit the team and the school. He has played for Team USA, but has not seen the ice five out of the eight games so far this season. No one's saying anything, but I'll bet he thinks he's better than riding the bench and wants to go to some other league and team that'll give him more ice time. Just more turmoil for what's supposed to be the pride of U. sports.
Did you know that Bemidji St. is ranked seventh in the country! I guess making a run to the Frozen Four as your pod's 4-seed does wonders over the course of an off-season. The Beavers right now have a lot going for them: they're undefeated, the best defensive squad in college, and probably will claim the last-ever crown in the soon-to-be-exterminated four-team College Hockey Alliance. They will join the WCHA next year, but for now they're the Gophers' first non-conference opponent of the season, and they'll be playing at Mariucci for a pair Saturday and Sunday nights. (Why aren't they playing Friday? Is it because it's Friday the 13th?)
#-6: Twins (Re-Entry!). So this is the Twinkies' big move of the off-season, trading away Carlos Gomez to Milwaukee for J.J. Hardy? Geez, will they go down Washington Ave. or University Ave. for their victory parade next year? OK, so Go-Go couldn't hit as much as a leadoff man should, and he's stupid running around the bases. But he may be The Fastest Man In Baseball, and defensively he was equal to CF predecessors Torii Hunter and Kirby Puckett. In exchange we get a SS who has had only one very productive year. Plus, Hardy's older than Gomez. If we needed to cut down on our glut of outfielders, why not trade Delmon Young? I mean, he should be more productive than he has been, but he's been better than most of his haters think he is. And while people mock him for being played every day in the outfield because he's the jewel the team gave away Matt Garza and Jason Bartlett to Tampa for, remember that Gomez joins Philip Humber and Kevin Mulvey as ex-Twins in the trade with the Mets for Johan Santana. This trade is starting to look more and more as the greater fail than the Young trade, and I still have hope for Go-Go. Not a good start for the Twins in the Hot Stove League.
#-7: Gopher football (Last Week: -3). Should have known that this team would lose to Illinois at home; this perfectly fits the "lose to a team they shouldn't lose to" template that's been codified on this program the last decade or so. I was at a bar keeping an eye on the game, so I watched it but didn't hear the commentary. What happened? Now they're still one win away from going to a shit bowl, and they'll have to rely on beating second-division patsy South Dakota St. this Saturday to do it. And even then the best they probably could do is the Motor City Bowl in Detroit. Look forward to that!
#-8: Timberwolves (Last Week: -6). Oh. My. Fucking. God. This team blows. Right now I'll take last year's team; they may not have been a playoff squad, but they had the makings of a collection of players that at least knew how to play. But since David Kahn thinks this franchise had to start over again, it seems like we'll have to endure more weeks where they lose all four games they play. Monday's biblical violation at Golden State was particularly pathetic. The Woofie Dogs lost by 41 points, matching the largest margin of defeat in franchise history, and the 146 points the Warriors scored was the most they've scored, and the most the Wolves have allowed, since these two teams met April Fools' Day, 1994. These days, only the home b-ball squad is a joke. They still haven't won since Opening Night. This week: vs. Dallas, at Memphis, vs. Houston.
#-Infinity: Gopher women's soccer (Last Week: -4). Not a bad game Friday night, a 1-0 win over Indiana. Reading around the Internet, that might have been an elimination game. But although the team finished tied with Purdue for fourth place in the conference, they were snubbed when the NCAA Tournament field was announced. They actually took Michigan St., which finished sixth in the Big 10. Guess that 0-3-1 skid in the middle of the season was enough to counteract the 6-0-1 streak that preceeded it. Oh well. D Jennie Clark made First-Team All-Big Ten for the second straight year.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Father's convalesence is really fucking up my schedule. Yesterday he wanted me to check out some prices for a fridge he wants to buy. Since I thought I had a lot of time before I had to go to "work," I decided to go to Sears. It took me a half-hour to get out of there. And instead of getting to the U. early, I got there 10 minutes late. Goddamn, should've done it afterward.
And because I had to wake up at 9 so I can placate his non-stock buying ass, I crashed last night. I actually fell asleep around midnight and woke up at 8. I was out like a light. I'm now catching up on shit I wanted to do late night last night. For the first time in months, maybe years, I did my Reality Kings updates a day late. I just sent my article now. And now I'm writing my blog for this. At least I have something to write about.
And because I had to wake up at 9 so I can placate his non-stock buying ass, I crashed last night. I actually fell asleep around midnight and woke up at 8. I was out like a light. I'm now catching up on shit I wanted to do late night last night. For the first time in months, maybe years, I did my Reality Kings updates a day late. I just sent my article now. And now I'm writing my blog for this. At least I have something to write about.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Oh, and an addendum I should've added to my previous post, but I'll post it here: During dinner Mother asked both My Father and I why I didn't help him fix the hot water, uh, thingy. He almost chocked up his dinner, he thought it that funny. I laughed it off and said, "Uh, not gonna happen." But a part of me is really pissed off at My Fucking Father mocking me. And yet ... hmmm, I don't know shit about fixing things. So although he's an asshole, he's kind of right.
Wouldn't want to help him anyway! (There, now I feel better!! Viva la passive-aggressiveness!!!)
Wouldn't want to help him anyway! (There, now I feel better!! Viva la passive-aggressiveness!!!)
Monday, November 9, 2009
My Father's Sick Leave Is Driving Me Crazy
Father had a stent put in his artery last week. Everything's fine. I can barely stand living with him, but that was a day where I was reminded how much I would miss him if he were gone.
Ever since, even though I would miss him if he were gone, I have been reminded how I can barely stand living with him. He was told to take it easy for the next week -- he can drive and walk, but he shouldn't go up or down stairs and he shouldn't lift anything above ten or even five pounds. I thought he'd just take it easy at work. But he decided to take it real easy, as in stay home ever since the operation. Now I get the worst of both worlds: He's here whenever I'm here, and yet he's good enough to walk around, use the computer, even do some chores, so he has the strength to hound me into doing some chores. I wish he had to recuperate so much he was in his bed the whole week.
The worst of it was Friday, when I decided not to give a shit and wake up when I wanted to wake up. But, as Grandmother prodded me, I checked downstairs to see how My Father was doing. Like I thought, he was fine -- he as at the computer checking out stocks. And after going through some quotes for stocks he wants to pick but didn't buy (like he always does), he lectures me, "Either you trade stocks at 9 o'clock every morning or you can get a doctor's degree for me." For you?? Oh, you ass. I still feel burned by that insult. Hell, I even decided to cancel work so that I could rake the leaves that afternoon, thereby filling the "do some chores" requirement that at least I feel obligated to fulfill because he's around the house. So I had to look on the bright side: hearing that comment freed me from feeling sorry for him when I left to go to a Gopher women's soccer game later that evening
I don't think he's playing mindgames; his presence is making me play mindgames with myself. I constantly asking myself, What's he gonna say? What's he gonna think? Terrible way to live, of course. For example, today. He was fixing the hot water at home, so probably because of that he wasn't totally on my ass today. Still, I needed to, like, get away from him, so I used the excuse that I needed pick up his medicine (and, uh, go to the library to look at some art pieces he bought) to just fuckin' leave. I would have no reason to do that if he weren't here, but he is, so I was gone. Then after I went to the library, I was waffling between going to the mall closest to us, buying a malt at Dairy Queen during their Happy Hour and maybe buying some tea tree oil for the acne on the back of my head, or go home, do some more raking, and, maybe if Father doesn't need anything, walk on down for some coffee. I did the latter because I wanted to make sure I was home in case My Father needed anything and didn't want him yelling at me for being out doing nothing the whole afternoon. Of course, he was totally intent on fixing our hot water. He even told me a little about how difficult it was to fix it. No bullshit today; I still feel on edge because it could always be worse.
He should be back at work by the end of the week, but maybe, just maybe, he's gone starting tomorrow. I'm thinking he'll be home one more day. I'm just afraid he's going to start liking this and just up and retire.
Ever since, even though I would miss him if he were gone, I have been reminded how I can barely stand living with him. He was told to take it easy for the next week -- he can drive and walk, but he shouldn't go up or down stairs and he shouldn't lift anything above ten or even five pounds. I thought he'd just take it easy at work. But he decided to take it real easy, as in stay home ever since the operation. Now I get the worst of both worlds: He's here whenever I'm here, and yet he's good enough to walk around, use the computer, even do some chores, so he has the strength to hound me into doing some chores. I wish he had to recuperate so much he was in his bed the whole week.
The worst of it was Friday, when I decided not to give a shit and wake up when I wanted to wake up. But, as Grandmother prodded me, I checked downstairs to see how My Father was doing. Like I thought, he was fine -- he as at the computer checking out stocks. And after going through some quotes for stocks he wants to pick but didn't buy (like he always does), he lectures me, "Either you trade stocks at 9 o'clock every morning or you can get a doctor's degree for me." For you?? Oh, you ass. I still feel burned by that insult. Hell, I even decided to cancel work so that I could rake the leaves that afternoon, thereby filling the "do some chores" requirement that at least I feel obligated to fulfill because he's around the house. So I had to look on the bright side: hearing that comment freed me from feeling sorry for him when I left to go to a Gopher women's soccer game later that evening
I don't think he's playing mindgames; his presence is making me play mindgames with myself. I constantly asking myself, What's he gonna say? What's he gonna think? Terrible way to live, of course. For example, today. He was fixing the hot water at home, so probably because of that he wasn't totally on my ass today. Still, I needed to, like, get away from him, so I used the excuse that I needed pick up his medicine (and, uh, go to the library to look at some art pieces he bought) to just fuckin' leave. I would have no reason to do that if he weren't here, but he is, so I was gone. Then after I went to the library, I was waffling between going to the mall closest to us, buying a malt at Dairy Queen during their Happy Hour and maybe buying some tea tree oil for the acne on the back of my head, or go home, do some more raking, and, maybe if Father doesn't need anything, walk on down for some coffee. I did the latter because I wanted to make sure I was home in case My Father needed anything and didn't want him yelling at me for being out doing nothing the whole afternoon. Of course, he was totally intent on fixing our hot water. He even told me a little about how difficult it was to fix it. No bullshit today; I still feel on edge because it could always be worse.
He should be back at work by the end of the week, but maybe, just maybe, he's gone starting tomorrow. I'm thinking he'll be home one more day. I'm just afraid he's going to start liking this and just up and retire.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Tonight (late tonight) I ate some baked penne, but I spent so much time waiting for it to cool that by the time I finished the cheesy part cooled. Therefore, since it may be because Asians are lactose-intolerant or because that's what cheese just does to you, my insides have been growling and I've been farting like mad ever since I got home. When that happens I usually have to take a massive dump the following morning. But I have to work tomorrow morning, and I'm scared that when Mother calls me to head off to work I'll be on the toilet defecating my organs out.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
I Saw A Serious Man Tonight ...
And I don't know what to think. At first I hated the ending just because it abruptly stopped; the same thing happened at the end of No Country For Old Men, and I hated that. But after thinking about the protagonist being told by his doctor to see him ASAP and the son looking at the tornado coming towards him, I'm beginning to think that A Serious Man is just the Coen Brothers telling a story about a man who has good and bad things happen to him for no reason at all. It's not a conventional story, but I'm starting to think it's a good one.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -5). In what really was The Most Anticipated Regular Season National Football League Game In Recent History If Not Of All Time, Brett Farve was deceptively efficient, completing 17 of only 28 passes. It's the four touchdowns -- against no interceptions -- that made his performance stand out in the game. His will-he-retire-or-won't-he schtick will get lame again once the offseason rolls around, and we're getting close to the point in the season where people who have compiled statistics prove he starts to suck. But we'll enjoy him till then. The Vikes have a bye this week, so Favre can tend to his groin. Also, the next three games are at home against Detroit, Seattle and Chicago. This is the NFL, so it's possible that they'll lose two of those games. But assuming that the talent difference on paper will match what happens at the Metrodome, Favre can take it easy and let Adrian Peterson shoulder more of the load than he appears to have done ever since the win over San Francisco. And even if they don't run the table this homestand, the win and sweep of the Green Bay Packers gives the squad a stranglehold on the NFC North.
#-2: Wild (Last Week: -6). I feel bad ranking this team behind the Vikings because they also went undefeated for the week and won one more game than them, but I still can't look past their horrible start, especially in games on the road. Nevertheless, they won their sole road game; they only beat the defending Stanley Cup Champions, the Pittsburgh Penguins. (Vengeance for '91, assholes!). They did that after winning at the X against the New York Rangers while Original Wild Marian Gaborik was a pussy and didn't play because another one of his body parts below where his belt would be hurt. A home-road back-to-back going east is impressive. Enjoy it while it lasts, guys -- I'm still not convinced you have a really talented team. This week: They host Vancouver Thursday, then host The Team That Was Stolen From Us Saturday, then visit Toronto Tuesday -- hey, have the Maple Leafs won a game yet?
#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -7). As I've touched on before here, I think, this team is exactly like the ones during the Glen Mason years: They may surprise a team that's better than them once a season, an Ohio St. or Michigan or Penn St., then they lose to a team they should beat once a season, a Northwestern or Indiana, and everything sorts out with the rest of the schedule. In other words, they won't be the laughingstock, but they sure as hell won't make room at the top in the Buckeyes/Wolverines/Nittany Lions triumvirate.
Michigan St. is kind of in the same boat. In fact, their program the past decade or so has generated a lot stupid drama while not racking up the wins on the field. They are just as dysfunctional as the Gophers are, except with a hell of a lot more players breaking the law. So I guess it stands to reason that even though they lost Fucking Wideout Godhead Eric Decker for the rest of the regular season, Minnesota stood tall and finally put away the Spartans Saturday afternoon, 42-34. It was a pulsating win filled with back-and-forth pushes that kept the team and the fans at The Bank on their toes. Quarterback Adam Weber finally seemed to do what he does best: throw, throw, and throw some more. This means they're one win away for qualifying to go to a meaningless exhibition game, and they probably will get it at home this Saturday afternoon against Illinois and embattled Coach Ron Zook.
#-4: Gopher women's soccer (Last Week: -4). It took an extra seven minutes, but the Gophs broke a scoreless tie with Northwestern when Kylie Kallman deflected a free kick for a 1-0 victory, breaking a four-game winless streak. Only in soccer can you struggle to defeat a team that's a lot worse on paper because no one scores, like, 16-1. The final game of the season is this Friday night versus Indiana, which is one of those teams "Receiving Votes." Receiving plaudits are Sara Clancy and Dana Tripp, who are playing their last regular-season game on Senior Night. I plan on being there!
#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -8). The good news: They won their first games of the season this past weekend. They swept Alaska-Anchorage, a program that, frankly, has no business being a program because it's perpetually overmatched. Tony Lucia, Captain and son of Gophers Coach Don, was named WCHA Offensive Player Of The Week. The bad news: Two very important players are out for an extended period of time on injuries suffered this week. Defenseman Nick Leddy broke his jaw in Friday's game against the Seawolves and will be out a month or more. Then on Tuesday, during practice, Right Winger Jay Barriball tore something in his knee and is done for the year. Great -- now they'll have an excuse when they miss the NCAA Tournament this year. They face Wisconsin on the road for two this weekend. The Badgers are 18th in the latest USCHO poll; the Gophers aren't on the list. When's the last time that happened?
#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2). Wow, it's a tale of two cities in the WMNSS. The top half of the poll won at least one game; these next five didn't win any of their games. None. And the team that lost the most games (0-4) is actually the best out of the five (for reasons I'll elaborate on for each team below). What I'm worried about is how Head Coach Kurt Rambis is bringing along Point Guard Of The Future Jonny Flynn. Rambis has been benching him after he fucks up and putting in "mentor" Ramon Sessions (who's been in the NBA all of two years). Rambis, Flynn's a rookie -- he's going to fuck up. How is sitting him down going to teach him a life lesson? You guys are going nowhere. Let him make his mistakes without punishing him and forcing him to look at how it's supposed to be like not doing it will help. Let's be honest here -- we need him more than he needs us. They have another four on tap this week: home to Milwaukee, at Portland, at Golden State, then home to Portland.
#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!). The season hasn't even started yet and it looks like it might be a lost cause. Senior Devron Bostick and much-maligned Mr. Minnesota Basketball Royce White were suspended this week. White, who transferred high schools after breaking the law, stole some shit at the Macy's at the Mall Of America; right now no one knows what Bostick did (surprising given that we have the Internet). And don't forget Marquette transfer Power Forward Trevor Mbakwe, who was charged with assaulting someone in Miami this April; he won't be allowed on the team. It's bad enough that this happens on the eve of the season, even worse when it seems to come at you all at once. This is as worse as it can get because the team is ranked in both pre-season polls. There is so much promise heading into this week's two pre-season games that this mess can't be seen as anything but a year-ender. (And by the way, I can't find news of either suspension, not even an official press release, anywhere on the Gopher sports' website. Unacceptable and shameful.)
#-8: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1). What is bad is getting swept on the road by your archrival when you're supposed to the better team. But that's exactly what happened as the Gophs lost their eight-game winning streak to start the season with 4-2 and 5-2 losses to Wisconsin is ranked in the Top 10 ... but Minnesota was ranked second. Even Goalie Noora Räty, a player I thought was a "playa," saved only 35 shots. This team could skitter to a thud once again this year. They're on the road again, but playing at MSU-Mankato this weekend.
#-9: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3). What is worse is getting completely swept on the road by a team that's a lot better than you, than by a team that's supposedly a lot worse than you. But that's what happened to the volleyballers, who got balled by consecutive 3-0 scores to nationwide #1 Penn St. and nobody Ohio St. They're still ranked in the AVCA at #12 -- somehow. I might've said this before, but if I have I'll repeate for emphasis: The Pavilion hosts a regional this year. I believed that their season would end there. I now am afraid that they won't even get there. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with this team. They should beat Indiana and Purdue at the Pav this weekend -- emphasis on "should."
#-10: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!). However, what is worst of all is losing your first game, an exhibition, to a lower-division team. But that's how the distaff ballers kick off their season with, as Winona St. nips them with one second left and go down in defeat, 64-62. I don't care if this doesn't "count" -- you're a big-time program in a BCS conference, and you should fucking destroy teams in lower divisions like Winona St., no goddamn ifs, ands or buts about it. When are fans going to stop dreaming about their Final Four run and realize this program hasn't done shit since? What have they done for us lately? And will these ladies lose to UMD Sunday? I wouldn't put it past them.
(Final observation: It's sad that the last three spots in this week's poll are comprised by women's teams. It seems like this week we saw the women's movement turned back by a quarter-century.)
#-2: Wild (Last Week: -6). I feel bad ranking this team behind the Vikings because they also went undefeated for the week and won one more game than them, but I still can't look past their horrible start, especially in games on the road. Nevertheless, they won their sole road game; they only beat the defending Stanley Cup Champions, the Pittsburgh Penguins. (Vengeance for '91, assholes!). They did that after winning at the X against the New York Rangers while Original Wild Marian Gaborik was a pussy and didn't play because another one of his body parts below where his belt would be hurt. A home-road back-to-back going east is impressive. Enjoy it while it lasts, guys -- I'm still not convinced you have a really talented team. This week: They host Vancouver Thursday, then host The Team That Was Stolen From Us Saturday, then visit Toronto Tuesday -- hey, have the Maple Leafs won a game yet?
#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -7). As I've touched on before here, I think, this team is exactly like the ones during the Glen Mason years: They may surprise a team that's better than them once a season, an Ohio St. or Michigan or Penn St., then they lose to a team they should beat once a season, a Northwestern or Indiana, and everything sorts out with the rest of the schedule. In other words, they won't be the laughingstock, but they sure as hell won't make room at the top in the Buckeyes/Wolverines/Nittany Lions triumvirate.
Michigan St. is kind of in the same boat. In fact, their program the past decade or so has generated a lot stupid drama while not racking up the wins on the field. They are just as dysfunctional as the Gophers are, except with a hell of a lot more players breaking the law. So I guess it stands to reason that even though they lost Fucking Wideout Godhead Eric Decker for the rest of the regular season, Minnesota stood tall and finally put away the Spartans Saturday afternoon, 42-34. It was a pulsating win filled with back-and-forth pushes that kept the team and the fans at The Bank on their toes. Quarterback Adam Weber finally seemed to do what he does best: throw, throw, and throw some more. This means they're one win away for qualifying to go to a meaningless exhibition game, and they probably will get it at home this Saturday afternoon against Illinois and embattled Coach Ron Zook.
#-4: Gopher women's soccer (Last Week: -4). It took an extra seven minutes, but the Gophs broke a scoreless tie with Northwestern when Kylie Kallman deflected a free kick for a 1-0 victory, breaking a four-game winless streak. Only in soccer can you struggle to defeat a team that's a lot worse on paper because no one scores, like, 16-1. The final game of the season is this Friday night versus Indiana, which is one of those teams "Receiving Votes." Receiving plaudits are Sara Clancy and Dana Tripp, who are playing their last regular-season game on Senior Night. I plan on being there!
#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -8). The good news: They won their first games of the season this past weekend. They swept Alaska-Anchorage, a program that, frankly, has no business being a program because it's perpetually overmatched. Tony Lucia, Captain and son of Gophers Coach Don, was named WCHA Offensive Player Of The Week. The bad news: Two very important players are out for an extended period of time on injuries suffered this week. Defenseman Nick Leddy broke his jaw in Friday's game against the Seawolves and will be out a month or more. Then on Tuesday, during practice, Right Winger Jay Barriball tore something in his knee and is done for the year. Great -- now they'll have an excuse when they miss the NCAA Tournament this year. They face Wisconsin on the road for two this weekend. The Badgers are 18th in the latest USCHO poll; the Gophers aren't on the list. When's the last time that happened?
#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2). Wow, it's a tale of two cities in the WMNSS. The top half of the poll won at least one game; these next five didn't win any of their games. None. And the team that lost the most games (0-4) is actually the best out of the five (for reasons I'll elaborate on for each team below). What I'm worried about is how Head Coach Kurt Rambis is bringing along Point Guard Of The Future Jonny Flynn. Rambis has been benching him after he fucks up and putting in "mentor" Ramon Sessions (who's been in the NBA all of two years). Rambis, Flynn's a rookie -- he's going to fuck up. How is sitting him down going to teach him a life lesson? You guys are going nowhere. Let him make his mistakes without punishing him and forcing him to look at how it's supposed to be like not doing it will help. Let's be honest here -- we need him more than he needs us. They have another four on tap this week: home to Milwaukee, at Portland, at Golden State, then home to Portland.
#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!). The season hasn't even started yet and it looks like it might be a lost cause. Senior Devron Bostick and much-maligned Mr. Minnesota Basketball Royce White were suspended this week. White, who transferred high schools after breaking the law, stole some shit at the Macy's at the Mall Of America; right now no one knows what Bostick did (surprising given that we have the Internet). And don't forget Marquette transfer Power Forward Trevor Mbakwe, who was charged with assaulting someone in Miami this April; he won't be allowed on the team. It's bad enough that this happens on the eve of the season, even worse when it seems to come at you all at once. This is as worse as it can get because the team is ranked in both pre-season polls. There is so much promise heading into this week's two pre-season games that this mess can't be seen as anything but a year-ender. (And by the way, I can't find news of either suspension, not even an official press release, anywhere on the Gopher sports' website. Unacceptable and shameful.)
#-8: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1). What is bad is getting swept on the road by your archrival when you're supposed to the better team. But that's exactly what happened as the Gophs lost their eight-game winning streak to start the season with 4-2 and 5-2 losses to Wisconsin is ranked in the Top 10 ... but Minnesota was ranked second. Even Goalie Noora Räty, a player I thought was a "playa," saved only 35 shots. This team could skitter to a thud once again this year. They're on the road again, but playing at MSU-Mankato this weekend.
#-9: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3). What is worse is getting completely swept on the road by a team that's a lot better than you, than by a team that's supposedly a lot worse than you. But that's what happened to the volleyballers, who got balled by consecutive 3-0 scores to nationwide #1 Penn St. and nobody Ohio St. They're still ranked in the AVCA at #12 -- somehow. I might've said this before, but if I have I'll repeate for emphasis: The Pavilion hosts a regional this year. I believed that their season would end there. I now am afraid that they won't even get there. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with this team. They should beat Indiana and Purdue at the Pav this weekend -- emphasis on "should."
#-10: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!). However, what is worst of all is losing your first game, an exhibition, to a lower-division team. But that's how the distaff ballers kick off their season with, as Winona St. nips them with one second left and go down in defeat, 64-62. I don't care if this doesn't "count" -- you're a big-time program in a BCS conference, and you should fucking destroy teams in lower divisions like Winona St., no goddamn ifs, ands or buts about it. When are fans going to stop dreaming about their Final Four run and realize this program hasn't done shit since? What have they done for us lately? And will these ladies lose to UMD Sunday? I wouldn't put it past them.
(Final observation: It's sad that the last three spots in this week's poll are comprised by women's teams. It seems like this week we saw the women's movement turned back by a quarter-century.)
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Marisa Miller Went Rogue Before She Went Straight!
I watch America's Next Top Model. At the end of last week's episode, when they were previewing this week's episode, they showed that Fucking Hot Leggy Supermodel Marisa Miller was going to be on. They had the contestants out on a beach and Marisa shows up and tells them that she's going to teach them how to model. And then she takes her clothes off to show off her bikini!!! When she started to pose/teach, I almost got up, dropped my pants, and started to wank myself right then and there. Instinct.
I don't know how many people know this, but before she became set for life with Victoria's Secret and Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue, she was out of modeling for several years. She had modeled for Perfect 10, a short-lived print, now sporadically updated online, magazine of all-natural naked women. In fact, she finished third in her year's Model Of The Year competition. It's silly to think that a chick as hot as Marisa Miller would be considered uglier than two other girls in their birthday suits.
Anyway, here is her Model Of The Year promotional video. She looks a lot different here than the woman you see in your sticky catalog pages. She not only looks younger (this was way back in '97), but I think she's had a tit job since then. Not that I'm complaining:
Marisa Miller Perfect 10 photo shoot
First I was shocked that there's a nude video of her still floating around the Internet. But then, she did sign a contract, so she probably figures there's no way to fight it. Besides, she should never be able to live this down. I don't necessarily mean that as a taunt; she looks guuuuuuuuuuuuuud. And bros, we have to be able to relish anytime we get to see an übermodel's tits. Wank away!
I don't know how many people know this, but before she became set for life with Victoria's Secret and Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue, she was out of modeling for several years. She had modeled for Perfect 10, a short-lived print, now sporadically updated online, magazine of all-natural naked women. In fact, she finished third in her year's Model Of The Year competition. It's silly to think that a chick as hot as Marisa Miller would be considered uglier than two other girls in their birthday suits.
Anyway, here is her Model Of The Year promotional video. She looks a lot different here than the woman you see in your sticky catalog pages. She not only looks younger (this was way back in '97), but I think she's had a tit job since then. Not that I'm complaining:
Marisa Miller Perfect 10 photo shoot
First I was shocked that there's a nude video of her still floating around the Internet. But then, she did sign a contract, so she probably figures there's no way to fight it. Besides, she should never be able to live this down. I don't necessarily mean that as a taunt; she looks guuuuuuuuuuuuuud. And bros, we have to be able to relish anytime we get to see an übermodel's tits. Wank away!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Instead of me talking about taking more bullshit from My Fucking Father today -- he wakes me up because he wants me to talk to some Vegas lawyers, then yells at me after I ask him a simple question about where to put the contract, then yells at me again for locking my door (I don't wanna talk to you!), then asks me nicely about what to ask the lawyers then about who's going to win either the baseball game tonight or the World Series (goddamn, it's like he's either crazy or he's got the maturity of child!) -- I want to confess that I'm about to chase down my peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a Coke even though I have pink lemonade in the refrigerator. That seems like a much more appropriate combination, but I instinctively brought up the can of Coke from downstairs and I don't want to leave it there overnight, just because I don't want my Parents to see it. Is that weird?
On the bright side, I just played Overdrive on MySpace. I routinely get my ass kicked when dueling these souped-up whips on their "Payback" feature, as was the case when I got totally smoked by this car with, like, 3,600 enhancements. He knocked 68 damage off of me to just 1 of his. But that 1 was enough, because that "sent him to the garage" -- and made me the winner of the bounty on this car's head. Which is worth, I can't believe it, $9,529,972. Not only is this my first time winning a prize this big, not only is this my first time winning this type of duel, I have yet to win that much money playing Overdrive in total. People who play it know it's hard to accumulate money, and I only have $3.4 million in my bank. Including everything I've spent on cars, extras and property, I still probably have made about half of the money I won just now getting my ass kicked against a car on its very last drop of fuel than I have made ever since I started playing this game. I've doubled my lifetime winnings! Hooray!!
ETA that I just went over to Mobsters and started Attacking people. I have a mob of just four people, and usually that means I'm overmatched with guys who have five, ten, even 40 times the size of my mob. But man, tonight, it just might be the full moon or something, because I got many manageable fights against guys that had mob sizes of four, five, six, seven and eight. I just kept attacking and winning. In fact, of the fourteen fights I picked, I won ten of them. And each time I was awarded $70,000 of their money. I made $700k out of attacking these guys. I've never been so successful before, and I've never made so much money beating so many people in one sitting! Double hooray!!!
On the bright side, I just played Overdrive on MySpace. I routinely get my ass kicked when dueling these souped-up whips on their "Payback" feature, as was the case when I got totally smoked by this car with, like, 3,600 enhancements. He knocked 68 damage off of me to just 1 of his. But that 1 was enough, because that "sent him to the garage" -- and made me the winner of the bounty on this car's head. Which is worth, I can't believe it, $9,529,972. Not only is this my first time winning a prize this big, not only is this my first time winning this type of duel, I have yet to win that much money playing Overdrive in total. People who play it know it's hard to accumulate money, and I only have $3.4 million in my bank. Including everything I've spent on cars, extras and property, I still probably have made about half of the money I won just now getting my ass kicked against a car on its very last drop of fuel than I have made ever since I started playing this game. I've doubled my lifetime winnings! Hooray!!
ETA that I just went over to Mobsters and started Attacking people. I have a mob of just four people, and usually that means I'm overmatched with guys who have five, ten, even 40 times the size of my mob. But man, tonight, it just might be the full moon or something, because I got many manageable fights against guys that had mob sizes of four, five, six, seven and eight. I just kept attacking and winning. In fact, of the fourteen fights I picked, I won ten of them. And each time I was awarded $70,000 of their money. I made $700k out of attacking these guys. I've never been so successful before, and I've never made so much money beating so many people in one sitting! Double hooray!!!
Monday, November 2, 2009
My Fucking Father is still coming at me in ways I can't anticipate. He starts talking to me about football and Favre's return to Green Bay, then he chases me to my room after asking me out of the blue about going back to school. Then he talks to me about football again before getting pissy over something -- he used his Fucking Whiny Voice, the one that ends in an upward inflection and in a increasingly loud, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -- while bringing in the mushrooms and onions for the steaks he's also cooking in the back propane tanks. (I didn't catch what he was being a little bitch over, I was watching the game.) And then he asks me a question about Aaron Rodgers.
I'm not going to say that I'm being narcissistically sensitive, a psychological diagnosis I read recently and something I might blog about some time later. I've taken a lot of shit from My Father. But I could be wrong. Maybe he doesn't realize how much he pisses me off, although if he's like me he won't forget the time I just went off on him after he made me pull weeds while I was dead tired. Or maybe, just maybe, he's been actively immaturely, and this is his way of saying he isn't mad at me (this is a pattern of behavior I've seen from him the past, oh, since the NFL season began). Maybe he's trying to turn a new leaf.
Or maybe I'm just delusional.
I'm not going to say that I'm being narcissistically sensitive, a psychological diagnosis I read recently and something I might blog about some time later. I've taken a lot of shit from My Father. But I could be wrong. Maybe he doesn't realize how much he pisses me off, although if he's like me he won't forget the time I just went off on him after he made me pull weeds while I was dead tired. Or maybe, just maybe, he's been actively immaturely, and this is his way of saying he isn't mad at me (this is a pattern of behavior I've seen from him the past, oh, since the NFL season began). Maybe he's trying to turn a new leaf.
Or maybe I'm just delusional.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Sad Day, Indeed
I just witnessed the Fall Of Troy. Fucking Yankees won. A lot less people showed up for tonight's party. And the guy who's the closest to a celebrity that we have was all distracted and shit, and at times he seemed a little pissed at me. I wanted to impress him. Doubt I did that. Doubt he'll care about coming back either.
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