So all if we have for a refuge against a local winter sports scene that will definitely be colder than the weather we're having right now is Twin Cities women's winter teams. I don't know if girls run the world, Beyonce, but they run Minnesota sports right now. So, even though the first WMNSS of 2015 is really shitty as a whole, the two women's teams stand out as exemplary. I may be skewing things by using Positive Numbers and 0, or I might not want to accurately reflect how sorry Minnesota is right now. But you've got to admit that the Gopher women's b-ball team is flying high right now.
For the eight days from New Year's Eve till January 7, that team -- without Rachel Banham, considered one of the five best Point Guards in women's college basketball -- whipped a pair of schools on the road, Purdue on New Year's Day and Wisconsin Sunday. They were keyed to this fast start by Sophomore Center Amanda Zahui B., who defended her Big Ten Player Of The Week award and also received espnW's POW award for the team's 3-0 start in conference play. She has been a beast this screening week, scoring 21, grabbing 19 rebounds, blocking five shots and making four assists against Purdue and having an 11-point, 12-board, three-rejection, three-dime afternoon versus Wisconsin. Granted, the Boilermakers and Badgers are not world-beaters. But neither for a long time was Minnesota. They are now on a ten-game winning streak, and this week they land in the Associated Press poll (#23) for the first time in more than eight years.
The first big test, and probably the most mouth-watering conference match-up in a long time, comes in the club's only game this week: At home vs. Maryland, featuring Brenda Frese (Oldfield), the Head Coach singlehandedly responsible for the Renaissance of the Minnesota women's basketball program, who left after just one year to guide the Terrapins to their first-ever women's national championship. The game's Sunday afternoon at 2, so just after the second half of the Green Bay-Dallas Divisional Game begins. I still might go!
#0: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!). Meanwhile, the Gopher women keep chugging along, continuing their winning streak to 11 after whipping St. Lawrence at Ridder Arena by scores of 10-0 and 5-1 in what may be the first Sunday-Tuesday series in the history of the women's hockey program. Rachel Bona is WCHA Co-Offensive Player, and Kelly Pannek conference Rookie, Of The Week. Nevertheless they are solidly behind Boston College for the top spot in the polls.
I didn't realize this squad is in the middle of a seven-game homestand. They host Wisconsin this Saturday and Sunday afternoon.
#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!). So, after we've squared away the good women's teams, how do we rank the rank men's teams? The rest of the entries here have won two games this screening week. How do you separate them? Where do you start?
In the end I put the U. penis icers as Last Rat Standing for two reasons: They managed to win Saturday against the Rochester Institute of Technology and they still have the vast majority of conference ahead of them to turn their underachieving season around. But let's not mince words here: They had an awful weekend. Against what on paper should have been an overmatched lineup, they lost their Mariucci Classic when they were upset against Merrimack, a team whose location I do not know. Seriously, how the fuck can you lose to Merrimack and then show your face around campus?
I guess the only saving grace is that they're now back at full strength; three of their players were participating at the World Juniors Championships. This weekend they're at Michigan.
In the end I put the U. penis icers as Last Rat Standing for two reasons: They managed to win Saturday against the Rochester Institute of Technology and they still have the vast majority of conference ahead of them to turn their underachieving season around. But let's not mince words here: They had an awful weekend. Against what on paper should have been an overmatched lineup, they lost their Mariucci Classic when they were upset against Merrimack, a team whose location I do not know. Seriously, how the fuck can you lose to Merrimack and then show your face around campus?
I guess the only saving grace is that they're now back at full strength; three of their players were participating at the World Juniors Championships. This weekend they're at Michigan.
#-2: Swarm (Re-Entry!). I then selected the local box lacrosse team because they defied my prediction and is actually still around. Too bad they got blown out in the first game of the regular season, 20-13 to the Colorado Mammoth. I have no idea how good or bad this squad's supposed to be, but from the penury the owners were pleading, I still think they're trying to find young players on the cheap, therefore they are still going to face an uphill battle for success. They Smarm begin a three-game road trip vs. Edmonton Saturday.
#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4). OK, this is just getting so absurd you can only laugh. The losing streak is now at 13 after losing this "screening week" to Sacramento, Utah, Denver and Phoenix. Believe or not -- you know, maybe it's not that hard to believe -- this streak is only tied for the fourth-longest in franchise history.
At this point you might as well hijack the rest of the year and tank. But like the Philadelphia 76ers last year, the worst record in the NBA does not equate to the first pick in the NBA Draft. And that's what's overlooked: You can't tank in The Association. Well, you can, but that doesn't mean you'll get what you want. You can never prevent tanking, but you can do the best you can not to reward it. Nevertheless, with all the best players still injured, what's the use of starting to win?
This week: At Milwaukee, home to San Antonio, then at Indiana.
At this point you might as well hijack the rest of the year and tank. But like the Philadelphia 76ers last year, the worst record in the NBA does not equate to the first pick in the NBA Draft. And that's what's overlooked: You can't tank in The Association. Well, you can, but that doesn't mean you'll get what you want. You can never prevent tanking, but you can do the best you can not to reward it. Nevertheless, with all the best players still injured, what's the use of starting to win?
This week: At Milwaukee, home to San Antonio, then at Indiana.
#-4: Wild (Last Week: -2). What happened Wednesday may be the surest sign yet that this promising squad, one that many Minnesota sports fans thought would be able to pull the state out of its sports doldrums in the winter, is spiraling into the toilet.
There wasn't a game Wednesday. There was a game Tuesday, where they lost to San Jose in overtime, 4-3. They had a 2-0 lead, then choked that away, then Jason Zucker managed to tie it at 3. But in OT, Goaltender Darcy Kuemper let in a slap shot, unscreened, from the top of the circle to cap the loss. That was the end of a 1-3 week, and this team is performing so conspicuously below expectations that I totally forgot that they managed to beat Toronto (who fired Head Coach Randy Carlyle Tuesday).
That caused Head Coach Mike Yeo to blame Kuemper for the loss after the game, then go ballistic and rip the whole team new assholes at practice the following morning. That is the sign of a Head Coach who has no idea what else to do.
Is it going to work? Right now I'm trying to finish this WMNSS so that I don't have to adjust this survey to account for their game against Chicago right now. But they're losing, so the tailspin may continue. One saving grace: Zach Parise, by far the best (and seems to be most professional) player on the Mild, will soon be back after the passing of his father, Minnesota North Stars great J.P. Parise, Thursday. If Yeo can't light a fire under this team's ass, maybe Parise can. This week they also host Nashville, return a game against the Blackhawks, and visit Pittsburgh.
That caused Head Coach Mike Yeo to blame Kuemper for the loss after the game, then go ballistic and rip the whole team new assholes at practice the following morning. That is the sign of a Head Coach who has no idea what else to do.
Is it going to work? Right now I'm trying to finish this WMNSS so that I don't have to adjust this survey to account for their game against Chicago right now. But they're losing, so the tailspin may continue. One saving grace: Zach Parise, by far the best (and seems to be most professional) player on the Mild, will soon be back after the passing of his father, Minnesota North Stars great J.P. Parise, Thursday. If Yeo can't light a fire under this team's ass, maybe Parise can. This week they also host Nashville, return a game against the Blackhawks, and visit Pittsburgh.
#-5: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -3). Here is the other team that choked in OT Tuesday and is now seeing its season spiral out of control. The defending NIT champions lost at Maryland in a game they weren't in ever, and then lost home to Ohio St. The Buckeyes defeat is worse because they had the lead, then lost it, then had to battle back just to get it to OT, where bad shots and, ironically, too many passes led to turnovers which led to opponent points. I learned from Seth Davis of Sports Illustrated that the Gophers are one of the oldest teams in College Basketball Nation. If that's the case, they look more decrepit than experienced.
No Gophers club that started conference play 0-3 has ever made the NCAAs. They play at Michigan then host Iowa this week.
No Gophers club that started conference play 0-3 has ever made the NCAAs. They play at Michigan then host Iowa this week.
#-Infinity: Gopher football (Re-Entry!). OK, I didn't think I would blog about the football team, but after they lost, soundly, to Missouri on New Year's Day in the Citrus Bowl, I have to point out that Minnesota has now lost its last ... six (?) and haven't won its exhibition since 2004. And while the program is making strides, they lost to a good but not great SEC team, which means they have a ways to go. At some point they have to win a fucking bowl game, come on.
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