I have needed a new prescription for at least several years, and last month I finally went in to get an eye test. Talk about procrastinating -- it's been weeks since I got my eyes checked and I didn't tell you guys ... well, I didn't think it was blog-worthy until now.
Getting new eyeglasses are expensive. I assumed that my health insurance (which I get through the state, thank goodness) would give me a good deal on frames. But, like the last time I got new frames, the place I went to (I went to the three at the mall closest to me; one doesn't take state insurance and the other was busy when I dropped by and frankly I've been too lazy to go back there) had such a shitty, underwhelming selection that I went to Plan B: Warby Parker.
Warby Parker probably is the pre-eminent eyeware company that does most of its business online, or at least is the eyeware company with the heaviest online and social media presence, in the country. They are trying to turn glasses into a fashion statement, but they have combined stylish eyeware with affordable eye lenses to transform the eyeglasses business. In 2013 they had what they called a "class trip," a travelling store (housed in a school bus) to places in the U.S. where they didn't have stores. They hit Minneapolis (specifically Uptown) that August. I had read about this hip new glasses company, how they melded style with affordability and, despite it having a dark side to their philanthropic efforts, I fell under Warby Parker's spell and went to this bus determined to do what this Esquire article said and replace the Ray-Bans that were so wide they would slip off my face if I leaned forward for a long time with the Everett in midnight blue. And I did and the bus was cool and so were the people helping me. And the sunglasses were shipped a little later and, even though I wonder if the sunglass frames are too big for me, they do not slip off my face, and therefore I am happy.
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Before ordering my glasses at the WP website, I started to obsess over something that I wondered about the last time I was purchasing new frames: What kind of eyelgass frames are best for my face shape? And there's a concurrent question: What is my face shape? Searching for that, I somehow (I don't remember how) stumbled onto a website about the best type of frames for Asian faces, and then I was reading about the difficulty Asians have of finding glasses that fit -- not face shape, just glasses that accommodate our faces. Honestly, I have never known until now that my people have regular difficulty with finding eyeglasses for our smaller nose bridge (I think my nose is kind of fat myself) and high cheekbones. So now I have to worry about this, too?
It was at this point did I realize that I fell into a rabbit hole, and I had two issues to deal with: What kind of shape is my face, and what features on a frame will fit a Chinese face like mine? There is a website of a San Francisco-based Warby Parker-esque company catering to Asian glass-wearers that will tell you what kind of shape you have (and which of their glasses would look best on you) if you send them a photo. I did, and the person who told me said I have an oblong shape. Later, when doing some independent research on what kind of frame shapes fit oblong faces, I ran into many sites that have answers for oval faces, but not oblong. So there are no frame shapes that make an oblong face like mine look good? Or am I to think that oval and oblong are pretty much the same thing? I kind of think they are. In fact, after looking in the mirror a few times I can be persuaded to believe that my face in fact has an oval shape. But can I really just find frames that go with oval faces? I don't know. It's a pain in the ass.
After sending her measurements of the WP Everett I wear, I was given five frames -- and none of them look like the small oval glasses I prefer. Really? These kinds that I wear don't look good on me? I'm shocked. I always thought that big, chunky glasses call too much attention to me and my face. I always thought that these ovals make me look understated and intelligent -- or, in other words, Chinese. But I guess I was wrong all this time. Seriously, from, like, my second pair of glasses I have had small oval glasses. Guess I was doing my face no favors.
For all their efforts I was completely prepared to give them my business. But then I checked, and the cheapest of the five recommended frames is $250. Whoa, no thanks. (That's why I'm not naming or linking to the company.) There were a couple other companies that I looked into online, but one had all but one style that I would not put on my face even at gunpoint, and the other was so difficult to navigate for glasses online that I cannot on principle give my money to a company that frustrates me with a bad website. In other words, back to Warby Parker.
But how will I know if the WP eyeglass frames I get have the padding on the nose bridge so they will fit on Asian noses? I was going to rely on its Try-At-Home feature, where they mail you five frames so you can see how they look on your face, and then you ship them back, all for free. I didn't want to do it because I just wanted to be done with it, but now I'm obsessed that I'm getting non-Asian eyeglasses. Luckily, I stumbled onto this blog post where a guy was so kind-hearted as to tell me which of the frames are, um, Asian-worthy.
Some styles have been discontinued since his post, but there are nine that fit me. I can only ask for five frames for the Try-At-Home. After considering the dimensions, lens width and frame shape of my WP sunglasses and those of the nine that fit me, and using the five frames I was sent from this Asian glasses company as models (I honestly did not understand the description the person gave me for the frames that look best on me; she said I need an angular frame that's deeper vertically -- what the hell does that mean?!), I think I've settled on five that probably look good on me. They're a mix of the Everett and some sizes both larger and smaller, a couple square-shaped like the Everett and some that are rectangular and round. If I'm not totally happy with the way my sunglasses look on me, the five should give me a better alternative, even though I would have been happier with more choices (hell, I'd be happier with going to a WP store).
I had to break some ties with some of the glasses I am about to order for Try-At-Home. In the end I axed two for superficial reasons. One shares the name of a certain asshole governor of a state bordering us. (Esquire's Charlie Pierce has an excellent article on him; I think he'll be the Koch Brothers-backed Republican nominee for President, and I'm really scared that he'll win.) The other shares the name of The Asshole who yelled at me at work. Look, I don't have tangible reasons to reject these glasses, but thinking about it I don't want the wear their names on my face, OK?
So at some point I'm going to settle on which color of each of these five frames I want, then I am going to ask for Warby Parker to send these glasses to me, and I'll hopefully tolerate one of them, and then I'll take out $95 from my HSA and finally get new glasses, that are appropriate for my weird oblong face, and finally see properly. Didn't think it'd take this long or be this complicated, but maybe it is, or maybe I wanted it to be this hard.
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