The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher softball (BRAND NEW!!).  Ladies and gentlemen, we have a first in the now ... wow, I've had Wailing And Failing going on for seven years now?!?!?!  Oh, anyway, we have a first -- the first-ever addition to the Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.  I still didn't know if I was going to follow Minnesota Golden Gopher softball after watching a couple games in NCAA regionals last year, and I'm afraid I still don't know all the rules and strategies.  But after seeing that this year's team started off the season winning all five games in the Sportco Kick Off Classic in Las Vegas, two players on the squad receive accolades from the Big Ten, and rising in the rankings, I couldn't resist it anymore.  From now, the University of Minnesota softball program will be a fixture in the WMNSS.  This will lengthen the time I need to do the survey -- look at it, there are nine teams this week, and there will be nine teams through next month! -- but they deserve a spot after their magical run last year and a promising start to this year.

The lead dog for the squad in Vegas was their star Pitcher, Sara Groenewegen.  She was a motherfucking monster over the weekend -- 3-0, 26 strikeouts and .88 Earned Run Average.  I saw her in last year's NCAA regional elim game against North Dakota St., and as often happens in softball, Pitchers start off playing on the field before entering the circle.  Let me take you to that tournament game box score to show you how impactful Groenewegen was: Playing First Base to start off the game vs. the Bison, she went 2-for-3 with a walk.  She then relieved last year's ace, Sara Moulton, and struck out a baker's dozen over 6 1/3 innings to get the win in extra innings.  (Being able to throw underhand helps heaps with endurance and position flexibility.)

And Groenewegen went the distance in shutting out Washington in the seasoon-opening game, K'ing nine and allowing only four hits.  Of course it's much easier going the distance when that distance is shorter than usual: Minnesota took an 8-0 lead after five innings, and even though softball games go only seven, the run rule (I would like to use the term "mercy rule," but apparently such dramatic verbiage is frowned upon) applied and gave the Gophers a convincing win over what appears to be the best opponent they faced over the weekend.  In fact, they run-ruled their next two victories, Cal State-Bakersfield (9-1 in five innings) and California-Davis (15-6 in six).

Since it's single digits here in Minnesota, the Golden Gophers will stay the hell away from here for another weekend.  In fact, they won't be playing a home game until two months from now.  That's seven weekends and 30 games!  Man, that's one bitch of a road trip!  This weekend they will visit two cities in Florida: a doubleheader against Stetson tomorrow (Friday) in Deland, then Massachusetts-Lowell and Central Florida Sunday in the city of Clermont.

#0: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5).  Yeah, what I said last week about them having no shot at making the NCAA Tournament?  Fuck what I said.  Apparently I was wrong.  After gaining a sweep of Ohio St. at Mariucci (by scores of 4-2 and 6-2), they apparently are now The Penultimate Team In, at least according to Jayson Moy, aka J. Brackets at USCHO.  He has been exactly perfect the last four years not only in predicting who makes the NCAAs but also which teams play which and where.  Assuming he is right, right now the Gophers would be the 14th-best team in the field and face North Dakota in the West Regional, played in ... Fargo, which I guess can now host regionals because they dropped the "Fighting Sioux" nickname.  That screams two-and-done, but hey, beats staying home for the tourney.

Don't know if you know this, but the Big Ten is having a down year.  In fact, the conference as a whole is having a shit year.  PairWise-wise, Michigan leads the B1G, but only at twelth.  In fact, J. Brackets last week projected that the Wolverines (aka only the conference tournament champion) would be the only team from the conference to make the 16-team tourney.  (Meanwhile, the multi-bid leagues are Hockey East [not a surprise] and the NCHC [a big surprise].)  The Big Ten, a one-big league?  That makes them, like, the Southland League.  And that's pathetic.  So these Gophs have to get better for the good of the conference, not just for their own fortunes.

Wouldn't you know it?  The club hosts the league-leading Wolverines this weekend.

#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -3).  OK, this may be the best week this squad has had this year.  First, they opened up the second half of their home game against Purdue Saturday on a 21-2 run and held on to outlast the Boilermakers, 62-58.  Then tonight (Thursday night), they went on a mid-first half run and kept it all the way to notch their first road win in conference play, 64-59 in Iowa.  That'll burnish their chances of getting into the NIT ... and yes, there are NIT bracketology (also known as "NITology") sites on the Internet.  I won't link to them because, frankly, I think they're obscene.  I consider them akin to sites that show animal cruelty.

This is a busy week for the team; they play in Indiana for the B1G Sunday Night game, then host Northwestern Wednesday.

#-2: Swarm (Last Week: -6).  In a surprisingly low-scoring scuffle that went into overtime, Swarm Forward (stalwart) Callum Crawford long-balled it past Rochester Goalie Matt Vinc to give the squad a 7-6 win.  The Knighthawks blanked Minnesota 5-0 in the third quarter to take a 6-5 lead, but that was sandwiched by goalless second and fourth quarters, the game-tying goal in a 1-0 fourth scored by Captain and Transition (and stalwart) Andrew Suitor.  Still have no idea if this is a good team, but they are only a game behind East Division-leading Toronto.

They host said Rock tomorrow, Friday the 13th.  (Realized a couple hours ago that I am losing my job tomorrow, Friday the 13th.  That has to be a bad omen.)

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -1).  Well, The Devan Dubnyk Honeymoon had to end some day, and even though Winnipeg's 2-1 OT win (via a breakaway goal from The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers' Dustin Byfuglien -- he's One Of Us, BTW) didn't singlehandedly ruin the Mild's chances of reaching the playoffs, we are getting enough of a sample size for him to at least get more than their fair share of dings.  Nevertheless they are playing much better, getting their winning streak to six after home victories over Colorado and Vancouver.  They currently are fighting the defending champion L.A. Kings and The Team That Was Stolen From Us to even steal one of the playoff spots in the Western Conference ... one of them being the Winnipeg Jets.

They are currently playing the Florida Panthers.  They then play The Bastard Hartford Whalers at the Xcel Energy Center before playing at Vancouver and Calgary.

 #-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  Honestly, things are looking up for the Woofie Dogs.  Sure, they lost to Atlanta and Golden State, but they're the two best teams in the NBA.  (And by the way, I think it's a great thing that the three best teams in The Association are the Hawks, the Warriors and the Memphis Grizzlies.  No Lakers, no Celtics, no Knicks, not even the Spurs.  I think that the hard salary cap gives every organization a chance to win a title, but did you know that the Minneapolis Lakers, L.A. Lakers and Boston Celtics have won almost half of the league's championships?)  But the Wolves battled back to tie Golden State before they lost it late.  And they did play Memphis, the third-best team in the NBA this screening week -- and they won, thanks to Ricky Rubio's late scores, steal and defense.  (They crushed Detroit too, and on the road, no less.  The T-Wolves have won ten in a row over the Pistons?)  Just like the Wild, the Timberwolves didn't panic and instead waited for their best players to get back on the court, and you can see how good this team could be.

Nonetheless they made a couple schematic trades Wednesday, trading away Mo Williams, Troy Daniels and a first-round pick in two transactions in exchange for Gary Neal, Adreian Payne and a second-rounder.  I'm kind of bugged about trading away a first-round selection, but they are getting younger and clearing the way for Andrew Wiggins to get more playing time, which he continues to need to blossom.  I haven't seen him in a long time, but it looks like Wiggins is going to make a statement in this league.

They are off this weekend for the All-Star Game.  Since their next game is Friday, I don't have to talk about these guys for next week's survey ... which makes my work compiling this list a bit shorter, thank Buddha.

#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -7).  Some people say that a team's road record is a good indicator as to how good they'll play at the neutral courts in the NCAA Tournament.  If that's a case, the Goofs' sudden road woes, capped last Thursday with a 95-69 ass-kicking in Illinois, is quite dispiriting.  So some home cooking certainly is the cure for what ailed them; they beat Michigan St. Sunday and drubbed Wisconsin last (Wednesday) night at Williams.  That has stabilized their standing in getting into the Big Dance, even though they now look quite vulnerable away from Dinkytown.  This week: at Penn St., then home to Iowa.

#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2).  They remain second-best in the country, according to the polls.  But Friday's defeat in North Dakota, only their second loss this season, is, to me, very demoralizing.  I don't know Boston College's strength of schedule, but title teams take care of Top 10 teams in the small, not very developed world of women's college hockey.  To lose, and to get shut out in the process?  No bueno, even if they came back to beat the No-Names 3-1 the next day.  That's why I tucked this club behind the U. vagina ballers for this week.

The last WCHA home regular season series is this weekend, and it's another Top 10 team: Sixth-ranked Minnesota-Duluth, they of the team with a lame duck Head Coach.  Seriously, why are they letting an NCAA Champion and current-Top 10 Head Coach go, especially if she said she would take a pay cut to ease the "financial considerations" that led to her sacking?

#-7: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -Infinity).  OK, the bloom is off the rose.  Things were going too well for the Gopher grapplers, but the magic is gone now that they followed up their shameful home loss to Iowa with a 22-13 road loss to then-fifth-ranked Ohio St.  Yeah, they're a good team, but they didn't have these issues with then-second-ranked Oklahoma St. earlier in the season.  Like with softball, I don't know too much about wrestling.  Specifically, I don't think I understand the strategy behind it.  Is J Robinson sitting his best wrestlers for the NCAAs?  Are they hurt?  All I know is they are going sideways at precisely the wrong time; ending the conference season by routing pipsqueak Maryland 34-12 doesn't change things.  They are now as likely to win the NCAA title as previous recent U. clubs are.  Which is to say, no chance.

NWCA National Duals are the next two weeks.  They visit North Dakota St. Sunday.  Why are they visiting NDSU?  I thought the Goofers are the better team.  Eh, whatever, they're not going to win the championship.