The Last Day

Well, after almost/about/a little more than half a year, I will be cast off into the unfeeling Real World after today.  This is my last day at the job.

There are a bunch of feelings swirling in my right now, and I think that will change even in the course of my work day.  But I'll be honest with you: I'm kind of angry that I'm losing my job.  It's an irrational anger because I am a temp, and this is a temp job, and I knew that this was going to happen at some point.  But with the test scoring position starting only two weeks from now, and then not knowing where to turn to after that, I am back to being an itinerant servant, wandering from place to place for a handout.  That's how I feel right now, at this moment, and so I'm scared and therefore quite upset.  Now, I don't know if that's going to mean I'm going to throw things around my cubicle.  After all, there are good people there and I might be asked back next season, even after I made such a hash of things this season.  But hey, it's my last day.  What are they gonna do, fire me?  I'm kind of fueled by that defiance right now; it's just not going to manifest itself, lest I do something really dumb.

I will admit there is a certain amount of freedom I feel.  There is stuff to work on today (in fact there is stuff that I could do for the near future; I'm just not going to be asked back to do it), but if it doesn't get done today, it doesn't get done today.  All I can do is all I can; they just have to pick up the rest, that's all.

There are treating me out for lunch today.  That's nice.  But I don't want to reveal too much, mostly because I don't know what the hell I'm going to do, and I don't want them to know that.  As soon as someone asks me, "What job do you have lined up next?" I'll just shrug and get really depressed and quiet.

Nevertheless I think these two weeks inbetween jobs will be good for me.  I'll be able to do some things -- get that dental check-up, see that podiatrist during the day, do my taxes, catch up on my writing a little more, exercise a little more, and, especially, wear jeans now that I don't have to hew to a business casual clothing policy.  At least I'll have that.

Now I go to work, one more time.