I had a feeling that he, my sister-in-law and niece would be dropping by today. Not just because it would be just my luck, but also because, well, Mother loves her granddaughter and it's the weekend, so it makes sense.
That's the good thing about always thinking ahead. I can gird myself in case the worst comes. This morning I thought about the possibility of that happening, and I girded myself.
I went downstairs to tell Father (who was reading stuff on his computer) and Mother (who was working on her computer) that I was leaving -- a rarity, but just in case. Told Father first; told him I'd be back around 4.
Just as I was leaving and he was turning back to his desktop, he turned back to me: "Oh, Jimmy's coming at noon."
My folks know that we don't get along, and I'm sure they knew we didn't get along last week in Hong Kong, to put it mildly.
I had to stop and think there, in Father's computer room, for an extra beat. "Tell him I say hi," I said. Then I told Mother with the caveat that a friend of mine might want to meet up after dinner. Wanted to give the impression that I might come in late and leave early, as is my want. In reality, I have the United match to go to tonight; still don't know if they know whether I have season tickets.
Look, for all the obligatory his and byes we give each other and gave each other in Hong Kong, I fucking don't like him because he's a bully. He can say all he wants about just wanting to drop by so my niece can see his parents, but he's just a fucking manipulator, trying to play mind games as the first son and the one bearing my folks progeny. He's lording it over me, and so he thinks he can get away with everything -- like he has all his life. Trying to be an adult around my niece just adds more pressure to me coming back home and thinking everything's OK, when it's not. For me, it rarely has.
So why in the hell should I come back home while they're there? Fuck being the better man. I'm not going to debase myself and give My Asshole Brother the satisfaction. How about just dropping off my niece and let my parents and I take care of her for a while? That'll let me have bonding time with her without needing to deal with him.
Ah, it's no use. I have to go home at some point. Besides, I can't avoid My Asshole Brother forever because that'll mean avoiding my niece forever, and as much as I hate being over a barrel, I can't have that. If I miss them today, fine. Next time, I'll have to fucking play nice. Because I'm supposed to be the bigger man, even though he isn't, because no one sees him as not being the bigger man.
Until then, though, maybe I'll stop by Dairy Queen before coming home today. I mean, it's hot out there.
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