Tuesday, April 2, 2019

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher softball (Last Week: -2).  The only team this week that finished undefeated should get the top spot.  And the softballin' Gophers get that with a three-Game home sweep of Purdue.  Although none of the games were Mercy-Ruled, they outscored the Boilermakers over the weekend, 18-4.  Nice to overwhelm an overmatched opponent.

This week they travel to Illinois for a three-Game set.

#-2: Twins (Re-Entry!).  Take your victories where you can; the Twinks start off the season winning  a series at Target Field versus Cleveland.  And the pitching in those two Wins reflect the surrender to sabermetrics that Derek Falvey and Thad Levine have finally been able to institute in its entirety.  For Thursday's season-opener, Jose Berrios mowed down ten over 7 2/3 as they won, 2-0.  And on Sunday, the club used a quasi-Opener in Michael Pineda (pitching for the first time in two years; remember, this is the guy they signed knowing he would have surgery and would miss the entire 2018 season) and used (among other things) a two-Run Home Run by Nelson Cruz to triple up the Tribe, 9-3.

It's so weird to head into a season without Joe Mauer.  But as good as it was for a fanbase to grow up with a talisman for all these years, it does feel sort of refreshing to have the weight of his albatross of a contract off of this organization's necks.  What is there, though, is still up for debate.  The starting rotation remains a question mark (this series' results notwithstanding) and the bullpen remains a mess.  So how are some people thinking these guys can win the American League Central?  I don't get it.

Note that this first series of the year was at home, at a time of the year where it's very possible Minnesota would see snow.  Luckily for us, the weather was quite nice.  Nevertheless, the franchise gets treated with games away from the Twin Cities.  In fact, it's one of those maximum-long, week-and-a-half road trips, although since it's early, there is a two-Game series dropped in there, namely Kansas City Wednesday and Thursday.  They face Bryce Harper and the Phillies in Philadelphia this weekend.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -1).  Took two-of-three at Siebert against the Nebraska Cornhuskers, and both wins were of the Game-ending variety.  On Friday, Eli Watson blasted a three-Run Home Run to give the Gophers a 5-2, Ten-Inning victory.  And then on the back half of Sunday's Doubleheader (Saturday's game was pushed back a day and the schedule for Sunday was rejiggered), a Wild Pitch ended the 15 consecutive donuts on the board (each team scored two in the First Inning) and gave the U. a 3-2 win.  Oh, and they tripled up Augsburg Wednesday, 9-3.

I swear the team switched opponents for tonight (Tuesday night).  Earlier it was announced that they dropped in a tilt vs. Bethany ... something or other.  But now it's local school St. Scholastica.  Whatever; the real games are this weekend at Michigan.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  A despairing 1-3 screening week where all the Games were at home.  The misery of the week was capped off last (Monday) night, when the Portland Trail Blazers stretched out to a lead of as many as 19, got reeled back to a four-Point lead, then romped to a 132-122 victory.  The Woofie Dogs also lost to the Clippers and 76ers.

However, they did beat the Golden State Warriors Friday, in Overtime, 131-130, with a final sequence as nutty as a basketball fan will ever see.  Down by three in OT, Kevin Durant drained a 3 off an inbounds and while, presumably, getting fouled by Rookie Keita Bates-Diop (who, by the way, is getting a lot of needed and smart late run with the season now meaningless).  However, the official making the call said Bates-Diop fouled Durant before shooting.  They re-rack the inbounds, and this time, Stephen Curry drains a 3 with Jerryd Bayless draped all over him to tie the game.  (It was Curry's third 3 in the last 90 seconds of OT.)

The Wolves called a Time Out after that, at which point Curry and a few other Warriors pointed fingers and laughed at the ref who called the Durant foul on the floor.  I have never seen players (not just one player, but players) openly disrespect an official like that, no matter how bad the call was.

Veteran ref Leon Wood saw that.  He had to have seen that.  And while more precise (and appropriate) payback could have been made by calling a Technical Foul on Curry after that showing up, Wood clapped back at the Dubs more passive-aggressively/Minnesotan.  On the ensuing T-Wolves inbounds (from half-court; the Wolves' TO gave them the right to move the ball up the floor), the pass was sailing way over the head of Karl-Anthony Towns, who was running away from the inbounds and Durant, hoping for a lob up top.  There was little chance he could have caught the ball.  But Wood called a foul on Durant that was probably phantom and 100% revenge for the Warriors' taunting.  Towns made the first, and that's all the squad needed.  God, that felt good to write.

This week (in a middle of a stretch of six matches where they play every other day): At Dallas, then home to Miami and The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics.

#-5: United FC (Re-Entry!).  Uh, what happened to this team being much improved?  They went into New England to face a Revolution XI that is uninspiring and there for the taking, and they leave Gillette with a 2-1 loss?  A quick look at Alex Schieferdecker at FiftyFive.One shows that the Fullbacks, Francisco Calvo and Romain Metanire, have been pinned back these last two matches, both losses.  And that Angelo Rodriguez can play footsie with the ball and not much else.

We all thought next week's game at the New York Red Bulls would be an automatic loss.  But they are 1-1-2, so maybe they can pull out of this slump Saturday night.  Turns out RBNY can be beat.  But right now, so can the Loons.

#-6: Wild (Last Week: -4).  The franchise's streak of reaching the postseason looks like it will end this season at six years.  They held on to beat the Golden Knights in Las Vegas Friday, 3-2, but in a Game (and really a closing stretch of Games) where they basically needed to be perfect, on Sunday they shit themselves and curled up to die, getting crushed by The Bastard Winnipeg Jets (a team still out of a playoff spot but nevertheless in the hunt) in Glendale, 4-0.  The complete lack of effort may be emblematic of an old, wheezing team that finally needs to be put out of its misery.  And yet not reaching the playoffs seems like a reasonable enough goal that not reaching feels quite humiliating.

Worse yet for the Mild, their next two contests are at home (Tuesday vs. Winnipeg, Thursday against Boston).  I don't know for sure, but it feels like the Mild need to win all three of their final regular season Games (they wind up the 2018-9 season at The Team That Was Stolen From Us) and have the club that's currently in eighth, The Bastard Quebec Noridques, lose all of their remaining Games.  Oh, and the Coyotes have to lose all of theirs.  Minnesotans are a passive-aggressive lot, and Wild fans that much added with a touch of prickliness.  If the Wild lose or are otherwise eliminated from playoff contention either on Tuesday or Thursday, I expect -- no, I demand -- at least a shower of boos from the Xcel Energy Center crowd.  Fuck, I wouldn't mind a drink or two thrown onto the ice.  It's the least we can do, but that's what we got from this team -- the least.

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