The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: United FC (Re-Entry!).  Congratulations to the Loons, who won their first-ever Major League Soccer postseason Match (albeit in an expanded format due to the coronavirus pandemic) Sunday night with a dominating 3-0 win over the Colorado Rapids.

I really didn't think they had it in them.  I really thought they were going to lose a second consecutive playoff Game at home, albeit in front of a completely empty Allianz Field.  I thought so because four very important players on the squad were called up to international duty.  Much to my surprise, only Romain Metanire was unavailable (and off the roster) for the Eighthfinal.  In fact, Jan Gregus and Robin Lod started the Match; Kei Kamara was named for the bench and came in as a substitute.  I thought that quarantine rules after coming back to the United States would prevent all MLS players who flew overseas to participate in at least the play-in and Round of 16 Games that started a week-and-a-half ago.  But apparently, MLS was told that if those call-ups were flown back on charter flights, and so long as the tests they took overseas continued to be negative, they would not have to quarantine.  It sounds like an unethical loophole endorsed by this corrupt government to me, but hey, MNUFC won.

What apparently has happened, and over a longer period of time than what I am aware of, is that Head Coach Adrian Heath finally has a fleet of attackers he can rely on.  Lod, Kevin Molino, Ethan Finlay and Emmanuel Reynoso has formed that most valuable, ineffable of things in soccer: Chemistry.  And it seemed in top gear Sunday, as Finlay provided attack, Reynoso was spraying the ball around like a magician, Lod scored (with his left foot!), and Molino braced.  I now sort-of understand the almost Trump-like hold Molino has on Heath; when Molino is healthy, he can diagnose MLS play as well as anyone I've seen since I started intently following the league.

And now they'll have Metanire back for the Quarterfinal at Sporting Kansas City, a place where they've been so unsuccessful they'll need all the help they can get.  But that Match will be played next Wednesday, which seems odd to me.  You see, two of the Quarterfinals will be played Sunday, a third on Tuesday, and SKC/MNUFC Wednesday.  But, there were three Eighthfinal Matches that were played last/Tuesday night, and each of those results completed three of the four matchups.  The only one that was already known before last night was SKC/MNUFC, and so I thought that to be fair, they would meet either Sunday afternoon or Sunday evening.  Alas, the television partners decided otherwise.  That gives the Loons ten whole days to recuperate and get ready for Kansas City.  But so does SKC; they also won their Round of 16 matchup on Sunday, beating San Jose on Penalty Kicks.

#0: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  The retooling of college sports once the fall season began laid bare what the NCAA, and by extension the member schools and its respective athletic departments, values.  And the answer, of course, is money.

What has been underreported, I think, is the ... uh, for lack of a better term, discrimination non-revenue sports, and by extension women, have to put up with this year.  Ideally, all college sports would be shut down, or at least "bubbled," until there's a vaccine.  (The weekly rash of college football Games postponed or cancelled is irrefutable evidence for such moves.  More evidence?  As of press time, today, the start of the delayed men's college basketball season, has already had 23 Games postponed or cancelled.)  But the NCAA and colleges' athletic departments need money.  So college football started.  So will men's (and women's) basketball.  But Olympic/non-revenue sports, like women's volleyball and soccer?  For some (but not all) conferences, it's no schedule yet; circle back after the New Year to see if there's a plan by then.  A lot of people worried about these student-athletes' routines and chances to impress scouts getting ruined if there was even the slightest delay to their football or basketball seasons.  But don't volleyball or soccer players have the same worry, and have the same right to worry, if their delayed season pushes up against the, say, National Women's Soccer League season, or v-ball seasons in other countries?  Just because it doesn't make beaucoup bucks on domestic soil doesn't mean those players' seasons can get jacked up all over the place.

With that being said, top-flight college hockey for both men and women began in earnest recently, and both U. skating teams played, without COVID-19 incident, over the screening week.  I did not notice until shortly before their season began that the men would begin their season with a Thursday-Friday series, something I have never seen before from the Gopher men's hockey program.  They swept Penn St. at home those two Games, 4-1 and 3-2.

I got blindsided even further when I saw the schedule for the next series, at home to Ohio St. -- the following Monday and Tuesday!  Four Games, all played within the same calendar week, but not one of those Games falling on a weekend?!  What fresh hell is this?  (Although there is a chance that this was by design; maybe the Big Ten Network wanted content during the week?)  That's 2020 for you, man.

Regardless, the Gophers are rolling.  They swept the Buckeyes, by 4-1 and 2-0 scores.  And they start a season 4-0 for the first time in six Years.  Maybe Head Coach Bob Motzko is turning things around for the better.  But now the squad strikes out on the roar for two straight series, the first one against Michigan St. ... next Thursday and Friday!  I am absolutely surprised that these guys still are not playing on a weekend!

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!).  Riddle me this: The Gopher women icers open up their season splitting with Ohio St. at Ridder Arena ... and they actually rose a spot in the USCHO poll, from fourth to third?  (Blame Cornell; they were ranked second in the first poll taken two Weeks ago, then fell out of the poll entirely.)  The program can't just roll over every single team in its wake in top-flight women's college hockey anymore.  In fact, they were in danger of not reaching the Frozen Four with a home rematch with Ohio St., which upset the Gophs in the WCHA Final Faceoff Semifinals (at Ridder, natch), looming.  In that sense, the cancellation of the season due to the advent of the coronavirus pandemic was a godsend because who knows if they were going to get upset again?

Couldn't break down the prospects of this team winning it all, sorry.

They visit Minnesota-Duluth for contests Black Friday and Saturday.  Wow, a Friday-Saturday college hockey series.  How uncommon!

#-2: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!).  What the Woofie Dogs did this week with the draft and free agency is rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.  Sorry.

I swear I told other people this, I swear: If I were the Wolves, I would want no part of the top of the NBA Draft.  There was no clear-cut #1 player, and none of the three that could even be considered #1 (Anthony Edwards, James Wiseman and Lamelo Ball) are bad fits with Karl-Anthony Towns and D'Angelo Russell.  Gersson Rosas should have traded down -- maybe not for pennies on the dollar, but dimes on the dollar, and then the Woofs could have picked up a at, say, between picks 4 and 11 a defensive wunderkind at a friendly contract and fill a gaping hole for this club when they don't have the ball.

Instead, their second-ever #1 overall is a guy who is all offense and no defense.  He can't protect the rim, he has yet to demonstrate prowess with the pick-and-roll, and he's superior ballhandling isn't needed when Russell is being paid to be the main Point Guard.  Worse yet, he frequently loses focus (especially on defense) and he settles for jumpers way too often.  And that points to what could be his biggest weakness: His lack of effort.  Do all these downsides remind you of Andrew Wiggins?  That's because I think he is the second coming of Standrew.  And these fucking Timberwolves made him the #1 overall pick.  Prediction: Both and Onyeka Okongwu (selected by The Bastard St. Louis Hawks at #6) and Tyrese Haliburton (who went to The Bastard Cincinnati Royals-By-Way-Of-Kansas City/Omaha Kings at #12) will have much better careers than Edwards.

All the other moves this franchise has made are underwhelming.  I know nothing about the other two draft picks, Leandro Bolmaro and Jaden McDaniels.  The only player they have taken from another team is Ed Davis, who signed as a Free Agent from Boston.  They signed to an extension Malik Beasley, a guy who showed enough promise to be considered the third part of the T-Wolves' Big 3, but is currently charged with waving a rifle at a couple and possessing pot.  Seriously, this guy is going to be your third wheel?

The only move I even half-like is the convoluted-but-typical-for-the-NBA trade where, with New York and The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics, Ricky Rubio is coming back home.  He was cast off to The Bastard New Orleans Jazz because Tom Thibodeau didn't like him.  And to be fair, he has not lived up to the prodigy reputation his hype men bestowed upon him.  But he can still pass like a motherfucker, and quite frankly, his appearance on the team already makes him the team's best defender.  He'll be a steadying presence for the second unit, and he probably can step in for Russell on the first team (although he still can't shoot).  Finally, a familiar face after all the turnover on this squad is very refreshing.

Otherwise, I say the Timberwolves fucked up another offseason.

#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -2).  Beat Purdue Friday night at TCF Bank Stadium, 34-31.  Exciting Game, obviously, but talk after it has boiled down to an offensive pass interference call by Purdue Tight End Payne Durham with 52 Seconds left in regulation.  He caught a pass by Quarterback Jack Plummer in the End Zone.  But he was called for OPI, and review showed a very, very weak shove-off by Durham.  The Boilermakers were pushed back 15 Yards to the Gopher 34, and on the very next play, Plummer threw an Interception to Minnesota's Josh Aune to seal the win.

One shouldn't be too embarrassed about the phantom flag; an upstart sportsbook took it upon themselves to declare the OPI bullshit and thus decided to refund money to all those who bet on Purdue, which I think is bullshit because who are they to say what the actual score of a contest should be?  But instead of saying something to the effect of, "Hey, I could see it being a no-call, but obviously we'll take the call and the win," P. J. Fleck did not cover himself in glory with his comments after the Game and the day after.  At one point, in addressing haters, Fleck said something like, "We were going to have our detractors regardless of what we did this season.  We are only playing eight Games, so obviously there will be people who said we are underachieving compared to last Year."  That's a lame argument, Coach, and I like you, but I can now see how people think you're obnoxious.

I was going to put the gridiron U. at -1, which is a perfect summation of where they should be compared with the other local teams this screening week.  However, news came last/Tuesday evening that Saturday's rivalry Match versus Wisconsin, for Paul Bunyan's Axe, has been cancelled.  This is a huge fucking deal.  Minnesota-Wisconsin will remain as the rivalry with the most meetings, with 129.  But it has been the longest continuous rivalry; the two schools first met in 1890, missed meeting in 1906, and have played each other every year since.  That streak will be broken, to be replaced by the Palmetto Bowl, between Clemson and South Carolina.

As heartbreaking as breaking this rivalry is, it looks like it's the Goofers' fault.  They announced they have an outbreak amidst their team and staff.  (For the record, Wisconsin has had to wrestle with COVID-19 as well, and they've cancelled two Games already, but they apparently were fully healed and were fully out of quarantine.)  College football's approach to deal with the pandemic has been as half-ass as America's.  Top-flight college football has soldiered on even though more and more teams have failed to exhibit self-control and avoid contracting the virus.  This week Minnesota fucked up, and that has ruined a storied record.  And this gives more reason to think the whole goddamn season should not have even started.

At any rate, though, this doesn't get the U. off the hook.  It's their people that tested positive, and therefore it is them that has cancelled this rivalry Game.  Shame on them.

#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  Although I forgot to enter my pick in one Eliminator competition -- did I blog post about that? -- I am still alive in the other, the one on ESPN.  Not only have I remembered to put in a team there every week, I have picked correct every week so far.  I think that's fucking amazing.

Each week, you can see how many people, by percentage, has picked a team for Eliminator that week.  Last week, I'm certain that the leading team picked were the Vikes.  And why not?  They're on an upswing, having won three in a row, and they were at home facing the Dallas Cowboys, who had only two wins and has been shuffling Quarterbacks the past couple weeks.

I really wanted to pick Minnesota.  I thought I should pick Minnesota.  But I selected Cleveland instead.  Why?  Because I'm a Vikings "fan," and I know that it's times like these where this moribund organization underachieves.  And by God and Buddha, I was vindicated.

Watching the end of the Game (even though it was at home, I was not asked to work it due to COVID), it was obvious that, once again, it was the Defense that fucking blew it.  The only strength the Cowboys had was a fast Wide Receiving corps, which was supported by a solid, just not flashy, QB backup in Andy Dalton.  And that strength was repeatedly utilized against a non-existent pass rush and a Secondary that is still learning on the job.  For a third Game this year (the others being the ones vs. The Bastard Houston Oilers and Seattle), the Defense needed to hold the line and keep a fragile Vikes lead, only to relent late in the Game.  And this time around this defeat wasted what could have been the best performance Kirk Cousins has turned in all season.  Sure, he could have led the team to a Game-winning drive with less than a Minute left in the Game, but he did so much getting Minnesota to that point that it really shouldn't be his fault.  Once again, where the fuck was the D when we needed them?

This is a particularly galling loss because this was supposed to be the easiest part of the schedule.  Dallas was the first of three tilts against teams with records worse than the Vikings, and those three were/are all at U. S. Bank Stadium.  The ViQueens now sit at 4-6, and they have a horrible climb to somehow get into the playoffs.  And now we don't even know if this organization is good enough to beat the Carolina Panthers, who come to town for a Game this Sunday.  The playoff, at least and though, seem securely out of reach now.  (shakes head)