The Political Fundraising Appeals Need To Head To A Fainting Couch

Election Day's in two days.  Then it'll all be over.  Unless we don't have a winner declared by then, which increasingly looks like it's going to happen.  And then if Trump and the Republicans manage to steal this election too, well, the only thing over will be American democracy.

Anyway, I want this shit to be over.  Let's elect Biden, let's elect Democrats, then we can all breathe a sigh of relief, relax and practice self-care, then set about restoring the American Experiment and bringing justice to treasonous bastards.  I voted about a month ago.  First time I ever voted early.  I have donated a shit ton of money also.  Don't regret it; the times demand I do a little more than just voting.

But with those donations come more e-mails and texts asking for even more money.  Look, I can only give so much.  Also, there are appeals to volunteer time, mostly to phone bank and text bank, where you call or text people and ask them if they're voting or, come to think of it, if they can donate money.  I am taking sides, but I am not so committed whereby I want to take some time out of my day to bother people, especially if I would be doing to them what people seem to be doing to me.

Worst of all, however, are the overly dramatic titles to the e-mails and texts that are supposed to call your attention to their asks and urge you to hand your wallet.  They seemed to start off OK, before you could see Election Day in the distance, but now they've gone all batshit crazy.  Look at some of the headlines I see when I check my computer for e-mail and my phone for texts:

• "I'm worried"
• "We're behind"
• "We have some bad news"
• "CATASTROPHIC polling"
• "We're PLEADING"
• "We're choking back tears"
• "We're about to have a heart attack"
• "We've got nothing left"
• "That's it ... we give up ... it's over"
• "Joe Biden GONE"
• "Goodbye"

Seriously, are you guys OK?  Hey, I know this election is giving all of us correct-minded people stress and anxiety.  But shit, these people sending these texts and e-mails need some psychological help.  Freedom hanging in the balance is no excuse to emotionally blackmail people who have the same political views as you.  Faint on a couch, smoke some weed, rub one out -- do anything so you won't get all hyperbolic when you're trying to hit me up for money.  Shit.

Like I said, I can't wait for this fucking election to be over.