So the stripper girlfriend whom I have known, and who has jerked me off, the most, ***e*, lost her father last week. I don't want to pry by asking details, but I assume it was sudden. She had just recently moved into a basement apartment. The apartment directly above hers opened up. It had larger space for two bedrooms, so she took that one ... and kept the basement one so her father could move in. I'm guessing he was there for a couple days, maybe less, before he died.
Despite my superficial misgiving, I still went over to her place (to her new apartment, right above her old one to which I paid a visit a week before) so she and ******e could double-team me for a handjob. But of course I held her when I first saw her. And then, as we were about to leave, we went down to the laundry room. She was peering out from the basement window to the grass to the side of the apartment. "That's where my father played with my kids," ***e* said, and for the first time ever I felt as if her eyes and thoughts became distant, trying to will her dad back to life by imagining him, in his folding chair, holding her two babies. All I could do was put my hand on her shoulder.
I don't know what else I could do for her, but I care for her, so I am trying to volunteer what I can do if she needs anything. I texted her last night and she said there's a possibility that she needs help moving. Too many bad memories, she said. I understand, even though this will be yet another move and she looked really, really happy there.
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Yesterday after dinner, and after I went into my bedroom, Father knocked on my door. I hate that he does that because ... well, I don't want him bothering me. But he told me, in typical blindside fashion, that he and Mother went to my aunt's place to drop off a chicken and my cousin who has gone AWOL from the family opened the door and said my aunt was sick. Father told me to get ahold of the cousin who lives with her.
I text him about once a month to see how they're doing. My cousin always replies back that they're OK. I wonder if they're lonely. Do they live their lives resigned to just hanging out with each other? Or are they content? I hope it's the latter, but it's not as if I can do anything if it's the former.
Turns out there is something wrong with my aunt, something I kind of wish I had known before: She has kidney disease. She's been living with this for a while, now, but lately it's advanced to a worse stage. I think she's at home, and my cuz says she's not in pain but monitoring numbers.
I had been free from the clutches of Death for a long time now, so I fear that this visit is due. I am scared for her, I am scared at how my cousin would feel living life without her. And, to be honest, I have had passing thoughts on the deaths of my parents, in particular Father. They remain in great health, but for a millisecond here or there over the past few weeks I have thought that one of them might not wake up in the morning, or I will get a text during the day to come home quick because something happened. Well, something is happening. Death surrounds me again. And I hate it.
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