Saturday, April 23, 2022

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: United FC (Last Week: -5).  On Saturday, I witnessed the Loons' first Match this Year decided by more than one Goal!  It was tight there in the First Half; Bakaye Dibassy's 42nd-Minute tally was tied up by Colorado three Minutes later on another MNUFC bungle on the Backline, which was first called offside before being overturned on VAR.  But Emmanuel Reynoso, Buddha bless him, was finally able to uncork some magic, starting the sequences that resulted in Robin Lod's Game-winner in the 77th and, of all people, Abu Danladi's insurance Goal two Minutes later.  (Hey, Adrian Heath; if you're getting the band back together, why not sign back Christian Ramirez and Miguel Ibarra, huh?)

Felt good to not be so anxious at the end of a United FC Match for once.  And considering the up-and-down screening Weeks the other Twin Cities teams had, yes, going 1-0 this Week gives you the top spot in the WMNSS.  Maybe this organization has proven it knows what it's doing.  I'd feel a tad better] if they could follow up their Win over the Rapids with another one this/Saturday afternoon versus the Chicago Fire -- a tilt I'm not entirely sure will be played because stormy weather is supposed to roll through around 4, when this nationally-televised contest is supposed to kick off.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -1).  We should take a step back and acknowledge we probably are watching The Greatest Team In The History Of The Minnesota Wild.  Kirill Kaprizov has 100 Points, a first in franchise history.  In last/Friday night's 6-3 victory at home over the Seattle Kraken, Kevin Fiala picked up five Assists, also a Wild first.  And even moreso than the organization's Division title (which it followed up with a First-Round Loss, of course), these guys have the look and feel of a team that can make a gigantic run.

Another sign that these men are good: This is the first time I can remember this squad had to play five Games in seven Days (a "fact" that probably is wrong), and they finished 4-1.  Back-to-back 6-3 double-ups to end the Week (over former Head Coach Bruce Boudreau and Vancouver and said Kraken) is impressive.  Also good was their 2-0 Win in Montreal and a 5-4 Overtime home Win against San Jose.  The only blemish was a 6-5 Loss in St. Louis over the Blues, but even then the club turned my head.  The Wild scored four Goals in the Third Period and was able to turn a 4-1 deficit after two Periods into a Loser Point that they finally dropped in OT.  The ability to score regardless of the Game situation is a dimension this franchise historically has never had; thanks to General Manager Bill Guerin.  And that gives me some hope that they can win Games and series this postseason.

Now see the Offense get shut down by the Blues and lose in the First Round again.  Fuck.

Well, as of right now they lead the Loo by two Points for Second Place in their presumptive matchup.  Doesn't really matter -- it's hockey, after all -- but pride dictates I feel good about that.  And lookee here -- we're in the last Week of the regular season!  And Minnesota (four-Game winning streak in tow) finishes with another busy Screening Week: Their final road Game versus Nashville, then home to face The Bastard Winnipeg Jets, The Bastard Atlanta Flames, and The Bastard Quebec Nordiques.

#-3: Twins (Last Week: -4).  So the three early narratives forming on this ballclub are: 1) The Starting Pitching looks alright; 2) the relief corps is shit; and 3) the lineup can't fucking hit.  Great.

A 3-4 screening Week.  They eventually split at Boston (although for our purposes they lost two-of-three), dropped two-of-three in Kansas City, and started their three-Game series vs. the White Sox at Target with an inexplicable 2-1 Win where (clears throat) the Twinks scored both Runs in the Eighth Inning by a Carlos Correa dribbler to the left side of the Infield which resulted in not one but two Errors.  It was a dreary and rainy night, and I don't know if I would have lasted to the Eighth to witness such good fortune.  But hey, at least the relievers kept it close when they were losing and closed the door once they took the lead.

After the Pale Hose blow through town this weekend, they host Detroit for a trio beginning Tuesday.  Then they start a three-Game series vs. the Bay Rays in Tampa.  Aside: Today/Saturday is going to be another dynamic and busy day for local sports.  The Twins play at 3, United kicks off at 4, and the Timberwolves (see below) tips off at 9.  The Gopher baseball and softball teams also play at home.  And it's going to be a tumultuous Day outside; the forecast calls for scattered thunderstorms.  Four of the five Games tonight might be adversely affected.

#-4: Gopher softball (Last Week: -2).  OK, I think it's time to say the program has some serious problems.  They got swept at Nebraska last weekend, the first time I can recall this program getting swept in-conference.  Saturday, the Cornhuskers mercy-ruled the U. in Five, 11-0.  Sure, they began their home series versus Maryland yesterday/Friday afternoon by mercy-ruling the Terps in Five, 13-1.  But this team is shuffling at 20-18-1 (with, to be complete, a home Doubleheader against Wisconsin postponed [at least for now] from Wednesday due to weather), and they didn't do a whole hell of a lot last season either.  This isn't good.

After the Terrapins they host St. Thomas Tuesday, then visit conference queens Michigan for three starting on Friday.

#-5: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3).  I shouldn't be too pessimistic.  Yesterday/Friday, all four Twin Cities team that played (Wild, Twins, Gopher softball, Gopher baseball) won.  The U. ballclub's 7-3 Win over Penn St. at Siebert was Manager John Anderson's 600th career victory.  However, that also broke a four-Game losing streak this Nine was going through.  And that losing streak consisted of a sweep on the road at the hands of Iowa and, you're kidding me, a 6-0 Loss at home to first-Year top-flight team St. Thomas?!?!?!  Holy fuck, that is emasculating!

We talk about the Gopher softball program.  But shit, man, these guys are currently 11-24 on the season.  We have to take a look at this squad, too.  Seriously.

They'll finish a six-Game homestand this Week: After the Nittany Lions blow through town, they host South Dakota St. and said Tommies back-to-back midweek.  They then go to Michigan St. for three for the weekend.

#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: 0).  It would have been nice to talk about Saturday's surprising and satisfying Game 1 victory over The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies in Memphis, an almost-unprecedented result in Timberwolves history.  But I have to dote on Game 3 Thursday night, which was the Most Minnesotan Kind Of Loss and yet, almost magically, also expanded the way by which a Minnesota team could lose.

The Woofie Dogs had leads of at least 20 Points not once, but twice ... and they blew them both.  They got out to a gigantic lead in the First Quarter, let it shrink in the Second, breathed it back out in the Third, then collapsed in the Fourth.  They outscored Memphis 71-44 in the odd Quarters, but got outscored 60-24 in the even ones.  The Woofs had 83 Points after three ... and failed to reach 100 Points by the end of the Game.  And, to put a real fine point on it, Minnesota was up by 16 to start the Fourth ... and lost by nine.

Karl-Anthony Towns melted down like we all feared.  He had eight Points and, I think, more Fouls than Field Goal Attempts.  Meanwhile, Chris Finch has come under fire for the first time as Head Coach of this squad with people asking why in the fuck didn't he call a Time Out in either Memphis comeback.  Well, maybe he understood what it means to be a Minnesota team.

It's funny; after last Saturday, when we stole home-court advantage, we were all, "We got this!  We're coming!  We're coming!" and then after Thursday we're all, "Well, at least these guys are young.  We weren't supposed to win this series anyway."  And by the way, I didn't watch a single second.  I'm a Minnesota fan, and so I know how Minnesota teams rip the hearts out of their fans' bodies, throw them on the cold Minnesota ground, and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp them into smithereens.  Thursday was the six-Year anniversary of the death of Prince.  My work shift was too late for me to come back for dinner, so I decided to eat at Pancheros, visit my storage unit, then go down to the Parkway Theater for the first time ever and see Purple Rain.  So damn campy, that movie.  I was able to listen the Woofs' first chokejob in the Second Quarter while I was driving down to South Minneapolis and the Parkway.  After the film and on the way back home, I kind of thought they won.  Remember the team has a player named Taurean Prince; maybe he made the Game-winning Three-Pointer at the buzzer?  Would've been poetic.  But I saw the final score on the Yahoo! Sports app and nah.

Yeah, I'm tired of talking about this team.

#-Infinity: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  It's been more than a month, but I totally forgot about these guys.  And mostly for good reason: As a team, they finished 11th, shoveling another pile of dirt on this program as a blueblood.  But hey, at least there's Gable Steveson, who tore through the Heavyweight Decision and tripled up Arizona St.'s Cohlton Schultz, 6-2, to end his college career with a second straight NCAA individual title.  The U. has (had?) a rich history of grapplers, especially at HWY, and the U. has been lucky they found Steveson to extend that tradition.  But with him now gone to World Wrestling Entertainment, is there another player waiting in the wings to give this program some reputation?  If not, I shudder to think how much further down this program can go.

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