Saturday, April 9, 2022

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Wild (Last Week: 0).  This screening Week-long road trip started off so well.  The team began out east, against two Eastern Conference playoff squads (The Bastard Hartford Whalers and Washington) and beat them, respectively, 3-1 and 5-1.  But then they came back to their conference to face two playoff clubs (Nashville and St. Louis) and lost both, hitting the twin posts of agonizing defeat: They got tripled up by the Predators, 6-2, and then choked on a two-Goal lead (The Most Dangerous Lead In Hockey!!!) and got beat in Overtime by the Blues.

I was listening to the Game on the radio at work, and when STL tied it up at 3, I had to turn it off because I knew what was going to happen.  It was a brutal Week for all Twin Cities sports, especially yesterday/Friday when the Mild, the Twinks, the Goofer softball and the Goofer baseball squads all lost.  So I'm putting on top the team that appears to be on its way to locking up a playoff birth.

However, it's looking more and more like St. Louis will be the Wild's first opponent.  And the Mild don't match up well against the Blues at all, and now they're tied with The Loo in Points to see who gets home-ice advantage.  It might mean little in hockey, but still.

This Week: Home to Los Angeles and Edmonton, then visiting The Team That Was Stolen From Us.

#-2: Timberwolves (Last Week: -1).  I wouldn't call them rolling or anything.  They got by a Houston outfit that has long mailed it on the road only by seven, then outlasted fellow Play-In participant San Antonio at Target Center by six.  However, as a glass-half-empty guy, I have to look at the Loss inbetween the two contests, a 132-114 head-scratcher of a defeat, at home, to Washington, a club that is not making the playoffs.  Escaping the Play-In might have been a tough climb, but the Timberwolves had to do all they can to climb it.  They had three eminently winnable Games; at least demonstrate to your fans, and to sixth-place Denver, that you mean business.  But they fuck the pooch versus the Wizards and now their fate as the seventh Seed, and whose first Game in Play-In is versus a Clippers team that has its main pieces back together, is sealed.

That Play-In is late Tuesday night; it'll overlap with the Twins' Game.  If they win, they truly are the seventh Seed and play The Bastard Vancouver Grizzles.  Lose?  Well, they have one more chance to be the eighth Seed, and that will probably be played on Thursday, but let's not believe the Woofie Dogs can fall down this hole, shall we?

#-3: Gopher softball (Last Week: -3).  Nominally, I have to put the Gopher softballers up here because they won a Game: Saturday at Cowles over Illinois, 14-6 in five Innings.  But their next two tilts ... woof.  They got tripled up in the rubber match Sunday, 15-5.  And yesterday/Friday afternoon at Iowa, they fucking blew a six-Run lead and lost in regulation, 9-8.  Oh, and they didn't have the luxury of beating up on a smaller local school because their scheduled Doubleheader vs. South Dakota St. on Wednesday was postponed due to weather.

Yeah, I have a feeling this program is retreating from its height of reaching the NCAA Tournament on a regular basis.  After finishing up in Iowa City, they have another three-Game set at Nebraska.

#-4: Twins (Re-Entry!).  I have to admit that I was looking forward to this Opening Day.  I am quite sentimental over any Opening Day in Major League Baseball (Spring Training, by the way, does nothing for me).  It wasn't that I felt any fear that this season would be in jeopardy or anything like that.  It's just that, when yesterday/Friday afternoon rolled around, the alarm on my cellphone woke me up from the nap I took in my car, and I drove to the gas station to get some pop just before I started work, it was great to hear the first pitch of this Twins' season, against Seattle at Target Field, not too far away.  It felt as though the country has found its heartbeat again.

Alas and alack, the man who threw that first pitch, Joe Ryan, later in the Inning gave up a two-Run Home Run which was the Game-winning Hit.  Much as they tried (I guess), the Twinks got only one Run (courtesy of ex-Yankee Gio Urshela's solo shot), the rest of the lineup was dead quiet:
  • Byron Buxton: 0-for-4;
  • Carlos Correa: 1-for-4; harder to hit when a trash can bang isn't telling you which pitch is being thrown, huh?;
  • Jorge Polanco: 0-for-3 with a Walk;
  • Miguel Sano: 0-for-3 with a Walk;
  • Alex Kiriloff: 0-for-4 with three Strikeouts, God;
  • and Gary Sanchez: 0-for-4.
Sure, the season's only one Game old.  I still predict a sub-.500 season.  And Correa will be traded mid-season.  They finish the weekend against the Mariners, then host the Dodgers for three (damn, I should go -- nah, I don't feel like it), then play their first road Game of the season Friday afternoon vs. Boston.

#-5: United FC (Re-Entry!).  The Seattle Sounders, both as a squad and as an organization, scare me.  That simply has all the tools that the Loons want to have, but don't.  And that talent advantage was on full display last Saturday night, when MNUFC looked thoroughly outclassed by the Sounders, winning 2-1.  It wasn't that close; United FC drew a Penalty in the Second Half, which Bebelo Reynoso was able to slow-foot to get on the board, but Brent Kallman's Own Goal -- aw, Brent! -- proved to be the difference, and the Loons suffered their first Loss of the season.

FiveThirtyEight still has this XI in the playoffs.  A Win Sunday at Austin would make me feel a bit better about that prediction.

#-6: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -4).  That sound you hear is the Gopher baseball ballclub -- and program -- nosediving from the sky at a height that ain't so high.  They got swept at Rutgers over the weekend, and they weren't competitive in either contest, losing 11-2 and 9-2.  They put up more of a fight yesterday/Friday afternoon at Siebert Field versus Maryland, but they still lost, 11-7.  Oh, and they didn't have the luxury of beating up on a smaller local school because their scheduled tilt vs. North Dakota St. on Tuesday was cancelled due to weather.

So they've now lost four in a row, are 0-4 to start B1G play, and sit at 8-19 overall.  This can't be as bad as last season, can it?  After finishing up against the Terrapins, they're supposed to host St. Thomas on Wednesday, then visit Iowa for a three-Game series starting on Friday.

#-Infinity: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  You know, I should be OK that these guys reached the Frozen Four, finally, for the first time in eight Years.  And really, Head Coach Bob Motzko has been through a lot this past year.

But still: 5-1?!  Really?!  To Minnesota State-Mankato, aka Little Brother ... for the second consecutive tournament?  And it was an ass-kicking last season, too -- 4-0.  This still gives some evidence that the big and bad flagship U. remains too fat to deal with the smaller, more nimble schools out in the hinterlands of The State Of Hockey.  But hey, at least they got back to the national Semifinals.

Now that Minnesota has been eliminated, do I root for the Mavericks?  I don't want to cheer on the squad that beat my team.  But goddamn, I remember last year that three participants in the Frozen Four were from Minnesota (said Mavs, Minnesota-Duluth and title Game loser St. Cloud St.) and of course none of them fucking won.  (UMass did.)  Plus, the other club is Denver.  What the fuck kind of affinity do I have with the University of Denver?  If anything, I hate them more because they were part of the old WCHA with my Gophs.  So fuck the Pioneers.  Go Mavericks!  Maybe.  And maybe I'll watch tonight/Saturday night.  Or listen.  Or neither.

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