If I hadn't said it before, I'll say it now: I no longer enjoy going to work. I am dreading the morning. This third season has burned me out, completely.
All I want to do is go in, do my job, then leave. But this year is different, with all the teaching and all the new responsibilities and the problems I have to deal with. Then there are the personality clashes, the assholes and the non-positive people I also have to deal with. Plus these people and problems change each day. It's overwhelming, and I don't like it.
Then I have to worry about the club. No one's coming out, and now the owner's pushing me out. And I have no idea how much money we're making. What am I supposed to do? This could really be a problem if it wants to be.
On top of all that are the gardening and harvesting I may or may not need to do. Then I have to freeze the tomatoes, not too late but not too early. Then I have my parents' real estate interests to deal with, starting after work tomorrow. And then I need to worry about laundry and picking up the mail I'm leaving around the house. And that doesn't include any bills I may have overlooked. And then I have to reconcile my day planner, which means I need to keep track of my expenses again.
Weirdly, in the middle of all this I think I may -- may -- have arranged a date. And it was with ****a, the girl who stood me up for a massage last week. I have these two passes from Entertainment Weekly to see the pilot of a new Showtime series called The Affair. May be sexy -- perfect for seeing with a stripper. But even that is something I Have To Do, which is something that I have trepidation toward, even if it's supposed to be a good thing.
I need to set up a time with that shrink.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Sunday, October 5, 2014
An Exercise In Humiliation
So my alumni club's game was Saturday evening. And it was all-around shitty -- not just the game, not just the turnout, but the treatment I got from the bar.
First of all, I did not see any of the regular waitresses who worked our tables in previous watches. Therefore there was no one there to come up to us and say, "Hey, how are you doing? Need help moving the tables?"
Instead there was this one huge guy behind the bar. I've seen him before; I even saw him earlier this week when I wanted to pop in and talk to the owner. At least he was familiar, and he even changed the channels to our game when the time came. That's good.
But then the asshole came out of him. I was hanging up my banner when he came over and said I couldn't do that. Another alumni association has dibs on branding, I guess, and this is the first time I was forbidden to hang up the banner. "Came straight from the owner," bartender said. Oh, the owner? The guy who's friends with my predecessor, the guy who I have e-mailed once a week the last two weeks, the guy who has not replied to either e-mail, the guy who's never there when I drop by (and pay to eat and drink there, by the way) -- out of the blue he gave the order that I cannot do what I have been doing the past three years. That guy?
It got worse. No one showed up. Then, just before kickoff, the Vice-President shows up. Thank God for him. I just assumed that we were going to have the same turnout that we had at the beginning of the year, and so I took it upon myself to turn the tables around and push them together so I wouldn't bother the waitstaff. But I had three tables all to myself, none of the seats occupied. I was just standing there with my dick in my hands. It's not as if we needed all those tables for two guys, but at least I wasn't lonely.
So the asshole bartender obviously saw this and just turned one of the TVs to another game. Hey, we're using that! That's kind of rude, wasn't it? Yes, absolutely ... but I couldn't do a fucking thing about it because we both saw that no one from my club was coming, so why in the hell would we need two televisions? Of course no one has just unilaterally made the decision to take a set away from us, but I couldn't do anything about it. Yeah, this guy wanted me to respect his authoritah!
So the game continues and we sit there, just the two of us, surrounding by our imaginary friends across three tables. This asshole bartender must have been shaking his head and going, "What the fuck are these two stupid dicks doing taking all these seats?" I felt so goddamn stupid there, expecting a party where no one decided to come. It was humiliating, even emasculating.
I didn't say as much to the VP, but I did ask questions. "Did you see my post on Facebook?" "Did you get my e-mail blast about tonight?" (He said yes to both.) So I was wondering why in the fuck didn't anybody show up. Did people not get the message? Was it the loss to Boston College followed by the late start time last week? (Didn't think that would be the issue since Saturday's game began at the much more hospitable time of 6:30, plus Oregon, purportedly the class of the Pac-12, was upset Thursday by Arizona.) Is it the suddenly cooler weather? Or, are there more ulterior motives at play?
I imagined that some people would go, "Yeah, well, I heard that the bar is suddenly a Michigan bar. Is that true?" And I would have to explain that the bar's big enough for both of us. Then I wonder who would spread such a malicious rumor. Man, could it be the person or people who complained about me to my predecessor? Could that person try to sabotage me and my tenure here? Is that the reason why no one's coming?
Is it me? Do people not like me? I don't think I'm that weird of a guy, I'm just ... me. I don't think people would not go watch with us because of me; that would be stupid. Could it?
Well, thank Buddha, then, that a new member of the club stopped by before halftime with her father. She's been to almost every one, now that I think about it. She's been the club's MVP. Yes, four's not two dozen, and they left early in the fourth quarter. But it's a lot better than four. And I need to thank her for snapping the picture. For some goddamn reason my iPhone can't take pictures anymore.
So the night got worse with the loss, of course. Goddamn, how in the hell do you let Arizona St. catch a fucking Hail Mary?! There were a couple of Sun Devils fans there. They gave me the business after the miracle win. All I could do was close my eyes and give them the finger, both of them. Have to admit, they were good sports about my obscene gesture; I shook the hand of one after they left. This might sound weird, but being able to flick two guys off for real has alleviated my obsessive compulsion to give the finger when I'm acting out. I've been doing that a lot as a result of the stress I'm feeling at work, to the point where I find myself just giving the finger whenever I think about things while I'm driving, and of course there probably is no worse time to give the finger than behind the wheel, at least when you don't have a gun. After tonight, I'm kind of good with the finger-giving, especially since I had a "genuine" reason to deploy them.
---
So now I'm under the gun. It appears as if the owner of the bar is rolling up the welcome mat, and his minions have no qualms of being terse to me. I need to talk to the guy, but he's been giving me radio silence. And even if I could talk to him, I have no leverage because only four people fucking showed up. I'll say that the place was quiet, so they could have used all the business they could get. But Michigan's giving the owner money, money we can't afford.
Meanwhile I'm losing all the juice that I got over the summer, and I don't know fucking why, and I don't know how to fix it. And on top of all that our team lost on what was the top play on Saturday night's "Sportscenter," our team's going nowhere, no one likes the Head Coach, and the next game Saturday kicks off at 9:30 at night. There's going to be two people there, and once again I'll be humiliated.
Why the fuck do I do this?
First of all, I did not see any of the regular waitresses who worked our tables in previous watches. Therefore there was no one there to come up to us and say, "Hey, how are you doing? Need help moving the tables?"
Instead there was this one huge guy behind the bar. I've seen him before; I even saw him earlier this week when I wanted to pop in and talk to the owner. At least he was familiar, and he even changed the channels to our game when the time came. That's good.
But then the asshole came out of him. I was hanging up my banner when he came over and said I couldn't do that. Another alumni association has dibs on branding, I guess, and this is the first time I was forbidden to hang up the banner. "Came straight from the owner," bartender said. Oh, the owner? The guy who's friends with my predecessor, the guy who I have e-mailed once a week the last two weeks, the guy who has not replied to either e-mail, the guy who's never there when I drop by (and pay to eat and drink there, by the way) -- out of the blue he gave the order that I cannot do what I have been doing the past three years. That guy?
It got worse. No one showed up. Then, just before kickoff, the Vice-President shows up. Thank God for him. I just assumed that we were going to have the same turnout that we had at the beginning of the year, and so I took it upon myself to turn the tables around and push them together so I wouldn't bother the waitstaff. But I had three tables all to myself, none of the seats occupied. I was just standing there with my dick in my hands. It's not as if we needed all those tables for two guys, but at least I wasn't lonely.
So the asshole bartender obviously saw this and just turned one of the TVs to another game. Hey, we're using that! That's kind of rude, wasn't it? Yes, absolutely ... but I couldn't do a fucking thing about it because we both saw that no one from my club was coming, so why in the hell would we need two televisions? Of course no one has just unilaterally made the decision to take a set away from us, but I couldn't do anything about it. Yeah, this guy wanted me to respect his authoritah!
So the game continues and we sit there, just the two of us, surrounding by our imaginary friends across three tables. This asshole bartender must have been shaking his head and going, "What the fuck are these two stupid dicks doing taking all these seats?" I felt so goddamn stupid there, expecting a party where no one decided to come. It was humiliating, even emasculating.
I didn't say as much to the VP, but I did ask questions. "Did you see my post on Facebook?" "Did you get my e-mail blast about tonight?" (He said yes to both.) So I was wondering why in the fuck didn't anybody show up. Did people not get the message? Was it the loss to Boston College followed by the late start time last week? (Didn't think that would be the issue since Saturday's game began at the much more hospitable time of 6:30, plus Oregon, purportedly the class of the Pac-12, was upset Thursday by Arizona.) Is it the suddenly cooler weather? Or, are there more ulterior motives at play?
I imagined that some people would go, "Yeah, well, I heard that the bar is suddenly a Michigan bar. Is that true?" And I would have to explain that the bar's big enough for both of us. Then I wonder who would spread such a malicious rumor. Man, could it be the person or people who complained about me to my predecessor? Could that person try to sabotage me and my tenure here? Is that the reason why no one's coming?
Is it me? Do people not like me? I don't think I'm that weird of a guy, I'm just ... me. I don't think people would not go watch with us because of me; that would be stupid. Could it?
Well, thank Buddha, then, that a new member of the club stopped by before halftime with her father. She's been to almost every one, now that I think about it. She's been the club's MVP. Yes, four's not two dozen, and they left early in the fourth quarter. But it's a lot better than four. And I need to thank her for snapping the picture. For some goddamn reason my iPhone can't take pictures anymore.
So the night got worse with the loss, of course. Goddamn, how in the hell do you let Arizona St. catch a fucking Hail Mary?! There were a couple of Sun Devils fans there. They gave me the business after the miracle win. All I could do was close my eyes and give them the finger, both of them. Have to admit, they were good sports about my obscene gesture; I shook the hand of one after they left. This might sound weird, but being able to flick two guys off for real has alleviated my obsessive compulsion to give the finger when I'm acting out. I've been doing that a lot as a result of the stress I'm feeling at work, to the point where I find myself just giving the finger whenever I think about things while I'm driving, and of course there probably is no worse time to give the finger than behind the wheel, at least when you don't have a gun. After tonight, I'm kind of good with the finger-giving, especially since I had a "genuine" reason to deploy them.
---
So now I'm under the gun. It appears as if the owner of the bar is rolling up the welcome mat, and his minions have no qualms of being terse to me. I need to talk to the guy, but he's been giving me radio silence. And even if I could talk to him, I have no leverage because only four people fucking showed up. I'll say that the place was quiet, so they could have used all the business they could get. But Michigan's giving the owner money, money we can't afford.
Meanwhile I'm losing all the juice that I got over the summer, and I don't know fucking why, and I don't know how to fix it. And on top of all that our team lost on what was the top play on Saturday night's "Sportscenter," our team's going nowhere, no one likes the Head Coach, and the next game Saturday kicks off at 9:30 at night. There's going to be two people there, and once again I'll be humiliated.
Why the fuck do I do this?
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Friday, October 3, 2014
Left A Bag Outside To Get Wet
I put our recyclables (cans, mail) in a paper bag that I throw underneath our kitchen counter. Whenever we get the chance -- and whenever I remember -- I take the bag outside and dump the contents into the bin. My parents just throw the whole thing in, bag and all. To me, these paper bags are reusable, so I turn it over and bring the bag back in.
Normally my folks do this, but since I'm not here, it's up to me, obviously. And I usually don't do it unless there's enough of it for me to go, "Yeah, it's time to throw it away." And then I do -- whenever I remember.
I remember when I go out to water my parents' vegetables. But I have this bad habit of getting sidetracked when I am either blindsided by a new thing I have to do or concentrating intently on the thing I have to remember to do. The latter happened after I dumped the recyclables one day earlier this week, probably Monday: Nightfall was coming very soon (as it is these days) and I had to get in my half-hour of watering. So I folded up the paper bag and threw it onto the deck so I could go around and grab the hose.
That meant that I completely forgot about the bag, walked straight back into the house and shut the door. That's when I remembered the bag, but I thought, "Eh, I already shut the door. It's not like it's gonna rain or anything. I'll get it when I water the plants tomorrow."
Well, guess what happened overnight?
I didn't even remember the bag until shortly before I walked out the door the next day -- "Oh, shit, the paper bag!" And there it was, laying there all folded up on the deck, soggy as shit. And it was a good paper bag too, all pristine and shit. And that mint condition is ruined.
I had no choice but to bring it inside to dry. It's been a few days, and I think it's dry enough where I can put junk mail in it again. But it'll never be the same. And all because I fucking forgot and I was fucking lazy.
Normally my folks do this, but since I'm not here, it's up to me, obviously. And I usually don't do it unless there's enough of it for me to go, "Yeah, it's time to throw it away." And then I do -- whenever I remember.
I remember when I go out to water my parents' vegetables. But I have this bad habit of getting sidetracked when I am either blindsided by a new thing I have to do or concentrating intently on the thing I have to remember to do. The latter happened after I dumped the recyclables one day earlier this week, probably Monday: Nightfall was coming very soon (as it is these days) and I had to get in my half-hour of watering. So I folded up the paper bag and threw it onto the deck so I could go around and grab the hose.
That meant that I completely forgot about the bag, walked straight back into the house and shut the door. That's when I remembered the bag, but I thought, "Eh, I already shut the door. It's not like it's gonna rain or anything. I'll get it when I water the plants tomorrow."
Well, guess what happened overnight?
I didn't even remember the bag until shortly before I walked out the door the next day -- "Oh, shit, the paper bag!" And there it was, laying there all folded up on the deck, soggy as shit. And it was a good paper bag too, all pristine and shit. And that mint condition is ruined.
I had no choice but to bring it inside to dry. It's been a few days, and I think it's dry enough where I can put junk mail in it again. But it'll never be the same. And all because I fucking forgot and I was fucking lazy.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
The Check Engine Light Is Playing Peek-A-Boo!
About three weeks after I brought my car in, I am bringing it in again. This is kind of insane, but I don't want to blame The Other Mechanic Around The Corner, at least not yet.
It was the weirdest thing. I get the car back on Thursday night. Saturday, driving on the highway on my way home (I think) the goddamn Check Engine light comes on. I was dreading the worst. I was dreading that it would come back on, and the goddamn motherfucking Check Engine Light came back on.
But then another weirdest thing happened. Last Saturday, when I was driving to the Mall of America, I went over some bumpy patches on the highway ... and the Check Engine light went off. It turned itself off. And I thought, Great! But then I thought, Huh?
So I turn to the Internet, because they always have the right answer. My question was, "Is it OK if the Check Engine light just turns itself off?" I actually dreamed throughout this ordeal that my car would one day just fix itself. But apparently a Check Engine light turning itself off is a bad thing, because a car doesn't fix itself. So, ironically, a Check Engine light turning on a bad thing, and a Check Engine light turning off is also a bad thing.
I called The Other Mechanic Around The Corner and he concurred. Well, if I keep driving it and it still doesn't come on, he says not to worry. But he suspects that it turning off means something's still wrong, and he anticipates it turning itself back on again. Bring it back in at that point, he says.
That point came Sunday evening after I drove back from working the Vikings game and relaxing at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division). I was driving on the same stretch of highway when it came back on the first time, and it came back on a second time. First of all, I thought, Oh, shit. And then I thought of something very peculiar: Back when the light came on a bit after I drove the car, it was always on this stretch of highway, headed home, accelerating when it happened. Pretty much every single time. What is it about this part of the road system in the Twin Cities that triggers my light?
So I brought it in Tuesday evening and walked home in the dark. The Other Mechanic Around The Corner will get to the bottom of it. He said that he'll tear out the engine again, no charge. He also said he stands by his work, so anything that needs fixing again he'll fix again. I like what he says. Now I just hope he can find a permanent solution.
One thing that'll gum things up: I brought my car in to O'Reillys to see what codes the Check Engine light is giving up, just in case they are different than before. Well, the old knock sensor code is still being sent, but another knock sensor code, for the circuit maybe, is also being given. Finally, the car is complaining that the O2 sensor isn't working.
I had the codes lifted when the light came on the first time, as well as the day of me bringing the car back in on Tuesday. Same three codes, and I believe they are three of the five codes that I got the first time I had my car diagnosed. So either the car is cascading its maladies, something was overlooked, or The Other Mechanic Around The Corner screwed something up while replacing the knock sensors.
By the way, the car seemed to be performing just fine. A little slow accelerating from third to fourth gear, but not as bad as the stalling it had begun to do on a regular basis. We'll see.
It was the weirdest thing. I get the car back on Thursday night. Saturday, driving on the highway on my way home (I think) the goddamn Check Engine light comes on. I was dreading the worst. I was dreading that it would come back on, and the goddamn motherfucking Check Engine Light came back on.
But then another weirdest thing happened. Last Saturday, when I was driving to the Mall of America, I went over some bumpy patches on the highway ... and the Check Engine light went off. It turned itself off. And I thought, Great! But then I thought, Huh?
So I turn to the Internet, because they always have the right answer. My question was, "Is it OK if the Check Engine light just turns itself off?" I actually dreamed throughout this ordeal that my car would one day just fix itself. But apparently a Check Engine light turning itself off is a bad thing, because a car doesn't fix itself. So, ironically, a Check Engine light turning on a bad thing, and a Check Engine light turning off is also a bad thing.
I called The Other Mechanic Around The Corner and he concurred. Well, if I keep driving it and it still doesn't come on, he says not to worry. But he suspects that it turning off means something's still wrong, and he anticipates it turning itself back on again. Bring it back in at that point, he says.
That point came Sunday evening after I drove back from working the Vikings game and relaxing at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division). I was driving on the same stretch of highway when it came back on the first time, and it came back on a second time. First of all, I thought, Oh, shit. And then I thought of something very peculiar: Back when the light came on a bit after I drove the car, it was always on this stretch of highway, headed home, accelerating when it happened. Pretty much every single time. What is it about this part of the road system in the Twin Cities that triggers my light?
So I brought it in Tuesday evening and walked home in the dark. The Other Mechanic Around The Corner will get to the bottom of it. He said that he'll tear out the engine again, no charge. He also said he stands by his work, so anything that needs fixing again he'll fix again. I like what he says. Now I just hope he can find a permanent solution.
One thing that'll gum things up: I brought my car in to O'Reillys to see what codes the Check Engine light is giving up, just in case they are different than before. Well, the old knock sensor code is still being sent, but another knock sensor code, for the circuit maybe, is also being given. Finally, the car is complaining that the O2 sensor isn't working.
I had the codes lifted when the light came on the first time, as well as the day of me bringing the car back in on Tuesday. Same three codes, and I believe they are three of the five codes that I got the first time I had my car diagnosed. So either the car is cascading its maladies, something was overlooked, or The Other Mechanic Around The Corner screwed something up while replacing the knock sensors.
By the way, the car seemed to be performing just fine. A little slow accelerating from third to fourth gear, but not as bad as the stalling it had begun to do on a regular basis. We'll see.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Gopher football (Last Week: -2). This has been an unusually strong week for Twin Cities teams. The top three went undefeated (the football teams won only once, sure, but it still counts), so which one do I put on top?
I have a lot of criteria to consider: How the team looked in winning; how likely it was going to win going into the game; implications for the rest of the season; how it increases its chances of making the postseason; and what message the win sends to its fans.
At the end, I have to give the nod to the University of Minnesota football team. It's the first time they have beaten Michigan (and won back the Little Brown Jug) since 2005, only the third time in 28 years, only the fourth time in 37 years (that 4th time, by the way, was in 1977, which is so far the last time the Gophers have beaten the Wolverines in Minnesota), and only the fifth time since 1967. That history-busting drought weighed heavily in my decision to give the college gridironers the top spot.
Yes, Michigan is a wounded, if not catatonic, giant. The team was shut out by Notre Dame and lost at home to Utah. They can't score, and their Quarterback situation is a mess. Yet Gopher fans still had reason to believe that their team still wouldn't be able to win (the score, BTW, was 30-14). The program has been that stillborn all this time. So a victory in Ann Arbor should still send shockwaves. (Meanwhile, the losses, coupled with the bad decision to keep QB Shane Morris in the game despite showing overt signs of a concussion, have embroiled Head Coach Brady Hoke and Athletic Director Dave Brandon. Ignoring Morris's injury is very bad, but the main reason students are protesting on the Michigan campus is because the team sucks. I'm afraid they are using Morris as a crutch to get Hoke and Brandon fired.)
I'm not trying to take back all the criteria I laid out, but I am also giving the U. football team credit for making hay while the sun is shining. The back end of the squad's schedule is a true Murderer's Row: home to Iowa and Ohio St., then at Nebraska and Wisconsin. But it's good that they jumped on Michigan, because up until November, they have this: home to Northwestern and Purdue this Saturday and next, then at Illinois. This club can -- maybe should -- be 7-1 and ranked before they face the Hawkeyes. The drop-off might be hard, but until then, we can at least look at the standings and believe this is a good squad. And right now, they are.
(By the way, why don't I place these guys at Positive Numbers or at least 0? Eh, I don't know. Maybe because I don't think the next two teams deserve higher than they have. If the U. footballers win this Saturday, I will reconsider.)
#-2: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -5). If any team ever in the history of Gopher athletics needed a week to revive what appeared to be extinct hopes of reaching the NCAA tournament, the women's soccer team did Friday and Sunday. They went above .500 for the season with a pair of one-goal wins -- and more importantly, both on the road. On Friday Sophomore Simone Kolander headed the lone tally in a win over Purdue. Then on Sunday afternoon, Senior Olivia Schultz cleaned up a scramble from a free kick in the 105th minute to end their game in Indiana, 2-1 in double OT. Neither player was lauded by the Big Ten conference, by the way; Sophomore Defender Ashley Pafko was -- Defensive Player Of The Week for scoring the equalizing goal against the Hoosiers on a 30-yard howitzer in the 75th minute.
One thing that is lifting up this squad: The schedule. Remember that this team played six of their previous seven games on the road. That tilts its schedule to Robbie Stadium; six of their final eight games are at home, including the next three. The first two comes this screening week: Penn St. Friday night, Ohio St. Sunday afternoon (on a day the Vikings are not playing). And speaking of the Vikings. ...
#-3: Vikings (Last Week: -4). ... I honestly thought that Atlanta would win -- probably in a high-scoring game because I thought Teddy Bridgewater would spark an offensive fireworks show, but I didn't think they would win going away, 41-28.
Bridgewater looked very good; now I see why so many University of Louisville fans have become Vikings fans. He had poise, tenacity and grit (on that broken play where he ran around the left side into the end zone), and he had the guts and the ability to zip the football into some tight spots. I like his touch, already more so than Matt Cassel, the man he replaced as Quarterback after Cassel was put on season-ending Injured Reserve for a broken foot. What may be most impressive (and you have to trust me on this) is that his very good passing numbers (19-for-30 for 317 yards and a rushing touchdown) happened while Bridgewater, a QB who is supposed to be "mobile," was in the pocket. If he can throw that well in the pocket, how much better could he be out of the pocket? We just now have to hope that that high ankle sprain won't hobble him for the rest of the season.
Unfortunately the Vikes' next game is the Thursday Night game in Lambeau Field against Green Bay. I love football and will watch Thursday (after I do this taste test). But going from Sunday to Thursday has to be hell on the football players -- there's no time to rest and not enough time to implement a full game plan. It fucks up everything, just because The People wants more pigskin. I don't think the Vikings will win; I don't think they'll even keep it close. But just imagine if Bridgewater leads Minnesota to victory in enemy territory. Hell, even I might start chanting, "Teddy, Teddy!"
#-4: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1). I gave this team one more chance. I really did not like what I saw when they struggled to beat Notre Dame in four sets. In last week's WMNSS I was sure that the Gophers would have a hell of a hard time defeating Ohio St. on Friday -- if not outright lose.
Well, sure enough, they had to go the full five before beating the Buckeyes. They had trouble giving up runs to The Ohio State University (especially in the first and fourth sets, the two they lost), and a volleyball board I frequent noted that they can't pass worth shit. Adriana Nora is the only player who can swing worth a damn, and the impotence of this collective is a massive worry in what may be the best conference in college volleyball. But at least they can block; the Gophers would have lost that game without their 19 roofs.
Some in this same chatroom speculated that they struggled against Ohio St. because they were looking past them and ahead to Saturday night's showdown against Penn St. The Nittany Lions' easy four-set victory at the Sports Pavilion put to rest that notion. Penn St. continues to reload, while Minnesota looks like they are moving backwards a step. That's astonishing, and alarming.
Because of their split, Minnesota actually dropped a spot in the AVCA Top 25 from 17 to 18 (one spot ahead of USC, which has plummeted into the shitter from 9th last week; they have a 7-5 record now, WTF???), and the club faces a dangerous trip to the state of Illinois this week. Tonight (Wednesday night) they face 16th-ranked Illinois, then they play Northwestern Sunday afternoon. The worst may be yet to come.
#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: -3). Well, I can't disagree with the firing. But hey, on the bright side they improved on last year's record. Sure, they went from 66-96 to 70-92, but it's four more wins!
But yes, that means a fourth straight year of 90 or more losses, and the axe finally fell on Ron Gardenhire, replaced after 13 years as Manager of The Bastard Washington Senators. He seems to be a nice guy, and from what I saw on Twitter he did not lose control of the locker room; most if not all the players on the club stuck up for him and took responsibility for his dismissal. But during the news conference Monday, General Manager Terry Ryan alluded to the fact that this never-ending cycle of suckiness could not continue without a shake-up, and in sports, the Manager always goes.
Can't say that I fault that logic, and I could even agree with Gardenhire's "firing" for another reason. I may be faced with tomatoes for invoking Joe Morgan, but once on ESPN.com he said there are only two reasons you should fire a coach or manager: Either he has lost control of the locker room or he is unable to get the most out of his players. LaValle E. Neal III of Minneapolis' Star Tribune noted that late in the season the players were committing the same mistakes that they were doing in the beginning of the year. Also, the long trail of former players who have found success elsewhere (Vance Worley, Kyle Lohse, National League batting champion Justin Morneau) may be a sign of a failure to develop or motivate, or the team trainers' inability to rehab the players correctly. That may not all fall on Gardenhire, but some of it does.
Finally, however, you have to respect the public relations side of it. Can you imagine Gardenhire getting another season after four consecutive 90+-loss years? Yeah, he isn't on the mound pitching, and he isn't in center field tracking down fly balls. But you can't just keep him in the dugout because he's not a player.
And yes, maybe Gardenhire didn't have the players to manage a good team. That falls on Ryan, but I still think he should be given a chance. Now he needs to upgrade a pitching rotation behind Phil Hughes and Kyle Gibson. Miguel Sano and Byron Buxton can't come up soon enough, arbitration clock be damned. And Joe Mauer has to become the hitting maven he had been most of his career. And then maybe, maybe the Twins get to .500.
I have a lot of criteria to consider: How the team looked in winning; how likely it was going to win going into the game; implications for the rest of the season; how it increases its chances of making the postseason; and what message the win sends to its fans.
At the end, I have to give the nod to the University of Minnesota football team. It's the first time they have beaten Michigan (and won back the Little Brown Jug) since 2005, only the third time in 28 years, only the fourth time in 37 years (that 4th time, by the way, was in 1977, which is so far the last time the Gophers have beaten the Wolverines in Minnesota), and only the fifth time since 1967. That history-busting drought weighed heavily in my decision to give the college gridironers the top spot.
Yes, Michigan is a wounded, if not catatonic, giant. The team was shut out by Notre Dame and lost at home to Utah. They can't score, and their Quarterback situation is a mess. Yet Gopher fans still had reason to believe that their team still wouldn't be able to win (the score, BTW, was 30-14). The program has been that stillborn all this time. So a victory in Ann Arbor should still send shockwaves. (Meanwhile, the losses, coupled with the bad decision to keep QB Shane Morris in the game despite showing overt signs of a concussion, have embroiled Head Coach Brady Hoke and Athletic Director Dave Brandon. Ignoring Morris's injury is very bad, but the main reason students are protesting on the Michigan campus is because the team sucks. I'm afraid they are using Morris as a crutch to get Hoke and Brandon fired.)
I'm not trying to take back all the criteria I laid out, but I am also giving the U. football team credit for making hay while the sun is shining. The back end of the squad's schedule is a true Murderer's Row: home to Iowa and Ohio St., then at Nebraska and Wisconsin. But it's good that they jumped on Michigan, because up until November, they have this: home to Northwestern and Purdue this Saturday and next, then at Illinois. This club can -- maybe should -- be 7-1 and ranked before they face the Hawkeyes. The drop-off might be hard, but until then, we can at least look at the standings and believe this is a good squad. And right now, they are.
(By the way, why don't I place these guys at Positive Numbers or at least 0? Eh, I don't know. Maybe because I don't think the next two teams deserve higher than they have. If the U. footballers win this Saturday, I will reconsider.)
#-2: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -5). If any team ever in the history of Gopher athletics needed a week to revive what appeared to be extinct hopes of reaching the NCAA tournament, the women's soccer team did Friday and Sunday. They went above .500 for the season with a pair of one-goal wins -- and more importantly, both on the road. On Friday Sophomore Simone Kolander headed the lone tally in a win over Purdue. Then on Sunday afternoon, Senior Olivia Schultz cleaned up a scramble from a free kick in the 105th minute to end their game in Indiana, 2-1 in double OT. Neither player was lauded by the Big Ten conference, by the way; Sophomore Defender Ashley Pafko was -- Defensive Player Of The Week for scoring the equalizing goal against the Hoosiers on a 30-yard howitzer in the 75th minute.
One thing that is lifting up this squad: The schedule. Remember that this team played six of their previous seven games on the road. That tilts its schedule to Robbie Stadium; six of their final eight games are at home, including the next three. The first two comes this screening week: Penn St. Friday night, Ohio St. Sunday afternoon (on a day the Vikings are not playing). And speaking of the Vikings. ...
#-3: Vikings (Last Week: -4). ... I honestly thought that Atlanta would win -- probably in a high-scoring game because I thought Teddy Bridgewater would spark an offensive fireworks show, but I didn't think they would win going away, 41-28.
Bridgewater looked very good; now I see why so many University of Louisville fans have become Vikings fans. He had poise, tenacity and grit (on that broken play where he ran around the left side into the end zone), and he had the guts and the ability to zip the football into some tight spots. I like his touch, already more so than Matt Cassel, the man he replaced as Quarterback after Cassel was put on season-ending Injured Reserve for a broken foot. What may be most impressive (and you have to trust me on this) is that his very good passing numbers (19-for-30 for 317 yards and a rushing touchdown) happened while Bridgewater, a QB who is supposed to be "mobile," was in the pocket. If he can throw that well in the pocket, how much better could he be out of the pocket? We just now have to hope that that high ankle sprain won't hobble him for the rest of the season.
Unfortunately the Vikes' next game is the Thursday Night game in Lambeau Field against Green Bay. I love football and will watch Thursday (after I do this taste test). But going from Sunday to Thursday has to be hell on the football players -- there's no time to rest and not enough time to implement a full game plan. It fucks up everything, just because The People wants more pigskin. I don't think the Vikings will win; I don't think they'll even keep it close. But just imagine if Bridgewater leads Minnesota to victory in enemy territory. Hell, even I might start chanting, "Teddy, Teddy!"
Well, sure enough, they had to go the full five before beating the Buckeyes. They had trouble giving up runs to The Ohio State University (especially in the first and fourth sets, the two they lost), and a volleyball board I frequent noted that they can't pass worth shit. Adriana Nora is the only player who can swing worth a damn, and the impotence of this collective is a massive worry in what may be the best conference in college volleyball. But at least they can block; the Gophers would have lost that game without their 19 roofs.
Some in this same chatroom speculated that they struggled against Ohio St. because they were looking past them and ahead to Saturday night's showdown against Penn St. The Nittany Lions' easy four-set victory at the Sports Pavilion put to rest that notion. Penn St. continues to reload, while Minnesota looks like they are moving backwards a step. That's astonishing, and alarming.
Because of their split, Minnesota actually dropped a spot in the AVCA Top 25 from 17 to 18 (one spot ahead of USC, which has plummeted into the shitter from 9th last week; they have a 7-5 record now, WTF???), and the club faces a dangerous trip to the state of Illinois this week. Tonight (Wednesday night) they face 16th-ranked Illinois, then they play Northwestern Sunday afternoon. The worst may be yet to come.
#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: -3). Well, I can't disagree with the firing. But hey, on the bright side they improved on last year's record. Sure, they went from 66-96 to 70-92, but it's four more wins!
But yes, that means a fourth straight year of 90 or more losses, and the axe finally fell on Ron Gardenhire, replaced after 13 years as Manager of The Bastard Washington Senators. He seems to be a nice guy, and from what I saw on Twitter he did not lose control of the locker room; most if not all the players on the club stuck up for him and took responsibility for his dismissal. But during the news conference Monday, General Manager Terry Ryan alluded to the fact that this never-ending cycle of suckiness could not continue without a shake-up, and in sports, the Manager always goes.
Can't say that I fault that logic, and I could even agree with Gardenhire's "firing" for another reason. I may be faced with tomatoes for invoking Joe Morgan, but once on ESPN.com he said there are only two reasons you should fire a coach or manager: Either he has lost control of the locker room or he is unable to get the most out of his players. LaValle E. Neal III of Minneapolis' Star Tribune noted that late in the season the players were committing the same mistakes that they were doing in the beginning of the year. Also, the long trail of former players who have found success elsewhere (Vance Worley, Kyle Lohse, National League batting champion Justin Morneau) may be a sign of a failure to develop or motivate, or the team trainers' inability to rehab the players correctly. That may not all fall on Gardenhire, but some of it does.
Finally, however, you have to respect the public relations side of it. Can you imagine Gardenhire getting another season after four consecutive 90+-loss years? Yeah, he isn't on the mound pitching, and he isn't in center field tracking down fly balls. But you can't just keep him in the dugout because he's not a player.
And yes, maybe Gardenhire didn't have the players to manage a good team. That falls on Ryan, but I still think he should be given a chance. Now he needs to upgrade a pitching rotation behind Phil Hughes and Kyle Gibson. Miguel Sano and Byron Buxton can't come up soon enough, arbitration clock be damned. And Joe Mauer has to become the hitting maven he had been most of his career. And then maybe, maybe the Twins get to .500.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Disrespectful Motherfuckers
All I did was note that you made a mistake. You fucked up. We all do it from time to time. Hell, I do it and I've been doing this for three seasons. I needed to note this because 1) people down the line are getting mistakes that were made from your end; 2) this was a relative simple mistake to make; and 3) it's my job to ensure you don't do it again.
So when I ask why two shots were posted to the same point, I think you can come up with a better, more grown-up response, than "But that was weeks ago!"
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!?! WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!?! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?? DON'T COP THAT ATTITUDE TO ME, BITCH! WHAT, JUST BECAUSE IT HAPPENED TWO WEEKS AGO MEANS YOU'RE NOT RESPONSIBLE?? YOU'RE NOT GONNA TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FUCK-UP?? FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING BRAT!!! YOUR GODDAMN INITIALS ARE ALL OVER THAT!!! AND I DON'T GIVE A GOOD GODDAMN THAT IT WAS TWO WEEKS AGO, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE THAT MISTAKE! AND SPEAKING OF MISTAKES, DIDN'T WANNA BREAK IT TO YA, BABE, BUT I'VE BEEN CORRECTING YOUR SHIT THE PAST TWO DAYS. WRONG CODES, WRONG DATES, TYPICAL ERRORS OF SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT. THAT'S YOU, HONEY, THAT'S YOU. AND I NEED TO CALL YOU OUT ON IT, AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T WANNA HEAR IT. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK WITH YOUR PETTY AND JUVENILE, "BUT THAT WAS TWO WEEKS AGO!" MY GOD, YOU SHOULD BE SO FUCKING FIRED, DISRESPECTFUL CUNT.
God, I hate that woman.
---
Oh, in the afternoon, when my boss came around to our area, the two oldest temps were mouthing something to them. After that I saw my boss look at the envelopes. "They're saying that the packets are being put in the wrong place," he said, while looking at the packets to see if they're in the right boxes.
I put the envelopes in the boxes. It's my job. And now I'm being challenged on whether or not I can put some envelopes in the right fucking boxes. Oh, that's rich. I'm getting complaints (third-hand, by the way) by the fucking Hipster Twins, who don't say anything to anybody else but love to spend all day with each other talking about how they're so much better than everyone else.
I separate the envelopes by format. There are four of them. I then arrange each of the four piles chronologically because the oldest packets need to be done first. I think I do a good job. The other temps, well, I think they're being lazy and not noticing which packet is which format.
You know, I think this is why we should not have separated the four boxes. Let's just have one big box where we arranged all the envelopes, oldest to newest. That way, the person taking the packet has to note which format it is and adjust his or her settings accordingly. The way it is now, I think some of the temps are just forgetting to look at the front of the envelope, or are forgetting that they've switched formats, or some of them are putting them back in the wrong place.
What is not happening is me putting them in the wrong places. I'm not, assholes. I'm way smarter than that, and I am a hell of a lot smarter than you two are giving me credit for. My goodness, you think I'm prone to more mistakes than the other temps. Look at the them, what the fuck. ...
Oh well, at least my boss gave me a vote of confidence. Hope that's more binding than those given to head coaches before they're fired. I don't think I should be undermined by these disrespectful pricks.
So when I ask why two shots were posted to the same point, I think you can come up with a better, more grown-up response, than "But that was weeks ago!"
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!?! WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!?! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?? DON'T COP THAT ATTITUDE TO ME, BITCH! WHAT, JUST BECAUSE IT HAPPENED TWO WEEKS AGO MEANS YOU'RE NOT RESPONSIBLE?? YOU'RE NOT GONNA TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FUCK-UP?? FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING BRAT!!! YOUR GODDAMN INITIALS ARE ALL OVER THAT!!! AND I DON'T GIVE A GOOD GODDAMN THAT IT WAS TWO WEEKS AGO, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE THAT MISTAKE! AND SPEAKING OF MISTAKES, DIDN'T WANNA BREAK IT TO YA, BABE, BUT I'VE BEEN CORRECTING YOUR SHIT THE PAST TWO DAYS. WRONG CODES, WRONG DATES, TYPICAL ERRORS OF SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT. THAT'S YOU, HONEY, THAT'S YOU. AND I NEED TO CALL YOU OUT ON IT, AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T WANNA HEAR IT. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK WITH YOUR PETTY AND JUVENILE, "BUT THAT WAS TWO WEEKS AGO!" MY GOD, YOU SHOULD BE SO FUCKING FIRED, DISRESPECTFUL CUNT.
God, I hate that woman.
---
Oh, in the afternoon, when my boss came around to our area, the two oldest temps were mouthing something to them. After that I saw my boss look at the envelopes. "They're saying that the packets are being put in the wrong place," he said, while looking at the packets to see if they're in the right boxes.
I put the envelopes in the boxes. It's my job. And now I'm being challenged on whether or not I can put some envelopes in the right fucking boxes. Oh, that's rich. I'm getting complaints (third-hand, by the way) by the fucking Hipster Twins, who don't say anything to anybody else but love to spend all day with each other talking about how they're so much better than everyone else.
I separate the envelopes by format. There are four of them. I then arrange each of the four piles chronologically because the oldest packets need to be done first. I think I do a good job. The other temps, well, I think they're being lazy and not noticing which packet is which format.
You know, I think this is why we should not have separated the four boxes. Let's just have one big box where we arranged all the envelopes, oldest to newest. That way, the person taking the packet has to note which format it is and adjust his or her settings accordingly. The way it is now, I think some of the temps are just forgetting to look at the front of the envelope, or are forgetting that they've switched formats, or some of them are putting them back in the wrong place.
What is not happening is me putting them in the wrong places. I'm not, assholes. I'm way smarter than that, and I am a hell of a lot smarter than you two are giving me credit for. My goodness, you think I'm prone to more mistakes than the other temps. Look at the them, what the fuck. ...
Oh well, at least my boss gave me a vote of confidence. Hope that's more binding than those given to head coaches before they're fired. I don't think I should be undermined by these disrespectful pricks.
Strippers Demanding More Money Again (Scheduled Post)
I've noticed more and more that the girls at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) have been asking for five bucks more often. Some of them are new, and some of them have just given me new attitudes. I don't know what is the cause of this annoying new upsell, but it's both pissing me off and troubling me.
The only cause of this is actually a good thing. Last week when I went to the bar I noticed that they repaved the entire parking lot. Before it was pocked with holes and gravel, but they put down new asphalt and it's all smooth and it looks good. That shows that the owner of the place continues to invest in the bar, which means he cares, which means he is not going to sell the place anytime soon. (There have been many rumors that he's going to quit and give up the land the bar's on; the area around it is gentrifying and the liquor license is a prime asset for someone who wants to make money in the city of Minneapolis.) That is awesome.
Unfortunately, I think that led the owner to tell the dancers that they are going to charge them more in house fees to work there. That in turn makes them demand five bucks from customers instead of just two. And I love this place, mean it, but fuck that. I've been going here too long to be bullied into frittering away more money. Hell, the first time I came in it was an adjustment going from one buck to two, but I did it -- I think I compromised enough.
And another thing: I think that I'm the only guy there who regularly tips during visits. Most of the other guys are just sitting around, drinking and eating Heggies Pizza, talking to the strippers after they got done with their shift. I think I should get a lot of credit for giving money since no one else is doing it. Shit, if they're going to get all uppity about the amount of money I tip, maybe I won't tip any money. Maybe I'll just treat the place like a regular bar, where I'll go and have a beer and watch sports on the TV. I'll just be like 90% of the guys at the place, not giving a rat's ass about the strippers. I wouldn't be giving them any money then. Would they like that instead?
OK, here's the deal: I will continue to give two bucks a pop. If you don't like it, fine, I'll put you down on my "five-dollar list" and never tip you again. But if you do accept my two dollars (and don't say some shit like, "Do you want to give me five for a better show?") there's a chance, a good chance, that you'll get a $20 dance from me. Now that's down the line -- I'm not made out of money. But that's the deal: I'll give you $2 with a chance to make $20, but if you demand $5 you'll get $0. Are we clear?
I hope that there's going to be some pushback on this. I still have my die-hard ATFs, and they're not giving me shit about two bucks. But if other strippers continue to demand fives at a time, or if those ATFs start getting bitchy with me about the money I'm voluntarily giving them ... well, shudder to think that I won't be welcome there anymore.
The only cause of this is actually a good thing. Last week when I went to the bar I noticed that they repaved the entire parking lot. Before it was pocked with holes and gravel, but they put down new asphalt and it's all smooth and it looks good. That shows that the owner of the place continues to invest in the bar, which means he cares, which means he is not going to sell the place anytime soon. (There have been many rumors that he's going to quit and give up the land the bar's on; the area around it is gentrifying and the liquor license is a prime asset for someone who wants to make money in the city of Minneapolis.) That is awesome.
Unfortunately, I think that led the owner to tell the dancers that they are going to charge them more in house fees to work there. That in turn makes them demand five bucks from customers instead of just two. And I love this place, mean it, but fuck that. I've been going here too long to be bullied into frittering away more money. Hell, the first time I came in it was an adjustment going from one buck to two, but I did it -- I think I compromised enough.
And another thing: I think that I'm the only guy there who regularly tips during visits. Most of the other guys are just sitting around, drinking and eating Heggies Pizza, talking to the strippers after they got done with their shift. I think I should get a lot of credit for giving money since no one else is doing it. Shit, if they're going to get all uppity about the amount of money I tip, maybe I won't tip any money. Maybe I'll just treat the place like a regular bar, where I'll go and have a beer and watch sports on the TV. I'll just be like 90% of the guys at the place, not giving a rat's ass about the strippers. I wouldn't be giving them any money then. Would they like that instead?
OK, here's the deal: I will continue to give two bucks a pop. If you don't like it, fine, I'll put you down on my "five-dollar list" and never tip you again. But if you do accept my two dollars (and don't say some shit like, "Do you want to give me five for a better show?") there's a chance, a good chance, that you'll get a $20 dance from me. Now that's down the line -- I'm not made out of money. But that's the deal: I'll give you $2 with a chance to make $20, but if you demand $5 you'll get $0. Are we clear?
I hope that there's going to be some pushback on this. I still have my die-hard ATFs, and they're not giving me shit about two bucks. But if other strippers continue to demand fives at a time, or if those ATFs start getting bitchy with me about the money I'm voluntarily giving them ... well, shudder to think that I won't be welcome there anymore.
Monday, September 29, 2014
But I'm Giving You A Compliment!
So on Facebook one of my "friends" (actually a hot chick who does bodybuilding -- yeah, I befriend fitness babes on Facebook because I got a fetish, OK?) said that she was horribly mocked by someone on the site, saying she looked disgusting and not feminine. (She is not, not by a goddamn long shot.) As you would guess, all of her fans swarmed to her comfort and defense, saying you're not ugly, that person is a jealous cunt, blah-blah-blah.
I joined in because I secretly hope that she'll remember my comment, fly over to Minnesota and fuck me, so I said that that comment was disgusting and classless. Because it was, right?
Also as per usual, whenever people make comments on your status update, you just hit "like" and shotgun them down the line. So I get an update that there was an update on her status update. And there have been dozens of messages since I wrote. And she liked every single one of them ... except mine.
What the fuck? Why did she like everybody else's comment but not mine? She liked every comment before mine, and she liked every comment after mine, but she didn't like mine! Why? My comment is just as good as anyone else's. In fact, it's better than anyone else's! I was giving her a compliment, and she doesn't like it? And she doesn't like me?
I don't understand the rejection. It's unfair.
I joined in because I secretly hope that she'll remember my comment, fly over to Minnesota and fuck me, so I said that that comment was disgusting and classless. Because it was, right?
Also as per usual, whenever people make comments on your status update, you just hit "like" and shotgun them down the line. So I get an update that there was an update on her status update. And there have been dozens of messages since I wrote. And she liked every single one of them ... except mine.
What the fuck? Why did she like everybody else's comment but not mine? She liked every comment before mine, and she liked every comment after mine, but she didn't like mine! Why? My comment is just as good as anyone else's. In fact, it's better than anyone else's! I was giving her a compliment, and she doesn't like it? And she doesn't like me?
I don't understand the rejection. It's unfair.
Bent License Plate
Got gas for my car tonight (Sunday night) to take advantage of a coupon. I was going around my car just because I always check for stuff, and I see that the left side of my license plate is bent 90 degrees. What the fuck? It was as if someone tried to pry it loose so they could take it and use it? Why the hell would someone steal a license plate?
I tried all I could to smooth it out. But that's hard to do if the back of the plate is on a frame. I would need to eliminate the crease by folding it the other way, and I can't do that if it's bolted onto the car. So I did the best I could. Right now, the license plate is bending at, oh, 45 degrees.
Assuming that the bend would catch my eye, it happened some time after the last time I looked at the front of my car, which is when I parked it Sunday morning before heading off to the Vikings game. So some asshole at Dinkytown, or at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division), where I stopped by after working the game, bent down and tried to steal my plate? Goddammit, this world is filled with assholes!
I tried all I could to smooth it out. But that's hard to do if the back of the plate is on a frame. I would need to eliminate the crease by folding it the other way, and I can't do that if it's bolted onto the car. So I did the best I could. Right now, the license plate is bending at, oh, 45 degrees.
Assuming that the bend would catch my eye, it happened some time after the last time I looked at the front of my car, which is when I parked it Sunday morning before heading off to the Vikings game. So some asshole at Dinkytown, or at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division), where I stopped by after working the game, bent down and tried to steal my plate? Goddammit, this world is filled with assholes!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)