Well, why am I not going? Let me just say that my parents told me the rest of the family was going to convene in Las Vegas over the holidays. This was just before they left for their cruise around the world, after which they would do their now-regular wintering in their condo. And ... well, they left me here to keep the home fires burning, and ... that was it.
Look, I never really thought about taking a trip out there for Christmas. I ... was just busy, and I have stuff to do here, and therefore I never really took seriously any thought about taking a trip out there so the entire family would be together.
Yesterday at work I was feverishly looking through the travel websites to see what prices are for a flight out there. I even allowed myself the jet-set move of getting there and leaving the same day. But as of Monday afternoon, the cheapest flight, which would get me to Sin City late Christmas Eve and out of there noon Christmas Day, was about $380. Actually, for a family get-together at The Most Important Time Of The Year, that isn't the dumbest expense in the world. But my brother and sister-in-law and niece come back here Friday, and there's a chance I might miss them. Plus, my family might need to take two trips to the airport, and that doesn't seems smart. And, there may not be room for me in my parents' condo, especially since I would be coming in virtually unannounced on such short notice.
I have another big reason I probably won't fly out there: In the back of my mind, I think my parents, in particular My Fucking Father, would tsk-tsk at the idea of me spending almost $400 to spontaneously take an airplane trip just so I could be with loved ones for less than a day. I don't need the silent disapproval every time I look at them and they look back at me. They'll do that as soon as they are done wintering in Vegas.
And that's probably the reason why I didn't push so hard to clear my work schedule and plan a flight out there. I never even entertained the thought until my sister was disappointed in me because I, well, didn't want to. I have to confess: I don't want to spend any time with my parents. I'm enjoying them not being here. This is more than just concluding that I'll see them soon, so why spend hundreds of dollars to see them now; I don't like ... being with them. And that won't change even if my sister and brother-in-law fly over from Europe. Sorry -- if it were just you two, I'd gladly go over, but you and our folks? No way. Christmastime is supposed to be a happy time of year.
Doesn't mean I don't feel guilty, though. I don't know how to smooth this over.
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