And ... it's over. Just like that. It's ... kind of sad. I should note that I might be saying that because I was dead sick the past two days so I really didn't "enjoy" Christmas. But I always have mixed feelings about it.
To be honest with you guys, the holiday season always brings a sadness out of me. Can't quite explain it. Might be that, as a Buddhist, I don't feel as if I can really "enjoy" Christmas. I will also allow for the possibility that I feel this way because I haven't enjoyed Christmas with family for the past several years, although, again to be perfectly honest, I kind of like being left alone and away from the regular familial tension.
Maybe the main reason that I feel unhappy is the ephemeral nature of the holiday season. That's what makes it so special after all. But I always know that it'll end at some point. There are a lot of things that I love about Christmastime. For example, on the evening of Black Friday, around midnight, I drove all the way down to the Mall of America just to people-watch. I do feel a lightening of the mood this month, and that civility towards one another helps, well, civilization, period. Plus I really love the lack of traffic, especially the morning commutes I had this past week and hope to have this upcoming week. (The evening commutes, however, remain pure hell, and I should blog about it soon.)
All of that will be gone by, uh, Monday, January 4. Hell, some things I really enjoy about the season are already gone. For the past couple days, for example, I have been leaning heavily on the Holiday Pops pop-cup Christmas channel on satellite radio. Don't know why, but ancient Christian choral music gives me a sense of peace that fits the holidays. Well, that, as well as two other Christmas-themed channels, have already shut down for the year.
And another thing I noticed: Christmas itself seemed to shut down as soon as dusk came yesterday. In fact, Christmas doesn't seem to be as sacred of a holiday anymore when compared to Christmas Eve. Guess it makes sense; after all, the Christ Child was born at midnight (well, midnight local time for all those who observe), so going to church to celebrate the evening of December 25 feels a bit too late. Man, you could actually wrap the Christmas traditions up by noon on the 25th, couldn't you? That doesn't seem right, but I was up last night watching TV, and of the four over-the-air networks, only ABC showed something Christmas-themed (A Country Christmas), and although I thought the other three networks were "wrong," I started to think, "Geez, ABC is a little late, aren't they?"
You know, as soon as you are done with the church services, the unwrapping of presents, the family meal and even going out to the family movie, it's kind of over. Although it is Boxing Day, and I plan on going to the Mall of America to see if any deals jump out at me (and to go to Hooters to see this waitress who I swear is flirting with me), the most important part of the holidays is over.
Well, for the rest of the world, anyway. New Year's still resonates for me because it is a true closing of the chapter of my life. But I can see The Real World reverting to its hurried, asshole self. Traffic will probably pick up on Monday, although probably not to levels I'll see once people who can afford to take two weeks off get back to work. The Megamall might be busy with people returning gifts and buying the ones they really wanted. But the spirit, I think, is already over.
And I'm conflicted about that too. While I don't like the temporary nature of other people being nice to each other, the permanent nature of people being mean to each other isn't better just because I can count on it 11 months out of the year. Then again, Christmastime to me always means that I will miss Christmastime, so Christmastime (and really the holiday season) being over means that I will be spared the pain of missing Christmastime. Maybe it's pathetic to not want something special because it'll be gone, but maybe that's the nature of being melancholy.
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