Tired Of These Hypersensitive Plants

So my parents have these plants, and since they're away, it's up to me to water them.  There are eight of them.  If I had my way, there would be none of them.  But both of my folks love these things, so I have to do it.

The trick is in watering them.  I don't think there should be a trick.  Plants need water, I give them water, they live.  It should be simple as that, and the first time they went on an extended vacation, I just watered.  But then, when they came back, they told me I didn't do it right.  They complained that the soil in the pots was too dry, and therefore I didn't water it enough.

And as illogical such a thing, screwing up watering a plant, remains to me, that has often been the case in my life.  When I was young, if I recall correctly, I had tried to raise plants, but they just died one day, and I never understood why.  I no longer wanted to take care of a living being when I have no idea how to keep it alive, so I had resolved when I was young never to raise a plant.  I know that would mean an extremely lonely existence, but hey, at least I wouldn't have the burden of something of mine dying in my care.

The next time my parents went somewhere I made sure to ask how much water to give.  My Father said, I think, give all the plants a couple cups of water every day.  That seems like a lot.  And it was, for one of their plants slowly withered away.  I brought it into the local gardener -- have I blogged about this already? -- and she said it died due to overwatering.  So I don't water it enough, and then I water it too much?  Fuck this shit.

So for this winter I decided to conserve watering for fear I'm drowning these poor plants.  My Father this time said just give one cup of water to the plants each day; seem him changing how much water to give isn't helping things.  I ignored him and just filled up this water can I bought before last winter because some of the pots were too small for me to use a measuring cup when I needed the little nozzle instead.

Well, shit, that didn't work because two more of the plants died a couple months ago.  Don't know why, but maybe, possibly, I could have watered them more.  There are a couple other plants that have leaves that are withering.  And now, this evening, I noticed that one of the big plants have some leaves that are yellowing.  My fucking God, is it because I'm not giving it enough water or too much?  And is this a sign that the whole goddamn plant is about to croak?

Fuck this, I'm just going to pour a motherfucking flood on all the plants.  Maybe that'll keep them alive, who the fuck knows, this is pissing me the shit off.