Yo Soy Sick

This was the perfect day to finally what I've wanted to do for a long time: Photograph my Father's "valuable" ivory things as inventory. It was a cloudy day and I didn't have anything to do. But I was really cold this morning and I spent it shivering, and then I woke up at 8:30 to turn the heat on, and then I slept till 11 and felt like shit with my legs feeling like they're on fire. I tried going on the bike for a few minutes, but is that lactic acid or are my leg muscles just tired? Add a headache, aches and fatigue, and then add that my Grandmother wants bandages now, and I am currently at a Dunn Bros. typing this. And I will put off photographing those ivory things again. As I have the past six months.

My 100th Post On This Blog Will Be About ...

... how the goddamn digitial signal is pissing me off again.

I've said this once before, but I have to say it again because it frustrated the shit out of me; my antenna isn't good enough to pick up all the stations while being pointed in only one direction. I was jostling between the news and the talk shows late tonight and I had to get out of my bed to shift my antenna this way and that depending on what channel I wanted to watch. And since I channel-surf a lot, I'm ran into this problem all fucking night. I actually now have mentally placed which of the stations won't come in at which angle the antenna is pointed at. I now plan ahead so I won't have to get up in the middle of a show that's pixelating, even though I might have to spin the antenna in another direction the following hour. And what's even worse is that I checked antennaweb.org and it said that all my channels should be coming in through one direction, so that if I point my antenna that way, there should be no problem.

My parents are having this problem too, even though their bedroom is in the basement. I wonder if that has anything to do with it, if I need to point the antenna in a different direction, or if they need a new antenna altogether.

But the most galling thing about it is that digital seems to be an all-or-nothing presentation: Either you see the picture clearly (and even though they say you can tell that a digital picture is much more vivid even on a standard-definition TV, I can't tell any difference) or you won't see anything. In analog a show may be fuzzy, but you can still watch it, even without adjusting the rabbit ears. But on digital even a sudden gust of wind will "cliff" the show I'm watching. Is this really progress? Wouldn't it be better to be get a signal that comes in even halfway decently than one that won't transmit at all?

I'm starting to dread the Conversion.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: The NASCAR Pit Crew Guy Who Ran Onto The Track To Retrieve A Tire

This happened about three weeks ago, but it's important enough for me to get around to it.

Auto racing is a form of recreation that would be great to do but not watch. I also don't think it's much of a sport; it's way more machine than man, and if driving a car and making four successive left turns (albeit in speeds reaching 200 miles an hour) is a sport, than me finding work every day should also be called a sport.

One other thing that grates: The pit crew seems to have a lot of responsibility in the outcome of a race when each member is assigned a super-specific task you would, in other work environments, give to an intern. But because this is a race, time is of the essence, and if you're not focused in doing your simple job, you'll cost your team. I'm still waiting to see two cars pit late in the race and both are squealing their tires trying to beat the other onto the track and the announcer goes: "Ooh, it's going to be a close race to the line and ... oh my God! The tire carrier dropped the tire! Jeff Gordon had to swerve to avoid the old tire the tire carrier dropped, and that lets Tony Stewart blow right past Gordon and onto the track!! Tony Stewart is gonna win the Daytona 500!!! And all because that idiot couldn't hold onto a stupid tire!!!!"

I can't imagine ... and I don't have to, now that Jimmy Watts, firefighter by day, gas man for NASCAR driver Marcos Ambrose on the weekends, committed one of the most colossally stupid, and yet one of the most understandable, mistakes I've ever seen in this "sport": He chased a tire that got away from the pit all the way onto the grass during the race. He's been suspended until April 22.

If I was there, I wouldn't retrieve the tire because I don't want to get my legs sheared off by an oncoming car driving at 200 mph. And yet if I saw something that got away from me and was going to get in the way of someone, especially if that someone was driving 200 mph, my first instinct is to go get it, especially if I was going to put the race under caution and make us look bad. That tire is our responsibility, and I would feel we have to do all we can to get our stuff away from the path the cars are taking around the track. Watts was working on instinct, and that good deed, that maturity in being responsible for your own stuff, has unfairly brought him scorn and his pit crew shame. He was trying to do the right thing! And now he might be shitcanned "due to the economy," of course. Man, what can you ask a man to do?

Facebook Is Becoming More Like Myspace

I'm not just talking about the redesign; it's terrible, but I don't remember the old version being all that accessible and pleasing to the eye either. It's just that my friends keep sending me things that have gotten to be overwhelming. First it was photos, then it was forwards (including that 25 Things About Me meme that spread around the world like wildfire for, like, 15 minutes then stopped), then invitations to these online games like "Mafia Wars," and now it's these five albums/TV shows/films that you like the best/most influence you/made people think you were going to shoot up the high school lists. They're meant to be in fun but it's gotten to be quite annoying, to be honest about it.

Sending forwards, sharing photos, getting invited to download childish applications and blogging about every single insignificant detail in your life (even if it's the Twitter-like micro-blogging that facebook's description line doesn't call itself) is what I think MySpace is. Those are the reasons why I use facebook. And now facebook is becoming more and more like MySpace. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I might as well go back to MySpace because MySpace did it first, and facebook ain't nothin' but a poser.

Oh yeah, and I can't even start talking about Twitter. I've heard about it sometime last year, but hasn't that fuckin' thing just blown up in the past month or so? Now I have to be on Twitter. Damn, I hate you, Internet.

Oh My God, Scalpers Are The Most Pathetic People Ever

I know it's not personal; it's just that they resort to cursing you out when you give them a lowball offer. It's either part of their DNA, or they're trying to antagonize you so you'd pay their price. But it's odd that every single time I go out on the street for a ticket, one of these guys wants to rile me up, sometimes more than one. It becomes a game.

I went to the men's college ice hockey tournament games at the U. tonight. No one was going to show up, or at least I definitely knew it wasn't going to be a sellout.

I ask for one ticket for between $10 and $15. I was told by one guy to wear a sign. And I was told by another guy to go fuck myself.

I would be pissed off, but I actually had to laugh. Christ, are you guys going to lash out like that because you choose to hustle for sports tickets? Are you guys taking my offer personally? Come one, what's the big deal, it's business!

You attract more moths with honey than vinegar, remember.

Thank You, Ken Pomeroy!

For misleading me with your ratings. You said that the last three years the best team according to your own proprietary "Pythagorean" rating won the title. You also said that no team has gotten to the Final Four with "offensive efficiency" and "defensive efficiency" ratings lower than 20th in the country. So, by relying on your statistics, I picked Memphis (#1 in the "Pythag") to win the title, and for Duke (Top 20 in both efficiencies) to win the East Region.

And in about two hours, I get fucked in the ass. Thanks, Pomeroy for your FAIL number-crunching. I really needed the pool money.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -4). Now this is much more impressive. Coming off three straight losses, they finish their Texas trip with three games against Dallas Baptist, a school that really has nothing else to invest their time, resources or athletic profile in, and they swept them, including a come-from-behind 11-9 win to complete the sweep on Saturday. For that, they hang onto the 25th spot in this week's college baseball poll, the only Big 10 team in the Top 25. Don't know how non-conference victories will factor into whether the Gophers will make it to the baseball tournament as opposed to the basketball tourney, but two wins at TCU and one against UC-Santa Barbara has to count for something even after they go through the conference schedule -- which so happens to begin this weekend at Indiana.

#-1: Wild (Last Week: -7). The bar remains very low here in Loserville, USA. The Wild go 2-2 and they are still the second-best team in town. It helps to play in the NHL where, in an effort to maintain interest through a long season in a cult sport, you never truly are out of a playoff spot, no matter how hard you try to bow out. Convincing wins against Edmonton and the Islanders are counteracted by an ass-kicking by New Jersey and a bruising loss to the Rangers. They giveth and they taketh away on the roster front, too; just as Marian Gaborik has finally come back to the team (and scored in his traditionally speedy way in the Rangers loss), Mikko Koivu gets injured the same game and is likely out for the rest of the regular season, maybe more. This week they have one game each against the three Candian members of their division: Calgary, Edmonton and Vancouver. All three teams have more points than the Wild, and the Oilers are the ones in the last playoff position, currently one point ahead of the Wild.

#-2: Swarm (Last Week: -2). Whatever dude -- a 13-11 loss at Colorado was the only game of the week. The Mammoth had a huge third quarter and the Swarm never could catch up. And that's all the analysis I can provide regarding the local lacrosse team this week. On Saturday they have a huge task: Hosting Calgary, the team leading their division -- and the Swarm by 3.5 games.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -8). Shit, when will this fuckin' pathetic, damned season end for the Woofie Dogs? Kevin McFail sat all his usual starters last night at Philadelphia, and the Wolves actually played well and had a six-point lead at halftime. They were led by Rodney fucking Carney of all people! He's showing people that he deserves to stick around somewhere in the Association. Anyway, the Timberwolves remembered that they were the Timberwolves and they collapsed like they usually do, and they wind up losing the game by 8. The team finished 0-4 for the week and have now lost 6 in a row.

Now, one quick opinion on the new "Early Bird" promotion, where you can now get season tickets for next year dirt cheap and you can even get them refunded if you get shitcanned from your job this year: I am now convinced that Glen Taylor is a sincere man, though very flawed and loyal to a fault, and realize that I'd rather have a loser owner who remains faithful to the community rather than a carpetbagger who will spend money on a winner but steals the team away to another town. (I'd rather have a loyal and smart winner, but you seem my point.) This isn't a cynical ploy to make money, although he is a businessman. He needs to convince the public to buy tickets to his team, and this plan is not just economical but fair for both sides. My only problem is that he pins the lack of attendance on the recession, when a lot of it has to do with his shitty team. I doubt that there would be sellouts if the Wolves won rather than lost 50 games at this point, but the reality is is that this team stinks and no one is stupid enough to pay good money to watch them stink. I wish he'd be a little more honest about his failures as an owner and delegator to employees that also have failed, i.e. McFail.

Oh yeah, they play three this week: at Cleveland, home versus New Jersey, home versus Dallas.

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher: women's hockey, men's hockey, men's basketball, women's basketball, and wrestling (Last Week, Respectively: -1, -3, -5, -6, -9). Not much I can add beyond what I bitched about last night, except the following:

• Women's hockey Goalie Alyssa Grogan had food poisoning. Get it? It wasn't that she's an overrated netminder; her excuse was she ate bad food.
• Three of the guys on the men's hockey team had the flu. Get it? It's not an excuse, it's an explanation. Ironic, since I've felt sick ever since their season started.
• The women's basketball team's 31-point ass-kicking was their worst loss in NCAA Tournament history. You probably could've assumed that, but it really is a fact.

A Lament: RIP, Gopher Winter Sports

Consider this an advance on the MNWSS that should be out Thursday. Every single University of Minnesota winter sport -- men's and women's basketball, men's and women's hockey, and wrestling -- will be tied for -infinity, and I just have to say how pissed off I am at the way every single program there ended. All five them are a big collective FAIL.

I have a rule in the survey that any team gets a -infinity if their season ends without a championship. But I have no idea how I would separate any of these five teams if I had to pick out which was the worst. If you put a gun to my head, I will say that the team that comes out the best probably is the women's basketball team because they made it to the NCAA tournament and won/upset Notre Dame (in a pod played at South Bend). But then tonight they had to really choke the bit in being eliminated to Texas A&M. It's great they exceeded expectations, but damn, they lost 73-42. And the final margin of defeat was one less than the number of turnovers they had (and they gave out 16 in the first half and 16 in the second half). Plus, the Lady Aggies had 20 steals -- 20! That stat alone shows the team had a outsized lack of poise. What am embarrassing way to end your season, geez. ...

All the others committed sins that are inexcusable. The women's hockey team had rivals over the season, both of them in their own conference (UMD and eventual champ Wisconsin), but they were ranked 1st more weeks in the poll than any other team. They won their first-round game, but got caught in the semi-finals 5-4 to Mercyhurst, which is a good team but in no way should have beaten the Lady Gophers, and I don't care that Mercyhurst was seeded third and Minnesota second. Too often this team came up short against the teams that supposedly were their fiercest opponents, and one of those teams sealed their fate.

In two short years, wrestling has gone from a valuable non-revenue program the U. can hang their hat on to a program that is not keeping up with the Iowas and Iowa States of the world. They were also-rans at the NCAA Champsionships, finishing 14th (haven't checked on whether there are only 14 wrestling programs in Division I). They had only three games gunning for individual titles, and the best came in third. Hell, some guy from Arizona State who only has one leg came in third! (And a hell of a story that is, huh?) The future of the direction of this program -- and of coach J Robinson -- needs to be evaluated.

The men's b-ball team ... well, they're getting Royce White next year, so things are looking up. But for a team that had some talent playing in a conference that wasn't that good (although Michigan State and Purdue are representin' in the Big Dance), they were way too inconsistent. Moreover, they couldn't score. Just harken back to the Texas game. Yes, A.J. Abrams buried the Gophs for good with his three-pointers, including five consecutive. But with a little more than four minutes left in the game and the U. down by 8 or so, the vibe you got from TV announcers Jim Nantz and Clark Kellogg was that it was over. Hell, Villanova was coming back from 8 points down to American and they did it in less than four minutes. It's possible. But everyone assumed that Minnesota was done. And they were right. Add some scoring pop to Tubby's better-than-average defense, and this team is one on the rise.

So what to do about the men's hockey team? I'm vacillating between canning Coach Don Lucia and giving him leeway because this program did win back-to-back championships not too long ago. But this team, the big school in the State Of Ha-Kee, will not be playing in the tournament for the first time since 2000. This pathetic end came due to three events: a 2-1 loss to UMD in the Final Five Play-In Game last weekend; a subsequent tie in a third-place game between Princeton and St. Lawrence in the ECAC playoffs; and Boston University just getting past Cinderella UMass-Lowell in the Hockey East championship. Somehow, these conspired to leave the Gophs out of the tourney. This is not needlessly complicated, like the BCS; they did this to themselves, whether it's blue-chippers wanting to stay in the program only for a season to showcase themselves to NHL scouts, Lucia losing his touch (and his thumb on the pulse of this team for a couple weeks to fight some mysterious infection), Alex Kangas not rising to the occasion, or the state's conspicuous inability to develop good goalies in the high-school level. As I heard on KFAN this morning, Minnesota has built-in advantages because of who we are, where we are, and how we feel about hockey. This should be unacceptable. And I don't know if this is a temporary blip or indicative of an oncoming landslide to complete disarray.

Good riddance, U. winter sports?

I Already Fucking Hate Digital TV

Instead of just trying to deal with a station coming through with static, with digital you have this "cliff" effect, where a signal is either coming in loud and clear or it doesn't and it pixelates and freezes or the screen just goes black.

Worst of all, as I discovered as I installed my converter box because the local CW affiliate stuck to the original switchover date and I didn't want to miss America's Next Top Model, I can't just plop my indoor antenna straight ahead and watch all my channels like normal. Each station comes in best when the antenna is pointing in a certain direction, and of course they can't all be in the same direction. And this was OK while in analog, but for digital signals static becomes frozen snow. So if I switch to a channel that has a very bad signal, I have to get up and move my antenna around I get something. But then I get restless and switch to yet another channel, and that doesn't come in the way the antenna is pointed then, so I have to get up and move that fucking thing again. And so on.

And oh yeah, digital is extremely sensitive. It's windy outside now. When there's a gust the image on my TV decomposes. Fuck, when I stand in a certain spot in my bedroom it goes to shit.

And I'm gonna have to deal with this shit forever?

There Was One Piece Of Birthday Cake Left. ...

And I thought about not eating it. Why? Because then I would have to dispose of the box. But, it was made out of paper, so I could recycle it. Then, if my parents see this morning that I put the frosting-encrusted container in alongside the other newspapers they'd accuse me of being a pig, and I don't want to have to deal with that. But, I can't bring myself to throw perfectly recyclable material in the trash. Hell, I even thought of eating the cake and putting the box back in the refrigerator, but the butter croissants are under the box, and they'll probably eat those in the morning, so I don't want to be regarded as a fool after they pick up the box and realize it's empty and go, "Did our idiot son put back an empty cake box in the fridge?" So for a second I just thought not to eat the cake because it was so fucking complicated.

But in the end I did eat it. And my Grandmother has started putting papers into a bag, so I folded up the cake box and put it in the bag.

Fuckin' A, Man, So What If I Pinched Her Nipples?

Went to my favorite strip club again tonight. After years of needing to show the guys my ID, I've gotten to a point where all the checkers just wave me through, thank God.

I was in a perverted moon tonight. Well, I'm always in a perverted mood, but moreso tonight. The girl onstage knows me well. She had a bowtie on her top that she pulled loose so she coud show her tits. Then she let me do it. "No, it's untied now, doing it again would just be contrived." But she tied herself up again so I could let loose her huge sweater puppies.

Her hard nipples were erupting through her sheer top. Well, if you ask me to untie you even after I protested, I just have to go for it. So I pinched her nipples.

Immediately, I heard a voice boom from behind me: "DON'T DO THAT!!!" It was the bouncer, the guy who has let me in after checking my ID so many times, the guy I thought we were cool with. He sounded mad.

Come on, you know me! If the girls don't like me, that's one thing, but they've never complained. Why? Because I'm not a dick! If they don't like what I do, they tell me and I stop. You do not need to step in, because I will never get so out of line that I have to forced out of the bar by you.

I don't know if I can go back to this club ever again. And this is my favorite goddamn strip club!

This Guy Friended Me On Facebook, And I Don't Even Know If I Want To

This is where my paranoia comes in and confuses me. We knew each other in high school, but I don't remember us being close friends. In fact, all I remember about him is how much he annoyed the shit out of me. We were never close. But did I hate him?

And now he goes and asks to friend me on facebook. Does he know how much he pissed me off in high school? Does he really think we're long lost friends? Is this some sort of fucking joke where he's just going to make fun of me through facebook now? And what if I reject him? Will that set a bad precedent? What happens if word gets around to his friends who also went to the same high school I went to? Are they gonna come after me? Goddamn.

I have yet to confirm him, or ignore him. What should I do?

This Guy Friended Me On Facebook, And I Don

My Parents Are Fighting Again

I passed out around 5:30 in the evening because I was at Hooters all day watching the basketball games. I wake up to my father banging on the wall our version of Ma clanging the metal triangle from the porch to call everybody in for supper.

I knew they were fighting when my mother took a plate from the kitchen and transferred the reheated leftovers we were eating from another plate using a spoon, and she did so without speaking to my father. He usually prepares dinner while she's downstairs on the treadmill, but she certainly has no qualms about the way he does things when we eat.

That she seemed to be giving him the silent treatment and speaking by way of food transfer, somethhing happened at work. Either she hated something he did, or he yelled at her in a way she didn't like. Whatever the case, she ate quickly and quietly. He just about did the same, although he also washes the dishes, and this time he didn't wait for me, the slowest eater.

I am an angry person, and although I think I was born that way, I definitely was raised that way too. My mom is the violent one, the one who just yells and yells and yells at you, with some threats to do bodily harm thrown in. My father is the vindictive one, the one who quietly tells you how much you suck and how much he hates you. He's also the passive-agressive one, the one who has the under-the-breath comment or the misplaced needle to pop your high-flyin' balloon, just when you're feeling good. (I'm shaking with hate and fear as I type this.) I don't like either, but I hate my father more mostly because I've argued with him more the past several years. But while I've had more arguments with him, the most intense arguments have been with my mom, who has no qualms with just firing at me with both barrels.

I wrote that last paragraph for catharsis, but also because I haven't seen my father behave like a child as obviously as he did after he washed the dishes. He went outside to dump the trash, and when he went back upstairs, he stepped on two of the steps very loudly. He knew damn well my mother was trying to sleep in the master bed. My father is a baby, but in a verbal, you-don't-make-any-fucking-sense-dipshit way. He's never pulled his passive-agressiveness bullshit physically. Now, I won't say my mother is the complete victim here, but it seems like she's more, um, acquiescent in the relationship.

When I was young, my siblings and I were raised by our Grandmother. My parents worked their asses off and didn't get back home till late. I never really saw them for dinner, so the only thing I truly remember about them in my youth was the screaming, usually by my mother, emanating from downstairs. It was her yelling, sometimes to the point of exhaustion and tears, followed by him doing one of two things: Responding/Defending himself in a whine, or giving in with gentle, hushed coos. Seriously, that's how I remember my parents when I was young.

If there are additional events, or if this affects me any closer than it does now, I'll let y'all know.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Two Weeks Ago: 0). Well, at least they got to the Women's Frozen Four, which is what was expected of them. My doubts, and the reason I don't have them at 0 or Positive Numbers, is that they lost the women's WCHA Tournament Final, at home, to Wisconsin, whom the Lady Gophs could face if they beat Mercyhurst in the National Semi-Final Saturday in Boston. As I've said before, it should be Championship Or Bust for this team, and yet they have demonstrated weakness with both the Lady Badgers and UMD, the fourth member of the Frozen Four.

#-2: Swarm (Two Weeks Ago: -1). Frankly, I have no idea why these guys should be ranked so high. They're here because, as has been the case so many times, the other teams on the survey are worse. These guys are undefeated these past two weeks, provided you don't count them being part of the Western Conference's loss in the National League Lacrosse All-Star Game. But hey, they did beat Philadelphia at Philadelphia! An important game Sunday night at Colorado, a team ahead of the Swarm by a half-game.

#-3: Gopher men's hockey (Two Weeks Ago: -4). They keep stumbling ahead even though I've given up on them. They needed just one win against Michigan Tech, a program that under any metric should be discontinued, but they lose their first game. That should've meant that they had to go on the road for the WCHA 10-becomes-5 play-in series for the first time I can think of, but miraculously all the other teams tied with them also lost their first games, so the Gophs got another chance -- which they made good on by finally winning, earned home-ice advantage in their 5/6 series with St. Cloud State, and promptly swept the Huskies (whom they also beat four times during the season), thereby virtually assuring they're going to be in the NCAA Tournament no matter what happens in this week's Final Five. These guys are still holding by their fingernails to postseason success.

#-4: Gopher baseball (Two Weeks Ago: -2). Over these past two weeks they've gone 5-3 -- winning all five, then losing all three, all of them while latching onto the last possible spot on the Top 25 Poll. Their Janus-like results are even more stark: They swept the Metrodome Tournament (I was there when they hammered Western Michigan 7-1 on the 7th) and then took the first two games against then-11th-ranked TCU at Fort Worth. But since the new poll came out on Monday and the two teams played their finale ranked, Minnesota hasn't won. They're most of the way through their "Texas Three-Step": They just finished getting swept in two games by Texas-Arlington, and finish their road trip with three this weekend at Dallas Baptist. Hmmm ... Fort Worth, Arlington, Dallas ... they're close enough to each other that these guys can stay in the same hotel for the whole week-plus. Hopefully they had time to go out to Baby Dolls, the best strip club in the DFW area.

#-5: Gopher men's basketball (Two Weeks Ago: -5). Congratulations to the Gophers for going dancing for the first time in four years. Too bad they did their damndest to give back that invite, losing at home to Michigan (on Senior Day!), winning what I guess was an elimination game over Northwestern, then predictably losing to Michigan State. Ten seeds have fared very well in the Tournament recently (Davidson was a #10 when they ripped through the field last year), but I don't think they're dynamic enough to defeat Texas, even as up-and-down as they appear to be. And even if they do win this, Duke, as overrated as they chronically appear to be, should handle them. Great building block for the future ... so long as Tubby stays.

#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Two Weeks Ago: -6). And yes, congrats are also in order for the hard-ballin' Lady Gophs too. After a one-year absence from the Big Dance, they are also in the Tournament, also as a 10-seed. Unfortunately for them, they have to play #7 Notre Dame at Notre Dame. And like their penis-wielding counterparts, they also stated their case to the WNIT, pissing down their legs in their first game of the Big 10 Tournament and losing to Iowa. Not going to the postseason with a head of steam, guys. And worst of all, Tayler Hill, quite possibly the best girl baller the state has ever had, probably will spurn Minnesota and head for either Marquette, Texas, or Duke. What happened to building a wall around the state and keeping the blue-chippers?

#-7: Wild (Two Weeks Ago: -9). Give up on this team; only the absurd length of the NHL regular season is keeping this team within spitting distance of playoff spot. They, like both college basketball teams, have been generous, really going 3-5, even though they collected a pity point in three of those losses. If they're not going to be consistent in either offense, defense or goaltending, I doubt it's all gonna come together at this point in the season. Since the WCHA is using the X this weekend, the Wild are on the road for three of four games this week, visiting all three New York-area clubs (though, oddly, not in a row; game at home against Edmonton after New Jersey and before the Rangers). Stripper hounds, the NYC stripclub scene is overrated, but you have the money, so go to Flashdancers. Hope you don't mind Eastern European and Brazilian chicks!

#-8: Timberwolves (Two Weeks Ago: -10). OK, they're not totally irredeemable, just plenty irredeemable. They went 2-6 these past few weeks, but frankly I thought they would drop all 8. Plus, I got comped for the Bobcats game on Saturday, and I was wrong about Kevin Love. He led all the T-Wolves with 22 points, and he seemed like he knew what he was doing out there. And even though they shouldn't be in their long-term plans, Rodney Carney and Brian Cardinal are the type of role players that help keep a team's production up when the starters need a blow. Those two guys can ball! Three of their four games this week are on the road; their only home game comes Sunday afternoon against the Bastard Seattle Supersonics, and I hate them even more because they're playing at the same time as the Tournament games at the Dome, which I plan on going, and now I have to worry about finding a parking space, goddammit...

#-9: Wrestling (Two Weeks Ago: -3). Um, I don't know what happened here, I just know that it isn't great news for the Gopher Grapplers. They finished a very disappointing 5th in the conference championships last weekend, and only five people on the team get to wrestle in the NCAAs. Does that mean that they're not gonna win the team title? I don't know, I guess; I mean, five ain't that big of a number for a rasslin' team. ...

Birthday Thoughts

It didn't really feel like my birthday. Maybe it's because I'm lost at 33. Maybe it's because being unemployed has run all my lollygagging days together into one long drunk-like blur (although working 40+ hours a week made my life seem that way too). But although I was cognizant of it, I didn't feel totally great about it. What did I do to celebrate? I went to an Irish pub to study my bracket, saw it was crowded as hell, decided to go to Matt's Bar and get a Jucy Lucy, got lost, went in, answered a call from my sister wishing me a Happy Birthday, and getting my car washed way on the other side of town for free. (I upgraded to include the underbody flush and rust inhibitor). Then I went home to have dinner with family.

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Do you wanna know how hung up I am on stupid shit? The greatest thing about facebook right now, for me, is that 10 friends of mine wished me a Happy Birthday. I sent a message back thanking each one. But I feel so bad that the first person I wrote back to was the second person on the list, a friend of mine from SC. The first guy was my sister's boyfriend, but I've never met him person, whereas the second guy was my friend and he was "you get to see the Trojan basketball team in Minnesota, God loves you" stuff, and I read it, so naturally I responded to him first. I'm still bent out of shape that I didn't answer my birthday well wishes in the order I received them.

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Meanwhile, none of the hot babes I friended on MySpace wished me a Happy B-Day. Boo!

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I wasn't expecting cake, to be honest. Not that I don't like cake. I always like cake, and when my parents bought it, it shows that they love me, or at least they'll make good on the responsibilities of being a parent. But I am 33, and my metabolism is slowing down. The other thing is, they once again bought a strawberry cake (actually souffle). I hate strawberry cake. Well, as much as you can hate a specific kind of cake when you love cake. I think I've said all my life that I prefer, say, a chocolate one. But maybe they won't finish the cake unless it's strawberry. Buddha knows I couldn't finish this one.

I'm Back!

Yeah, got back from vacation, blah-blah-blah...

My father pissed me off again tonight -- second fight of the year. Over dinner, we had a lot of meats which we dip into this vinegar sauce. We eat cold rice noodles with it, and as I've done over my whole life, after I dip my meat into the sauce I dab it onto the noodles.

Well, my father, who has done this in the past but not recently as far as I can remember, starts scolding me. "Only a child does that! If you did that out in public people would make fun of you!"

"We don't eat this out in public, we only eat..."

And then he interrupts me. And that's what angers me the most about fighting with him, or with my mother: When they cut me off as I'm making a point, I lost all my concentration, and that pisses me off even more. I had an awesome logical comeback, but it came out so muddled that I've already put it out of my mind.

The only way I can feel that I'm right is if I can argue my points during my fights with them. My regression back to when they were beating me as a kid of shit I didn't do prevents me from reaching a stage where I can verbally go toe-to-toe with them, Father in particular. How can I win without doing so? How can I grow to be a man without winning?

Fuck you, Father, fuck you and your ridiculous scolding.

Gonna Be Dark For The Next Three-Plus Days

I will be vacationing out of town. Specifically, I'll be going with my mother on a complimentary junket to the casinos of Tunica where I hopefully will be making some money. I still haven't told them about my laptop yet, so I just won't be on any computer till Friday at the earliest. That also means my Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey will be dark this week. I have no plans yet on how or even if I make up the two weeks. We'll see next Thursday.

Have fun, anybody who reads this blog -- in other words, me.

So I Went To Get My Hair Cut...

I go to the Aveda institute in Northeast Minneapolis (because of its Polish roots it's commonly referred to as "Nordeast") because I like the idea of students learning on my head. Also, most of the students there are cute. However, the last few times there I got my hair cut by a guy named Clancy. I don't think we're true friends, but the three times he's cut me we've talked. Interesting history -- plays guitar, wants to get back to it, doing this as a fallback job, lives with his mom -- and he seems like a good guy.

But the students are only in the program for about nine months, and Clancy graduates next month, I think. Also, for the past week my hair seems to have erupted out of my head to the point where it became annoying to hold my head up. Plus, I'm going to Robinsonville, Miss. this week to gamble, and I don't want this untrimmed fop on the top of my head. So I decided to go to Horveda (Aveda used to be called the Horst Institute or something before they merged, and I still get them confused, so I just combine the two names) on Saturday afternoon and get this chopped off so I can hold my head up, let alone high, when I go to Mississippi.

I go up to the check-in desk ... and hey, there's Clancy! I point at him, he points at me. Very bromantic, I must say.

"I'd like to get my hair cut by that guy," I tell the receptionist as I point to him again.

"He can't. He's running tickets." After a customer checks in, the receptionist writes down the information, and the ticket runner goes all around the two floors of the building to find a student to do that person's hair. Just my damn luck, today it was Clancy.

So for a few minutes I faced a choice: Get my hair cut without Clancy, meaning that I will never get my hair cut from him again because I know I won't be back in a months' time, or just cancel and get my hair cut from him, say, next week. As usual, when faced with a choice I get all anxious to the point where I touch myself in order to feel better. I mentally talk to myself about all the drawbacks with each option: "If I stay, I won't see Clancy again ... but if I leave, I'll have to deal with my hair when I should be enjoying myself ... I have to carve out another weekend just to do this ... and it's not like I can reserve a stylist here; you get who you get, and you may not get Clancy next week either ... but Clancy's my bro, man, I owe it to him!"

You get the idea. What I realized in my internal eternal debate with myself is that this choice pits two of my principles: my desire to be loyal versus my annoyance over changing my plans. In the end, I did the selfish thing and stayed to get my hair cut from another girl (who was a low-talker, BTW). I didn't have anything to do for a few hours, so where would I go? My hair really was bothering me. And I was right; what if I don't get Clancy next week?

So I sat for half an hour. This one time he was running back to the receptionists' desk to get another ticket. Our eyes locked. We exchanged shrugs.

After I was done I thought about trying to find him one more time, just to say goodbye. Went upstairs, couldn't find him.

Sorry, bro.

Goodbye.

May I Confess Something?

A night ago I was at my favorite strip bar. There were four women dancing. One of them I always get a lapdance from, as I did then. Two others I wouldn't mind getting dances from most other nights and if I had enough money. The fourth I've never gotten a dance from, but we're familiar with each other. Also, the waitress working that night used to dance there, although she has given me an LD while waitressing.

I keep having this recurring dream. All five girls and I are somewhere secluded -- maybe in their dressing room, maybe in a dark corner outside, maybe a private corner inside. They all seem to get along together, so all six of us are in a circle ... and I take out my cock. And it gets hard as I see all these beautiful women stare at it. Then they all take turns touching me however they want until I splooge all over. And I pay a total of $100, $2o to each of the five, for servicing me. And they all kiss me good night.

Ah, nice dream. Maybe one night I'll try that!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

This week we're going to stretch the rules a little and include some teams that are not officially in their real season yet, or are teams I have no clue about. But the maybe-new rule I'm going to stick with is: As long as they're making news, I get to include them, even if it's only for the week.

Positive Numbers: Gopher men's and women's track and field (New!). They're here because both teams won the conference championships! The women have won their third straight Big 10 title, and the men won the title for the first time in 11 years. This is the first time a school swept the men's and women's since Wisconsin did it in 1997. In a schedule I don't quite understand, they travel next to Iowa State and Notre Dame for something called qualifiers. That probably means I'll drop them next week. Whatever -- congrats again!

#0: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: 0). No upsets as they swept Bemidji State. And the awards continue to come: Gigi Marvin was named conference Outstanding Student-Athlete, Monique Lamoureux Rookie, Melanie Gagnon Defensive Player, and Brad Frost Coach Of The Year. Getting into what's officially called the WCHA Final Faceoff (and what should be called the WCHA Women's Final Four) should ensure the Lady Gophs a spot in the NCAA Tournament. Even better is that all this is at Ridder because they won the regular-season title. Will they win?

#-1: Swarm (Last Week: -8). Now that's the ticket! The Swarm end their five-game losing streak by winning at both Toronto and Buffalo. They had four road games to go, but I just saw on their schedule that the next-to-last game has been switched to a home game against Calgary. WTF? Then I saw on Ticketmaster (in one of the few times they've been helpful and not taking your money) that it was a road game against Chicago ... which ceased operations about a fortnight before the season was about to begin. A moment of silence for the Shamrox. There's the National Lacrosse League All-Star Game this weekend in Denver. Cheer on Swarm D's Ryan Cousins and Nick Inch this Saturday -- if you can find a place to see or hear the game.

#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -1). Not bad -- 3-2, but those three wins was a sweep of their Dairy Queen Classic, which reached a quarter-century old this year. I was at the game against Washington Saturday night. You know the reason I love college sports? The imperfection from people, most of whom will end their competitive play at this level but are fortunate enough not to need to pay a scholarship to go to college (although that is markedly not the case for college baseball, I grant you). Here, the first Gopher at-bat was a hit by pitch. The last Gopher at-bat was an HBP, but with the bases loaded. Minnesota was plunked four times by the Huskies, the last one by losing pitcher Brian Pearl, whom Baseball America singled out as one of the best players on Washington. The lesser-known, non-discounted tournament Minnesota hosts is this weekend: The Metrodome Tournament. I want to go out and see Western Michigan this Saturday night -- not because it's Western Michigan, but because I need something to do on a Saturday night.

#-3: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -3). Go to Penn State for the conference championships. I don't know how a wrestling match goes, so these 11-way free-for-alls totally confuse me. I don't know how many Gophers are wrestling, or how they're going to score this, or what are the team's chances on winning the title ... well, I can guess they have no shot.

#-4: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5). Not completely dead yet, though there is a lot of turbulence ahead. A tie against then-#14 UMD on Friday led to a 2-0 lead against the Bulldogs on Saturday. At the baseball game they updated the score, and I when I heard they were leading I was overcome with joy -- OK, I was pleased. But then they updated some more: 2-1, then 2-2, then UMD led 3-2. Now I was pissed. Third period ... they tie! And they score!! And then they scored again before it was all over!!! Gophs win 5-3, which (comedown here) gives them the chance to earn home-ice advantage for the WCHA first round best-of-3 series. All they have to do is sweep at Michigan Tech this weekend. These guys have been the worst program in conference history, and yet I'm not sure they'll do it.

#-5: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -4). For a bubble team that will probably be wearing road uniforms if they reach the second round of the Big Dance, they did what you expected them to: they lost on the road (Illinois) but won at home (Wisconsin) against fellow bubblers. The game at Williams was awesome, and I'm glad I bit the bullet and scalped a ticket for $20 to get inside eight minutes late. They were leading throughout but the Badgers finally found their shot in the second half. (Marcus Landry was particularly dagger-like with his four 3's). But Lawrence Westbrook came off the bench to save his team's ass, penetrating down the stretch and making tough shots and, at the very end, canning six straight free throws. They outscored Wisky 10-0 to end the game from five down to five up, 51-46. They say that if the Gophers defeat Michigan at the Barn Saturday afternoon, they've sown up a spot in the tourney.

#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -6). They did the exact opposite of their male counterparts: They won on the road (Michigan State, comfortably) but lost at home (Illinois, equally comfortably). The Spartans had 19 wins, the Illini 9. What gives? They rank lower than the men's b-ball team because they're confusing the hell out of me and that loss was on Senior Day. How do you end Emily Fox's career on a loss to a team you should beat? These guys are too mercurial to analyze; they could win or piss away against Iowa Friday in Indianapolis. Every win is still important; Charlie Creme of ESPN says they're one of the Last Four Teams In.

#-7: Twins (New!). I should've put them on the survey when they signed Joe Crede, and I also should have when Boof Bonser tore his labrum and punted the whole fuckin' year. Sorry; in retrospect those two pieces of news should've been enough to write about them here. My excuse for putting them on this week: Their perfect season ended after four games on Sunday. By the way, Nate Silver predicts the Twinkies will finish 80-82. They were definitely playing above their heads last year; karma's gonna be a bitch this year.

#-8: Vikings (Re-Entry!). For losing Matt Birk, hometown boy and director of a very good offensive line. I couldn't ever think he would skip town, but I guess he said, "Fuck the hometown discount" and signed with the Bastard Browns. Worst yet, St. Paul's best has decided to completely uproot his family (he has four young kids) from the only place he has ever called home. That's a blow -- to the organization and to the state. I blame both Birk (for so coolly turning his back on Minnesota) and the Vikings (for thinking second-year guy John Sullivan will be able to replace him).

#-9: Wild (Last Week: -2). Good news, I guess, is that they signed G Niklas Backstrom. But with their 0-3 skid to begin their road-heavy end of the season, I still say they were better off punting this whole fucking season and see what they can get for him. At least the Wild were taking turns with Vancouver on Tuesday: They scored two their two goals, and then allowed the Canucks to score their four. Not a good defensive effort lately from a team that prides itself on defense. Since the X was hosting the girls' high school hockey tournament last weekend and the high school wrestling tourney this weekend, these guys are still on the road, for three, all against the Cali teams, until they can get back home and host San Jose on Tuesday. I fully expect them to lose all four. And then where will they be? It's great that they have stability in net, but who cares if they can't win?

#-10: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7). These guys suck. They were teasing us, and now they are who we thought they are, so we can now revert back to our original thought that this team may be the worst ever in franchise history and that Kevin McFail should be fired. (Feels nice to get to say "McFail" again.) An 0-3 week, all at home, and now they've lost seven in a row. Is Al Jefferson that important to the team, or have the players all mentally checked out for the season because their lead dog can't play anymore? There are now only two reasons to come to Target Center: To grab the free swag they'll throw into the stands (and you'll probably have a better chance nowadays since less people are showing up) and masturbating to the cheerleaders (you're assured of having a good time then). Maybe that's why Glen Taylor announced firesale season ticket packages for next year. I'm glad the organization is realistic in what is going on with the team, but at some point they're going to see that not even cheap tickets will bring in people when the main attraction is five chumps. They plan to lose at Lakers, at Portland, vs. Washington and vs. Memphis this week.

Oh Yeah, Forgot About My Time At The DMV...

Went to the DMV on Tuesday to renew my license and get my tabs. Could've waited a couple weeks, but after I looked at my calendar I realized it was best to do it Tuesday because I had time.

I could've gone to the DMV attached to the Brooklyn Center library because it's new and fancy and expansive, but I found the customer service there to be awful -- you're just a number to be shuffled out of the sight of the people who are there just to punch in and punch out. I like(d) the one in Columbia Heights better because the women who work there are (were) folksy. Who cares if the suite they're in is so dingy and cramped they should close it down?

I take a number. I'm called up. I tell the lady I need a new license and tabs. She shows me the application to fill out for a new license. I then realize that there are piles of these applications everywhere, and there are also signs everywhere saying that everybody needs to fill out one of these applications if you need to get a new license. So basically I wasted time by not paying attention to my surroundings. When's the last time I needed to get a new license? I don't remember.

While being ordered to go to the back wall to fill it out, in walks a lady. She starts coughing. Loudly. Every single fucking second. It was a wet, phlegmy, I'm-sick kind of cough. There was a woman standing between us. When that woman went into another coughing fit, she gave me this look as she slowly walked away from her. Why the fuck are you walking around in public and endangering the health of strangers? Go fuck off and die.

And that's why I'm so pissed at myself for not filling out the application before being called up. I didn't know what to do after I was sent away; I was told to come back once I filled out the app, but did she mean that I could just cut in line and see her when I was done? I don't need the ire of strangers at the DMV of all places, so I just took another number ... which naturally was behind that of The Contagious Woman. I see her wheeze and hack her way to another teller, who was to the right of the woman I saw.

"Please, please, please don't be the teller I get," I thought as that sick bitch continued to cough as she was doing what she needed to do. But knowing my bad karma, it was going to happen. When my name was called, I went to the open teller ... who was the same woman who served The Contagious Woman.

What the hell was I to do? I didn't want to get sick breathing in all the germs she expelled right there. And I didn't want to inadvertently touch the counter and then my mouth. My Grandmother's old; if she dies because I gave her something given to me by some sick-as-fuck stranger at the DMV, I'm going after that woman.

So I gave one-word answers to this rep's (again, this is the woman to the right of the woman who first helped me). I held my breath as long as possible so I wouldn't breathe in the germs of that walking cesspoll of disease. And I lightly grabbed and held the pen when I needed to write "Anoka County" on the payable to line. She responded by being cold, dismissive and quick with me -- the same shit I think of when I think of the people at the DMV attached to the Brooklyn Center library. Or maybe she would've treated me like shit anyway.

It's Thursday early morning. I'm not sick, touch wood.

My Run-In With The Whirlpool Guy

Today I was helping my father buy a part for a Whirlpool oven in a house he owns. Everything seems to be there except the ... what do you call it ... the outdoor door thingy. There's a window where you can see into the stove, but what you see around it is the inside, which is stainless steel and has notches where the exterior door thingy's supposed to be. I failed till it was too late to realize that the outer door thing had to have a window, too. Otherwise, how the hell are you going to see into the oven?

I'm having a difficult time describing it here, so you can tell that my inability to communicate that probably led to my frustration in trying to order the part, as well as the Whirlpool call center rep's frustration (name: Chris) in trying to help me:

"I need the exterior part of the door with a window in it."

"Is there the handle to the oven on top and the droor on the bottom?"

"Yeah, they're both there. I need what's in the middle."

"OK, you need the outer glass door?"

"Well, I have a door here with a window that lets me peek into the oven. I need what's outside it."

"OK. You need the outer glass door."

"Well, I'm not really sure, see, I have this door here with a window. I see it's surrounded by stainless steel with notches on its sides, like something is supposed to slip onto it. I don't know what you call it."

"YOU. WANT. THE. OUTER. GLASS. DOOR."

"OK."

I was so dense I can understand Chris getting a bit impatient with me. But ... he was yelling at me, so fuck him.

The "outer glass door," by the way, costs over $100. My father says he can buy a used oven for less than that. I just didn't want to order anything from Chris after how he spoke to me. Besides, before asking me what I needed I gave him my contact information -- he was going to "open up a file" for me. Why the fuck do you need to open up a file for me when I just wanted to ask you a fucking question? And do you really need it now even though I didn't order anything from you? Goddamn, if I get junk mail from Whirlpool, I'm fucking taking Chris down. ...

Two Things About My Grandmother Tonight

She always tell me to eat stuff because it'll make me "boo-boo." Has said that for as long as I can remember. Makes me sick. Everything she wants me to eat that I don't want to eat, she'll say I should eat because it'll make me "boo-boo." But what if I can shit fine, Grandmother?

So her apparent, um, obsession with human feces may have to do with the stuff I find after she uses the bathroom. Two times the past month or so I've seen some dollops of shit on the bathroom towel we use as a mat. I can't figure out under what circumstances could my Grandmother somehow drop a mini-deuce on the floor, let alone twice. Maybe she was rushed into getting up and answering the phone. I'm just pleased as punch I didn't step onto that shit.

What was a hell of a lot more aggravating, however, was tonight. I woke at 7 this evening after I passed out for a half hour. My father pounding on the wall means that dinner's ready. So I get up, note that I'm feeling a hell of a lot groggier and grumpier than usual (which means I needed some deep sleep bad), and go wash up. With my pupils still dilated and not wearing my glasses, I close the bathroom door behind so I can sit down and piss. But what's that brown mass I see on the bottom of the toilet? Holy shit! It's my Grandmother's bowel movement! She didn't flush!! She didn't flush!!! How the fuck can she not forget to flush?!?!?! AARGH!!!

God, I felt so dirty. I just didn't feel like pissing into a bowl that's already been "used," even though it is the environmental thing to do, but I had to flush that goddamn shit down the drain. And then I still felt dirty so I washed my hands. As I was reaching for the soap, I notice this crumpled piece of toilet paper. Grandmother, did you do this too? And I looked closer -- there were tiny pieces of shit on there too! Ew, you didn't flush and you didn't throw your used toilet paper away? There weren't any skid marks so I don't think she wiped her ass with it ... oh my fucking God, what I am saying?! It doesn't fucking matter?!

I didn't want to touch the "clean" part of this clump of toilet paper, so I went to the toilet roll to get some and use that to grab the paper and throw it into the trash. I peer in (I'm nearsighted) ... and I'll be goddamned, there are traces of shit on the fucking toilet paper roll!!! Fucking Christ Grandma, you don't flush, then you don't throw away your toilet paper, and then you grab the toilet roll with your shit-filled hands -- and not tear off a piece?!?!?! Fuck you, Grandmother, that's just fucking gross!!!! I made sure I didn't touch the shit when I tore off two squares, and I was able to pick up her used toilet paper with it, but to make absolutely sure I washed my hands with soap again.

Oh well, she is in her 80's. Besides, she does have to flush after me when I leave shit on the bottom of the toilet. Ours sucks because it's weak and doesn't flush all the way. It's just that if you looked at what I looked at, Granny just forgot to fuckin' flush. Ew, still gives me chills. ...

---

I usually eat slow. It's partially due to the fact that I also tend to eat a lot, especially for dinners that I like, like tonight: chicken bought at the grocery store a mile away. I didn't eat lunch so I chowed down (even though I shouldn't, seeing as I'm getting rilly, rilly fat). I was so late that I didn't finish in time for my father to wash my dishes. I've been trying really hard, but this was the first time in some time where I had to finish up by myself.

Well, not quite. My Grandmother likes to peter around after dinner, sometimes to do things, sometimes just because she's old. Oftentimes when I'm eating after everyone's done, she'll do the dishes. That's just the way she is, and even though I've grown to not trust nor like the way she washes them, I love her for doing it because that's one less chore I have to do -- all the cleaning and potential for getting wet and using dirty dishes to towel off the plates and silverware, ugh.

I finally got done and piled my dishes onto my placemat. Grandmother was in her room. I was watching The Biggest Loser till there was a commercial break. I was still feeling a bit pissy -- not at the shit I saw, but from being woken up from a surprisingly deep sleep. I didn't feel like washing dishes, so I decided to be a bit manipulative and do something I've done a lot of times before: stall and do something else so that my Grandmother would just look at my pile of finished dishes and wash them.

That's when I felt there was food inbetween my teeth. Hell yeah it could've -- should've! -- waited until I got done with the dishes. But I decided to go to my room, find an old spool of dental floss, curse this dental floss because this was the shitty spool where I pull and bend it around that tongue so it'll snap off, but either the tongue is too goddamn strong or the floss is way too shitty and I end up just splicing it into threads, do exactly that, get really angry, and just yank till I apparently pull the rest of the floss out (there wasn't much). I should've looked at the spool to make sure there wasn't floss left inside, but trust me, this fucking dental floss has given me nothing but ineffective trouble every time I used it.

While I was demonizing string, I heard the sound of dishes. Yeah, my Grandmother came out of her bedroom, looked at the dinner table, saw that I was finished, and proceeded to clean up after me. Waiting till she go to the sink, I came out and threw the spool of floss into the wastebasket and offered to do the dishes instead. But I never mean it, because she was going to say she'll do it, and I want her to do it anyway. If I didn't go into my room to floss and did the dishes instead, she wouldn't've stopped me. But I decided to be selfish tonight.

I love my Grandmother. I owe her one. In fact, I owe her a lot for what she's done for me.

I asked my Mother to bring home some papers so I can work on them for my parents. We both get back home at the same time. Since I need to close the garage door, I follow them. When I open the door my mom shows me the bag of papers I asked to get for her and asks me something before interrupting herself: "Get in here! You're letting all the warm air get out!"

Well, shit, mom, you always said I needed to answer to you. How the fuck can I answer to you when I'm making sure I close the door behind me as quickly as possible? When someone asks me something, I stop and pay attention. Manners, mother; it's what you taught me. Well, since you yelled at me for doing exactly that, maybe it's something someone else taught me.

---

Some friend gave me fake money to play poker on Facebook and now I'm addicted. Lost my bankroll of a grand going all in with a guy who also paired a Q but had a higher kicker. Feel like shit, and it ain't even real money. Goddammit, guys, why do you keep getting me hooked on stuff?

Read This

I believe in journalism, but sometimes the public doesn't have a right to know. There are compromises to this that some states use; why not do that nationwide?

Went to a University of Minnesota baseball game tonight. (They won in 1o innings on, get this, a hit-by-pitch.) Went to Uptown. Saw that the Burrito Loco, a place I ate twice, is closed and was cleaned out. Got all depressed again.

My father may have snapped at me when I came home at 2 in the morning. Didn't see him when I went out tonight; he was in his room. He may be grouchy again. Ah, the same father I know. And hate.