Doing Away With My Car, And It Might Feel Good

Is it easier to let things go if you come to resent it?  If so, is that a feeling that most people have?

While helping out Father with the yardwork chores he wanted to do today he came across my car a few times.  Certainly he saw the rear passenger-side window taped up and figured something happened to it.  But he didn't say anything.  And yet might have been referring to that when, in passing, he said that maybe he'll break out the Mercedes-Benz SUV for the winter and help sell the car (or sell the car on his own).

Hearing that, I was surprisingly lightened, as if a weight came off my shoulders.  For one thing Father wasn't echoing Mother's suggestion that I should trade in the Lexus and buy a Kia, thank God.  But it's knowing that someone would help me with a back-up plan, that not only would I be able to maintain my freedom but also clean up the mess that comes with this huge change, that put a smile on the inside me.

This means that I can see the end of my car.  And yet I feel strangely detached from it.  One of the things I keep replaying in my head is how much I have spent on it just in the past year:

• $400 for new tires;
• $70 for a new battery;
• $1200 for a tuneup and new fuel injector;
• $870 to replace the timing belt;
• $230 for a coolant and power steering flush;
• $1,000 to seal up all the engine leaks

This, I think, still is way less than what I would pay for a new or even used car; that's why I hated Mother's suggestion that I get something else.  But how about using a car that's seven years younger, and, more importantly, one that's doing nothing but collecting dust behind the house?  It makes sense, and not only would I not have to deal with huge expenses (at least not now) but I would also be spared of, what my friend said when I asked him to use his dad's car instead of mine to go all the way to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Division) the "psychic pain" of waiting for the next shoe to drop when it comes to my car.

And that's what is has come down to.  This has been my car since I was 18, and since this came to me new, no one else has ever driven it as regularly as I have.  But the great memories I have of it have been replaced by oil leaks, weird noises, worries over the transmission, constant checking of fluid levels, and now white trash repairs to keep up windows.  It can make a lovely relationship turn bitterly sour.

I'm at that point now.  And although a part of me is sad, a part of me is relieved that I can leave this piece of shit, this four-wheeled love of my life, behind now.  What the hell is wrong with me??