#0: Vikings (Re-Entry!). Now here is something you didn't expect to see from our ViQueens, even though it's great to see: Thoroughly dominating a team you are supposed to beat. I saw their 30-7 defeat of The Bastard Houston Oilers in person Sunday, and from the get-go it looked like that team wasn't into playing at all. On Vikings teams past, though, that usually meant that they would play down to the level and enthusiasm of their opponent, so that the game would be much closer than it should be ... and sometimes the Vikes would end up losing.
Not so here. The defense in particular came to play, holding once-superstar Running Back Chris Johnson to, what, 35 yards rushing? We have to admit that it helps that the other team's starting Quarterback is a 37-year-old Matt Hasselback. Meanwhile, an intriguing bar argument can be made about the Minnesota offense: Is Percy Harvin now a more-important piece than Adrian Peterson? As the NFL continues to evolve into a passing league, and as we all (at least quietly) continue to babysit All Day on his ACL injury before we feel he's really OK to let loose, Harvin has quietly become one of the most-productive Wide Receivers in the NFL. Defenses now have to engineer gameplans to first stop Harvin, not Peterson. Is that a good thing? And, by God, could Peterson be, gulp, jealous?
They passed an important test last week with flying colors. But this late afternoon brings another one: Can they defeat a team on the road featuring a wunderkind at QB, Washington's Robert Griffith III? He was concussed last week, but he's sure to start, and I have a feeling he play very well. But this is also a game the Vikes can win. Can you believe that they can be 5-1?
#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!). I've got to give it up for the Minnesota men's hockey program, which began their season with a resounding sweep at Mariucci of future Big Ten foes Michigan St. And they crushed the Spartans, beating them 5-1 Friday and 7-1 Saturday. If this is how it's going to be in the new conference starting next year, this program shouldn't miss a beat.
This team, for the first time in a long time, is loaded on paper. They've returned much of their scoring punch plus their six top defensemen, who also contributed to goals. (The return of Mike Guentzel as Associate Head Coach is the most important reason the U. is back to prominence; without him Don Lucia is apparently adrift.) The only big question mark is in goal, where Kent Patterson aged out and whose successor comes from a junior and three freshmen. I assume that the junior, Andover's Michael Shibrowski, is the leading contender, but I have a feeling that the race is wide open. If the blueliners do their job, however, finding a great goalie shouldn't be that much of a problem.
Because of all that, Minnesota came in second in at least the USCHO.com Top 20 preseason poll, behind only defending national champion Boston College. Didn't they lose a lot of players? Anyhoo, they should maintain their #2 spot this weekend at perennial WCHA doormat Michigan Tech. Man, I'm going to miss the Gophers beating up that team on the regular.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1). I'm still convinced that this team will fade quietly in the Sweet Sixteen, but it is a very good sign that they have won three in a row, are 6-1 in conference play, and are 15-3 overall after beating Iowa in Iowa in four sets Friday. (On a side note: I think Iowa has been the perennial doormat for Big Ten women's volleyball, just like Michigan Tech has been for WCHA men's hockey. I really don't remember the last time a Hawkeyes squad any good, let alone ever made the NCAA Tournament. That school needs some help.) And somehow they have been tenth in the AVCA poll for what seems like the past month. Maybe the club needs to surprise people in order to move up.
And they will get that chance this afternoon: Nebraska in Lincoln. Good luck.
#-3: Gopher soccer (Re-Entry!). I am sad that I won't be able to see any more games of this team. (I think I've seen three games this year, all before their Minnesota Gold Classic.) They may not be more than an above-average team, but there are few sports sites around the Twin Cities area I want to go see a game outdoors in the fall than Robbie Stadium. There are so many trees around that you are awash in orange and amber when the team plays on an autumn afternoon. I still have that image in my head when I took in a game several years ago. Simply beautiful.
The cold I'm still fighting off prevents me from seeing the final home game of the regular season this afternoon, versus Northwestern. Well, that and the fact that I'm going to get a massage and a hand job from my All-Time Favorite in about four hours -- man, I can't wait! She says we can hang out after our session, get pizza and watch football. I hope I can rest on top of her,naked, semen dangling from the tip of my pisshole, and slowly fall asleep. That should be glorious ... oh hey, what's up?
Their conference schedule bunched six B1G games into a pair of three-game home blocks, which made it a tad more difficult to get a chance to plan to see them. But some home cooking may have helped the team: This screening week they played to a scoreless tie with Iowa, then shut out Illinois 3-0. They have gone 3-1-1 in their last five and now have their, uh, neck above .500 at 8-6-1 overall (though 3-3-1 in-conference). They finish their regular season (at least, though no one's holding their breath they're going to play in the NCAAs) with a three-game road trip, which they will start Friday at Indiana.
#-4: Gopher football (Re-Entry!). I must admit that dreams of them playing in the Big Ten Championship Game were forming in my head after their 4-0 start. Well, UNLV, Western Michigan and Syracuse must be worse than anyone imagined because they have starting the B1G with two losses where they scored only 13 points both times.
I mean, Northwestern has gotten to be a more solid team under Pat Fitzgerald. But I really thought they could take the Wildcats, especially since it was the Homecoming game. And they only racked up 208 yards in total offense. Maybe it was the rain, but once again they got off to a slow start; Lamonte Edwards biffed the opening kickoff and Northwestern got the ball at the U. 26. One rush by Venric Mark on the next play and the Goofs were down 7-0 only 11 seconds into the fucking game. They trailed after the first quarter 14-3 and 21-10 at the half. Minnesota scored a field goal in the third and had plenty of chances to score at the end of the game, but they just couldn't. Your final score: 21-13 NU.
Why couldn't they score? Well, that offensive line of theirs couldn't stop a feather with the way Max Shortell was consistently getting dropped on his ass. But now the QB's are the problem. Shortell got hurt, which prompted MarQueis Gray to come into the game despite the fact that he's still injured. And it looks like he tweaked an ankle during the loss, too. More discouraging is more proof that neither player is good enough to lead a BcS conference squad; combined they were 16-for-30 passing for only 169 yards. Gray ran or got sacked nine times for 86 yards and had a touchdown, but he threw an interception as well. They may have a #1 Quarterback and a #1A, but the adage seems to be true here: When you say you have two #1 QB's, you actually have no #1 QB's.
And now Jerry Kill had to go and suffer another seizure! I was talking to a fellow alum who was at the game yesterday afternoon and he said Kill was mad as a wet rooster throughout the game. He thought he needed to settle down or else he'd be in trouble, and sure enough, after the postgame press conference he seized up. Maybe he knows this season isn't working out as well as he wants to.
Maybe they can turn it around next week. Oh, they are at Wisconsin next week. Never mind.
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