My Parents' Honey-Do List For Me

For the past, like, two weeks before they left, my parents (really Mother) has told me what I need to keep track of for them while they are gone.  And it's a lot of shit.  Most of the stuff I have to follow for them is the most important thing to follow, their real estate holdings -- call this person this date, mail this that date, and if anything comes through the mail, let our property manager know.  And they have people here as well as Vegas, so depending on which property it is, I have a different contact to which I need to talk to.

A lot of what I have to take care has to do with their bills.  Mother listed all the credit cards and condo assessments I need to do for them, and each of them has a date from which I should mail or pay online.  On top of all of that crap, I now have to write down all the payments and deposits I make for them in each of their ... uh, to be honest I don't remember if they're credit cards or checking accounts.  Shit, I can't even balance my own checkbook, how the fuck am I going to keep track of all of their sources of money?

Plus, I have to take a trip to the property manager's office once a month to collect my money ... and if he doesn't pay up, I have to, like, rough him up or some shit.  Actually I don't have to -- I've spoken to him before, he's a nice guy -- but Mother says that he often shorts him the money she says he owes her.  So what I am supposed to do?  Keep track of the difference on an envelope.  Great, even more paperwork.

And on top of all that I have to worry about gardening their vegetables and their houseplants.  Mother told me I have to water the garden twice, once in the morning and once in the evening.  Like hell I'm going to do that, I'm too fucking tired to do that shit in the morning.  So I'm not going to do that, and if the veggies rot, well fuck, they rot.  Well, maybe I shouldn't do that after I fucked up the tomatoes they asked me to just throw in the freezer.  But I got specific instructions on how to take care of the tomatoes, melons and green beans they're growing in the backyard, and I already forgot.  I know that I can't keep them outside after the first freeze.

I know I already forgot something.  I'll probably screw up everything.  But now I have to go to the watch party.