Well, I had to go down to the Mall Of America to see if I could find my hat and gloves by retracing my steps.  I did, going through all the stores I went through yesterday, even the ones I checked yesterday, and none of them found anything.  Walked the same places and looked at the floor and the benches to see if they somehow were still there -- no.

I finally went to the information desk.  They don't have boxes of stuff anymore; instead they check on their registers to see if someone has entered a description matching that of my hat and gloves.  Alas, there wasn't one, so I put in a claim, weirdly enough.  If it turns up, they can reach me.

It's not gonna turn up.  They're all gone.  Forever.

Man, I just wanted to relax.  I just wanted to throw caution to the wind, for one afternoon.  I just wanted to not care about constantly checking whether or not I had something in my possession and just know that at the end of the day they would still be there.  And look what happened.  Stupid me.  Why did I allow myself to think I am capable of keeping stuff without checking on them?

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Oh yeah -- My Fucking Father yelled at me this morning, just before going to "work."  He caught me only washing one thing, the big bedsheet that I solely wash and dry because any clothes would get wrapped up in it and not dry.  And of course he used that as an entry into lambasting me for not going back to school and finding a real job.  Go fuck yourself and your goddamn traps.

It's been a bad couple days.  The anger of yesterday, which I thought I was going to be able to work through into acceptance, has instead given way to both anxiety and depression.  I am going home now and I don't know how My Fucking Father is going to come at me.

Man, why the fuck did I lose my hat and gloves?