Yeah, the day job is starting to chafe on me. The other day I was warned not to get cookies until break. What the fuck? This seemed like a really relaxed room -- too relaxed, if you ask me. But I was really falling asleep and needed a sugar rush bad, so I tried to open the box. And then I was told by my boss not to. The hell?
The upshot to that is that he made an announcement, allegedly, not to open them until break time. I didn't hear that message. You see, I have gotten to putting in earplugs when I work because shutting out the ambient noise in the room has helped me to concentrate. But that prevents me from hearing the beginning of his announcements. Compounding that problem is that he doesn't give visual cues as to when he will speak so I can take out the earplugs to hear them. No, he'll just be sitting at his table and then start speaking. Or he'll come in with a plastic plate and turn his head around and his lips will be moving and I'll go, "Oh, shit, he's saying something!" and by the time I take out my earplugs he's finished and I miss what presumably was the announcement that these cookies cannot be eaten before break time, for some fucked-up reason.
I think I'm behind the eight ball with him. I'm also behind my supervisor (who also works for him). There are these essays that I have to grade, and my statistics are not following the pack. My supervisor has told me on more than one occasion that I am an outlier and it's time to grade in line with the others. I find it difficult, to be honest: While many of the essays these kids have blown me away, most of them are just good enough, and so they kind of run into the same score. Initially, that wasn't good enough, so I took direction and tried to score easier. Now I have to score harder. And it is kind of difficult. On the one hand I have held my nose more than several times to give papers something that I really didn't think they deserve but I have been told by my supervisor is what he's looking for. On the other hand I get to be stubborn and I will either give a perfect grade to a sophisticated, well-thought-out essay that I know would be graded lower by someone else or damn a crazy, nonsensical essay that nevertheless checks off all the technical boxes to be better than it should be. Look, I understand that I cannot grade this according to my criteria. And I have graded it according to the state's instead. But if my supervisor has come back to me twice now to tell me that I'm not doing it right, well, I don't know if I will get it right.
Along with the interminable hours grading the same thing and what I kind of perceive as standoffish attitudes from some of the other supervisors, this room isn't as hospitable as I once thought it would be. I think there are enough people who are fed up with me, and frankly, I'm starting to get tired of them. I need the money, so I hope to stick it out. But right now I can see myself getting to the end of the project and not being so anxious about needing to find work again.
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I contrast that to my night job. It started last week and will more than likely end next week. There isn't much when it comes to solidarity, while in the day job we've been at it, some of us, for a month, and there's at least a month more.
Yet even though I have to drive through hell to get to another job that's four hours long, I feel much better at this job. It's looser, for one thing, and I feel a positive camaraderie, even though I barely know any of the people I'm working with. Therefore, what I thought would be a daily struggle to even stay awake has actually turned into a breeze. I actually gain energy while working there, oddly enough.
This place is closer to home, but doesn't pay as well as the day job. And of course there are more hours available with the day job. Maybe the night job's "underdog" status makes me feel more positive towards it. Or maybe the brevity of the project prevents weird dust-ups like being told when to eat cookies. I just have to say that I am very thankful for the fun I have and the good vibes I feel with the night project, and I'll be sad once the job's done with next week.
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