One Week Left, And Now I Am Paralyzed

So Mother called me about finding a letter in her vast trove of bullshit -- it has "June" on it; find it!!! -- and then she slipped in the exact date she's coming home: Next Saturday.  No, she wouldn't give the common courtesy of giving me an extra week.

So, even though I am tired and even though they should just be happy that the roof hasn't caved in, I now have to do a bunch of shit over the next seven days before she yells at me and rats me out to My Fucking Father so he can yell at me.  First of all, I need some stripper to come in and and clean the house, but my Plan A apparently has a bad phone.  It "just so happened" that her smartphone slipped off a counter and into a doggy dish.  Fuck, she's full of excuses.

I have emptied the recycling bag into the recycler, even though there will obviously be more to recycle.  I have cleaned the laundry room drain filters of shit, even though that will also get dirty, and possibly before she comes home.  I have also cleaned up the laundry room of sewer water that got splashed around when I tried to unclog the sewer drain.  And ... that's it.  Fuck all of this; I just masturbated, I am going to take a nap after I finish this blog, and tonight I'm going to Hooters, get aroused by all the waitresses, then go to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Division) to see my ATF.  I deserve it because of this bad news.

I had so many plans, and now I have no time.  A week = no time.  Yeah, maybe if they had stayed away for a month I wouldn't have gotten around to all the shit I need to do, like going through my papers or clothes.  But so what?  Seven days and counting, and I don't know what to do.

And yet I'm responsible to do everything.  I'll tell you one big thing I need to do: Pick one of the cars to grab insurance for.  The old car is completely dead.  It might be the battery, it might be something else, but I don't know how to fix it.  The new car is in storage, and unfortunately it's on the north side of the house, which is also the cold side of the house that is in the shade in the afternoon and therefore the snow and ice around it won't be able to melt.  I looked around my car and I almost fell trying to look around the car to see how to extricate it.  It's impossible to get it out of there -- and that's not including unpeeling the tarp and the car cover and then repacking both.

I fucking hate all this.