Thursday, June 22, 2017

Is This What They Call The Denial Phase?

I just jerked off to some porn.  It felt guuuuuuud.  But I feel guilty for doing.  Well, I always feel guilty after masturbating.  But I think in the back of my mind I'm doing it to avoid thinking about Grandmother ... dying ... you know, I still can't believe it.  But on the other hand I knew it was coming, because she's been in declining health (at least mentally) for a long while and she was getting old.  And yet, from what I heard she was in the hospital for only a week.  She was getting better, and then suddenly she took a turn for the worst and then ... she was gone.

I don't know if I'm dealing with it correctly, if that makes any sense.  I just rubbed one out two or three days after Grandmother died.  Does that make any goddamn sense?

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