I Miss My Stripper Girlfriend

I don't know if you remember *****a, but she was one of the girls from My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) with whom I had grown into a deeper relationship ... well, as deep as one can get between a john and a sex worker.  She's whip-smart, curious, and is more aligned with me politically than most of the other stripper girlfriends I've had.  If you have following WAF in the past, she's the one who once asked me, at a house party she was working, to stay because, and I quote, "I haven't seen it yet!"  And when I finally did, thank Buddha, she touched it, and me.

I have been putty in her hands since.  It was difficult to go to her place for HJs because she had this penchant for moving from place to place.  But she stood out from all my other stripper girlfriends because she was unapologetic over what she did.  She didn't air out any of her, or my, business, but she didn't shy away from her profession.  That's why I respect her.  Dammit, I will say that I love her, too.

But it's been a long time since I've been intimate with her, and she has done several things that are very uncharacteristic of her.  First of all, she has gotten quite political.  She began five years ago with George Floyd, and I thought that was really cool because I agreed with her views.  *****a has gotten quite politically active with sex work as well.  Parallel to that, she finally found a boyfriend.  I'll be honest; I wasn't too keen on it because if she is dedicating her life to someone, I cannot believe she would continue to wank me or any other guy on the side.  But I'm happy for her, if this is what she wants.

And then she ... disappeared.  I followed her on Facebook, but she apparently took that down.  I've texted her, but she hasn't replied to anything I've sent since the spring.  And I have no other way to reach her; unlike the other strippers from My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition), she was not close to any of the others, so I can't reach out to a mutual and ask how she's doing.

I had the feeling *****a was, shall we say, peripatetic, but I never got the feeling that she would ghost anyone.  She was restless when it came to where she lived, obviously, and her political activism made me feel like she could be passionate to the point of being impetuous, as many political fanatics become.  But she always seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, and I never thought she would just disappear as she has.

So maybe this has something to do with family.  I fear it has something bad to do with her boyfriend.  But dammit, I miss *****a.  I miss her touch.  I miss talking to her about her sex work advocacy.  I miss admiring someone who also gives me HJs, I really do.  I hope she's OK.  And if her being OK means not seeing me again ... that'll break my heart, but that's OK, too.

Oh, It's On TV.

So there was that epic, 15-Inning, winner-take-all Game 5 American League Division Series Friday night, where Seattle finally outlasted Detroit.  I got home from the escape room (successfully, I want to add) and eating late with my sister, and I was scrolling through when I saw that the Game, which began around 7, was still going on.  I think this was around 11 p.m, and there's nothing like extra innings in playoff baseball, so I hurriedly turned on my satellite radio to hear the rest of the Game.

Hell of a Game.  Great ending.  I think I caught the last three Innings (so, since the 12th?), and both teams had ample chances to break through and score, but the Pitching and Defense came through.  And I don't mind listening to sports on the radio, don't get me wrong.  But after the Game was over and I was scrolling through social media again (aside: I have strayed from my vow to get off social media ... and frankly, I don't know if I have the willpower to stay away), I saw a tweet or a skeet that Fox signed off at around 12:48 a.m.  Fox has TV rights for the American League side of the playoffs ... and that's when I remembered that Fox/Channel 9 was showing the Game.  I could have just turned on the TV instead of my satellite radio.

How did I get used to thinking a sports Game I want to keep up with won't be on broadcast television?  Actually, now that I think about it, most Games aren't on broadcast TV.  Oh, well.

OK, *Now* I Can't Get Extra Money

I keep saying that I can't get OT from work, but it feels as though my boss really means it this time.  Following up on a meeting we all had, he emailed me Friday afternoon saying that the work is light enough whereby overtime is no longer necessary, should I should leave work for the next day.  I disagree; I think there is enough work that, if I stay only eight hours, there will be so much carryover work that the next day's work will have to be pushed back, and that will create a cascading effect that will mean tests won't get done for a day or more.  The workload ain't that light.  It might not even be light, period.

But I reckon that he saw me go over eight hours last week, capped off with me staying until 6 Thursday night.  He has said that OT is off the table off and on for a few years now, but something about this email makes me think he really, really means it this time.  Fine.  I will acquiesce.  But he did say "try to leave after eight hours," and even though I read that Friday afternoon, it still took me an extra half-hour to do all the things I felt I needed to do before I left on Friday.  I will try and start hewing to eight hours beginning on Monday, which also is the start of a new pay period.  It's a clean slate that I agree to.  Maybe.

Father's Thanking Me??

So I mowed the lawn this afternoon.  It seems as though My Father mowed the front lawn but not the back lawn.  So I mowed the back lawn and, just because, I mowed the front lawn, too.

When I got done and went back inside, My Father says, "Good job!" and pats me on the shoulder.  Even though he has thanked me before, it's rare.  So to see him be this complimentary is ... strange.  And by the way, I didn't say anything to him.  It's shocking to see him thank me.  I'm still kind of spooked.

My Biggest Accomplishment In, Oh, Years

I did my first escape room (with my sister) Sunday; we failed.  My brother set up another escape room last/Friday night ... and the four of us (we three siblings and my brother's daughter, my niece) got out!  I'm not sure exactly how we got out, and I still suspect that the, uh, overseer opened doors for us (in a literal sense) even though we hadn't yet solved the puzzles because he just wanted us to get out of there.  But we made it!  Really, I don't think I've done something so successful in a decade!

Something Fun Shouldn't Be This Fucking Inconvenient

So I am doing this escape room with my brother, sister and niece tonight.  I want to look forward to it because it's, well, a fun thing to do, and I am doing something with my siblings, and I don't remember the last time I've ever done anything fun with them, let alone my niece.

Doing it tonight, however is a pain in the ass.  I work in The Fourth Position today, all by myself.  I need to get the work done because there is nobody else doing it today, and no one doing that job at all tomorrow.  For that reason, there is a chance I will be late.  I communicated my worry with my sibs.  But instead of offering a compromise, my brother just bought the goddamn tickets for tonight on his own.  I will probably have to leave stuff for one of my co-workers to do tomorrow, and that's not a good feeling to saddle someone with work to do when you had the chance to do it yourself.  I certainly wouldn't want one of them drop crap on my lap, but turnabout is fair play, and that is what I'm going to invite if I don't do all the work by myself today.

I have a Friday off coming up.  We certainly could have done the escape room then.  I can't see why we couldn't wait and do it then.  But nope, my brother said we're playing Friday.  So I have to fucking drop every goddamn thing and race to the escape room.  And I guess I shouldn't complain too much because my brother's the one buying the tickets, huh?

Moreover, my plan was to leave work early, go home, grab my sister and then go.  Going from work to home takes me in the opposite direction of the escape room, but that seemed to be the only way for all of us to play this game.  (It also necessitated me leaving work early if need be.)  This is the part that pisses me off.  While watching my alma mater's women's soccer team, I WhatsApped my sister that if I am able to get home in time, we have to immediately leave home to get to the escape room on time.  Then, she countered that she wants to go to the mall by herself.  She needs time to do that.  And, she wants to take my car.  I would then take my parents' very old van and meet her and my brother and my niece at the mall and the escape room in the evening.  Well, shit.

Being blindsided by her decision the day before fucking sucks.  I had to spend five minutes after I got home from the soccer Match taking out all the stuff I need to drive to work (sunglasses, sun visor, tire gauge to check the minivan's tires).  Also, this is the second time this week I've had to settle on the van while she gets to drive the newer car.  I sleep for lunch, and that's very hard to do in the van because the sun streams in through the windows; it gets hot and the radiation burns my skin.  It's no problem in my car because I have window shields that are fitted for my car's windows.  I obviously don't have them for the minivan, so I will probably be tired by the time we start the escape room because I haven't had my midday nap.  But worst of all is that I have to take this minivan in afternoon rush to the Mall of America.  Truthfully, I have no reason to believe it won't make it down there and back.  But it is a very old car, and I haven't driven it that far in some time, let alone driving it during afternoon rush.  There are certain aspects of this drive that will be foreign to me, and I hate needing to "learn" like this when my sister didn't have to shop by herself, and my brother didn't have to make the escape room tonight.  In other words, I think I am going to get into a car crash, or the van's engine is going to overheat, and I will fail to make it to the escape room.  It just feels like everything is getting set up this way.

Hate this.  Hate this all.  And I'm supposed to be having fun tonight, not feeling inconvenienced!

Good news!  My Mother was told that her surgery could be moved up by nearly a whole month!  Now, am I to believe that someone just cancelled their surgery, and then the scheduler decided that My Mother, and not anyone else scheduled to have surgery, was the one to ask whether she wants her surgery done sooner?  Because, while I am glad that it now appears my parents can get out of here before the New Year, it feels as though the scheduler actually does have dates before Thanksgiving Week open; she just doesn't want to give one of those dates to My Mother unless or until she gets checked out, or is "doing the right thing," or "is on track to have a successful surgery," or something.

If that is the case, then after My Mother does her pre-op visit today/Thursday, would it then be possible she can be rescheduled even sooner -- like, oh, Monday?  Because then that would mean they would be outta here to salvage a good portion of the holiday season.  I'd have the house to myself for Christmas, my folks would be in warmer Las Vegas ... that would be a win-win!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2).  Went to Boston and tore apart then-13th-ranked Boston University over the weekend by scores of 5-0 and 5-2, proving once again how little the talent in women's college hockey has trickled down.  Also, this proves that, while these Gophers are capable of asserting dominance at will (and that's enough to give this squad the top spot in this screening Week's WMNSS), true success will only be accurately assessed when they play the two titans of the sport, Wisconsin and Ohio St.  The Buckeyes visit in two Weeks.  In the meantime, these Gophs get to beat up on St. Cloud St., with whom they will play a home-and-home this weekend.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -5).  Giving how easy the end of their MLS schedule is, they should be getting all the Points available.  In that light, smashing rebuilding Sporting Kansas City at Allianz Field Saturday 3-0 was exactly the thing they needed to do, and the result I needed to see.  Moreover, the two players who may be playing the best out of anyone on the XI were the goalscorers: Anthony Markanich got a Brace (including a Goal from, yes, a Set Piece), and Joaquin Pereyra continued to outwork his opponents and scored in the 59th Minute.

I only put the Loons second because I failed to see the entire standings.  The top of the West remains a tight and winning bunch.  Four teams have broken away; the three besides MNUFC (San Diego, Vancouver and LAFC) all won over the weekend.  Moreover, even though United FC are only two Points behind both San Diego and the Whitecaps, Vancouver gets to play one more Match because of delays due to other competitions that club had to play earlier in the Year.  Finally, LAFC is only two Points behind the Loons, and also because of other competitions, they have two Games to make up.  I think MNUFC are a very good club, but they could finish the regular season only fourth in the West.

Those make-up Games are coming between now and the 18th, when United FC finish the regular season at The Los Angeles Galaxy.

#-3: Vikings (Last Week: -6).  Think of how badly the vibes around this team would be if, after spending ten Days playing back-to-back Games in the British Isles, they came home with a pair of Losses.  They avoided that fate by clawing back to defeat Cleveland at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium Sunday morning, 21-17, to get to 3-2.  The winning score came from a pass from Carson Wentz, who was injured for a short time during the Game, to Jordan Addison, who was benched to start the contest because, apparently, he missed a walkthrough during the team's stay at a palatial estate 90 miles north of London leading up to Sunday.  Add this to his DUI conviction, and it's becoming apparent that, sadly, he is a bit of a headcase who cannot be relied upon.  I can see the Vikes moving on from Addison after his rookie contract is up and finding a new #2 for Justin Jefferson.

I think Bye Weeks should be doled up with more intention.  This will screw up the schedule making, but I want to see teams choose which Bye Week to take based on the finishing order of the previous season.  So, for example, the Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles would choose their Bye Week first, then The Bastard Dallas Texans second, and so on.  Regardless, the Vikes were given this upcoming weekend off, and considering they have so many people on Injured Reserve, this break cannot happen soon enough.

#-4: Gopher men's hockey (NEW SEASON!).  I can't think of a time where the men's college hockey season has started this early.  Anyway, the Gophers began it by doubling up Michigan Tech at Mariucci Arena Friday, 6-3 ... then followed it up by losing to the Huskies Saturday, 5-3.  This is a season of change in the sport: Players from the Canadian junior leagues, who were heretofore forbidden to ever play in college hockey in the States, can now do so freely (and vice versa, and for all I know a student can hopscotch from one to the other).  That opens up another avenue in the arms race, but I don't know if the U. has taken advantage of that.  Regardless, splitting at home to a CCHA school ain't a great way to start.

But at least they're not shying away from competition.  Boston College, who is ranked either tenth or eleventh depending on which poll you look at, comes to town for showdowns tomorrow/Thursday and Friday.

#-5: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  What is going on with this program?  The Gopher volleyballers of old would not lose at an unranked Michigan club, let alone in four Sets.  What's more distressing is the way they lost that Game last Wednesday: They won the First Set, 25-18, but then got dismantled over the next three, scoring only twelve, 14 and twelve Points.  The hell?

They defeated Northwestern Sunday in Evanston, but it's Northwestern, and worse, they lost a Set to the perennially undermanned Wildcats program, and they struggled to close them out, too.  They won Set 2, 25-22, then lost Set 3, 25-17, then had to go a bit over extra time to finally close them out in the fourth, 26-24.  This is a team that is struggling to put away opponents they should be sweeping with ease.  And there is a sign that the fanbase is starting to notice as well.  I am seeing what time my alma mater plays the U. next month.  I thought volleyball tickets always sell out, but someone from my alumni group actually looked at the online ticket map and saw that there were dozens of seats available for that Match.  I would go, and not only would I root for my alma mater ... I think my alma mater will win.  That's how far the U. has fallen.

Host UCLA tonight/Wednesday night and Ohio St. Sunday.

#-6: Gopher football (Last Week: -4).  Yeah, for all my talk about how P. J. Fleck has introduced a level of success that has made the fanbase grow expectations for the program and how that's good, he is still miles away from getting the Gophers back to their ancient perch of being a national contender like they were six decades ago, and getting 14-timed at the #1 team in the nation, Ohio St. (by which I mean the final score was 42-3), is both disappointing and very, very expected.  But at least they have Homecoming coming this Saturday, and it's against a squad they should beat, Purdue.  Also, at least they aren't the ... 

#-7: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -7).  ... who continue to flounder, currently sporting a conference record of one Win, one Draw and four Losses after getting their brains beat in in the Border Battle at home versus then 24th-ranked Wisconsin, 3-0.  I see that the Badgers were ranked, but couldn't the Golden Gophers mount any fight?  Oh, well, that should mean my alma mater should win handily when they play the U. on Thursday.  Fourth-ranked UCLA then visits Sunday afternoon; while that Match ends the Goofers' three-Match homestand, it looks as though they could lose every single one, and there's the potential that each Game could be a bloody, embarrassing one.

Got Busted Not Flushing The Toilet

OK, now I really need this place all to myself.  My sister busted me for not flushing the toilet after peeing.

I was fake taking a shower, and even though I was on the toilet, I didn't pee much.  And I swear, when I looked into the bowl, it was wholly white.  There was no yellow; it didn't look like I did anything in there.  So, as is my wont when it's late at night and I don't want to wake the 'Rents downstairs, I let it mellow until I pee again after I wake up.  Yes, I am aware my sister is here.  I thought I could slip it by her.  Besides, I didn't hear any commotion from her room.  I thought she was asleep.

But goddammit, she wasn't!  As if she heard me "take a shower" but not flush the toilet, after I got done in the bathroom, she immediately goes in.  (Also, not for nothing, My Father came upstairs to tool around in the kitchen for some reason.  A lot of commotion at night, inexplicably.)  And afterward, she texted me to "remind me" to flush.  She said she saw pee in there, though I still believe she was suspicious I "showered" but didn't "use the toilet."  Hrmph.

This is the sign that this house is too crowded, but then again, if she left, I would have to help My Mother with rehab, and I ain't doin' that.  One other thing: If I am right in thinking she is minding what I do and don't do while I'm by myself, no way can I get away with masturbating.  Dammit, no peace!

Tea Does Not Go With Steak, That's Fucking Ridiculous

I have resolved to drink more tea, and possibly more tea than coffee.  My parents and sister drink it religiously, and knowing the health benefits, I should probably get into it a lot more.  But that doesn't mean I want to drink it with everything, like I was forced to last/Sunday night.

My Fucking Mother detected this bug that I picked up watching my alma mater at a bar and told my sister to give me tea.  And she did it again last/Sunday night, but this was when we were having a steak dinner.  I don't care, tea doesn't go with steak.  I drank it because I need to fucking keep the peace around the house, but it's bullshit to even think that tea goes with steak.  I had a Coke waiting for me inside the fridge, and I was going to drink that with my steak because that's a perfect marriage of food and drink.  But tea and steak ... pffft.  The taste of each ruins the other.  There's a time and place for tea and a time and place for steak.  That time and place are not together.  But that's what I friggin' had last night.

I shouldn't be so mad at this.  But I am.  So, to passive-aggressively rebel, I ate nuts about an hour ago and washed it down with that Coke I wanted to drink for dinner.  So there.

Liquid Glass? More Like Liquid Ass!

So I updated the operating system on my iPhone to iOS 26, the really advanced one I think people are calling "Liquid Glass."  I see some changes, but after the update the change I have seen the most is that it is draining the life out of my iPhone battery at an alarming rate.  When I got this phone Easter 2024, I noticed that the battery was so bad (and I think it's a 13) that I have had to charge it almost daily.  Upon the advent of iOS 26, just now I charged my iPhone for the second time today.  And I think it's the second time I've done it since the update.

It can't be the battery.  It went to crap right at the exact same time I updated to the new OS?  I don't think so.  It has to be the operating system.  When I, for example, take my morning break at work in the bathroom, I am scrolling and doomscrolling (even though I am vowing not to do the latter).  Before the update I saw the count decrease on the battery icon too fast for my liking.  Now, that number is in freefall, and all I'm doing is the same thing I've always done.  I checked the maximum battery life on my 13.  It slipped from 90% to 89%.  That can't be causing my battery's current meltdown.

It's not as if I'm going to restore the old OS.  I wouldn't know how if I wanted to.  So now I have to be super conscious of charging my cellphone, or not use it as often.  And now I also have to worry about the two powerbanks I use to charge my phone.  They're getting a vicious workout that might wear them out.

I have to note that it's been unseasonably hot around here this week.  It was in the low-to-mid eighties earlier this week, but this weekend will really bring the heat: We have and will reach 90.  Thank Buddha it isn't humid (or at least too humid), otherwise it would be completely oppressive.  I can't cool down without the fan, but we haven't turned on the air conditioning, and I don't think we will need to by the time the temperatures plummet some time Sunday.

In the meantime, I was strolling through the Friday Open Thread on online alternative weekly Racket.  This week's topic: What is your hot take when it comes to food?  There were a lot of comments, I read them all, and then I think I spent an hour spilling all of mine.  I spent so much time crafting my post that I missed the 2 a.m. cutoff for staying at Day 7/400% on Zynga Poker.  Back to square/Day 1.  Oh, well.

Fuck, They're Gonna Be Here Forever ...

First of all, I was wrong about what Mother has.  She doesn't have sciatica in her hip; she has a torn meniscus.  Ouch!  And second of all, the worst-case scenario is happening.  You don't magically go in, have knee surgery, and leave the same day like it's outpatient surgery.  In fact, I know that they need to be scheduled, and they need to be scheduled weeks in advance.

And goddammit, that's the case here.  My Mother is getting surgery Thanksgiving Week.  And as I feared, there is going to be a minimum of eight fucking weeks before she can fly out of here.  Moreover, there is an entire schedule of visits -- a couple before the surgery, many rehab and physical therapy sessions after it -- that have to be assembled around the surgery date.  I totally get that, but the fusillade of post-op sessions, not to mention the date of the surgery itself, means that ... goddammit, they're going to be here through January.  Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Everything is ruined, man, everything.  This obviously means I won't get to hang out with my wang out during the holiday season.  Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's -- I'm going to have to holster my pee-pee, continue to hide my porn, and worry about how they fucking feel.  (I know that at some point I'll be bursting to go to a stripper party and get turned out by a stripper.  It's just so weird to do it while My Fucking Parents are in town.)  I can't make cocktails for myself for four months.  I won't have the mental space to figure out the storage situation, which is still up in the air, and since they probably will leave in late January, it doesn't give me much time to figure out a drastic plan if my current situation is no longer tenable.  I have a lease through the end of March, and I might have to haul shit out of a 5' x 5' stall, and that will take a lot of time.

And yeah, sure, what really matters is how My Mother feels.  I need to know her schedule because, shit, I have to help out when I can.  Problem is is that with work, I don't know how much I can be of help.  I don't think I can drive her to every single rehab visit she'll have.  And this is wintertime -- what happens if there is a huge snowstorm on a day she's supposed to go in for physical therapy?  Fuckin' A, I really didn't want her to do this here in Minnesota.  I mean, I think the health system here is much better than most other places, but she needs to walk around after getting her knee fixed, and she can't do it in the snowy and icy roads of a Minnesota winter.

Worse than that is my sister.  I honestly thought that she would be the one helping Mother rehab.  She's not doing anything now, so she has the time to assist her with her exercises and taking her to physical therapy.  But, and I need to talk to her about this, now that we have a surgery date, it looks as though she is making plans to leave.  Dammit, man, I hate that all of this planning might fall on me.  I'm too much of a dick to be of any use.  And knowing My Mother will be in pain means that she will become a huge pain-in-the-ass the first week or so after surgery, where I'm told the pain will be at its worst.  I will have to deal with a bitch for the next four goddamn months, yet I don't know how to handle a bitch who is in physical pain.

The only solace I have is that My Mother is on a waitlist.  If there is a cancellation, this surgery can be moved up.  And My Mother wants this surgery done, like, yesterday.  If by some miracle this can be done next week (and I wonder if that's even possible given that there are two pre-op visits; doesn't there have to be some time between these visits and the surgery?), we all would jump at the chance.  But it probably won't happen, which means I'm fucking stuck with these two reasons I want to kill myself.

Oh, I Need To Care About Other People's Feelings Now ...

I love my sister, and I'm glad she's home, even if it's not under the brightest of circumstances.  But it takes dim old me, who's been doing his own thing socially for a long time now, to recalibrate because, of course, your sis wants to do things with you.  And you realize that, hey, you want to do things with her, too.

The problem is that I have a bunch of days I've already planned for doing stuff, so that means that there are way fewer days for us to do stuff.  Also, I have no idea how long my sister is going to be here.  Finally, she laid out a series of things she wants to do, and I am still thinking about what to do with her and, even more importantly, when.  That is difficult.  For example, Saturday might have been a good time, but I have an eye appointment in the afternoon and I'm going to the MNUFC soccer Match that night.  I'm going to another soccer Match next week.  And I have sporting events I'm working on that'll also take up much of my time.  Meanwhile, she wants to go here, and there, and maybe even up north, and that'll take up a weekend, and I don't know if I have a weekend free.

Still, I need, and want, to take some time I would have reserved for myself and devote it to her.  Contrast that to considering the feelings of My Fucking Father, who blew a gasket and insulted me because I dragged the trash bin to a part of the driveway he deemed too close to the recycling bin.  He thinks those bins have to be as far apart from each other as possible.  Yeah, because the garbage truck and the recycling truck can't tell which bin to pick up if they're too close.  That asshole actually went out and dragged the trash bin to the other side of the end of the driveway.  That's weird.  What makes it even stupider is that he did that as my sister and I had started up my car because we were going to the library.  My Fucking Father dragged the trash bin behind where we would back down the car.  If my sister didn't negotiate around the trash bin, if she just backed down the driveway like any normal human being, we would've hit the bin.  But My Fucking Father absolutely had to move it there, and he couldn't at least fucking wait until we had left.  Childish son-of-a-bitch.

See, I don't want to care about what My Fucking Father thinks.  But I do want to care about what my sister thinks.  See the difference?

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Wild (NEW SEASON ALMOST!).  This sports town was starving for good sports news, especially after that horrible triple abortion of the Jynx, Twinks and ViQueens all losing on Sunday.  Tuesday made news off of the field of play, not on it, but I'll take good news as it comes.  The Naphessa Collier Riot Act read-out is one thing, but we have to talk about Kirill Kaprizov, who signed an eight-Year, $156 million contract extension to stay with the Wild, which is, by far, The Biggest Contract In The History Of The National Hockey League.  This helps crowding out bad memories of all your teams losing.

Now, reports surfaced that in the end, Mild General Manager Bill Guerin was negotiating against himself.  That's why this contract has an Annual Average Value (AAV) or $17 million.  Now, this will raise skepticism, if not full-on night terrors, from those who feel screwed by the first time the Mild made waves in Hockey Nation with the Independence Day signing of Zach Parise and Ryan Suter.  During their press conference, everybody up on the dais promised multiple Stanley Cups.  Obviously, they didn't do shit, and eventually became drains to the franchise's salary cap and a cancers in the locker room.  So why double down on one guy, and one who is injury-prone like Kaprizov is?  Why not trade him and get draft picks, players who can help now and prospects who could really help later?

That's a great question, to which I say: First off, while the buck has to stop with Owner Craig Leipold, the one who okayed that double signing, you have to place a lot of the blame on Parise and Suter for not doing their part in bringing The State Of Hockey a Stanley Cup.  Beyond that, you have to consider the current sports climate in Minnesota.  Would you really accept not signing a player the franchise drafted and saw turn into a superstar to a huge contract just because he wanted a hell of a lot of money?  I think a lot of people are sober to the possibility that Kaprizov cannot deliver Stanley Cups ... but they had to sign him to that high of a contract anyway because you always take care of your own, and besides, could the organization deal with the fallout of trading a Top 10 player in the league?  No, and if anything bad happens, you deal with it in the later Years of the contract ... you know, just like Guerin did with Parise and Suter.  So even though I think suspicion is warranted that Kaprizov's long-term extension will lead the Mild to the promised land, I think good news like this is more than enough to top the survey this screening Week.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (NEW SEASON!).  Started their season sweeping Boston College at Ridder Arena by scores of 7-1 and 11-0.  You know, I haven't heard of a Boston College women's hockey team till now, even though they sound like they should be one of the elites of the sport.  Considering the lopsided scores, are they new?

OK, so they're off to a good start.  But they have to go to Beantown this weekend to face the other big Boston program, Boston University, for two Matches.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1).  Swept both Michigan St. and Rutgers at Maturi to start off B1G play on the right foot.  But they will go on the road to play Michigan (tonight/Wednesday night) and Northwestern (Sunday afternoon); will they stumble away from Dinkytown?

#-4: Gopher football (Re-Entry!).  See you think a P. J. Fleck-coached team would whip a club like Rutgers as a matter of course.  But even after coming off a Bye Week, they had to scratch and claw their way to a 31-28 Win over the Scarlet Knights.  I was hoping weak competition would be easier to overcome.  But there might be no overcoming this Saturday night; they are at #1-ranked Ohio St.  Say a little prayer for the U. players donning uniforms for this one.

#-5: United FC (Last Week: -Infinity).  A wicked Rafael Santos Free Kick into First Half Stoppage Time by The Colorado Rapids was answered on a howitzer by the IDGAF stylings of Nectarios Triantis in the 65th Minute, and the Loons tied the Rapids at 1 on Saturday.  I guess you could say that since MNUFC tied it up, it kind of feels like a Win, and when you look at the rest of The Western Conference, it kind of is.  They are in third, but only two Points behind both San Diego FC (who lost at home to San Jose) and Vancouver (who drew with Seattle).  They are only two Points ahead of hard-charging LAFC, but it looks as though United FC has the easier closing stretch to deal with.  This Saturday they host Sporting Kansas City, who are next to last in the West.  Getting second or even first in the West is not beyond their reach ... well, beside the fact that this is a Minnesota sports team we're talking about.

#-6: Vikings (Last Week: -2).  This is what I was afraid of: We all thought the Vikes were a really good squad because they historically beat down Cincinnati the previous Sunday, when, as evident in their 24-21 Loss to Pittsburgh in The First-Ever NFL Regular Season Game In Ireland (Dublin to be exact), that rout was a product of one otherwise unimpressive journeyman having the Game of his life which led to a Game getting away from the Bengals.  This is the true Vikings: A Quarterback that could not live up to his early hype, a battered Offensive Line (once again), and a Defense that is also more bark than bite.  I still cannot fathom how a team that has so many question marks (foremost among them being at QB) could be in win-now mode.  Because this is the downside of deciding this is the goal despite all the many headwinds.

Remember that Minnesota is the first team in NFL history to play back-to-back Games in Europe: They play Cleveland in London Sunday morning.

#-7: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3).  Hey, all of you, not good -- their losing streak is at three now that they lost 2-1 to Michigan St. at Robbie Stadium and 1-0 at Michigan.  Yeah, another season of missing the NCAAs is now a viable possibility, especially since 24th-ranked Wisconsin comes to town early Saturday evening.

#-Infinity (tie): Twins and Lynx (Last Week, respectively: -4 and -5).  I really shouldn't go on and on about The Failure Couple here because I need to go to bed (just got back home from the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club concert) and if I do go on and on, I'll just spiral like I'm doomscrolling.  So I will start with the Twinks, who ended their miserable, self-sabotaged season at 70-92 and fired (or put out of his misery, either/or) Manager Rocco Baldelli.  They became forgettable after they started freefalling in the summer; they became irrelevant when they lit their own goddamn team on fire and sold almost everybody worth giving a shit about.  They now head to the offseason with only two major leaguers under contract.  One of them isn't Joe Ryan, and even though he has the stuff to be this organization's ace, he might be an ace for another team if, as obviously practice now, he gets traded for minor leaguers under team control.

What has been really upsetting is that one of the Pohlads (doesn't matter which one) sat down for an interview with a Twinks beat writer upon the death of his club's season.  He actually is acting as if there is some masterplan to make this squad a championship one in the near future.  Bullshit.  The Pohlads have decided they're going to be The Pittsburgh Pirates of The American League, and there will be enough suckers hoping Byron Buxton retires a Twin that will feed the bottom line year after year after pathetic year.  That is the goal now: To be a major league version of The St. Paul Saints.  I wonder if I should even cover them.

And then we have the Jynx.  There will be a lot of talk about her after-season press conference, where Napheesa Collier basically read WNBA Commissioner Cathy Engelbert for filth over, among other things, the shitty officiating which led to her season-ending injury during the WNBA Semifinals against The Phoenix Mercury.  It wasn't just about the injury, I get it, but honestly, it wouldn't make sense to rip Engelbert a new asshole if it wasn't the shitty officiating which led to her season-ending injury and, to be quite frank, the end of the Jynx's season.

But both things can be true.  The Jynx were fucked by awful officiating ... and the Jynx absolutely fucking failed in winning a fifth WNBA Championship they were supposed to be destined to win.  They finished with the best record in the W by several Games.  They had the highest-rated Offense and Defense in the league.  And not only did they not win a title, they didn't even make it to the fucking WNBA Finals.  And not only did they lose to Phoenix in the WNBA Semifinals, they didn't even make it to five Games (this Year is the first Year the Semis are best-three-out-of-five).  And not only did they not make it to five Games, they had a Fourth Quarter lead in all three Games they lost.  They choked in this series because they choked in all three Games they fuckin' lost.  The unflappability, the poise that was the supposed hallmark of this team, the special glue that many pundits pointed to as the reason they were anointing the Jynx as WNBA Champions, fucking evaporated.  Yeah, it looks as the Mercury got away with fucking up Collier and the refs didn't do a goddamn thing about it (and by the way, even though Phee might be pointing her guns at Engelbert, don't forget to drill down to trees level and throw shit in the face of the dirty Mercury who, you know, broke her ankle.  Fuck them, they'd better fuckin' lose).  But they were supposed to be head and shoulders above everyone else.  And they blew it.  They just fucking collapsed.  And I have to show appreciation for this goddamn team?

To top it all off, I didn't know most of the players are Free Agents.  I hate saying this, but that Game 2 chokejob to Phoenix not only broke this team, but this organization.  Time to blow it all up, because if this fucking team couldn't deliver to this state a championship everyone could be proud of, it ain't never gonna happen.  Jesus Fucking Christ.  #MinnesotaIsLoservilleUSA