My Buddha, I Think I'm The Bracket King

So I have bitched and bitched here for years about how badly I start off the men's basketball tournament.  This year is different, by far.

I still can't believe this, but I just finished Round 1 with a record of, get this, 29-3.  I have never done better in a Round 1 in my life, and it ain't fuckin' close.  I'm sure my best is, like, 17-15, or maybe even 18-14.  But only three wrong?  Moreover, those three I got wrong (Ohio St., St. Mary's, and Villanova) I had going out in the next Round.  That means that my champion pick (Michigan), the title pairing (Florida), my Final Four (Duke and Arizona), my Elite Eight and my Sweet Sixteen are all intact.  Obviously I have never, ever been able to say that before.

While this puts me in a position way better than I ever have been before in the two bracket competitions I'm in, I know that, because there are so many people playing in the giant pool I care more about (because I could win a lot of money), there are people who are doing even better than me.  It sucks to have a year where you nearly nailed all of the upsets and, just as important, knew to avoid the wrong upsets.  I thought I was Senor Hotshit when I went 14-2 after Thursday.  I wasn't even on the leaderboard.  I wasn't even on the second page.

So the Games continue, and once I again my nearly-pristine bracket will stand in judgement.  There are many Games in Round 2 I need to break the right way, and if, somehow and someway, I can get the picks right at the same rate as I have up to this point ... I might have a good tournament.  Wish me luck!

Sign Of Inattention Or Sign Of Old Age?

I'm just so mad at myself for fucking up the Horse's Neck I made for myself.

I should back up.  I didn't plan on drinking alcohol yesterday/Thursday.  I should blog post about it soon.  Anyway, I went to Hooters because I wanted to use the March coupon before the chaos of them closing down on Sunday.  The chaos has already begun, however.  I just wanted a Coke, but they didn't have it.  Guess there's no use to order more stuff if they're closing down in three days, but I thought they would still have Coke.  (I'm going back before they close for good Sunday evening.  Let's hope they still have running water.)

Anyway, I didn't want a Sprite to go with the wings and swirl cake I purchased, and I didn't want to just have water.  So, with a bit of regret, I got an Angry Orchard, which they still have.  And since I got one alcoholic drink to drink, I might as well have another one, and I decided on a Horse's Neck because the ginger ale in the fridge has been in there for a long while.

I rely on the International Bartenders Association formula for a Horse's Neck, which is 40 mL (they're international) of cognac and 120 mL of ginger ale in a Collins glass.  That's a ratio of three parts ginger ale to one part cognac, right?  That's important for the story.

So I pour out 40 mL from the ABK6 into a small measuring cup I use instead of a jigger because The Wirecutter recommends it.  Then I pour the Boylan ginger ale to the maximum line, which on this measuring cup is 60 mL.  I add it to the Collins.  I pour to the max again.  I add it to the Collins.  Then I pour to the max a third time, because it's a 3:1 ratio, right?  I assumed I had enough ginger ale, so I was shocked that I was short by 10 mL.  I thought I should maybe use ginger beer to top it off, but fuck it, it's late in the day and I have work in the morning, I'll just have to deal with drinking a messed-up cocktail.

I don't have a huge Collins glass.  It might not be a Collins glass.  But some drinks require a long, rectangular-looking glass, and that's what I have.  And for all the cocktails I can make that require them to be stirred, they all fit into this glass.  But this one was different.  Even though I was short of the 3:1 ginger ale-to-cognac ratio, the last pour of ginger ale brought the cocktail right to the rim.  That's odd.  I'm pretty sure past Horse's Necks I've made weren't that full.

And then I realized I fucked it up.  I was fixated on the 3-to-1 ratio, but I completely forgot about dealing with the actual fucking numbers.  Forty times three is 120.  I just needed to pour the ginger ale out to the max twice, not three times, to get the formula right.  But no, I poured out the cognac once (and not even up to the top at 60 mL, just two-thirds of the way at 40 mL), so I had to pour the ginger ale thrice.  That's how my mind operated.  It's probably how it operates.  And I fucked it up.

---

Later I played Zynga Poker.  I continually make the mistake of misjudging what kind of a hand I have.  I play speed-up, so I only have, like, ten seconds to fold, call or raise, and I still make a decision without completely understanding what I actually have.  A few times I actually think I have a better hand than I do, but more often than not I think it's an OK hand when it's, like, an ace-high straight or a full house.  I didn't see I had a full house on this one hand and I could have taken the other "players" in my table to the cleaners if I had accurately seen that.

Pairing my poker blindness with blowing the Horse's Neck, I don't know if me not paying attention is symptomatic of my old age.  I have been not paying attention all my life, and yet I can't help but think that if I were younger, I would have gotten the formula right, and I would be much quicker at deducing what type of poker hand I've got.

If it's old age, I don't know what to do.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  I didn't factor in the upside to a tight race in the standings: It doesn't take too much to move up.  The Wolves go 3-1, and so they go back up to fourth place in the West.  Sure, they're only one Game from sixth place, but they're only 1 1/2 Games away from third.  That's how congested things are over there.

The T-Wolves have won their last two Games, both at home, to Phoenix and Utah.  And they won both Games without Anthony Edwards, who will be week to week because of his inflamed right knee.  Frankly, they played great in those two Games without him.  Hmmm, maybe those two things are related. ...

They finish up a three-Game homestand tomorrow/Friday night versus Portland, then they go to Boston Sunday, then host Houston on Wednesday.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -1).  ETTD, man, ETTD.  They started their busy screening Week losing to three teams currently out of the playoff picture in The Eastern Conference, Philadelphia, The New York Rangers, and Toronto.  And all of those humiliations were at home.  They finally turned around their fortunes on the road, where they beat Chicago in OT on St. Patrick's Day.

So why are they up here after a 1-3 Week?  Because they are still firmly ensconced in third place in The Central Division.  They currently sit six Points behind The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0., and 14 ahead of The Bastard Winnipeg Jets/Phoenix-Arizona Coyotes.  Wins or Losses, no matter -- the Wild are going to be in the playoffs.  From that point on -- that's when we'll start to care.

They finish their home-and-home with the Blackhawks tonight/Thursday night at the Gica.  They then host said Bastard North Stars, then travel to Tampa Bay.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: 0).  A low-scoring series to begin league play for the Gophs, but they dropped two-of-three, winning 1-0 in the first Game of a Doubleheader Saturday.  (I am absolutely sure there was no scheduled Doubleheader when I previewed the series in last Week's survey.  I see no announcement of it on the athletic department's website.)  They then finished off their U. S. Bank Stadium schedule by losing to North Dakota St. in eleven Innings, 7-4.

I have a feeling sports is going to be really quiet around Dinkytown for the rest of the school Year.  At Indiana for a trio over the weekend, then the club opens up Siebert Field for the season Wednesday against St. Thomas.

#-4: United FC (Last Week: -3).  This takes me back to the expansion days for the Loons.  On Sunday afternoon they got the absolute shit beat out of them by the Whitecaps in Vancouver, 6-0.  Maybe this is a case where Vancouver is really, really good.  But how much of this just bad players?  And this is the time I finally get around to talking about their off-season and what message they sent from their transactions before the season started.

MNUFC was coming off a scintillating playoff series Win over Seattle, a franchise that historically has gotten their number.  Sure, a 1-0 Loss in the Quarterfinals to San Diego was dispiriting, but there was nothing that indicated that changes needed to be made.

Alas, changes happened.  Dayne St. Clair, who was named Goalkeeper Of The Year, was MNUFC's top signing priority because his contract expired.  But while the two sides were negotiating, Inter Miami swooped in and said, "Hey, we want you," to which St. Clair responded, "Hey, I want you, too."  Meanwhile, Hasani Dotson, St. Clair's teammate at Oregon St. who was also drafted in the same class as St. Clair, was thanked by the organization for his service to the Black and Blue; he signed with the Sounders.

Then, Robin Lod, a man who became a fan favorite up here, was not given a contract offer at a length to his liking, so he signed with Chicago, who did.  Finally, for some inexplicable damn reason, the Loons traded hard-nosed Defender Joseph Rosales to Austin FC.  Oh, and Head Coach Eric Ramsay moved after two seasons to West Bromwich Albion ... where he was fired after only eight Matches and 44 Days.  Soccer coaches, man. ...

So anyway, that's four players, veterans and stalwarts, plus the Manager, all moving on.  They're bringing in new pieces, and I know they're trying, but how good could they really be, and how good can they be this quickly?  The signing of James Rodriguez is awesome.  I don't know how in the fuck MNUFC was able to convince a soccer player of that caliber and popularity to come to Minnesota.  But he only subbed in on Sunday.  How often will he play?  And remember that his contract keeps him here only through the summer, even though there's an option for him to stay the whole Year.

On top of all that, Major League Soccer is revamping its calendar.  This is the last Year where they play from February to November/December.  They will have what they call a "sprint" season from February to May 2027, then join up with the rest of the world when they begin their season in the late summer of 2027.  Beyond my grievances over The Flip, I can see MNUFC brass looking at the next year-and-a-half and punting.  Maybe the James signing was just window dressing to appease the masses and keep the dollars flowing in.  But it feels very possible they just want to suck for the next 18 Months in order to, hopefully, get better after May 2027 -- at which point I may not be a season ticket-holder.

United FC play a second consecutive Sunday Game, this one at home vs. ... well, whaddya know, The Seattle Sounders.

#-5: Gopher softball (Last Week: -4).  Well this is fucking shit.  The softballers lost all three of their Games of the Missouri Tournament held over the weekend in Columbia, Mo., to Iowa St., hosts Missouri, and South Dakota.  Maybe another Head Coach might need to be on the hot seat.  Playing at Iowa over the weekend.

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher women's hockey and Gopher men's hockey (Last Week, respectively: -6 and -Infinity).  Well, fuck, that was swift.  In back-to-back days, University of Minnesota Athletic Director Mark Coyle cleaned out the rinks in Dinkytown.  An athletic program that sometimes feels stuck in inertia just fired up the coaching carousel in both women's and men's top-flight college hockey.

On Tuesday, Coyle axed Gopher women's hockey Head Coach Brad Frost.  Well, the way I have it, Frost was on the last Year of his contract, and Coyle announced that he won't be offered a new contract, so I think the term "fired" that's been bandied about is inaccurate and a bit harsh.  Also, Frost was here 19 Years, by all accounts he's a nice and good guy who ran a clean program, and he did bring Minnesota four national championships in a five-Year span.

Unfortunately, the last title was a Decade ago.  Since then, it is a bona fide fact that both Wisconsin and Ohio St. are the best programs in top-flight women's college hockey, and Minnesota, for all their insular boasting, are a clear cut below.  And Saturday's upset Loss to Northeastern at home -- and they didn't seem to be competitive as they allowed the Huskies to race out to a 4-0 lead before Abbey Murphy played Heroine Puck and scored twice in the Third Period -- was a blaring sign (if only to the fanbase) that things weren't trending in the right direction.  I don't like it when good people lose their jobs, especially when they've been at that post for a long time.  But I agree with this move.

So, if Minnesota clearly is The State Of Hockey, who do they turn to?  There is one and only one top target that could revive the program's fortunes: Nadine Muzzerall, current Head Coach at Ohio St., who has the overall #1 Seed in this Year's tournament and who has won two championships under Muzzerall's helm.  She is One Of Us in the sense that she played for the Maroon and Gold and was an assistant under Frost before the Buckeyes hired her away.  The problem, of course, is money.  I am always skeptical if the U. can pony up the funds necessary to pry the best away from another powerhouse school.  And this is The Ohio St. University, who will not pinch any penny in order to hire and keep the best.

With that said, besides the pull of trying to revive her alma mater, there is one thing the U. has that Ohio St. doesn't have: A decent rink dedicated to the women's team.  I hear that Ohio St.'s arena sucks.  And the university has promised Muzzerall for years that they would build her a new arena that could stand alongside Ridder and Wisconsin's LaBahn Arena, but that promise has been delayed season after season.  Does she get fed up?  And if Muzzerall decides to stay, who then does Coyle go for?  If not Muzzerall, I would take a top assistant from either the Buckeyes or the Badgers.  Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Bob Motzko I didn't see coming.  Coyle actually did fire Motzko yesterday/Wednesday (after eight seasons here) because Motzko had one Year left on his contract.  The U. announced that he and the school "had a mutual parting of ways," but I don't believe that at all.  I don't think the men's program was trending in the wrong direction.  What was troubling, even infuriating, was that Motzko never was able to deliver a title despite mostly having great teams.  And he developed a reputation, unfortunately, as a choker.  I just researched this fact to make sure it is true: In the last three NCAA Tournament Games where the Gophers and Motzko lost and were eliminated, they had a two-Goal lead and blew it.  The One That Got Away surely was the 2023 title Game, where they had Quinnipiac on the ropes early, but let them off the hook so the Bobcats could win in Overtime.

I could see Coyle firing Motzko after another collapse in the NCAAs, but not in a situation like this, where everyone could foresee a rebuilding Year after all the talent they lost.  Yes, their record this Year was the worst since the '71-2 season.  But I thought that would put Motzko on the hot seat, where he would have one season to negotiate the transfer portal and see if NIL money could attract junior players from Canada and the like.  Maybe, and similarly to Frost and the women's team, embarrassing defeats at home -- reportedly, during the last home series against Michigan St., people were booing Motzko -- forced Coyle to make a move now before fan apathy and antipathy became even more severe.

OK.  So where does Coyle go with the men?  One early name has popped up: Garrett Raboin, current Head Coach at Augustana, which is about to get into the NCAAs for the first time in only the Vikings' third season in existence.  He was an assistant under Motzko at the U. and, before that, at St. Cloud St., Raboin's alma mater.  And he's One Of Us; he's from Detroit Lakes.  I think I've talked myself into liking this pick.

You know, I hate screwing over other people.  But opting for a fresh starts feels very invigorating, doesn't it?

An Easy Day Turned Into A Busy Night

I did one of the main chores I wanted to do on my birthday: Rake the roof.  I did that after I took a hard nap, so I was energized going into the evening, where I wanted to watch the World Baseball Classic title Game (won by Venezuela, 3-2 over the Americans) while working on my bracket.

There was one other thing I wanted to do: Clear the back deck of the half-foot of snow.  I was going to do it during the WBC, but I wanted to wait until it stopped flurrying.  Then, I got caught up on the close Game, plus I was really crunching the data on the bracket.  Then the Game got really interesting, so I decided I would shovel after the Game was over.

But gosh darnit, right after the trophy ceremony, my sister called.  And of course I had to talk to her for an hour about stuff.  Just then I remembered I had to do something else: Send out an important e-mail that had to be sent today/Wednesday or else my alumni association was going to get pissed.  That's when I had to end my phone call with my sis.  But then, instead of immediately going out to shovel, I went back to number-crunching for my bracket.  I finally got out to shovel around midnight.

Thankfully, sending out the e-mail was easy.  But I still need to think about my bracket, and I finally got around to blog posting this.  And I am tired, and I should go.  Peace.

Songs Playing The Minute Of My Birth

• The Current: Tame Impala, "Dracula"
• Cities 97.1, Evanescence, "Bring Me To Life"
• 104.1 Jack FM: Guns 'N' Roses, "Paradise City"
• 104.7 KCLD: Lewis Capaldi, "Someone You Loved"

Results Of Bracketology 2026

Team 64, also known as The Last Team In In A Just World: Texas A&M

Teams 65-8 (in order): N. C. St., Texas, SMU, Miami (OH)

Team 69, also known as The REAL Last Team In (In Reality): Oklahoma

For Shits And Giggles, Teams 70-2: Auburn, San Diego St., Indiana

So for the first time in maybe ever, the hive mind correctly predicted the last four teams out.  N. C. St. got sucked into the Play-Ins, and Texas A&M was a little closer to that morass than all the bracketologists thought.  And shockingly, Missouri was free and clear into the actual bracket.  So there you go.

Bracketology 2026

Man, I used to really love watching the Selection Show.  But then they crammed the fucking Play-In Games down our throats, and then Turner got their shit-ass hands on half the tournament, and then Chuck Barkley and Jet Smith started commentating on it even though they haven't done fuck-all about talking college hoops up till then, and then half of the tournament Games were put on cable, and then they spread out tipoff times so that there's only Game coming down to the wire at a time and if that Game is boring there's no reason to watch, and then CBS stopped whipping around to the best Game happening at that time (and this is the worst decision that was made, and it is fucking unforgivable) ... and now I don't care.  I might just plow the rest of the driveway then.  Or, I might just sleep through the show.  I don't care.

Anyway, as of press time, Bracket Matrix has aggregated the following teams into the following categories.  Teams are listed in order:

The REAL Last Teams In: UCF, Texas A&M, N. C. St., Santa Clara

Play-In Games: Missouri, Miami (OH), SMU, Texas

Actually, They're The LAST Teams Out: San Diego St., Auburn, Oklahoma, Indiana

I'm scared about trying to use the snowblower tomorrow.  I'm sure I've said that on this blog before.  I probably was scared then, and I'm scared now.

The enormity of the snow -- I just went out at 2 in the morning to shovel the stoop and the top part of my driveway; even though I didn't measure, I eyeballed 4 inches, give or take an inch -- makes me afraid what I'll do if I can't get the blower to start.  But I checked the snowblower last night, and everything was set where it wasn't supposed to.  By that I mean that the choke was on, the, uh, speed thing was all the way fast, and most worryingly, the gas was on when it should be off.  The entire carburetor had to be replaced in the last summer, and I think it was because the gas switch was on for a long time, thus flooding the carb.  I think that Father tried to run it once before my parents left for Las Vegas and just didn't put all the settings back.  But I looked at the snowblower a couple times before last night and I didn't see anything wrong with it.  In fact, I know I looked at the gas switch and though it was turned off.  So if the snowblower doesn't work again, it's probably because it wasn't "put back" properly, and it'll serve me right that I failed to check.

We'll see in the morning.  Or afternoon.  OK, whenever I wake up. 

"Preparing" For The Biggest Goddamn Snowstorm I've Ever Seen

So this is the literal calm before the storm.  What began brewing Sunday turned, around Thursday, into something big, real big.  And unfortunately for me, the track began curving upward.  Unless I've interpreted things wrong, this blizzard is going to be a direct hit right on top of us.  Two motherfuckin' feet are possible.  What we probably should call The Ides Of March Blizzard might top The Halloween Blizzard of 1991, and that fuckin' storm is affixed in lore.  And even if it's not, it looks like we're clearing a foot here easily, and I don't remember the last time a blizzard that huge has ever registered with me (and that includes The Halloween Blizzard of 1991; I was just a kid who had no cares then).

So ... what to do?  I am bemused by everyone rushing out to do grocery shopping before it hits, which should come in around dinnertime and might not relent for 24 hours thereafter.  Come on, guys, this isn't the Siege Of Leningrad here.  It's going to be bad, and it might be historically bad, but it's only one day ... well, maybe a day and a half, tops.  You should have enough food now to get you through, and if you don't, frankly, you live in a bad situation beyond this blizzard.

With all that said -- well, I looked outside and, like I said, it's calm.  It's just a late-winter day out there -- overcast, too cold for my liking, but otherwise a day that you can travel without incident.  A part of me wants to hunker down and let the snowstorm do what it wants, but that does not sit well with the other part of me.  I will go out, and I probably will twice. I need to dump this trash, get some cash for my stripper girlfriends, and then probably grab lunch.  Later, I might check in and see this band, then probably get dinner to go before the storm kicks in.  It's not going to be horrible until overnight, but I want to be hunkered down before I even touch a flake.  And see, even I am beginning to feel like I want to "prepare" before the storm hits, even if it's just having an empty trash can to begin this storm.

I'm scared.  I'll admit that.  I just went into my backyard to make sure there's no hole in the roof or something.  I just feel that something bad will happen alongside this blizzard because it feels like my lot in life.  Maybe the worst plausible thing I can think of is that the snowblower won't work.  If it doesn't, I might not be working Monday.

I'm starting to understand why people panic-shop at the grocery store now.

I should go now.  Well, I'll juice this lemon, then go.  I think I'll need a cocktail after looking out from my window tonight.

NO, NOT HOOTERS!!!

Heard it on Common while working yesterday/Thursday afternoon: Hooters and The Mall Of America is closing for good.  Last day's next Sunday, the 22nd.  Goddammit.

First things first: I have kind of an obsession with stores that have been at the Megamall from the start.  (The store can't move from its original footprint.  Also, it can be renovated, but it might not count in my eyes if it, say, closed down in order to make those renovations.  Length of time is important in this case.)  Hooters was one of them.  With it being gone, what's left?  Macy's?  Nordstrom?  Cinnabon on the 1st floor?  That alpaca place that somehow stays in business?

But I am sad about what I think of as an institution closing down.  That breastaurant made me a man.  I'm joking.  Well, only half-joking.  Well, that half-joking part is perverted as hell, because going there was the first time in my life I felt good about being proud of looking at gorgeous women dressed daringly (or at least how I thought daring was at the time).  I think the first time I went to Hooters I went with my high school buddies.  My friend noticed that our (hot) waitress was stuffing a pack of cigarettes in her fanny pack, and I thought that was the hottest goddamn thing ever.

Hooters MOA overcame a flurry of sexual harassment lawsuits early in its tenure to just be the place teenage boys go to begin to get in touch with their heterosexual desires, and for parents to bring their boys to prevent them from becoming gay.  I went from time to time to ogle, of course, but there are a few servers there that I'm familiar with.  No way are we friends or anything, but I think that we are acquainted enough that whenever we see each other, we smile, and that's great.  My "relationship" with Hooters was cemented over the past several years once I decided to buy the Hooters calendar every year and, if possible, get it autographed.  It was nice to have the sexiest Hooters girls sign.  I even took the calendar to other parts of the country if I were vacationing so I could have other Hooters girls in other branches sign it.  And, of course, I came back ... well, not because of the food per se, but for the coupons that came with the calendar.  If I spend $15 when I visit this month, I get a free dessert.

I planned on going Thursday to get that free dessert, and to watch the actual start of March Madness, but now I must go.  And I probably will go that Sunday too, its final day.  Thirty-three years, man, a third of a century, and they said it wasn't making enough money.  I will miss the fuck out of that place.

You know, come to think of it ... I know the perfect place to replace Hooters -- Twin Peaks.  Same concept, they're growing (the company, not my dick), and even though the closest stores are in Fargo and Omaha, it might be time to bring one to the Twin Cities.  And who knows, maybe those Twin Peaks girls will do things beyond my wildest dreams.  No, probably not.  But a lonely hetero perv can dream, and Hooters allowed me to do that.  RIP, Hooters Megamall.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -1).  No offense to the male Nine, but there won't be too many chances for them to capture the top spot in a WMNSS this Year.  But they are on a really good run right now.  Over the weekend they swept through their Cambria Classic, which they hosted at U. S. Bank Stadium.  They actually mercy-ruled the most notable team playing in Minneapolis, Nevada-Las Vegas, by a score of 10-0 in seven Innings Friday night.  I was there for the tripleheader Saturday and saw the Gophers walk it off, 3-2, on South Dakota St. in the bottom of the Tenth Inning on a Bases-Loaded Bunt right in front of Home Plate.  Genius.  And then, after downing Nebraska-Omaha Sunday night, 6-4, they "won" their own tournament.

But that's not all!  They took both tilts at Oooooos-Bahnk Stadium vs. Gonzaga, 11-8 Tuesday (I was there) and 6-2 last/Wednesday night.  A perfect 5-0 screening Week and a current seven-Game winning streak ... again, sorry, but they might not have it this good for the rest of the season.  Unfortunately, the other local teams had poor showings, so none of them deserve to be #0 in order for the baseballers to get to Positive Numbers.

At Illinois for three this weekend.

#-1:Wild (Last Week: -5).  Doubled up the Golden Knights in Las Vegas, lost at The Bastard Quebec Nordiques in a Shootout, then annihilated The Bastard Winnipeg Jets-cum-Arizona/Phoenix Coyotes 5-0 at the Gica.  But they are still in a liminal state: Too far behind Colorado for first in the Central, too far ahead of Utah for fourth.  They're fighting The Bastard North Stars for second, but they are 9-1 in their last ten Games, so the First Round series is just about set.  This squad is playing well; now, it's just a matter of fine-tuning the chemistry come playoff time.

Very busy screening Week for the Wild.  They complete a four-Game homestand with Matches against Philadelphia, the Rangers and Toronto, then they start a home-and-home with Chicago playing down there Tuesday.

#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  It's not great that the fourth-seeded U. women b-ballers dropped their first and only Game in the B1G tourney, getting upset by fifth-seeded Ohio St., who had to play the day before, Friday afternoon by a score of 60-55.  It doesn't look like that defeat will impact Charlie Creme's belief that the Gophers will still be a 4-Seed and thus earn the right to host First and Second Round Big Dance contests at Williams Arena.  Still, it would've been nice to play to seed.

#-3: United FC (Last Week: -2).  I swear that once I have time, I'll break down my feelings about what this organization has gone through during the off-season.  But until a couple more teams end their seasons (beyond the two that do this Week; see below) and the survey gets more manageable, I'm just trying to keep my head above water by only talking about Games.  And sadly, the Loons suffered their first Loss of the season at Nashville Saturday, 3-1.  They visit Vancouver this Saturday.

#-4: Gopher softball (Last Week: -7).  Like with men's basketball, it appears as though Big Ten softball will play conference Games before completing non-con schedules.  The U. began league action losing two-of-three at Indiana over the weekend, then blanking Southern Illinois-Edwardsville in Edwardsville, Ill., 5-0, Tuesday before getting blanked by Lindenwood in nearby St. Charles, Mo., 3-0 last/Wednesday night.  Another below .500 Week is devolving into a below .500 season.

This Friday and Saturday they play in the blandly-named Missouri Tournament, where they will face Iowa St., host Missouri, and South Dakota.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: 0).  I admit that I have given a pass to this club's season-long penchant for laziness and not trying because, more often than not, the players have been able to turn it on and turn in great Wins over great teams and/or find themselves still above the Play-In zone in a tough and congested Western Conference.  But the Games are dwindling down now, and if they continue to phone it in, playing in the Play-In is exactly what they'll do -- and they'll deserve it.

This past Week they outlasted Toronto, but then got blasted at Target Center by Orlando and got their asses kicked at both Los Angeles teams.  This is a bad, bad time to go on a three-Game losing streak.  The Wolves, who were once in third place by a nose, has fallen back to sixth.  And they continue to look too disinterested to take them seriously.  Come on, guys, step it up!

They have to remain out of town because of the high school basketball tournament.  They play at Golden State tomorrow/Friday night and in Oklahoma City Sunday afternoon.  They finally return home to play Phoenix and Utah back-to-back.

#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -6).  This is what I fucking mean when I say I'm continually down on this program.  Coming off an infuriating series where they dropped a Game to puny St. Cloud St., these women try to face up to behemoth Ohio St. in the Semifinals of the WCHA Final Faceoff (which is being played at St. Thomas' brand-new arena, which I didn't know until the Game was going on), and the Buckeyes beat the ever-lovin' shit out of them, 4-0.  Not even competitive?  What the hell are we even doing here then?!

Moreover, when the field (of eleven teams -- my fucking God, why that odd number, and in particular why that prime odd number of 11?  Ten was too few?  Twelve was too many?) for the NCAA Tournament was revealed Saturday, the U. was, in fact, the 4-Seed, falling behind Wisconsin, Ohio St. ... and Penn St.  And the Nittany Lions just got one of their players listed as a finalist for the Patty Kazmaier Trophy.  So they slipped to fourth-best, and they host 5-Seed Northeastern Saturday afternoon.  Honestly, with the way things are going now, I'm predicting an upset Loss on home ice, and it'll serve this listless team of perpetual bridesmaids right.

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher men's hockey and Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -3 and -4, respectively).  So two programs expected to have down, rebuilding Years wind up doing exactly that, being dispatched early in their respective B1G Tournaments, extinguishing any flicker of hope they could make a miracle run and capture an automatic bid by winning the whole thing before such a possibility could be even remotely entertained.

I'll begin with the b-ballers, who should not have been expected to go anywhere because they're under their first season under Niko Medved.  Sure, they went out in the B1G losing to lower-seeded Rutgers in their first Game of the tourney by five last/Wednesday night.  But again, you've got to throw out a Head Coach's first Year.  Also, there were some highlights, such as their last-second bucket to defeat Northwestern at The Barn in Saturday's regular season finale, or beating then-tenth-ranked Michigan St. back on February 4.  The program needs to convince their best players to stay, then convince other players to join them.  That'll take NIL, a lot of money.  If they can do that (a big if), the squad should only get better.

The male icers don't have the luxury of breaking in a new HC.  After making an appearance in the NCAA Tournament last Year, these young Gophs were expected to take their lumps and learn.  And they did, splitting the last regular season series of the season at home versus Michigan St. (they won the final Game, but that was in Shootout).  But they were next-to-last in-conference, and under their new format, they played, and lost, their sole Quarterfinal Game last/Wednesday night at Penn St., a 6-2 last laugh in a season unfortunately full of jokes on the U.  This club really needs to straighten out their NIL situation, then get wise to how the pipeline to Canadian junior teams works.  Otherwise, Minnesota will be out in the cold of this brave new world of top-flight men's college hockey.  Fingers crossed, but who knows if Minnesota can get their ducks in a row?  Does this put Bob Motzko on the hot seat?

Which Birthday Time Treat Should I Get?

I am noticing more and more that the happy things (as opposed to the sad things) that occupy my mind right now are looking forward to what I want to eat once I get out of work.  Maybe most people think that way.

Anyhoo, I was thinking yesterday/Tuesday if I want to eat after attending the Golden Gopher baseball Game at U. S. Bank Stadium.  It would depend on how snowy it would be; if it was manageable, I would go through the drive-thru (the Game, and the Gophers beat Gonzaga, went three hours, so there was no way I would be able to sit down at a restaurant) and suffer the sleet that came in through the open car window to order.  And it was manageable, so I did.

But which place?  I had in my mind getting this Mountain Dew Baja Blast Freeze whatever thingy from Taco Bell, which deposited it in my app because it's going to be my birthday soon.  I don't know if I will like it, and I hate Mountain Dew.  But it's free, so I'll get it.  And I thought I would get it last/Tuesday night.  But out of the blue I then remembered that this is also Shamrock Shake time, and those are tasty as hell.  I also think, although I'm not sure, that McDonald's (or at least the ones around here) pull them and the Oreo Shamrock McFlurry quickly, like the moment St. Patrick's Day is done.  That sucks, and I want to have them as much as possible.  So, assuming I'm right, I have only a week to enjoy them.  And that's what I was suddenly thinking when I pivoted from Taco Bell to McDonald's.

I got a regular Oreo Shamrock McFlurry as dessert for the Filet-O-Fish I used my points for.  I'm paying for it with my bowels -- darn lactose intolerance -- but I'm glad I remembered to get that green McFlurry at least once this year.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: February 2026

Really good month.  I mean, a really good month.  February '26 grew on me over the 28 days.  I think the red (all dozen women for the month are wearing red) is overkill.  Nonetheless, half of the twelve waitresses deserve recognition.

In sixth place is Monique, out of Downers Grove, Ill.  Pure blonde whose straight-ish hair falls just above her belly button.  She is clutching the rails of a pool ladder, but she's completely dry, so it looks like she's descending down it.  She has a slim build with tiny boobies, but her body is mostly front-facing, and it is nice.  Plus, I am amazed by her Rapunzel hair.

In fifth place is The Main Girl, Ireland, hailing from of Madeira Beach, Fla.  Straight and long (it ends around the base of her tits) black hair that looks wet, she is the only one of the dozen not wearing anything red at all.  Instead, she's wearing a pink two-piece with a pink Hooters-branded crop top.  I wish she'd show more, but she has alluring brown eyes that got more hypnotizing as the month went on.

In fourth place is Cameryn, of Round Rock, Tex.  Wavy blonde-ish hair that also cascades just short of her belly, she is mostly front-facing, but her main attraction is holding up her bikini bottom.  That always gets me, and this is no different.

In third place is Jaise, out of Fort Campbell, Tenn.  Platinum blonde whose curly hair ends just below her breasts, she's clutching the string inbetween her boobs, another trick that arouses me.  That blocks showing her whole body, which is completely facing the camera, but the illusion that she's tugging down her bikini top makes up for it, as does her posing straight at the camera, as does her smile.

In second place is Jacksonville's Blakelyn.  Wavy, dark brown hair that reaches halfway down her bust line, she is also tugging her bottom.  She has physical features that are not conventional for a Hooters girl, shall we say, but she's got a fantastic body.  Love her smile, too.  And she's wearing a really good-looking floral print bikini, like a Hawaiian shirt was fashioned into a two-piece.

Finally, in first place is Camryn, of Tucson, Ariz.  Wavy, dark blonde hair that almost touches the small of her back.  I use the back as the reference to how long her hair is and not her front because she is posed sitting to the side of a pool.  Her body is turned away, which usually isn't good.  But it gives us a chance to see her bikini bottom, which, to my delight, exposes about half of her really nice ass.  The automatic #1 stipulation kicks in; by default, she is the hottest babe this month.

So congratulations to Camryn, and to all the other half-dozen servers for February 2026.  And don't worry -- I have already touched myself to all of you!!!

It's July 2025 All Over Again

So last week I was at My Favorite Coffeeshop doing, among a couple other things, going through my receipts.  Serves me right to get them all in order but not bring my day planner so I could write the amounts down.  Anyway, I have this leather pouch from culture and lifestyle magazine Monocle, which I bought when I went to Hong Kong, that I purchased just so I can shove all my receipts in it.  I haven't done a good job of cleaning it out, though, because as I was doing some digging, I saw a few receipts that were in there should have been accounted for.  They were from July 12 of last year.

In my day planner, I write down all the things I paid cash for, then see whether I spent more money than I got from the bank or not, and by how much.  To be honest, and this may not make sense, in all but, oh, three months since I started this way back in my twenties, I have finished a month taking out more money from my account than spending it.  Anyway, at the end of every month, I make a table and write all my cash transactions (what I spent and what I took out of an ATM) down.  For the month of July, I now had to re-do that table.  Moreover, I am rewriting it for a third time; it turns out there were some receipts from July 12 of last year I found, presumably in that pouch, after I did this month-end table the first time.

It's all done.  Wait -- I can't say that with any conviction.  There could be other receipts.

Help Me, Bill Shatner, I'm Not Regular!

At the college baseball Games yesterday/Saturday, I had coffee before the first Game, had a cheeseburger, fries and a beer between the first and second (aside: They screwed up my order ... I ordered a cheeseburger, I overheard someone order just a hamburger [even though a hamburger isn't on the menu and I don't ever ask for modifications from ordering food at a Game], someone was about to give me a cheeseburger but then yanked it back to swap it with a hamburger ... when I told the workers I wanted cheese, someone in the back just threw a cold slice of cheddar on top of the burger ... I saw the cheeseburger they were about to give me; that cheese was melted ... lazy bums), and a hot dog and a souvenir Wild Cherry Pepsi between the second and third.  And then, once the Games were done, I stopped by Taco Bell.

You know what this should mean, right?  Colon blow, stuff like that.  Nope.  I am not regular.  It's bothering me to no end.  Maybe the spaghetti I'm about to make will do the trick, but the trick should already have been done.

Now, about relieving yourself: Have you seen that cereal commercial with William Shatner?  The one where he calls himself "Will Shat?"  I believe this ad, which aired in the Super Bowl, is a sign of the end times:

I blame Trump.  But sheepishly I admit that I really, really want to try this to regulate my gut.  It's for Kellogg's Raisin Bran, by the way.  I rarely remember what memorable commercials advertise for.

My Sister The Proxy

So I told Mother that I got my passport book and card two and three weeks (respectively) after I applied online, and she asked for my help to coach her through the online application process for her and Father at a day I had time to help her with it.  I told her on Sunday that I could help her Monday evening.

Now, I've told all of you how much of a mental and emotional drain being on the phone with My Mother can be.  I think that planning a long phone call ahead of time, like it obviously was going to be when dealing with an online passport renewal application over the phone and not while I'm sitting next to her, helps remind me that I need to be patient.  What I didn't know, however, was that my sister just so happened to be visiting my parents in Las Vegas for a few days.  Awesome!  She basically became my on-site translator and extra set of hands!!  So sis, can you do the application process for the 'Rents ... and ooh, by the way, can you help me install a new modem and router in their condo, too?

This problem of theirs goes back at least a year.  Mother complains of dead spots, namely their dining room table, which is at the opposite end of the part of their condo where their old, slow, obsolete modem resides.  It needed a new one, I suspected, and then it needed something to boost its range and help the signal break through the condo's walls.  But I wasn't planning on going out there anytime soon, not as long as this Republican administration has the gall to snatch up anyone at the airport they decided they don't like, so I figured my folks would have to just suck it up.  My sister being there, however, changes everything.  I could tell her what the problem is and how to fix it.  So once I decided she could do this (and my sis made the online application process for both Mother and Father go so smoothly), I spent the rest of the night looking up the best modem and router to buy at an electronics store and bought them, then I texted her all the information for the three of them to pick up, bring home, and set up so Mother can finally stop bitching about their shitty wi-fi.

That part did not go smoothly.  First of all, the modem I bought for them has to be hooked up with a coaxial cable.  I thought every place had a coax, but apparently this condo only connects to the Internet outside via Ethernet.  My sister tried to see if the modem would work just hooked up through Ethernet, but she told me (on the phone Tuesday night while I was at the Timberwolves Game) that it didn't.  Also, the router I got for them was just one unit of those "meshes" or "pods" or whatever you call it.  I thought one would be enough.  I thought that if I bought them a second (which, presumably, would be placed as far away as the first "mesh" or "pod," which has to be connected to the modem, in order to maximize the range), they would complain that, like, "It looks bad," or something.  My folks can be that shallow.  Well, Mother complained (after my sis attached this new router to the old modem, which she had a bit of trouble reconnecting) that there still wasn't any range.

My sister was leaving Thursday, and there was no way my parents would even dare try hooking up this second router, so my sister got my brother to buy that second router, which could be delivered the next day (which was Wednesday) because he has Amazon Prime.  (This is where I expand the universe of this blog post by reminding you that after I got home from the Game, I saw that my thermostat didn't work and, ironically, decided to accept a free trial of Amazon Prime in order to buy the same brand of thermostat so that I didn't have to do any wire work to put in a different brand of thermostat, and get it delivered as soon as possible ... even though I put in a second different set of batteries which made the old thermostat finally work.)  My sister got this second router, she installed it Wednesday, and it ... well, I haven't asked Mother yet if the range is better.

All through this ordeal, I profusely thanked my sister for doing this favor -- for our Mother, because our Mother wanted it, but frankly, for me, too.  I don't think she had running to Best Buy and spending a good chunk of one afternoon installing new wi-fi as part of her plans while visiting my parents.  I recognize that I ask ... no, use my sister a lot when I want something done.  Most notably, when I feel like I can't talk to my brother about something I need him to know, I tell my sister and she tells him.  We were in Hong Kong for Grandmother's funeral several years ago, and we were not on speaking terms then, so we asked our sis to relay any messages we needed the other to know.  She recognized that; the night after the funeral service, when I took her to this bar I wanted to go to because I needed a drink, she told me she knows what both of us are asking her to do in order to keep the peace between us.  And she almost broke down crying.  The gravity of burying Grandmother had something to do with it, of course, but being the peacemaker brings its own anguish, and that is something we make her do.

She acted as if she didn't mind putting in a new modem and router, even though she had no previous experience.  Still, besides thanking her a lot for being my proxy, I wonder if there's something else I could do for her ... or does she have a favor I'll have to pay her in kind.  Either way, that's an obligation I should do for her.  She did this for me, after all.

Ice Out Date: March 5

Golly, I just realized that now, when I say "ice out," it has a whole different connotation.  I don't mean those thugs who are kidnapping non-White people and murdering observers.  I have an annual tradition (sort of) where I note the day there is no more snow on the ground in the front yard.  There can be snow and ice in the back yard and the sides of my house (and I checked yesterday/Thursday and there are), but I declare no more snow once I no longer see it in the front yard.  And I saw none when I came home from work yesterday/Thursday.  So the ice (actual) out date is March 5.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -6).  For this Week's Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey, I am giving the top spot, and the ultimate superlative of Positive Numbers, to the U. of M. women's basketball team after I treat them with the all-22, so to speak, perspective.  They just played one Game this screening Week, a 78-73 Win over at Illinois on Sunday that finished their regular season.  But that gave the Golden Gophers a 13-5 record in the Big Ten, a 22-7 record overall, and, most impressive to me, fourth place and thus a double bye (you can't get more than two) in the B1G Tournament, which will start (for them) tomorrow/Friday.

On top of that, Charlie Creme says that the U. is in line for a 4-Seed in the NCAA Tournament, and thus the right to host Games for the First and Second Rounds of the Big Dance.  Compared to her first two seasons as Head Coach here, Dawn Plitzuweit has finally engineered the big turnaround in the program she was hired to do.  I wish it came much sooner.  But from what I consider the squad's nadir, blowing a nine-Point lead late at home to Maryland around the holidays, they have been in the ascendancy with a bullet.  I couldn't imaging these Gophs fighting for hosting slot.  But here they are, with a fighting chance to do that and to reach the second weekend for the first time since 2005.

They will play either Ohio St. or Indiana in their first tournament matchup.  This is a conference tournament, where motivations for teams that are already in the tourney are suspicious.  Could the U. make a run toward the B1G title Game ... and maybe win it?

#0: Timberwolves (Last Week: -1).  I was at Tuesday's victory over The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies.  But it didn't look like they were going to emerge victorious.  Memphis started out hot, especially from deep.  But Minnesota finally took a lead they didn't relinquish with about 6 1/2 Minutes left in The Third Quarter.

As wobbly as they looked, that Win completed a 3-0 screening Week for the Wolves.  They've won four in a row.  They sit fourth in the West, tied in Games behind the conference leader (which are The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics) with The Bastard San Diego Rockets.  They're not looking polished as they win, but they're winning.  This Week will be a busy one.  They finish a three-Game homestand with Games against Toronto and Orlando, then they'll visit both Los Angeles clubs Tuesday (The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers) and Wednesday (The Bastard Buffalo Braves-cum-San Diego Clippers).

#-1: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2).  I feel bad that this club had a really good Week, going 4-1, but I put them down here because of what the Gopher women's b-ball team and the T-Wolves.  The only blemish was Sunday's 8-3 Loss at U. S. Bank Stadium to Kansas, which gave the Jayhawks a split of the four-Game series vs. Minnesota.  The Gophers did sweep Wisconsin-Milwaukee in a two-showdown set, also at Oooooos-Bahnk Stadium, Tuesday and last/Wednesday night.  I don't know if this is the apex of their season.  I hope not; they deserve more shine than I'm giving them this competitive Week in local sports.

This weekend is the Cambria Classic, formerly sponsored by Dairy Queen.  Unlike in years past, the field is, well, a caliber below.  No BcS schools here besides Northwestern.  The others are Southern Illinois (the Salukis and the Wildcats are the two teams Minnesota will not play), UNLV, South Dakota St., and Nebraska-Omaha.  I will hopefully be there to see all three Games, and all six teams, play on Saturday.  After that, the Gophs have a mid-Week two-fer at the Vikings stadium versus Gonzaga.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -3).  I want to delve into their tumultuous off-season, but not this Week, because I'm tired and I have to wake up for an early shift today/Thursday.  Till then, I'll note that the Loons outlasted FC Cincinnati, 1-0, on a below-freezing Saturday afternoon at Allianz Field.  It was Kelvin Yeboah cleaning up a rebound off a Free Kick.  Glad to see Yeboah contributing early in the season.  And hey, James Rodriguez should be playing soon, maybe as soon as this Saturday night, when MNUFC travel to Nashville.

#-3: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  It's hockey, so upsetting ranked teams will happen.  Nonetheless, considering the rough year the Gophers are having, there are still some signs of encouragement that the youngsters on the team are learning and growing.  They were at second-ranked Michigan last Thursday and Friday and got a split.  They beat the Wolverines by a 4-2 score last Thursday before they returned the favor with the exact same score Friday.  But beating an excellent team, and on the road?  Encouraging!

Final series of the regular season is tonight/Thursday night and tomorrow/Friday night, when they host second- or third-ranked (depends on which poll you look at) Michigan St.  All seven teams in the Big Ten Hockey Conference will play in the conference tournament, the Quarterfinals of which (and which the U. will play) is Wednesday.

#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -4).  Beat UCLA by five at Williams Saturday afternoon, got throttle at Indiana by 30 -- egads -- Wednesday.  Eh, it's Niko Medved's first season here.  They wrap up the season home to Northwestern Saturday night.  The B1G tourney begins Tuesday, and unlike the B1G's women's tournament, all 18 teams will play in a six-round tournament.  Thankfully, Minnesota cannot be one of the four worst teams in the league and must play that Tuesday.  However, they will play Wednesday, hoping to reel off five victories in a row.  Man, conferences are too big now.

#-5: Wild (Last Week: -Infinity).  Their post-Olympics sprint begins with a 2-2 Week.  Ass-kickings at Colorado and home to Tampa Bay sandwich Losses at Utah and home to St. Louis, a Game that was tied till very late.

Because of this recent swoon, Minnesota sits in third in the Central, three Points behind The Bastard North Stars.  And it's not getting any easier: This Week they visit (Las) Vegas and said Bastard Quebec Nordiques, then come home to start a four-Game homestand with contests against The Bastard Winnipeg Jets/Phoenix Coyotes and Philadelphia.  Hopefully Quinn Hughes will stop his starfucking, else he'll be the next example of both TDS and, more importantly, ETTD.

#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -7).  No, I don't give a fuck that the Gophers won their WCHA First Round series over St. Cloud St. over the weekend.  The Huskies took the Goofs to a third Game in their series.  They did that by battling the U. to a scoreless tie in regulation of Friday's Game 1, only for SCSU to pot one and steal the tilt in Overtime.  Sure, Minnesota roared back with a vengeance, taking Game 2, 4-1 and Game 3, 6-1.  But it shouldn't have taken them three goddamn Games to advance to the Frozen Faceoff, where they will square off against 2-Seed and second-ranked Ohio St. at St. Thomas' new arena in St. Paul.  I fear for the Goofs' fates.

#-7: Gopher softball (Last Week: -5).  Got blanked Thursday at for-profit diploma mill Grand Canyon, 6-0.  Then, in the Hillenbrand Invitational in Tucson, Ariz., they defeated Howard, 4-1 in eight Innings, before getting creamed by Arizona (11-2), Long Beach St. (7-0) and ... Howard again.  They now sit at 7-13 with a strength of schedule that won't dazzle anyone.  They have not demonstrated they will be an even decent team this season.

They begin conference play at Indiana for three over the weekend, then travel to the St. Louis area to play mid-Week one-offs at Southern Illinois-Edwardsville (Tuesday) and Lindenwood in St. Charles (Wednesday).

I Hate It When I Panic, And I Really Hate It When I Don't Have To Panic

I wasn't in a good frame of mind when I came home last/Tuesday night after the Timberwolves Game (which they won, even though they finally took the lead on The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies just before halfway through the Third Quarter).  Naturally I checked the thermostat first thing when I got home.  And the thermostat was blank.

Ah, so the batteries ran out.  Well, Father bought a huge stash of AA batteries, so I replaced them.  But the thermostat still didn't work.  Oh, no.  The thermostat we have is just a programmable one.  It also has been there as far as I can remember.  It's been so long since it's been replaced, it makes sense that the damn thing just conked out.

Unfortunately, I suddenly realized I was in the lurch.  You can't really go without a thermostat, can you?  Well, I should take that back; if it were not too long ago, when the temperature was below freezing all day, not having the ability to heat the house with the help of a thermostat would be dangerous.  But we are, thankfully, having a mild (if not necessarily a heat) wave with temps punching into the fifties most days this week.  I have been told that you don't want to let the ambient temperature of the house drop below 60 degrees.  That would happen if it were below freezing, but probably not now when it's much warmer than that.

That would give me time.  To do what ... well, that's what I have been doing the next couple hours.  I ran into a YouTube video whereby you could hack the furnace on using this special two-way wire that does the work of a thermostat, including stopping when it reaches a certain temp.  But my main concern, obviously, is getting a new thermostat.  I tried looking for the exact type of thermostat, but that thing is damn old, so it's not in stock at any hardware store.  It's plentiful online, but that obviously would take time to get shipped, and as much as I think the house could survive without regular heat because of the milder temps, I don't know how long I want to tempt that.

Unfortunately, the thermostats that I could just go and buy are way, way different from the one that's in the house now.  First of all, I see these smart thermostats and they are way too smart for me.  Then, as I fell further down the rabbit hole of learning about the world of thermostats, I saw that the wiring pattern behind the thermostat is very, very important to note and even take a photo of.  Each brand and maybe even each model of thermostat will or might have a different configuration of the ends of the wires being plugged into its socket.  Moreover, the configuration of how the sockets are arranged vary by brand and even by model.  So if I bought one of these things off the shelf, I would have to unscrew the wires, unscrew the mounting plate, put the new mounting plate in (while making sure it's level), then carefully matching up the wires to its socket in the new configuration.  And I'm supposed to make sure the HVAC is completely unplugged while I do this, and I don't know how the hell to do that.  I was going to just wing it and do this intricate wiring work without shutting the power off to the HVAC.  Hey, I'm a big boy now, right?

Ultimately, though, I decided I was too chickenshit to do that.  My dumb ass was sure to get electrocuted.  And then I went on Amazon, saw this particular brand of thermostat, and then saw that magic word: "Prime."  If I sign up -- and, of course, it's only a free trial! -- I can get this same brand of thermostat delivered in two days.  I think the house can go without heat for two days in this weather, right?  So I signed up to get it this Friday.  I just have to remember to cancel Amazon Prime in 30 days because Amazon is the devil.  I just had to dance with him because otherwise I would have no heat.

With that bought ... well, why don't I try new batteries in the old thermostat again?  There are plenty down there, and maybe I just got two bad ones or something.  So I took that old thermostat downstairs, found two other "new" batteries, put them in ... and the display was back on.  Jesus fucking Christ, did I pick two new batteries that just didn't fucking work?  Or is this thermostat being so flighty that it just decided to work then and there?

So I have heat now, and it seems to be working fine.  I thought about cancelling delivery of the new/old thermostat and Amazon Prime.  But remembering how panicked I was, I'm keeping it.  This is a prime example where it's smart to have a back-up.  Of course, I have to remember that I have a back-up thermometer.  If this one conks out for real, there's a good chance I will forget I bought a replacement.  Where would I even put this one once it comes in?  Well, that's not the worst problem to have.

---

I told you at the start of this blog post that I was not in a good frame of mind.  That's because of the car.  I'm scaring myself into thinking it's way too low on oil.  I have checked, or tried to check, the level a few times over the past week or so, but the goddamn thing is so hard to read.  I have a dipstick that has a plastic orange end.  It's hard to read when there's clear, new oil, and it's also a bitch to decipher because it seemingly has oil above the full dot and below the empty dot, and then it's completely drenched in oil on one side of the dipstick but completely dry on the other.

I checked the oil level before driving out of downtown after the Wolves Game.  The dipstick was how I described it above, and it wasn't the first time it looked like this.  So is my car completely tapped out of oil?  I can't believe that; I got an oil change about 2 1/2 months ago, and I don't think it's leaking oil.  And what if I have overfilled it, which is something I am scared as hell I have done if I fully believe what I saw on my dipstick these past few times, acted as if my engine was empty, but got suckered because it was in fact full, or even more than full?

I am in a bind.  Or, I have put myself in a bind of my own delusions.  I have blog posted before that I might be scaring myself into thinking I am about to do catastrophic damage to my car by doing and/or not doing something when the best thing I could do is just chill and drive.  Maybe that's the case here, and I should just relax ... no, fuck no, I need to take this into the dealership.  Maybe they can figure out how much oil is in my car without charging me for an oil change, or something.  And then they can teach me how to fuckin' read the oil level on their shitty dipstick.

And I am changing my mind on that, maybe.  I am leaning toward putting in just a little more oil.  Maybe that'll be the thing that finally gives me the results I want to see on the dipstick.  But what if I overfill it?  I've seen so many fucking disaster films.  Man, why do I have a car?  Why do I even drive?  It's just one more burden you're placing on yourself.

Deep breaths, trying to take deep breaths. ...

Hello, City Workers, And Goodbye, Tree Stump

So almost three weeks ago I was woken up by a city surveyor who I thought was ICE, but really just wanted access to my gas meter so he and his co-worker could mark the gas and water lines on my front yard when people come back and grind the stump of the diseased tree that had to be removed.  He said people would come by the following week.  I called the city the next day to make sure they are who they said they were, and the person I spoke to said the following week was being optimistic.

The person I called was right; they didn't come the following week.  But they came yesterday/Monday morning.  Like, kind of early.  Like, I was hitting the snooze button for the first time when I heard some people talking outside.  It wasn't distracting, but I didn't hear such loud talking at 7:10 in the morning.  Just after I hit the snooze button for the second time, I heard this loud machine noise from what I thought was just down the street.  That was enough to convince me getting just a few more winks of shuteye wasn't in the cards, so I got up, and went to the bathroom -- to pee, of course, but to also look outside to see what was the matter.  And that's when I saw two dudes on my front yard.  One of them was standing a few feet from to this chest-high partition that was surrounding the stump, and another on a payloader with a stump grinder on the front, grinding away on the tree stump.

I go out and, as someone who didn't expect anyone to see a dude working on his front yard at 7:30 in the morning, wave to the guy standing.  "Good morning!" the nice man waved back.  Yep, totally normal.  Also totally normal to back down the driveway and then drive in reverse around the huge dump truck parked askance so I had to be careful that there wasn't another car driving through from the other side because I could've hit them.  But hey, I'm just glad they weren't there to abduct me and whisk me down to Whipple.

Came back in the early evening and the stump was gone.  The person with the city I spoke to on the phone said there was a possibility that the workers would throw grass seed where the stump was to get the grass growing process started, but there wasn't any, and I think that's because the ground is still too cold.  But it does appear like they threw dirt on it.  I touched the hole the stump left behind.  I have never felt dirt that soft, to be honest.

Weird how it all came about, and I do feel bad about the tree, and the circle of dirt left behind isn't aesthetically pleasing.  But hey, I don't mind seeing my tax dollars at work.

This Grocery Store Is Pissing Me Off, Man. ...

So there's a grocery store close by me that my family has gone to ever since I can remember.  For people who will never pass up a bargain, I don't know why they frequent this mom-and-pop, boutique grocery store.  Don't get me wrong -- their stuff is great, and there are some things I can get there that we would have to travel a ways to buy elsewhere.  But knowing my parents, they would not go to this grocery store.  But make no mistake; they still do.

And I do.  It's convenient.  It also makes this great chili that I see more and more as dinner.  If I want to make a steak, or if I need onions and peppers to spruce up my spaghetti sauce, I go there instead of the bigger chains around town.  Like I said, their stuff is great.  Finally, I noticed that these guys compare favorable with Aldi for cheapest prices for plastic bottles of pop, which I need almost as much as water.  I would have to pay 30, 40, even 50 cents more than I do at this place.

OK, so this is how they pissed me off yesterday/Sunday.  I wanted chili, and I wanted to buy a plastic bottle of pop.  I also wanted to see if they were still running their $1 deal for Mr. Pibb, which is a decent soda, but I really wanted one just because their bottles are a buck apiece.  So I went there for the first time in, I think, over a month.

Well, first of all, that promotional deal for Mr. Pibb is over.  Beyond that, their big change, which I saw my last visit there, was that they installed a new rewards system.  Before, I was given this paper card with our number.  We either showed the cashier our card or gave him or her our number.  After we accrued enough points, we would get five bucks off automatically.  But on my last visit, I saw these brand-spankin' new cash registers, and I was told that the old rewards program was killed off, utterly.  In its place is this system whereby, instead of issuing cards with numbers, we registered with our phone number; they track points and after a certain number, we get a discount.  It might be five bucks, I don't remember.  But the first stupid thing is that the points we accrued up till then are gone.  It's a brand new system, fuck your points.

To make up for it, I guess, we were automatically given three bucks off our next purchase after our initial visit upon which we registered.  That next purchase was yesterday/Sunday.  So once I was ready to pay, I asked the cashier where the discount was.  That's when she explained to me that no discount is automatically rung up at the cash register, like the old program did.  Instead, we were e-mailed a Quick Response (QR) code.  I guess we had to go into our phone, look for that e-mail, and scan it, or something.

I tried looking for it since there was no one behind me.  But (and maybe I should blog post about this sometime) using search functions on your email applications on your phone sucks.  They don't find shit.  And I couldn't find it, so I had to just pay full price for my chili and bottle of Pepsi and go.

I didn't think at the time I even got a QR code.  But I did.  Once I got home, I realized that as part of signing up for this new rewards program, you give them permission to e-mail you.  I did find the e-mail where the code was.  Also, and unfortunately, the cashier said that this $3 dollar new program discount lasted only for a month after registration.  And in that e-mail, conveniently, I saw the expiration date of ... four days prior.  I couldn't use that discount even if I were able to find it when I was there.

That really pisses me off, it really does.  I was used to these guys doing everything, but now more of the work, especially the part where I am responsible for keeping up on my discounts, falls on me, and I don't like that change.  So maybe I'll drive down to Cub to get my chili from now on, and maybe I'll then stop by Aldi for my pop.  Because I don't like getting screwed like this, and I did get screwed.

So ****e cancelled on me today.  Said she has a bad cold.  I believe her.  This is the first time she texted me in advance to say that she can't do it.  There was that weird day where I came over and a man was there telling me she couldn't have company.  And there was another time where I let myself in, stayed for half an hour, thought she wasn't there, left, and then got a call from her, while she was home, saying she just had overslept.  (I had plans that day, so I figured I would just start them early instead of going back to her place.)

What can I do?  She's sweet, I like her, and she is the only person I know who will, uh, let me love her like I want to.  I just don't know the next time I'll be able to see her.  Hopefully soon.

In the meantime, I'm still, unfortunately, horny.  I have thought about asking one of my stripper girlfriends to come over.  But nah; instead, I'll eat or do laundry, and then I will exercise in the evening.  I'll keep it holstered for another time.

The Joys Of Buying A Robe

It's not as if I don't mind wrapping a bath towel around myself when I leave the bathroom after taking a shower.  And hell, right now I could gallivant around the house stark naked if I wanted.  Well, maybe not; I can't dry the curtains at the back door.  And that's when I thought about buying a robe.  And you know, it gets cold when I gallivant around the house stark naked.  Now, it's just a robe, and I'm not wearing anything underneath it.  But it would be enough for me to wear, and I could do things like do the laundry or make myself dinner while wearing it, and I wouldn't be either cold or embarrassed.

The problem is that the best robes are so expensive.  I rely on The Wirecutter for best products, and I was amazed that all the robes they recommend are at least close to a hundred bucks!  Really?  Are good robest that pricey?

I had been looking at the article in The Wirecutter for a few years now.  They update their list annually, so I kept looking just in case they found a budget pick.  Well, about a month ago I saw that listicle again and, miraculously, there was a sale going on with one of their robe picks.  That discount ran around 30%, and going from almost $100 to less than $70 was the final incentive for me to finally buy a robe.

And you know what?  I love it!  I can walk around the house now after I shower without worrying if any neighbor catches me naked.  It is still new, so the deep and plus hairs of the robe nestle and comfort me.  It keeps me warm as I put-put around the house.  Finally, it solves the reason I wanted a robe in the first place, a reason I let slip from my consciousness frequently: I hate sitting up on my bed waiting for my hair to dry before I could put my clothes on and gallivant around the house.  With a robe, I don't have to pull my shirts over my wet hair and thus making my chest and back sweaty all day.  Instead, I can walk around the house and spend my time doing productive things as my hair dries.  Plus, I don't have to pull a robe over my wet head.

The only dilemma is where to stash the robe once my parents come home.  I can't leave it out in the bathroom.  I think it'll have to be put in a closet, right next to my civilian clothes.  But I don't have to really, really think about this issue until I get a fixed date of when my folks are returning.