I was going back and forth as to whether I should make this a regular blog post or if I wanted to turn this into a complaint letter/message directed to Melt Shop (or The Melt Shop, I don't care, as you'll see why). What I've decided to do is a hybrid of both.
Dear Malt Shop:
After work and in order to wait for the evening traffic to subside, I stopped by the Mall of America. I planned on eating at Qdoba, but when I arrived, I saw that the Maltshop facade had dropped and in its place was the actual restaurant. It was finally open. (Didn't realize until I came home in the evening and looked them up that The Malt Shop opened that day, Monday. How fortuitous.) I've eaten at Qdoba before, and since this place was brand new (although I also didn't realize until I came home in the evening and looked them up that this restaurant isn't brand new; it was born in New York City, where it has several locations, and one spot in Washington, D.C.), I figured I would go to them.
The first thing that blew me away -- and it really blew me away -- were the prices. That's why I opted for their "Classic" -- it was the cheapest sandwich on their menu. They also really touted their shakes, so instead of having yet another Coke I got one of those -- Nutella, because it was listed first. And a regular size, because it was almost five bucks, just like their "Classic." No sides like their so-called famous Tater Tots. Probably better that way anyway since I spent more than seven bucks on lunch.
The menu described what their "Classic" was, but only when I actually got it did I realize exactly what I got. It's a goddamn grilled cheese sandwich. That's it. If I recall correctly the description said "Wisconsin and American cheese on white bread," and oh, that's it. Now, it was delicious, and it was expertly made, or at least expertly made as something as basic as a grilled cheese sandwich can be made; I like the buttered white bread in particular. But I don't see how it would be appreciably different from any crap I try to make at home, and that would cost me, what, 30 cents unit price?
But what really bugged me about you guys was when I handed my money over. The total for the grilled cheese sandwich and Nutella shake (which, by the way, was fantastic, and I can justify the price of that, at least a little bit) was $10.49. I hand over a twenty. I get $9.50 back, not $9.51. I ask the cashier, "Where's my penny?" To which he replied, "Oh, we don't give out pennies here." I have absolutely no idea what the hell that means. I have never heard that before, and I was so gobsmacked by what this guy told me, I didn't know what to say, so I just waddled over to the side to wait for my food.
"You don't give out pennies here?" What does that even mean? Why can't I get my exact change? Why are you guys unable or unwilling to get pennies for your cash registers? Is not giving out pennies for change a millenial thing? I know it's just a penny, but if the cash register says to expect $9.51 back, I want $9.51 back. If it is Melt Shop policy that its stores will not supply pennies -- which I still think is fucking weird -- do me and all of your customers a favor and round up your prices to the nearest nickel. (Oh, by the way, I don't appreciate the price of my meal being rounded up arbitrarily. You people just took another penny from me.) Oh, actually you need to do one thing first: TELL YOUR CUSTOMERS BEFORE THEY ORDER THAT YOU DO NOT GIVE OUT PENNIES FOR CHANGE. Something like that only seems fair. By the way, if it isn't Melt Shop policy to not supply pennies, then it looks like you guys hired an asshole who fucked me out of a penny, and he needs to be fired yesterday.
But hey, it's just a penny. I want to think that I paid a lesson for it: Never go to Melt Shop ever again.
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