#0: Wild (Last Week: -6). A shocking development, one I don't think I can ever recall seeing: The Wild went 3-0 for the week. Such an accomplishment must be given its proper respect by lifting the team out of negative numbers for this WMNSS. Three things stand out: two of the games were on the road; none of the games were decided by one goal; and the two vanquished opponents (Calgary in a home-and-home and Colorado) were held to just one goal.
The Wild have won 5 of their last 7 games. That places them third in the Northwest Division, yet because it's so bad, it means they are third in the Western Conference. Fortunately this is hockey; they're only four points out of the eighth spot. Can they keep it going with games this week against Detroit, at Columbus, and home to San Jose?
#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -5). One game, one win, over Northern Arizona, a school which has to be in Division I, yet sounds so small that I still think it's an NAIA school or something. The men's ballers also won their only game, but I'm giving the ladies the leg up because the win over the Lumberjacks gave Head Coach Pam Borton her 173rd win at the school, which makes her the all-time winningest women's basketball head coach at the U., surpassing a woman named Ellen Mosher-Hanson, who actually coached the Gophs from '77 to '87.
Still, I'm fairly disenchanted with Borton's stint as coach nowadays. The victory reflects that; they struggled to win by eight points over a team that should have been throttled. It seems that they're going to have to fight to win every game. Oh, well -- cupcake opponents are now over and done with. Big Ten play starts Thursday, when they visit Illinois.
#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2). Their sole win was over South Dakota St. last (Thursday) night. But it was much harder than it should have been; the Jackrabbits held the lead with about eight minutes to go before the Gophers doubled their score against them to close out the game. I thought their size would make games like this walkovers? The 16th-ranked team begin conference play on Tuesday at Wisconsin.
#-3: Vikings (Last Week: -8). I already covered their deflating loss to Chicago. But hey, at least it was outside? I think that a lot of fans at the game are OK with the result because of the novelty of being at the first outdoor Vikings game in 29 years (to the day, by the way). I kind of don't get it, but if reveling in throwing up snow when the Vikes scored those two touchdowns helps them cope, more power to them. If I knew it would only be 80% full, I would've braved the weather conditions and go. Hell, the team announced that all students on the University of Minnesota campus can walk up and attend the game for free. Remember, this is an officially-sanctioned NFL game. And they could've gotten in for free!
This team needs to be rebuilt in a major way. Who can stay? Peterson, Rice, Harvin, Kevin Williams, the linebackers, Longwell, and maybe Winfield. I won't be mad if they somehow dealt Allen, Shiancoe, McKinnie, Loadholt, or Kluwe (who may have tweeted his way off the team). Everybody else can go, as far as I'm concerned.
(Aside: Tarvaris Jackson is gone from the team next year. Yet, I still kind of feel sorry for him. He didn't really get a fair shake here. Yeah, he fucked up big time last week against the Giants. But even though he failed to make magic against a good team, there are extenuating circumstances that go back as far as his first season here. They played at Detroit last week in a hastily arranged game after the Dome's roof collapsed. He was the quarterback who was supposed to lead the team until Brad Childress got Brett Favre. And even before then he was never given the reins and allowed to either succeed or fail on his own. I think he's been reevaluated with the predisposition that he was not the guy. He may not be the guy; last week is pretty conclusive evidence. But I saw flashes of competence, and I wouldn't be completely shocked if he landed with another team as a backup, got thrusted into a position where he would be the QB for an extended period of time, and help game-manage a winning streak for his new club. And he'd laugh at the Vikings and all the Vikings fans who heckled him.)
Their next game at Philadelphia was flexed by NBC to Sunday night. Why in the hell did NBC want this game? Was it that much more meaningful a game than the one given to the network, Chargers-Bengals? That game also features a playoff contender against a team which has already been eliminated from playoff contention and quit. Maybe it's Michael Vick, who will throw for 300 and 3 TD's and run for 100 and 1 TD. The Iggles are going to beat the living shit out of the Vikes. I don't care if the line for this game is 35 1/2 -- take the Eagles. All the way.
#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7). 0-4. Winless in their four games this screening week. My fucking God. They have now lost seven in a row.
I was at the last loss, to Utah Wednesday. I took my sister and brother-in-law because he wanted to see a sporting event. I couldn't promise him that, so I did the next best thing and bought us three tickets to a Timberwolves game (rimshot!). Wow, what an excruciating loss. I told my bro-in-law during the whole game that this team blows leads, but they somehow didn't. They got the lead early in the first and held on to it. The Bastard New Orleans Jazz made runs to get close, but somehow the Woofie Dogs managed to score consecutive baskets to breathe the lead wider.
And so it went, fending off the Jazz, until about three minutes left in the game. That's when everything fell apart with this damned team. They couldn't get into a play on the offensive end and settled for long jump shots early in the shot clock. And they couldn't fucking defend all game, but especially in crunch time, where I believe they committed stupid fouls after made buckets for back-to-back and-ones.
The death blow happened after the Wolves gave up the lead, then fell behind by a point. Coming out of a timeout, Martell Webster, who had been playing decently all game, jacked up a bad three very early in the show clock. Utah finally won a loose ball, and it was converted to a Gordon Heyward dunk (yes, the hero for Butler who almost sank a half-court buzzer-beater against Duke in last year's championship game dunked) with a Timberwolf idiotically fouling him well after everybody knew he was going to dunk it. Game over. There was a guy in the row behind us who was intensely into it. When Heyward slammed and got the and-one, I think he hit the chair, then said, "Fuck you!" and bolted out of his seat -- as did everybody else in Target Center. If I wasn't in present company, and if there weren't kids sitting in the row in front of me, I would've said the same thing just as loudly.
Oh, can you tell this team sucks?
This week, to end the year: at Cleveland, home to the Bastard Charlotte Hornets, home to Denver. They could stretch this losing streak to ten.
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