#-1: Wrestling (Last Week: -4). You can't sweat the grapplers for being a perfect 2-0 for the week. You have to be impressed that they blew out both opponents by a combined score of 65-6. It's remarkable that they blanked Cal State-Fullerton, 39-0. But the most incredible part of it to me is that they beat both teams on the same fucking day. The Fullerton win was the nightcap, y'all.
Well, maybe I shouldn't be so blown away. I don't know wrestling that well, so maybe the Gophers or any other elite program plays like a barnstorming Negro League team all the time. And it's not as if they're playing the Soviet Olympic team here. So let's just honor Freshman 184-pounder Kevin Steinhaus for being named Big Ten Wrestler Of The Week. He's climbing in his class poll after scoring major decisions in both meets.
They're resting (and therefore are off the WMNSS) till around New Year's -- thank God, I can't keep writing this long for any longer -- where they rassle in the Southern Scuffle in Greensboro, N.C. I don't know how to quantify tournaments, so I might keep them off the survey after they come back from finals.
#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -1). The 20th-ranked team skated this week, picking up easy wins in guarantee/"bodybag" games in The Barn against Eastern Kentucky and Akron. This is the time of the year where Tubby Smith isn't trying to burnish the team's RPI but the number of wins they have. Well, it beats losing. They finish their three-game homestand with a meeting against South Dakota St. (They play this game eight days after they beat Akron; guess the players are going through finals now.)
#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -6). Swept Ohio St. at Ridder. Have to dock this team behind the male ballers because they needed to come from behind and beat the Buckeyes, 2-1 in overtime, in the second game that was postponed from Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon because of the damn blizzard.
Amanda Kessel, little sister of Gopher alum and current NHL pro (and headcase, seeing that he's already been traded once) Phil Kessel, was named WCHA Rookie Of The Week for her four assists in Friday's 6-0 ass-kicking of The Ohio State University. She can enjoy it for the next month or so, because the team doesn't play until, get this, the 7th and 8th of January. Good; I can leave them off the next WMNSS's. Thank you!
#-4: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -9). A very good rebound from their putrid sweep at MSU-Mankato. But is Minnesota supposed to be known for rebounding after bad road trips to teams supposedly inferior to it? It was a win and a tie against UMD, which was (at least then) ranked as high as second in the country. Apparently much of the credit goes to Goalie Kent Patterson, who was named WCHA Co-Defensive Player Of The Week. He stopped 78-of-82 shots in their two games against the Bulldogs.
So now will they follow up this spirited performance with another listless weekend? They'll have to wait till the end of the month; they participate in the Mariucci Classic starting New Year's Eve. And speaking of holidays ... not needing to write about either of the hockey teams or the wrestling is like an early Christmas present for me!
#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -3). You're kidding me. Did they just lose to a Historically Black College? Alabama A&M?? Really??? It was on the road, I guess ... no, this is bad. Seriously, seriously bad. No offense to HBCU's out there -- oh, who am I kidding, I'll be offending them -- but no, uh, full-fledged school should lose to them. Never.
This is becoming an embarrassment. Crowds that swelled so large in the Whalen-McCarville years that they had to move from the Sports Pavilion to Williams Arena are getting small enough that they can fit back into the Pav. That is a shocking sign of atrophy. I understand that Athletic Director Joel Maturi has a hell of a lot of things on his plate, including finding yet another new Head Coach (see below; aside: I saw Maturi snacking at the campus McDonald's today. Totally dig that he doesn't retreat into his office and instead goes out into the public. And yet it's so strange.) But I don't see how anybody who cares about the U. can let how the program has deteriorated under Pam Borton go by without raising questions. They host Northern Arizona Wednesday. There is no longer a guarantee they'll win this game.
#-6: Wild (Last Week: -7). OK, this team definitely sucks. A 1-2 week -- the win was in overtime at Los Angeles, the losses being a 6-2 shellacking at Anaheim and a 3-1 home loss to Ottawa the night where the organization makes its first serious effort to rightfully bridge the gap of Minnesota professional hockey to the North Stars by honoring Dino Cicarelli. They could have used Dino's grit and ability to get under opposing players' skin. Shit, the Wild could've used Dino himself last (Thursday) night.
The question becomes: Is there a plan here? They might say they're trying to be competitive and think they can make the playoffs (I don't know for sure). But the results indicate that these guys are just waiting for the NHL Draft and trying to get as high of a spot as possible. I just don't know if they're trying to rebuild or not. Anyway, they have three this week: A home-and-home with the Bastard Atlanta Flames, then at the Bastard Quebec Nordiques.
#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -8). A 1-3 week. Has Detroit fallen on black days or what? When you lose to the Woofie Dogs, even at home, you now suck. (Read a piece about how there are no fans at the Palace anymore. Sad, but they were in the same situation before, and they put in place a marketing campaign that was successful enough to work before they became better and won the NBA Title.)
I know the Woofie Dogs have definitely fallen on black days. I had to stay home because of the damn blizzard on Saturday, so I had the "pleasure" of watching Minnesota get destroyed at Chicago by 31. Like the Wild, I have to ask with this organization, Is there a plan? What will make this team finally better? Waiting for Jonny Flynn and Martell Webster to get healthy and up and running? A better floor general than Flynn? Time to grasp the Triangle Offense? New coaching? Anything so stretches where they win only 2 of 13 games don't happen anymore.
They finish the back half of their six-game road trip this week with games at Portland, Denver and the Paper Clips. They then host Utah, at a game I'm going to because my sister and brother-in-law are in town and he's never seen an American sporting event before. I really want to know if this crew will be competent anytime soon, but definitely by the time we show up because I want to impress him.
#-8: Vikings (Last Week: -2). Goddamn. What. A. Mess. And the Metrodome's in bad shape, too. (Hi-yo!!!!!!!!!!) Like I've said before, what a glacial turd of a game by the Vikings at Ford Field. If there is any doubt this team checked out before, their 21-3 loss to the Giants, a game in which even the G-Men looked disinterested in playing, cemented that. Tarvaris Jackson, I've concluded, can play against bad teams, but he looks awful against good ones; with him going to IR, he's done as a Vike. And fuckin' A, we haven't even gotten to Brett Favre willingly -- willingly!!! -- sitting out the game, breaking his Ironman regular season game-starting streak at 297. I really, really thought that if he could even hand off, he'd be in there for the first snap, hand off, qualify as "starting," then sit out the rest of the game. But no. Did he have too much pride in even trying to extend his streak while in serious pain, or did the coaching staff not do enough to stroke his ego into playing?
So now everybody's banged up. Joe Webb might start, but they have Patrick Ramsey on the team now. This is the point where you stop thinking about getting the best 53 men on your team and start hoping for 53 men, period. Yet even if players are supposed to be playing for their jobs, you know this team has more than checked out. They have to play Chicago, an actual good team with playoff hopes, and they have to play them outside? Where it's all cold and the field might be frozen enough that they'll be running Monday night on concrete?? And with all this grand hoopla over the 50th season of the team and a halftime ceremony commemorating the 50 Greatest Vikings Of All Time basically ruined now that they have to do all this in a new venue??? Shit, I would quit.
By the way, it's going to be a madhouse. Fifteen-thousand less people can come into the stadium, so if you're a season ticket-holder, you could get shut out. But if you want a refund, you'll have to send in the tickets by tomorrow. Huh? So if you try to go in and can't, you lose your money?! What a crock of shit.
Oh, by the way ... wasn't the footage of the Metrodome roof caving in awesome??? I mean, it's the latest apocalyptic thing to happen to the team this year, but it was fucking amazing. And, this might be the thing that finally lands the Vikings a new stadium so they won't be leaving to Los Angeles. Although ... the fact that they'll be playing 29 years to the day of their last game outdoors kind of makes me think this was destined to happen.
#-Infinity: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0). A sad, sad end to the season, and an extremely sad end of an era. The Gophs were swept in their Sweet 16 match against Cal on Friday. They only lost by two points all three sets, but seeing as now the Golden Bears are in the Title Game being played tomorrow, I can see how they were facing a formidable opponent. Unlike last year, where in the postseason they somehow struck magic after an up-and-down year to make the Final Four, this squad came in with a bunch of momentum but got struck down in the regional semifinal by a very good team. Shit happens.
Unfortunately, the assurance that the program will always be a good one is now put into flux because after the match, Head Coach Dr. Mike Hebert retired. He never got that elusive NCAA title he deserved, but he still has an enviable coaching record, seen here. I wonder now who's going to replace Hebert, and more importantly, if she or he is going to uphold the standard of winning I and other fans are used to.
The coaching search is in the hands of Maturi, thought. Not many people have faith that he can find a good replacement, especially after they're underwhelmed with the hiring of Jerry Kill. I honestly kind of feel bad that he continues to have to find people to hire. And a huge consideration is the strain on the budget. The department can bend over backwards to find a football coach because college football runs the engine of athletic departments. But who in the hell would spend money on a volleyball coach?
I will toss in a vote for continuity by recommended Associate Head Coach Scott Swanson. He was the wingman beside Hebert. He's had head coaching experience at UTEP, a top-flight school (for four years). I think what you liked about Hebert you'll get in Swanson. And I am taking into consideration that they the Athletic Department doesn't have any money. Who else would be better?
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