And I thought 2012 was turbulent. This year was virtually bookended by loss. It began when my uncle died a few days after the New Year, and it ends with The Store, which was sold back in November, I think. Or, it was sold officially Boxing day, according to the e-mails on My Father's account, which he has asked me to check up on while they're away.
But after thinking about it, I can't think of any other big changes that happened in my life this year. Everything else has stayed the same. Most notably are my occupation(s). I'm working as a flu biller for the second year in a row. I have done test scoring for three years now. Don't forget to sprinkle in day playing for Vikings and Twins games. And even though none of them are regular jobs, I still on occasion work as a guinea pig for experiments at the U., especially at the MRI place (which, by the way, I haven't done in several months -- need to get back on that). Cobbling together those seasonal-type positions, I create an income for myself, and a life ... oh, who am I kidding, I can't live on that, not in today's America.
But you know what? I'm happy, very happy, doing all of those things. Otherwise I would have stopped doing them. They are steady, and therefore I have been steady. They say if you're not happy working somewhere, work somewhere else. Even though they're not full-time, I go back, every year. And I will continue to do so ... until something better or better-paying comes along.
My life has been stable in pretty much all the other facets of my life, too. Still don't have a "real" job. Still not going back to school. Still live at home with my parents. Still a virgin -- and still seeking to lose my virginity, on my own terms. Still go to strip clubs. Still get handjobs and the occasional blowjob from strippers. Still have my health. Lost my uncle, but I still have my immediate family -- Mother, Father, brother and sister. In fact there will be an addition to the clan some time in May.
So despite the loss of my uncle and The Store, 2013 has been a year of stability -- and not stagnation, at least I don't think. I fear change, have always had a sizable, even existential, unease over it. And maybe it wasn't until now that I realize that I haven't just wished for things to stay the same, as I have whined about from time to time on Wailing And Failing, but I have actually succeeded in keeping the things I want to stay the same. I think my family in particular thinks I'm weird, or even believes there's something wrong with me. And maybe that's the case. But I have to live my life the way I want it. And unlike those extroverts, I hold on because I don't want to lose everything that's been good in my life. YOLO for introverts, you might say.
So here's to a stable 2014, one without violent change. One without death or loss, too, at least for one year, though hopefully every year. Unless, of course, something better comes along, in which case fuck yeah, I will change!
Happy New Year.
No comments:
Post a Comment