Man, I don't think I've been as stressed out at work today as I have the last month. I was being, um, deliberate with my work when I saw the girl working with me just speeding through invoices. All of a sudden she was moving onto other things. And I'm all, Hey, what's the rush? Where are you going? I mean, you keep working this fast and ... well, we'll have nothing to do.
But then that fear that the people I work for are watching over my shoulder, seeing that I'm not as fast as her, crept over me. I tried to be as fast as possible because I think ... no, I know ... no, I only think that people are waiting for me to get done with this stuff, because they have other things for me to do. But I still can't believe that. I still believe that if I tear my way through all this invoicing, I'll be told, "OK, that's it. See ya." I'm not absolutely sure I'll survive the fucking week. So that's why I, uh, pace myself.
Then again, maybe it is possible that there's other stuff to do. I have been told, explicitly, that there is a next step once I get all done with this. In fact, I got the impression that they're kind of waiting for me to finish. Now, if there is a next step, well, maybe I should get going. But I still can't shake the feeling that I will leap one step closer to the end of my employment, which will come sooner than I think and want.
So should I speed up, or drag my feet? Or maybe I'm overthinking all off of this? I have no fucking clue what I should do. I'll lose my job regardless.
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