The Voices In My Head That Are Haunting Me Right Now

Worked the Vikings game yesterday.  For yet another year I go work in sports to justify my degree, then remember partially why I haven't pursued it.  All the yelling and verbal abuse!  Does it have to be this way?  And then I remember all the times I've worked these games and ... yeah, apparently it is.

I'm glad I'm not higher up.  So this is what I'm imagining: I have the job of the guy I answered to for the game.  There's a bunch of things that hit this guy at the same time during the game, and I think one of them is being on a call, to someone, whenever there's a problem.  As I am on this call the director or producer is screaming at me to do something, as he would be throughout the game.  As I'm talking to this one person, I would go -- and I know that if I were in this situation I would say -- "Hold on."

And that "mistake" would just set my boss off.  He would either scream or tell me slowly and menacingly, "DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME TO HOLD ON!!!  I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE FUCKING DOING, I ASK YOU FOR SOMETHING AND YOU FUCKING DROP EVERYTHING AND YOU GET IT FOR ME!!!"

And I would go, "Oh, sorry, sorry, I will never do that again."  But deep down I'm going, "What don't you fuck off, you goddamn motherfucker."

See, that's what I am naturally going to do -- push back, talk back to authority, go into my shell and not talk to people who aren't nice to me.  But you can't do that in broadcasting or sports, both of which I love.  So if I ever dare try and go for a job like this I'll know that something like that will happen and it will affect the rest of my career in that position.  And I can't help but think of that hypothetical situation; I've been thinking that all day, and I can't get it out of my head.  I've tried screaming it out of my head; into nowhere in this otherwise vacant house I try to beat back this creeping imagination by going "Arghhhhhhhhh!!!!" out loud.  But pretty soon, it comes back.

And it's going to be impossible to shake these haunting thoughts because I'm working next week's game.  This mental vice I put myself in won't be released until the season is over.

This is why I'm not in sports production.