So I sent a missive defending myself from my friend who's nagging me about how I'm running the fantasy football league. I thought a lot about how I didn't want to come off yelling at my friend, but I wanted to respond to what I thought was him overreacting. Yesterday, my friend replied, and at this point, he is rapidly turning into my frenemy. He accused me of wasting his time and writing a "diatribe" in his multi-page e-mail. He says I contradict myself. And then he finally said this definitely will be the last year he is in my fantasy league. Strong words coming from a guy who continually acts like a commissioner in my league -- one, by the way, where we are not gambling for money.
I am pissed off. And I'll be honest: I am more angered by his accusations than the fact that a friend is yelling at me. What I mean by that is I am less (well, no longer) concerned about his feelings than clearing the air about what I do and what I get to do. Bottom line: I care more about my honor than my friendship with him. That may be sad, but honestly, after freely attacking me, I think he feels the same.
Regardless of why, this has been on my mind, a lot. And it has affected my behavior, unfortunately. The most egregious manifestation of that happened as I was driving this morning. Before coming here for coffee, I wanted to go to the gas station to get some money. I was stopped at a light, and I was stopped there for a long time. I got antsy because Father was telling me as I was leaving was that they were going out for a morning walk, and that walk cuts close to this gas station. If I had to wait any longer, they might have seen me take the wrong turn towards the coffeeshop rather than "to work" as I leave the gas station. Frustrated, I took a right turn to go to this ATM in the bank down the street rather than wait for the light to turn green so I could drive through.
As I was getting to the ATM a car cuts in front of me. I was not driving slow, but the car that was behind me decided I was; she changed lanes and then cut back into my lane in front of me. Now, I usually let that go. But I was thinking about my frenemy's letter all throughout the drive, and I got ginned up waiting for the traffic light, and that just pissed me off. So I changed lanes, drove through the stop sign and cut back in front of her before I took the left to the ATM. And unlike her, I did not turn on my signal.
But then she took a left. Oh, well. I was so angry that I was ready for a fight, I was ready to step outside and confront her if we were both going to the ATM. Luckily (for her or for me?), she went straight while I took a right. While she passed she looked at me; I glared back at her. She probably was thinking, "What the fuck?" So am I, but I know deep down I was scared, and she must have been, too.
And then, after that car was out of my vicinity and I was at the ATM, I thought to myself, "You know, I don't think that was necessary." Oh, I still believe that she did a dick move, as many have done to me throughout the years. It was only this morning where I decided to finally fight back. Of course, you never should do that because of the danger that might cause. But honestly, if not for my frenemy and that damn e-mail, I gave into the devils of my worse nature. I'm lucky nothing happened.
And still, still, I am upset over him disrespecting me. And I have no other choice but to respond in kind. But how? Will this continue to affect me and my behavior? And what if he replies back?
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