Expenses Without Receipt

Oh, fuck me.  Starting from Wednesday, October 30:

• The only EWR I had for this date was for My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  I was summoned there by Giselle because she was celebrating her birthday while working there.  So I had to get a dance from her (even though it was a short one, even though the song she danced to was "Don't Fear The Reaper"), and just because I wanted to be festive, I got dances from two other strippers there, Lotus and Willow.  (There was a fourth, ***i*, I was going to get a lapper from, but she was occupied when I was free and vice versa, so I decided I'll check her later.)  With stage tips for all four and coffee (with tip) I spent a grand total of: $72.25.
• Sunday, October 27 -- I took out $200 for the party the night before thinking I was going to fuck someone, but ... well, I'll tell it next bullet point.  I had a lot of money burning in my pocket, and I thought I could spent lavishly at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) after the Timberwolves Game.  So I did; I got one lap dance each from Ashlee, Anastasia, and Harley.  Loved all three.  With coffee, and tip for said coffee and the strippers stage-side, I spent a total of: $70.
• Saturday, October 26 ... the day before I was invited to a house party at the apartment of *****e*.  I went thinking I was going to fuck; I even brought the condom I got at a men's room in a building at the University of Colorado when I vacationed in Denver.  But I was thinking about it more and more as I was going to go to the party.  The host, *****e*, I fucked about a month ago and didn't need to fuck again.  There was another girl, ****y, I thought I was going to fuck, but she annoyed the fuck out of me the minute I stepped through the door, so fuck her.  The other two I didn't know, so I couldn't go balls deep in either of them.  So, with that annoying twat gone, I just got lappers from the other three, and that suits me fine.  With cover, I spent just: $80.
• Back to Tuesday the 22nd -- well, I didn't spend anything on the 22nd, so we'll go back to the 21st.  I had to go to the library to print out a dental form which I need to fax to my health insurance company to get my dental bill paid.  (I initially just faxed the bill, which I was led to believe was enough, but alas, I guess.)  That cost me: 10 cents.
• I am way, way behind in writing down my receipts (as you can tell by me trying to catch up on two months' worth of EWRs), so I went to Caffetto to do the first step, which is putting the receipts I do have in order.  I ate a pumpkin pie and drank a small hot chocolate (and dinked around on the Internet) while putting my receipts in order.  With tip: $7.48.
• Sunday, October 20 -- went to the MNUFC's first-ever playoff match in MLS at Allianz Field ... and in typical Minnesotan fashion, they lost.  Apt that I got a hot dog and a Loon Juice for the final game of the season.  It's what I usually get for games, so I have a sense of things coming full circle.  Total: $17.
• On Saturday the 19th I took off of work early to help with a volunteer event for my alma mater.  It was downtown, but the organizer was able to finagle vouchers for a valet.  Valets are cool, and if I'm ever rich as fuck, I'll do it more often.  The downside to doing it -- well, it's not a downside, but this is partly why I usually seek out free parking -- is that I need to tip the valet.  With complimentary valet, tipping isn't an issue.  I just hope I tipped enough: $5.
• Back to Friday, October 18, where I used the second of the four Gophers tickets I bought at the State Fair.  It was for the men's hockey team's home opener versus Niagara, and I almost forgot that I had a ticket for this game on this date.  Mariucci Arena has beefed up its concessions; moreso than just hot dogs and pop, Mayslack's is there, as well as a concession stand converted to serve tacos.  I got a trio of beef tacos there.  With a medium Coke -- oh, the U. does not give out small Cokes anymore, which is strange -- and a program the game/win set me back: $18.
• ETA on November 7 at 8:55 p.m. an EWR Sunday, October 13 ... I don't have any spending listed but I must have done one, because the only cash transaction I had listed was me taking money out of my checking account, and that can't be possible because 1) I usually can't have just one transaction, especially if that transaction is getting money, and 2) this is Sunday and I was working the Vikings Game, and I know that I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) after work.  I also know that I got a lap dance from someone I had never seen before.  She had big tits and said that she wanted to open a stripper clothing store.  I think, though I'm not entirely sure, that I got another lapper.  And I assume I got coffee this trip (and, of course, I tip everything when I'm there).  I am pulling this totally out of thin air, but I am going to say that I went to this titty bar on this date and spent: $52.25.
• OK, assuming I did this right, my next EWR is Thursday, October 10.  It was a party, the first in a long time for me.  It was being hosted by *****y, even though it was at the house of a guy/strippermonger from My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  The host, *****y, finally gave me a handjob.  There were three other babes there, and I got $20 dances from -- and groped -- all of them.  What a great fuckin' party!  With cover, I left after spending: $220.
• Back to Monday, October 7, the last day of my stay in Denver.  It began with me leaving my sweet but remote hotel room, and leaving a little tip for housekeeping's troubles: $2.
• I then decided I was going to spend most of my afternoon walking around downtown Denver.  My main goal was to hit up the Hard Rock Cafe, but I stayed there so long I only made an abbreviated visit to the Colorado State Capitol.  Anyway, I learned that there is a cheap-ish lot to park, about a mile away from where those two spots were.  And I paid only: $6.
• I then went to a stripclub in the evening, on my way to DEN.  Unlike my two previous visits this vacation, I got royally fucked over by getting stiffed one dance from this fucking ripoff bitch.  It's so bad that not only will I not go to this club ever again, I don't think I can go to Denver for a long, long time either.  Maybe I'm overreacting, but that's how I feel.  So taken from my money, even if I did get a pass to get in for free: Tips and two, not three dances: $133.
• There was a possibility that I would eat at this recommended restaurant at the airport, but I got there too late.  But I was more than on-time to board my flight.  What to do?  Well, Caribou has made it to Denver, and I sign up for its coupons, and I hadn't had a Caribou in quite a while.  So even though it technically should have shut its door, I find a Caribou open somewhere in the terminal that would redeem my points.  Unfortunately I didn't get the whip cream on the mocha I got for free, even though I was asked and I answered.  This EWR is tip only: $2.
• Back to Saturday, October 5 -- this was the day I left my first hotel, and I left a tip for housekeeping there: $3.
• Hmmm ... went to the original site of Qdoba, then hiked at Red Rocks.  Went to my new hotel, then got back to downtown in the hopes of finding a ticket to the Bastard Quebec Noridques Game vs. my Minnesota Wild.  There were no scalpers I could find.  There were tickets available at the box office, but the cheapest tickets were $90.  No.  I paid at a lot downtown to take a chance at going to the hockey game, but at least I found one that, similar to the one I parked at two days later, was maybe the cheapest one downtown: $6.
• However I didn't want to just leave without accomplishing any vacation-y thing downtown.  Sure, I went up and down 16th Street Mall (and by the way, there were a hell of a lot of homeless people asking for money; it kind of creeped me out), but I still had my whole night ahead of me.  That's when I realized that I had not checked off one thing I wanted to do while in the city: Go to one of Denver's craft brewpubs.  So I went to not one, but two, both of which were within walking distance from the parking lot.  The gray lady of downtown breweries, it looks like, is Great Divide.  Had a great Hazy IPA and sat by myself and had a great time.  With tip: $7.
• It appears as though that microbreweries and food trucks now have a built-in co-dependent business relationship.  The truck outside Great Divide was called Spice Food.  Had a buffalo pub chicken sandwich, and it was on the spicy side.  There is tax on Denver food truck food.  With tip: $12.88.
• The night was still relatively young, and I thought I could walk off the alcohol I had.  So I went to another recommended brewery, Our Mutual Friend.  Walked a mile north and hit several more homeless people, which again freaked me out.  The customer service at OMF was worse than at Great Divide.  OMF had more of a frat house vibe, and that vibe should never emanate from a microbrewery.  Good Small Hold, though.  With tip: $5.25.
• Friday the 4th: Went to this stripclub in the evening because I had only been there during the afternoon/evening.  Much better times, I'll admit.  Place still didn't have waitresses taking orders for (non-alcoholic) drinks, which bothered me at times and didn't at others.  So I went to the bar in the back to get a Heinken 0.0, partly for the drink and partly because I needed more dollar bills.  Had a bathroom attendant there; threw in tips because he gave me towels, but when I wanted some Lunchables, he told me it was three bucks.  What the fuck were the tips for?  Anyway, I had $100 dances with Roxy and Rain, both of whom were great.  With cover and tips on a wild, busy night, the total was: $284.
• Oh, I think I found a heads-up penny at the club.  And Infusion of: 1 cent.
• On Thursday the 3rd I went to one of the things I really, really wanted to do while in Denver: Attend a Colorado women's soccer match.  I have no affinity for Colorado women's soccer.  But I wanted to see college sports from colleges other than my own.  The drive from Denver to Boulder is long, but the scenery, especially in the autumn, is beautiful.  Anyway, the Buffaloes led 2-0 but allowed Oregon to come back to eventually end the Game in a 2-all draw.  Ticket, hot dog, and a can of Left Hand Colorful Colorado: $23.
• Wednesday, October 2 was my first day in Denver.  I got there very early in the morning and, not having a hotel to crash in, I had no other choice but to hit the ground running.  There is a regional fast food chain called Santiago's that serves, according to some, the best of a Denver food staple, green chile sauce.  As was a main goal on this trip with Qdoba and Smashburger, I went to the origin store of Santiago's ... except that I was wrong.  I had a breakfast burrito at a small, drive-thru-only Santiago's which I thought was the first-ever.  But when I asked the woman at the drive-thru, she believed it was the other one, close by, on the same street.  That actually was a sit-down restaurant; they boxed up the breakfast burrito I ordered there, and I ate in the backseat of my rental car.  Anyway, I charged the second burrito at the true original store, but for the first burrito at the drive-thru I paid: $2.77.
• After the two Santiago's I went downtown to get my Docs re-stitched.  As I was cooling my heels for a several hours, I decided to dink around Union Station.  It is a beautiful edifice, and it successfully marries its purpose as a hub of transportation (being the terminus for Denver's light and passenger rail lines, as well as a stop for Amtrak) and also being a retail and hotel destination.  For the latter, I walked around its inside lobby.  There were shops and an entrance to the hotel.  I went to a place called Milkbox and got ice cream from a local creamery.  Very nice.  With tip it cost me: $5.
• Oh yes, my Docs.  The place was called the Cobbler's Corner, and it came recommended through, uh, Yelp.  They initially told me it would be ready by Monday.  I asked for ASAP instead and they told me it was going to be $30.  That was totally cool with me.  (Aside: It is kind of weird that for this kind of "chore," I have time to get it done while I'm on vacation, but I have no time while I am just living at home.)  I got it back, saw they shined it, and tipped them an extra $20.  Is that overkill, especially since the hikes I took in the days after dusted up my shoes and probably also wreaked damage on the stitches?  Total: $50.
• Then, at night, I went to the strip club I went to when I went to Denver last year.  I was going there to see Emerald, who is a model and sexy as hell.  I didn't see her that day because she wasn't working that day.  But I did see Indra, who told me that Emerald wasn't working that day.  So I took her to the back for a 3/$100.  Indra asked for a tip.  I gave it because my fly was open and she probably saw my cock.  With cover and tips: $152.
• OK, now we're going back to Saturday, September 28.  I went to a party hosted by *****e*, even though it wasn't her party; it was *****a's.  Wanted to fuck both, but I could only fuck one, and that was the one who invited me.  That was the only "dance" I got.  With cover: $140.
• Then went to Glam Doll.  Charged the first donut, coffee and tip, so the EWR is for the second donut and tip: $5.
• Friday the 27th I think I was using the loaner car from The Mechanic Around The Corner, and I think I wanted to treat myself by getting something at Caribou instead of using the work coffee machine (which, don't get me wrong, is pretty good).  Mocha plus tip: $6.09.
• That evening, after I got back my car (with new starter), I went to the University of Minnesota women's soccer Match vs. Penn St.  It was the first of four tickets to U. Games that I bought at the Minnesota State Fair.  This Game went into Overtime where, unfortunately, the Nittany Lions scored the Game-winning (and only) Goal.  This was my first U. Game of the new school year, and apparently the concession stands system-wide have eliminated small pop from the menu.  Medium Cokes are the smallest Cokes you can purchase now.  But karma made things up by giving me too much change back for that Coke and a hot dog.  With program: $11.25.
• Afterward I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  Gave Sky two tips onstage because on that evening she would not dance for two bucks.  Whatever.  Got a lapper from Jade, and she ain't a bitch.  With coffee and tips the total came out to: $32.25.
• To Sunday, September 22: I took the LRT because I was working the Vikings Game but I wanted to park at a meter because I was afraid the car would not start and I would have to ask AAA to get into a parking ramp to tow me away.  Price is for getting around downtown only: $1.
• On Saturday the 21st I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  Coffee, tips, LD with Giselle, whom I hadn't seen in a long, long time: $30.25.
• And that evening I think I stored a wheat penny: 1 cent.
• Back to Saturday the 14th ... and oh, OK, reading my notes, this was weird.  I hosted our alma mater's Game-watching event.  One of the guys, a good guy (I went out to the Timberwolves Game with him) left and forgot to pay his meal.  So I covered it for him and he paid me back through PayPal.  In the meantime, another of the regulars at these parties gave me some money to defray the cost of his meal.  So, it's an Infusion of: $10.
• I was conducting a raffle during the Game.  Meanwhile, there was a bar crawl going on, and it was raising money for cancer charities.  My friend (the guy who later accidentally skipped out on his tab) encouraged me to go around and ask the crawlers if they wanted to play the raffle.  We actually got a few people.  Meanwhile, I wanted to be magnanimous and return the favor by giving money to the charity.  I don't know if that was the smartest thing to do.  I was sort of robbing Peter to pay Paul, you know?  Anyway, I donated: $5.
• Friday, September 13 ... went to Glam Doll to breathe.  With tip: $13.88.
• On Thursday the 12th I went to Caffetto, probably to work on my receipts.  Pumpkin pie and small coffee, then I decided I wanted something else to drink, so I got a Red Arrow root beer.  With tip: $9.92.
• Back to Monday the 9th, when I fucked *a***.  God, I need to fuck her again: $120.
• I think -- I think -- I later went to the library to print out a coupon to use at the dealership for the myriad of maintenance items I needed for my car.  Was later told at the dealership I couldn't use it.  Damn.  Cost: 10 cents.
• On Sunday, September 8 I was working the Vikings' season-opener.  Used the LRT to get to the stadium: 50 cents.
• I then walked back because I wanted to go to a block party hosted by Borough.  Had a street taco and a Gin Mule.  With tips the total was: $17.
• After that I caught up with a friend who was in town from New York, who wanted someone to help her with trivia at a brewery in south Minneapolis.  I used the LRT to get down there and back, for a total of: $4.
• At the brewery, called Venn, I got a Northodox, an IPA (?) which was real nice.  During break from trivia I also ventured out to get a chicken with rice at the food truck.  With tips for both I spent: $18.
• And then I finished my night at a night at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division), where I got a lap dance from the hot MILF Julie.  With coffee and tips: $32.

Holy shit, that took a long time.  I need to do this more often.  But I've said that, often.

Good through October 30.