Got home late, was busy, had work and Overtime, and this is a very, very busy time of the year for the WMNSS. So I'm going to make this as short as possible ... with the exception of that team in the end, of course.
#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1). Swept at Minnesota-Mankato over the weekend by a combined 13-1. Women's hockey remains a niche sport; there are still too-few good players that manage to trickle amongst top-flight women's hockey. But hey, at least the U. is one of the schools on top. This weekend: At Robert Morris for two, seemingly payback for a home-and-home from last season.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0). Won a pair of five-setters in Iowa and at Maturi to Rutgers. Yeah, but can they get to the final game of a tournament they're hosting? No? Then fuck it, let's go to the next ... oh, wait -- they visit Illinois Wednesday and Wisconsin Sunday. OK, now let's go to the next. ...
#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -2). Finally, a laugher of a win. On Saturday, for Homecoming, they won comfortably for the first time this year, 40-17 over Illinois. For a team whose four margins of victory are (respectively) 7, 3, 3 and 7, a 23-Point blowout is just what the doctor ordered. Moreover, Saturday's Match started a streak where the Gophs play four-of-five at home. That includes Nebraska, who comes to town Saturday night.
#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -4). The big story this week is the dissatisfaction of Wide Receiver (and main protagonist of The Biggest Play In Recent Vikings History), Stefon Diggs. It is refreshing to see someone put out feelers suggesting he's going to be traded and then, after reporters asked him about his stealth friending of New England Patriots players on his Instagram, said, "There is truth to all rumors." That is 100% true. Doesn't help the Vikings' cause, but it's all true.
I don't know if Diggs's disgruntled-ness comes from the offensive gameplan, which is heavily tilted towards the run, or from Kirk Cousins, who still wilts in the face of pressure on the field and on the scoreboard. Nothing was resolved in Sunday's road win over the Giants; Diggs caught three Passes for 44 Yards, while WR soulmate Adam Thielen continues to tear it up, amassing over 100 Yards and a Touchdown. Oh, and Diggs was just fined 200,000 by the Vikes for "conduct detrimental to the team." Yeah, that'll keep him in purple.
And beyond all of this is the state of the team, which none of us can get a read on still. Next week will be a tricky one; in a season with more than its share of upsets by the road team, Philadelphia comes to Das Bank v.2.0. If you think the home team has the advantage just because they're at home, let's test that when Cousins throws three straight incompletions.
#-5: United FC (Last Week: Positive Numbers). The goal of this season (in my opinion), getting a playoff spot, was reached last week. The stretch goal, at least for others, was a home game. They could have gotten two, but a 1-0 season-ending loss at Seattle throws the Loons down to 4th place in the Western Conference -- still a major accomplishment, just not as high as was possible before Sunday. Moreover, DM (and Sounds legend) Ozzie Alonso was pulled from the Game early after getting hit in the face with the soccer ball. The playoffs begin on the 20th versus the Los Angeles Galaxy, so let us hope that Alonso's toughness and stealth touch around the net will be fully healed for The First Playoff Match At Allianz Field.
#-6: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3). The XI did not score once this screening week -- a scoreless draw at home to Michigan St. followed by a 1-0 loss in Indiana. What else is there to say other than, This team is not any good?
Only one Match this week: Friday in Wisconsin.
#-7: Wild (Re-Entry!). And the season began much like last year ended -- with this club sucking. A blowout loss in Nashville followed by a 4-2 defeat in Colorado (I was going to watch the game, but there were no scalpers -- surprising -- and the cheapest ticket at the box office was $90. I passed, and I made the right decision) put the Mild in a 0-2 hole already. The greenshoots that Chuck Fletcher planted have not, uh, shot, and the crazy one-year tenure of bully Paul Fenton has capped this team with players too old, too injured or not good enough to justify their contracts. I still think that the injuries last season to Mikko Koivu and Matt Dumba hurt this club more than we initially thought, so if they get on track, they could be alright. Or, the Mild could be the worst of pro sports combinations: Old and bad.
On top of all that, they began the year with six-of-seven on the road. This week they head to Winnipeg, then get to the X for their only home Game of this stretch, vs. Pittsburgh. And then they travel to Canada for a three-Game series starting Monday in Ottawa. No pressure, Bruce Boudreau.
#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: Positive Numbers). OK.
OK. ...
With yet another sweep, that is now 15 straight playoff losses, a dozen of which at the hands of the New York Yankees (the Play-In Game doesn't count, don't fucking @ me, fools). But hey, at least they reached the playoffs, huh?
Bullshit. BULLSHIT I SAY! OK, not the playoffs part; they made the "real" playoffs. But I am fucking done with this team. Those "BOMBA SZN" homer hankies? How many Home Runs did they hit? And the starting pitching that we were all afraid would let us down? Well ... it did decently. It was the relief pitching that pissed down their legs, and at the hands of The Fucking Yankees. It is now true, more than ever, that The Minnesota Twinks are The Yankees' Bitches. I should go to Wikipedia and change that.
One thing that really grinds my gears about Twins fans is this naive hope that things are on the upswing for this franchise, that these guys are going to be good, and get back to the playoffs, for a long time. Bullshit. BULLSHIT I SAY! Just look at the Boston Red Sox. They're the defending World Series champions. They're not in the postseason this year. So no, this is not the NBA. No, baseball teams' successes don't go in a straight line. And no, tomorrow is not assured for any of them. Now, some players should be gone. But do you really think that this offense is going to smack homers at the same rate they did this year? (That the offense that racked up the most HRs results in not even one playoff victory pisses me off; that they didn't bomb the shit out of Yankees pitching makes me absolutely furious because that shows that they took a shit in their pants at the sight of those motherfucking pinstripes.)
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that proves that these guys are going to be this good next year. This was lightning in a bottle, and they fucking let it go. So anybody who says, "We'll get 'em next year" are the perfect suckers that the Twinks hit up for money. If you want to root for franchises that'll give you a good time without worrying about titles that matter, go watch a St. Paul Saints Game. Oh, wait ... the Saints won their championship, didn't they?
Like I said, I'm fucking over this pathetic band of cucks. Go win a fucking Game that matters -- or sign a really good Pitcher -- and I might start rooting for them again. Until then, y'all can get fucked.
#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1). Swept at Minnesota-Mankato over the weekend by a combined 13-1. Women's hockey remains a niche sport; there are still too-few good players that manage to trickle amongst top-flight women's hockey. But hey, at least the U. is one of the schools on top. This weekend: At Robert Morris for two, seemingly payback for a home-and-home from last season.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0). Won a pair of five-setters in Iowa and at Maturi to Rutgers. Yeah, but can they get to the final game of a tournament they're hosting? No? Then fuck it, let's go to the next ... oh, wait -- they visit Illinois Wednesday and Wisconsin Sunday. OK, now let's go to the next. ...
#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -2). Finally, a laugher of a win. On Saturday, for Homecoming, they won comfortably for the first time this year, 40-17 over Illinois. For a team whose four margins of victory are (respectively) 7, 3, 3 and 7, a 23-Point blowout is just what the doctor ordered. Moreover, Saturday's Match started a streak where the Gophs play four-of-five at home. That includes Nebraska, who comes to town Saturday night.
#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -4). The big story this week is the dissatisfaction of Wide Receiver (and main protagonist of The Biggest Play In Recent Vikings History), Stefon Diggs. It is refreshing to see someone put out feelers suggesting he's going to be traded and then, after reporters asked him about his stealth friending of New England Patriots players on his Instagram, said, "There is truth to all rumors." That is 100% true. Doesn't help the Vikings' cause, but it's all true.
I don't know if Diggs's disgruntled-ness comes from the offensive gameplan, which is heavily tilted towards the run, or from Kirk Cousins, who still wilts in the face of pressure on the field and on the scoreboard. Nothing was resolved in Sunday's road win over the Giants; Diggs caught three Passes for 44 Yards, while WR soulmate Adam Thielen continues to tear it up, amassing over 100 Yards and a Touchdown. Oh, and Diggs was just fined 200,000 by the Vikes for "conduct detrimental to the team." Yeah, that'll keep him in purple.
And beyond all of this is the state of the team, which none of us can get a read on still. Next week will be a tricky one; in a season with more than its share of upsets by the road team, Philadelphia comes to Das Bank v.2.0. If you think the home team has the advantage just because they're at home, let's test that when Cousins throws three straight incompletions.
#-5: United FC (Last Week: Positive Numbers). The goal of this season (in my opinion), getting a playoff spot, was reached last week. The stretch goal, at least for others, was a home game. They could have gotten two, but a 1-0 season-ending loss at Seattle throws the Loons down to 4th place in the Western Conference -- still a major accomplishment, just not as high as was possible before Sunday. Moreover, DM (and Sounds legend) Ozzie Alonso was pulled from the Game early after getting hit in the face with the soccer ball. The playoffs begin on the 20th versus the Los Angeles Galaxy, so let us hope that Alonso's toughness and stealth touch around the net will be fully healed for The First Playoff Match At Allianz Field.
#-6: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3). The XI did not score once this screening week -- a scoreless draw at home to Michigan St. followed by a 1-0 loss in Indiana. What else is there to say other than, This team is not any good?
Only one Match this week: Friday in Wisconsin.
#-7: Wild (Re-Entry!). And the season began much like last year ended -- with this club sucking. A blowout loss in Nashville followed by a 4-2 defeat in Colorado (I was going to watch the game, but there were no scalpers -- surprising -- and the cheapest ticket at the box office was $90. I passed, and I made the right decision) put the Mild in a 0-2 hole already. The greenshoots that Chuck Fletcher planted have not, uh, shot, and the crazy one-year tenure of bully Paul Fenton has capped this team with players too old, too injured or not good enough to justify their contracts. I still think that the injuries last season to Mikko Koivu and Matt Dumba hurt this club more than we initially thought, so if they get on track, they could be alright. Or, the Mild could be the worst of pro sports combinations: Old and bad.
On top of all that, they began the year with six-of-seven on the road. This week they head to Winnipeg, then get to the X for their only home Game of this stretch, vs. Pittsburgh. And then they travel to Canada for a three-Game series starting Monday in Ottawa. No pressure, Bruce Boudreau.
#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: Positive Numbers). OK.
OK. ...
With yet another sweep, that is now 15 straight playoff losses, a dozen of which at the hands of the New York Yankees (the Play-In Game doesn't count, don't fucking @ me, fools). But hey, at least they reached the playoffs, huh?
Bullshit. BULLSHIT I SAY! OK, not the playoffs part; they made the "real" playoffs. But I am fucking done with this team. Those "BOMBA SZN" homer hankies? How many Home Runs did they hit? And the starting pitching that we were all afraid would let us down? Well ... it did decently. It was the relief pitching that pissed down their legs, and at the hands of The Fucking Yankees. It is now true, more than ever, that The Minnesota Twinks are The Yankees' Bitches. I should go to Wikipedia and change that.
One thing that really grinds my gears about Twins fans is this naive hope that things are on the upswing for this franchise, that these guys are going to be good, and get back to the playoffs, for a long time. Bullshit. BULLSHIT I SAY! Just look at the Boston Red Sox. They're the defending World Series champions. They're not in the postseason this year. So no, this is not the NBA. No, baseball teams' successes don't go in a straight line. And no, tomorrow is not assured for any of them. Now, some players should be gone. But do you really think that this offense is going to smack homers at the same rate they did this year? (That the offense that racked up the most HRs results in not even one playoff victory pisses me off; that they didn't bomb the shit out of Yankees pitching makes me absolutely furious because that shows that they took a shit in their pants at the sight of those motherfucking pinstripes.)
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that proves that these guys are going to be this good next year. This was lightning in a bottle, and they fucking let it go. So anybody who says, "We'll get 'em next year" are the perfect suckers that the Twinks hit up for money. If you want to root for franchises that'll give you a good time without worrying about titles that matter, go watch a St. Paul Saints Game. Oh, wait ... the Saints won their championship, didn't they?
Like I said, I'm fucking over this pathetic band of cucks. Go win a fucking Game that matters -- or sign a really good Pitcher -- and I might start rooting for them again. Until then, y'all can get fucked.
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