I decided to fly out to Las Vegas to see my parents last month knowing the risks I was taking. Most pervasive of all of these was contracting the coronavirus, of course, but I was particularly scared of was any bullshit that could have happened from belligerent anti-masker pricks being on the same plane as I. I have read and heard the horror stories of these assholes arguing, coughing, and hitting flight attendants because they refused to wear their masks like they were told. I swore that my bad juju was going to attract these motherfuckers on the planes I would be flying on, and since I had to make a stop going to and flying from Vegas, that increased the possibility manifold that I would see or even have at least one run-in like this.
OK, that didn't happen. But oh, God, there were fucking pricks on my flights, specifically the second segment both going there and coming back.
Knowing the dangers of being a captive citizen needing to breathe the possibly dirty-ass breath of strangers, I double-masked with an N95 over my surgical. I love eating and drinking while flying, but I refused all offers for complimentary food and drink from the attendants while I was on the planes. First time ever, but I think I made the right decision.
No, there weren't anti-maskers on the plane. But there were rude asswipes. On my Denver-to-Vegas segment, I made the (possible) mistake of taking off my masks because I brought coffee on board with me. While I was sipping it, some Asian (guessing mainland Chinese) fucker decided to take the seat right behind me and began chowing down on what sounded like a large bag of chips he brought on board with him. He was crunching loud enough I have to believe he was eating with his mouth open, and not only did that mean bits of chips were flying out of his goddamn mouth, he was spewing his filthy (and possibly COVID-ridden) breath all over me and the entire plane. On top of all that, who in the hell scarfs down a whole bag of chips before taking off on a flight?
Worse than that, though, was this old biddy on the Austin-to-MSP flight home. I was really tired and lucked out on having a whole row of seats on which I could lie as flat as I could and sleep. But I heard this extremely loud movie going on all throughout this 2 1/2 hour trip, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out where the hell it was coming from, I just knew it was so goddamn loud I couldn't fucking fall asleep. I finally figured out that a couple rows behind me, this rude bitch was watching a movie on her laptop without any headphones. She just fuckin' cranked up the sound so she could hear above the noise of the airplane. It was so bad that I did something else I don't think I have ever done before: I surreptitiously complained to a flight attendant about her. She got on the speaker to, in so many words, ask that this fucking woman turn that shit down. But she didn't. Goddamn her; couldn't fall asleep because of her bullshit.
I was too anxious to commit violence on her; I had to use public transportation for an hour and a half to get home to a house that I had abandoned under half a foot of snow for three days. I could have been high-stepping in snow only to find that the basement was flooded, for all I knew. Having that in my mind kind of distracted me from exacting revenge on this unmannered woman. But it nonetheless reinforced my fear and disdain for flying. And I wonder whether dealing with people like those two is a phase and a reaction some insecure people have to our pandemic-stricken world right now, or a sign of the further deterioration of our civilized society.
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