Sunday, August 13, 2023

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  Going solely by record, this was a not-good Week for the Twinks.  Started off by beating Arizona last Sunday, 5-3, to polish off a three-Game sweep of the Diamondsbacks.  They started off a four-Game set in Detroit Monday with a 9-3 Win, but then they lost the last three, then got drubbed by the Phillies Friday, 13-2, to start a weekend trio at Philadelphia.  Minnesota rebounded yesterday/Saturday afternoon, beating them, 8-1.

So why are they in the top spot yet again?  Well, for one, the other two teams in town aren't shit.  And two, and more importantly, neither are the Cleveland Guardians.  They went 2-5 this screening Week and are 3-7 in their last ten.  So even though the Twins aren't doing well, their lead over the G-Men has grown to 4 1/2 Games.  Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good.  And sometimes, success is relative.

I can't believe I'm writing this: This going to be a light Week for the Twins.  After wrapping up in Philly, they come home to host the Tigers starting on Tuesday for only two Games (?).  They then get Thursday off before starting a three-Game set at home versus Pittsburgh.

#-2: Lynx (Last Week: -3).  Won at Chicago by nine Tuesday, then got crushed on Thursday at Indiana, The Worst Team In The WNBA, by 18 (?!).  As inexplicable that beatdown is, I'm not too unhappy because, like I've said all year, tanking is what the Jynx should be doing.  Alas, they somehow have floated up past once reputable Washington and are now sixth in the league, two Games ahead of Los Angeles for ninth place.  For what it's worth, the Sparks have won three in a row.

Wow, the Lynx have an easy screening Week, too.  Only one Game, the first of a home-and-home Friday at Seattle.  Geez, everybody's taking August off.  Where are we, France?

#-3: United FC (Last Week: -2).  It's hard to be optimistic about this organization, it really is.  Again, I'm not going to pay too much regard to The Leagues Cup because this is the first season it's become to huge thing with Major League Soccer and Liga MX.  But the performances of the Untied FC this past screening Week give me little confidence that they're a good club.

And they won their first Match, on Tuesday at home vs. Liga MX side Toluca.  Thing is, they stormed out to a 2-0 lead at Halftime.  Did MNUFC blow the lead?  You bet your sweet ass they blew the lead!  A tiresome set of dumb clearances where they tried to tiki-taka their way out of their half instead of kicking the shit out of the ball lead to the Red Devils' first Goal, then a Foul that got Hassani Dotson red-carded led to the tying Goal on a Penalty Kick.  For the final 15+ Minutes of the Match United FC were hanging on for dear life.  I thought they would lose because, well, that's their MO.  But they held, and somehow they defeated Toluca in PKs, 4-2.  (By the way, I totally would've bought a Toluca jersey if they were selling them at the stores at Allianz Field.  An opportunity wasted, folks!)

The winner of that Match was going to face either Nashville or Club America, which was going on concurrently in Music City.  That one also went to Penalty Kicks, but they finished just after our Match did.  The guy next to me -- the guy I think I was racist to -- brought up that Match on his phone and let me and my friend (who let me sit next to her in her way-better seats) watch the end of it.  It ended with Nashville's PK getting snuffed.  America fans (and apparently they're the most popular club in Liga MX) celebrated on the Nashville pitch.  Almost immediately, the team, through the PA announcer and the scoreboard, announced and displayed the Quarterfinal Matchup: MNUFC hosting America.  Cool!

But wait!  The VAR took a hell of a long time to conclude that the America Goalkeeper went off his line before the soccer ball was struck.  After several minutes, the ref ordered a re-kick.  Nashville buried that, they went on to win.  That whole rigmarole took 10-15 Minutes.  I actually waited for the crowd to thin by browsing through the shop.  The TVs had that Game on.  I thought they were replaying what happened.  But when I saw the Nashville player step up, score his Penalty Kick and run towards his teammates in jubilation, I wondered what the hell was going on.  I left the store, looked through my phone, saw what actually happened on The Social Media Platform Formerly Known As Twitter, then saw the updated Matchup: Nashville SC hosting Minnesota United FC Friday night.  This was a Dewey Defeats Truman moment.  I said as much on Twitter/X before realizing I could have used a more up-to-date reference and invoked Steve Harvey getting confused as to who won The Miss Universe pageant in 2015.  But it's obvious the organization jumped the gun.  Fuck, I saw on my phone that they charged me a ticket for the next Game Minutes after that Game supposedly got done.

And so, because this is a Minnesota team, the Looooooooooons proceeded to get their asses kicked, 5-0.  Really shouldn't matter, but D. J. Taylor was red-carded in the 34th Minute -- the third MNUFC player to get thrown out of a Match during the squad's Leagues Cup run -- and NSC scored all five of their Goals between the 39th and 59th Minutes.

If they had won, not only would they have been guaranteed two more Matches (the Leagues Cup has a Third-Place Game), they would have hosted Liga MX club Monterrey, who went into the Rose Bowl and upset top-ranked LAFC by a 3-2 score, in the Semifinal.  (Theoretically, I think that if United FC and Inter Miami were the last two standing, the Final would also have been at Allianz.  Lionel Messi & Co. in Minnesota?  Wouldn't believe it!)  A Quarterfinal finish is instantly forgettable.  And now they have a week to face the reality of league play, where they are on the outside looking in (although only a Point behind ninth-place Houston) and can't do anything about it until they visit NYCFC on the 20th.

Collapses, blowouts ... there's been so many of both that you have to conclude that MNUFC is just not a good team.  Sad but true.

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