This time ... well, yeah, I still like doing it. But I don't think I've been so personally disrespected after working for these guys. I don't think anyone there had the authority to sack up and actually communicate with me. Instead, they just didn't like what I did or didn't do, and I was just cast off as a screw-up. I don't appreciate that feeling, at all.
From this point on, I'm addressing this in the second person. It's the best way to communicate how I feel. Also, if I do it any other way, I might be found out.
OK, was it when I waved you up the stairs? You could have told me not to, and I would have apologized for offending you. But, at least on my end (and you may not give a shit, but, uh, I do) things just went to shit with the banners. I hate 'em, I admit that. But if I have a job you tell me to do, I'll do it. What I need is for you to communicate -- oh, this goes for all of you. If none of you like it, you have to tell me how. Things don't go well when I don't know how it's wrong. In retrospect, maybe it's obvious. If so, that's my fault.
However ... well, my emotions on this go all over the place after the banners. Overall, I could have used more support in it. I could be in trouble for deciding to hang that up where I did. Again, it may be obvious to you, but it wasn't to me. But if you don't like it, why don't you fucking say so? That's why I called. And you promptly ignored me, even though you guys said yourself you had nothing to fucking do until the game starts. I make one call to make sure everything's hunky-dory, and you just cast me aside. If I do something, I kind of like back-up, either support if someone doesn't like it or critique if you don't like it. Don't cast me aside. Honestly I felt kind of abandoned today. I hate that.
So when you look later and see that the banner is not where it's supposed to be, don't fucking blame me, OK? You just blurt it out when I and everybody else who had to rush out there? I thought you'd be a little more savvy than that. I thought you'd be less passive-aggressive than that. Apparently you're not. And it's obvious you did not listen to me at all. So when you tell me to "take care of it," like you said to me over the phone, (and I shouldn't type in all caps, but in this case I want to shout) DO NOT FUCKING COMPLAIN WHEN I "TAKE CARE OF IT." You had your chance to have me fix things. It's when I did my goddamn job and called you. Get it? Shit, don't you fuckin' listen?
Instead of actually listening to my concerns, which only were for the sake of the production, you just kind of shunted me off. I really hate that, because now I know you're irritated but you won't fucking sack up and tell me you're irritated, and in turn I get irritated. Hey, I need the exercise -- which among us don't? But was this really a spur-of-the-moment necessity? Was I absolutely needed on the field, even though, yeah, I have to thank you for putting me on the field for the first time ever? Because it seems as if after I tried calling you guys and asking for your input, you didn't want anything to do with me. And that you, in my opinion, were being passive-aggressive about that, which I think is what is going on, gets me even more.
Was it my questions? Maybe I was trying to overcompensate, but my intention was to help. Oh ... was it the pen? It was the pen, wasn't it? Goddammit, it's a fucking pen. Like it's a fucking banner to be honest with you, it's a fucking pen. And by the way, the banners looked beautiful. Fuck you, just to be cast off by you because of the pen. You've got to be fucking kidding me. CAN'T YOU JUST FUCKING MAN UP AND SAY WHAT YOU REALLY THINK?!?!?!
And you, you! I thought we were bros, man! And you just lump me with the guy who shows up today? If that's the case then I should switch places with him: Stay in the truck, crunch the numbers, get the same thanks as a guy who busted his ass for you all weekend.
Oh, so back to you. You, by all accounts, are a guy who's really finicky. I don't know you, but I thought our vibe was a bit better than that. Guess not, at least not anymore. Alright, so you don't think much of me anymore -- none of you guys think much of me anymore. That, honestly, saddens me. But hey, if that's the case, and it doesn't appear like you guys are the type to work through problems, hey, I guess I just need to focus on working for the money. That's what we're all doing, right?
So, for me, I have to be aware of two points at which I could lose said job. There could, I imagine, be an edict from the team regarding the banners in the next week. I know that asshole who once tried to have me fired probably wasn't happy, and if he gets the team to "clarify" policy, I could get the worst of it because, as you say, shit rolls downward. Again, I don't think you should be surprised because I raised the question, but hey, shit rolls downward. The other tipping point, of course, is the next game. Am I working it? Maybe going back to working just that day may seem like a demotion, but considering all the shit I went through today, maybe one day's enough. Have to see how the next game goes -- if there is a next game.
Till then -- blow it out your asses, guys, blow it out your asses. You people are not hot shit.
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