OK, upon even further reflection over the course of the day, several things. First, I left something back at the truck. When I was abruptly moved out of the truck I thought it was temporary, and then, amidst all the chaos of going onto and out of the field, I forgot. Thanks, I guess that's my gift to you.
Second ... well, fuck, I've calmed down, but I'm still wondering if this is the last time I'm working for these guys. And for what, a question? My attitude? You just decided you don't like me?
I have repeatedly said ... well, wait a second, I always believe after working a game that it's my last. I usually screw something up so badly that I think I'll never be hired again. This time it's different. I really believe that all the blow-ups in the past were in the heat of the moment -- I forgot a number, I was late on a stat, something like that. This is different. He had several minutes to think about what he wanted to do, and it appears that he deliberately changed his mind because he didn't want me near him. I guess that's his prerogative, but if after some consideration he decided this, the possibility that I'll just be able to hang out in the truck again, that things will be as they were, have markedly decreased, I'm afraid.
Now maybe he was just separating us for the day -- blowing off steam, just over a long period of time. Hey, that's fine with me. Maybe I got a little heated. I don't think calling to make sure was the worst thing in the world, but if you don't want me to do that again, I won't. Bygones? I will as soon as this post is over. Will he? Shit rolls down, so unfortunately that is beyond my control. I certainly want to work games, and since I've been doing this a long time (a couple times with this crew), I think I've earned a reputation, or at least another opportunity, or at the very least a direct explanation as to why I won't work for him ever again.
But hey, like I said, that's beyond my control. It's totally unfair, but now I can only wait. Not letting this bullshit go is going to eat me up.
Third, I realized today that if the team is really upset they could make a big, giant stink to the production, and then that would be a surefire way for me to get fired. How? The media. That's why I should avoid watching the news, for the first few days now and a few days before the next home game. If they somehow do complain, well, I'm fucked.
Fourth and finally, I wonder what he was saying while I was gone. Was he really pissed at me? If so, what did the others say? I realized at work today that they really could have thrown me under the bus. Wow, betrayal. ...
Man, for what? I'm just trying to do my job and make y'all happy. ...
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