Friday, October 25, 2013

The Voices In My Head Are My Enemies

Should say this, for I've known a long time: I have voices in my head.  They're not voices of doubt, they are voices of, well, hate.  I hear them whenever I screw something up or I'm in a situation where I'm really tense and frazzled.  They say things like, "You're so stupid," or, "I knew you were gonna fuck this up."  And then, sometimes I can envision a face -- and it's one of one of the people I hate.

It takes the image of My Fucking Father from time to time whenever he's being a dick to me.  For a long time it was that munchkin-like bitch usher who forced me to leave the theaters for good.  Goddamn, she still pisses me off.  From time to time to guy from the team pops into my head.  But recently, it's that fat fuck from the production that torments me.  Man, what a manipulative asshole.

These usually disembodied voices come to me at least once a day, maybe many times over the course of a situation that's really shitty.  I don't think I'm schizophrenic.  But I'm sure most people don't "feel" their voices of hate (or doubt) the way I do.

Just wanted to say.

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