Tuesday, October 29, 2013

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher football (Last Week: -2).  Got to hand it to them.  I thought they had, uh, less than a puncher's chance of beating Nebraska -- not a good chance, and I sure as hell didn't think they would win, but the Cornhuskers were gashed on the ground several games this year, the Gophers have come off a surprising win in Northwestern, and they were playing at TCF Bank, so I could see the recipe for a victory.

Now, it really didn't look good at the outset, as Nebraska staked out to a 10-0 lead.  But give it to Head Coach Jerry Kill, Acting Head Coach/Defensive Coordinator Tracy Claeys and their men; not only did they come back to win, but they dominated Big Red for that point on, to a 34-23 upset of the ranked 'Huskers.

I give this team Positive Numbers because of what is an historic win and huge monkey off this program's back.  I remember watching Gopher football play -- well, "play" -- Nebraska September 17, 1983, where they were destroyed by Nebraska, get this, 84-13.  Even without the learned experience of watching football, the young me saw that final and went, "Whoa."  And that was right in the middle of a long, long line of beatdowns the Gophers suffered at the hands of Nebraska.  No more.  It was the first win over the Cornhuskers in 17 tries and -- and this is mind-boggling -- 53 years.

This could be the season- (and program-?) defining moment for the U. gridiron football team: With about seven minutes to go before halftime, and facing a 4th-and-10 from the opposing 33, Claeys decides to go for it.  Quarterback Philip Nelson lofts a pass in the seam to Derrick Engel, who tumbled through a double-team into the end zone.

They took a 14-10 lead with that touchdown and point after, the first time Minnesota led Nebraska since, get this, 1969.

The dominance -- the Gophers dominating the Cornhuskers? -- was irresistible from that point forward.  The U. rolled up 271 yards on Nebraska Saturday afternoon.  It was so bad that Big Red Nation is roiling in unrest over whether it's time Head Coach Bo Pelini should go.  Tommie Frazier, Nebraska QB who, I had been told a long time ago, may be the most popular player in the proud tradition of Nebraska football, wants him gone.  He's been incessantly and increasingly vocal about his displeasure with Pelini, and it reached a crescendo just after the game with this tweet:



Meanwhile, surprisingly, after two weeks of him sitting up in the press box, no one is talking about Kill leaving Minnesota.  And that includes me.

(Quick recognition to Kicker Chris Hawthorne for his perfect kicking day in beating Nebraska, which got him Big Ten Special Teams Player Of The Week this week.)

Like most people, I wrote this program off after they got blitzed at home by Iowa, then followed that up with a loss in Michigan.  But maybe it took two more games before this team finally pieced it together.  And that's what's so fascinating about a college football team, or any college team in general: You have young players waiting to be molded into a cohesive force, and sometimes it just doesn't work.  But if it does, the results are both shocking and so rewarding.  For the first time in a long time, this team is something area sports fans should look forward to seeing.

And the schedule, which looked as if there was no win for the rest of the year, suddenly looks manageable, even, dare I say it, easy.  Michigan St. can't score.  Wisconsin -- well, they're very strong, but this is a college rivalry game, and they're playing here, so this team could really be up for it.  Penn St. is still recovering from the Jerry Sandusky scandal.  And this Saturday's opponent, Indiana, should be no trouble, even if they're playing in Bloomington.  Is this right?  The Gophers haven't played IU in five years, and haven't played them on the road in six?  How does the Big Ten allow that to happen?

#0: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -4).  I must be honest: I put these ladies second partly because Minnesota football is a revenue sports whose exposure and coverage naturally overshadows any of the "Olympic" sports.  It's just the way it is.  But I will say that they had an incredibly impressive week in their own right, with a pair of wins on the road, and therefore I raise these lady footballers above negative numbers.  On Thursday, in the 109th minute, just 95 seconds before the game would end in a scoreless tie, Haley Helverson took a cross and put the ball in the net, defeating Wisconsin.  Then on Sunday, Katie Thyken (who assisted on the Helverson goal against the Badgers) scored both goals (the first in the very first minute of play -- see, the first minute and the next-to-last minute!) in a 2-1 defeat of Purdue.

Thyken's three points earned the Midfielder B1G Offensive Player Of The Week, while Goalie Tarah Hobbs took Defensive Player Of The Week honors for turning away 22-of-23 shots against the Badgers and Boilermakers.  Moreover, the U., although they don't have a lofty conference record of 4-4-2, are 11-5-2 and, more importantly, are 22nd in RPI.  They should -- should be OK regardless to get into the NCAA Tournament, even if they drop the last regular season game of the year, at home against an Illinois team that has yet to qualify for the Big Ten Women's Soccer Tournament.  That game against the Illini comes Halloween afternoon.  It starts at 2 o'clock Thursday, a funky time to begin a game on a weekday, and one that forces me to miss it because I'll still be at work.  Then again, that will be Halloween Day, so they probably figure the students and families that would watch the game would be too busy with trick-or-treating or parties to get anyone to come at night.  Makes sense.

#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -3).  OK, so the Gophers, the #1 Gophers, played #5 Boston College for a pair at Mariucci as part of the B1G/Hockey East Challenge.  And the first game, played Friday night, was a 3-3 tie after the five-minute overtime.  So the game officially ends in a tie ... so why in the hell are they conducting a shootout?  B.C. "won" the shootout 2-1, and thus the game, I guess, but there's no mention of that loss by the Gophers anywhere.  Officially, they sport a record of 5-0-1, not untied, but still undefeated.  Even though they were defeated.  I don't get that.  (What I also don't get are the five goals scored in the first 9:42 of Friday's game.  The Gophers scored two first, then the Eagles scored three.  I was listening to the game on the radio.  The U. scored their goals four minutes apart.  B.C. scored their three over a span of 71 seconds.  What a fucking game!)

Sunday afternoon's game was a perfect occasion to leave the house to my parents.  Got in cheap, too -- a $35 ticket cost me only $23.  And for the first time in probably ever, a scalper exactly delivered on his lofty promises when he sold me the ticket.  He said it was midrange, right at center ice.  I was just glad to get in; if I don't like the seat, I can just stand on the rail at the top of each section.  Heck, hockey games are often better far removed from the glass because that way you can see all the ice and the action.  But this seat was beyond my wildest dreams.  Second-highest row, and not only was my seat at center ice, the center red line ran right through my right leg.  I.  Was.  At.  Center.  Ice.  Seriously, this may have been the best vantage point to watch a hockey game I have ever had the fortune to get and maybe ever will get.  It was absolutely perfect.  So thank you, scalper!

And best of all I got to see a blowout by the good guys.  The four goals the Gophers scored over 12:06 in the first period sealed the win.  They handed the Eagles their asses on maroon-and-gold platters, 6-1.  Despite the tie/"loss," Minnesota managed to lasso all 50 first-place votes and retain their #1 ranking on the USCHO.com Top 20.  (By the way, if you look here you'll see that the Minnesota women's hockey team swept all 15 of its first-place votes, thereby giving the University of Minnesota the #1 ranking in both men's and women's hockey.  When was the last time that's happened?)  Next up: A break, then two at Notre Dame.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -6).  Alright, so the defending Stanley Cup champion (and hated rivals) Chicago Blackhawks took Monday's game at Xcel to the Mild, throttling them 5-1.  But that was only in response to the 5-3 shit-kicking the Wild gave the 'Hawks down in the United Center.  Game on, bros!

That disappointing but acceptable loss could have capped an incredible week.  They would have gone 4-0 had they completed the home-and-home series, and I would have had no choice but to put them in Positive Numbers and atop The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.  Even with a 3-1 week they deserve a better ranking than this.  Each of their three wins, over Nashville, Carolina and Chicago, were by two goals.  And they scored 11 goals this screening week, a good week to overcome their continuing scoring woes.

Do you know who sticks out to me right now?  Jason Pominville, the guy the Wild traded for from Boston.  He took that sweet pass from Zach Parise in the middle of the win over the Blackhawks.  He seems to be getting revved up, and the team's pumped up with him.  You see -- if you need to win the Stanley Cup, you've got to have a Canadian on your squad.

The Wild are in the middle of a four-game homestand.  They only have two games this week: Montreal Friday, The Bastard Colorado Rockies Sunday.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1).  Not a crime to split your two games this week.  It's Big Ten volleyball after all.  But in the WMNSS this week so many teams turned in such great weeks that I just had to differentiate, therefore one loss tumbles you all the way down here.  That defeat came at the hands of rival Wisconsin in Madison Wednesday.  The Badger program has been down for a while, but new Head Coach Kelly Sheffield has breathed new life into his new (and ranked) club.  The Gophers returned to the Sports Pavilion and beat Northwestern in four in Sunday's "Dig Pink" game.

Outside Hitter Ashley Wittman was named Player Of The Week in the B-1-G, so congratulations to her.  Wittman's team will begin the month of November by visiting the state of Indiana: Purdue Friday, Hoosiers Saturday.

#-Infinity: Vikings (Last Week: -5).  I don't know about you, but I turned off Sunday night's abortion against Green Bay late in the third.  Do you remember that 3rd-and-16, where Aaron Rodgers was scrambling but no ViQueens defender could catch him and bring him down, so Rodgers was able to fling a pass to one of the Pack's interchangeable Wide Receivers, Jarrett Boykin, who lunged and was able to get the first down?  Yeah, that's when I went into the bathroom to surf the Internet on my tablet while taking a dump.

Look, if they're going to continue to play this shitty, I might as well tag them with the -Infinity sign every week.  It's the National Football League, so massive swings in record can happen, but still, this is absolutely fucking embarrassing.  And the truth of it is, this 44-31 defeat may have been one of the team's better games.  At least they scored, right?

Given one of his dwindling chances to prove he can still in the NFL, the masterminds leashed his arm.  These are the same guys who let Josh Freeman loose for 50 or so passes.  Freeman sprayed his throws throughout Met Life Stadium.  They only let Ponder throw 21 times.  He actually made 14 of them -- all of them to his teammates!  Plus he didn't throw an interception or fumbled!  But he only threw for 145 yards and no touchdowns.

See, I understand the hate towards Ponder.  In this day and age, you need at least a competent Quarterback with a plus arm to win.  But did you see Rodgers and the Green Bay offense slice through the Vikes like they were made out of tissue paper?  Defensive End Jared Allen was caught near the end of the game mouthing something to the effect of, "This is the worst defense I've ever played on."  That is very true, Mr. Allen -- and you're on that defense.  So you might get traded by the 3 p.m. deadline today.  And it ain't just the defense: The offensive line, all five players returning from their superlative run at the end of last season, has been unfocused and undisciplined and unable to create holes for Adrian Peterson.  In short, just about everybody on that team sucks -- with the possible exception of Cordarrelle Patterson, who took the opening kickoff all the way back for a touchdown of 109 yards, tying the maximum yardage one can get in the National Football League, and a tie for the record for longest play ever.  The other record-holder is Antonio Cromartie, who scored while playing for the San Diego Chargers off a missed field goal ... against the Vikings ... also at the Metrodome.  (Do you remember that game?  It's the one where Peterson set the NFL single-game rushing record.)  With so much quirky history, it's a goddamn shame they're going to tear it down.

This Sunday they visit Dallas, which gave away a lead in that crazy game in Detroit last Sunday.  They'll be out to prove they can close out a game.  Won't be a problem against our ViQueens.

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